The Weight of Shadows (13 page)

“That’s so romantic!” they chorused, which sent them into a giggling fit.

“Can we come to the wedding?”

“Egypt!” Mercedes glared at her. “That is so rude”

“What? I’m just asking”

“And what if you’re not invited, you’re gonna make her say it to your face right here and now?”

“Ladies, please” She smiled. “We’re going to keep it small, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to invite you or not. But it’s a whole year away, so we’ll just have to see when we get closer to the date”

“So you two gonna do it then?”

“Kea!” The other girls all chastised her together.

“Hey, she always says we can ask her anything, so I’m asking”

“That’s a little personal, Kea,” Kim said.

“Ah ha! So you are,” Kea said, smug.

Kim rolled her eyes. “Moving on…”

“I’m never getting married,” Mercedes said. “I don’t want some man thinking he’s the boss of me”

“It’s not like that when you’re in love,” said La-Neesa. “You’re both equal. No one is the boss. Right, Kim?”

“Well, yes, that’s the way it’s supposed to be” She hoped her discomfort wasn’t obvious on her face.

Tandi stared at Kim. “So how did you know he was the one, Kim?”

“There’s no such thing as ‘the one,’” Mercedes said. “It’s mathematically illogical”

“What are you talking about math for?”

“If everyone only had one person they could be in love with, then what happens when a few people make a mistake and go with the wrong person? Then it throws it off for everybody”

La-Neesa snorted. “Well that would explain why there are so many divorces”

“She has a point,” said Joelle.

“We’re totally off-topic,” said Tandi. She turned back to Kim. “Let me rephrase: how did you know you wanted to marry him?”

“Because…because he loves me” They didn’t look convinced, so she plowed ahead. “He loves me, and I love him. We understand each other—we were both in foster care, so we both understand what kind of messed-up histories we have and are willing to make allowances for each other when our baggage gets the best of us. We’re a good match, personality-wise” She shrugged. “We just work well together”

The girls looked at her, unimpressed. “That isn’t nearly as romantic as I thought it would be,” said Egypt.

Kim saw the opportunity for a good life lesson. “Let me pass along a little wisdom, woman to woman,” she said, eliciting snickers. “What you see in the movies, and on television, is not how love really is. There aren’t strings playing in the background. It doesn’t fade to black when you kiss. In between the sweet moments is just…life. And sometimes life is messy and very unromantic. So don’t go through life looking for the guy that makes you feel like bursting into song, like you’re living in a musical. Look for the one that you don’t mind being with when things are boring, and when you’ve got the flu, and when you’re arguing over what to do that weekend. If you still want to be with that person after those times, then you’ve found someone worth marrying”

She let that sink in for a moment, then promptly changed the subject before lightning struck her down.

ELEVEN

Joshua hadn’t expected to tear up as he pulled out of the driveway for the last time. He was glad Maddie was staying at a friend’s house for the day—he hated to get emotional in front of her. They’d already shared a box of tissues that morning as he’d dressed her for her playdate. He’d hoped it would be less traumatic moving everything as-is rather than boxing it all up first, but just hearing she’d be coming home to a new house and not to this one had brought on a meltdown. Her distress had triggered his own tears, and they’d cuddled together for awhile and wept.

At least she’d expressed some acceptance of the new place. He’d taken her to the apartment a couple times to familiarize her with the property and neighborhood, and they’d chosen the paint for her walls the day before. The last time they’d been there, Carlotta from down the hall had come out with three children to say hello and welcome them to the neighborhood. Maddie seemed to get along with the middle child well, and that night at dinner she had thanked God for “the kids at the new house” during mealtime grace. As he drove the route from old home to new for the last time, he prayed that Carlotta would be a positive influence in Maddie’s life, and that the other children that lived in the complex were as friendly and well-behaved as hers.

Joshua did a mental read-through of his move-in checklist as the rented truck bumped along the road. Utilities switched over and turned on—check. Change of address forms submitted to the post office—check. New address listed on Maddie’s school and doctor records—check. Keys to the old house left under the mat for Scott to pick up this evening—check. And in the back of the truck, the last of their possessions.

He was grateful for the graciousness of the folks helping him move, some of whom he hadn’t talked to in months. They were people he’d met at the Bible study he and Lara had attended the year before her death. He hadn’t gone back since she’d died, but he and Maddie still attended the church, and people from the study continued to send him the occasional email and extend offers of babysitting and meals. Those families jumped at the chance to lend a hand with the move. Two of the women had gone over earlier in the morning to clean the apartment and start painting Maddie’s bedroom. Another had come to pack up the food in the kitchen and get it restocked in their new home, and then informed him she’d make some dinners to freeze while the others packed and unpacked. He’d managed to pare down their collection of material goods and donate a mountain of furniture and clothing to the Salvation Army, so it had only taken two trips to transport all the things they were bringing. The men had made quick work of loading the truck, and by noon he and Maddie were officially moved out of the house where their family had begun.

