The Weight of Gravity (39 page)

              “Very hot!”

             
“You think so?  I’m worried about what Max will think.  He’s never seen it this short.”

             
Erika spent two hours having her hair cut and styled.  Miriam made her promise to meet for coffee at the bookstore, to share her new look.

             
“It frames your face, accentuates your eyes.  You should have cut it this short a long time ago.  I like the natural curl, too.”

             
“Max always liked it when I let the curls take over.”

             
“I’ll bet he goes wild when he sees you in New York.  You
are
planning to go, correct?” Miriam asked.

             
“Yes.”

             
“Are you going to tell him about the new hairdo before you get there?”

             
“What do you think?”

             
“Sure, tell him, and let him fantasize before he gets to see the real thing.”

             
“Am I being rash?  Is it too soon?’

             
“No, it’s too late, you already got it cut.”  Miriam laughed.  “I know what you mean.  But I think that’s late, too.  It’s about time you lovers were together, permanently.  Are you certain you’re not reading too much into his notes and that he feels the same way you do?”

             
She studied Miriam’s face, then turned her gaze to the windows and the street outside.  That very question had been on Erika’s mind for weeks, ever since she first began to seriously consider visiting Max.  They had discussed phoning each other and Skype-ing, but both had been comfortable with email.  Lots of email, as it turned out.  There never seemed a good time, or even a necessity, to do more that put their thoughts and feelings into electronic letters.  She’d be honest in her response to Miriam’s question.

             
“I’m not certain
how
I feel.  I know I love him, but I