When they arrived at the condo, the smell of fresh paint wafted from the smaller of the two bedrooms and mingled with the palate-teasing scent of lasagna. Eyes dried and focused on the future, Joshua helped the men unload the furniture from the truck and set it up inside. His things looked wrong in their new locations—too big in some cases, and too awkward in others. It felt like a bachelor pad until one’s eyes caught sight of the baby handprint plaque on the bookshelf or the shocking pink in the bedroom beyond the living room.

He stood in the spot where the kitchen opened up to the living room and surveyed all he could see from there—which, because the place was so small, was nearly everything. “It doesn’t look like a home, does it?” he said to Heather, who stood in the kitchen stirring a sauce on the stove.

“Scatter some clothes on the floor and track in some mud—that usually does the trick.”

He laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably the issue—I’m no good at keeping house; it’s never this clean.”

“Give it time. It’ll take awhile to settle in, but I’m guessing it’ll feel like home much sooner than you think.” She grinned. “And it’ll be a lot easier to keep tidy!”

“Hey Joshua, we’re done in here,” called Angie from Maddie’s room.

He went in and was overwhelmed by the color. “That is one amazing shade of pink. I don’t know how she’s going to sleep in here. I feel like my heart rate goes up just being in here.”

“Girls will be girls, eh?” Angie glanced around the room.

“Let us know if she changes her mind on the color. Or if you do, for that matter,” said Stacy, Angie’s painting partner. “We wouldn’t mind redoing it for you if need be. Or even sponging over with something lighter to soften it up a bit.”

“Thanks for the offer. I may take you up on that.”

“So when will she see it?” Stacy asked.

Joshua looked at his watch. “I told her I’d get her before dinner—I’ll probably go over in half an hour or so. Everything’s about done, and what little is left I can take care of myself. I can’t thank you all enough for helping me with this. I couldn’t have done it on my own.”

Angie wrapped an arm around his shoulder and gave him a brief squeeze. “We’re happy to help, Joshua. And you know we’re here when you need anything.”

Not much later, his friends began to collect their scattered belongings and file out the door. Before going to pick up Maddie, he did a walk-through of the condo, examining each room, straightening pictures on the walls and books on the shelves. While he was grateful for all the help, he was also a little disappointed there wasn’t at least
some
work left to be done. He needed something to keep him busy, keep his mind occupied. The rush of paperwork and ruthless pruning of possessions over the last couple weeks had given him a necessary escape from the reality of the move. But now it was done, and there was no running from the emotions that tumbled together in his heart.

He took a deep breath and quickly left for the car before he could give too much thought to the one person he wished was there to really make it feel like home.

M
ADDIE WAS JUST FINISHING HER BREAKFAST
when the doorbell rang. Joshua peeked out the peephole and saw Carlotta’s two older children shuffling back and forth in front of the door.

“Well, hi there,” he said to the two grinning faces.

“Hi, Mr. Miller,” said the girl, whom he guessed to be about seven. He searched his memory for her name and came up with Hannah. “Zak and me were gonna play outside. Does Maddie wanna come with us?”

Maddie came running to the door at the sound of Hannah’s voice, then pulled up short and hid behind Joshua’s leg.

“Hi Maddie!” said Zak, grinning. He was the one Joshua had guessed to be about Maddie’s age. “Come outside with us!”

“My mom has the window open, and she watches us through the patio,” Hannah said. “You can do that too. We play out here all the time. We have a ball and jump ropes, and I have my doll.”

“I don’t have a doll,” said Zak. “But I have a dinosaur.”

Joshua suppressed a chuckle. “That would be my choice too.” He ruffled Maddie’s hair. “Want to get your doll and play, sweetheart?”

She was quiet for a moment, then raced off for her bedroom. She returned with her Cabbage Patch baby and Joshua walked the group of them out so Maddie didn’t change her mind as he knew she might if he wasn’t there.

He stood by the security door and watched as the kids fell into a game Carlotta’s children had invented, the rules of which Joshua didn’t catch, but Maddie seemed to be enjoying herself. He opened the door to go back in and nearly ran into a young woman coming out.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, stepping aside. “Didn’t mean to almost knock you over there.”

“Not a problem,” she said. Then she smiled. “Wait a minute—I think you’re the new neighbor. You’re in #4, right?”

“Yes, I am. Joshua Miller, pleased to meet you.” He stuck out his hand. She seemed to pause a moment, then grasped his hand and shook quickly. “That’s my daughter, Maddie—the one with the pink shirt.”

“Aw, she’s so cute.” She smiled, watching the kids. “I’m Kim Slone, by the way. I live in #2 with my boyfriend, Rick Allen.”

“Oh, so we really are neighbors,” Joshua said. “I’m surprised I haven’t heard you yet. I remember the old owners saying the walls were pretty thin.”

A shadow seemed to cross her face. “Yeah, well, we don’t use the room that is right next to yours. It’s more storage, really, and we stay mostly on the other side, in the other room.”

“Oh, okay. I gotcha.” He smiled and nodded. “Well, I don’t want to keep you. Seemed you were in a hurry.”

“Just on my way to work. I’m a stylist at A Cut Above, over on Sixth.”

“Oh, good to know. Maddie’s hair has never been cut, and it’s probably about time I took her somewhere—do you do children’s hair?”

“Sure! Bring her in anytime. She’s got gorgeous hair.”

“She does—just like her mom’s.” He held out his hand again. “Nice to meet you, Kim. Hope you have a good day.”

She shook his hand again, even more briefly than she had the first time. “You too, Joshua. See you around.”

He watched her walk across the lawn to the sidewalk and disappear past the building. He combed a hand through his hair and went back inside, trying to figure out the red-flag feeling he had about her.

Once inside he opened the sliding glass door to the patio. He could see the children running around, Maddie trailing behind them, and the sight made him smile. Hopefully these new friends would make the move easier on her.

Confident that Maddie was comfortable with her new playmates, Joshua went back to the living room to face the mess. The vacuum bag had chosen last night to burst while he cleaned the half box of cereal from the floor that had scattered when Maddie had tripped. He’d been too exhausted to deal with it right then, and the dust had settled over the coffee table and sofa during the night, while most of the cereal still lay on the floor. Two piles of laundry that hadn’t gotten done before the move lay on the floor near the utility closet that housed the stacked washer and dryer. The few boxes they’d used in their move were piled like giant blocks near the door, waiting to be flattened, and the dishes from last night’s dinner were still in the sink. He felt bad that in living there less than forty-eight hours they’d managed to trash the place. But being in a new space messed with his routines. Hopefully by the end of the week they’d be back to normal.

He hadn’t been in long when he heard Maddie yell, “Gramma!” Joshua’s stomach constricted. He’d hoped to avoid another meeting with them until he felt more settled into the neighborhood, knowing they would not approve of the location. He wanted to hide in the bedroom but knew the sooner he faced them the sooner they’d be gone, so he took a deep breath, prayed for graciousness, and went out to meet them.

“You’re letting her run around a parking lot unsupervised?”

“Hello to you, too, Alisha, George.” Joshua let the security door shut behind him and forced his hands into his pockets to avoid crossing them confrontationally over his chest. “Maddie, were you in the parking lot?”

“No, Daddy, just on the grass.”

“We weren’t in the parking lot, sir,” said Hannah.

He looked to his in-laws and raised his eyebrows. Alisha frowned. “Well the parking lot is all of five feet away. They might as well be in it.”

“They’re perfectly safe where they are, Alisha. Hannah’s mom tells me they play out here all the time. We’re both keeping an eye on the kids; I can see them from the kitchen window.”

“A lot of good that will do you when some drunk comes careening across the lawn.”

“Or when someone walks through and snatches her out of thin air.” George nodded to the street that bordered the property thirty yards away. “That road goes straight to the freeway.”

“George, she doesn’t play out here alone, and there’s nowhere to stop a car on that road.” Joshua shook his head. “And Alisha, you’ve got a more vivid imagination than Maddie does. We lived on a
street
and you never worried about cars ‘careening across the lawn.’”

“That’s because you lived in a decent neighborhood where people knew how to drive properly.”

Joshua took a deep breath, then held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to argue about this anymore. Do you two want to come in and see the place, or do you need to get going?”

Alisha narrowed her eyes. “I want to see where my granddaughter is living.”

Joshua sighed. “Fair enough. Come on in.” He turned to open the door and groaned. “I forgot the keys.”

“We’re locked out?” Alisha sounded alarmed.

“No, no—I have the patio door open, I’ll just hop the fence.”

George huffed. “People can just climb into your house?”

Joshua made an effort to keep himself calm. “No, George, ‘people’ cannot climb into my house.
I
can climb into my house because I left the patio door unlocked. I’m still getting used to the fact that there’s a security door, so I leave the patio door unlocked just in case. I lock it when we leave the house.”

“But this isn’t the kind of neighborhood where you want to broadcast the fact that just anyone can waltz through your back door.”

“I’m not sure I understand what kind of neighborhood you think this is. It’s not Cell Block A, you know. There are normal families here—families like Maddie and me.”

“The exception, I’m sure,” Alisha said under her breath.

Joshua took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Would you like to hop the fence with me, or shall I go open the security door?”

It was a little snarky, but compared to what else he’d resisted the urge to say, it was the epitome of respect. He vaulted the railing and went inside, counting slowly from one hundred as he walked down the hall to the security door. He led them back to the apartment, leaving Maddie in the company of her new friends. “I’ll give you the grand tour,” he said, putting friendliness in his voice and trying to turn a corner with his attitude. “Kitchen here, as you can see, with a well-stocked pantry and a freezer full of home-cooked meals.” He ushered them into the living room. “Our main hangout. You’ll have to excuse the mess; it was a little chaotic here last night and I was too wiped out to deal with it.” He pointed them to Maddie’s room. “The kingdom of pink. Maddie chose the color herself, as though that’s not obvious.” He pointed back to his bedroom. “My bedroom, which also has access to that patio.”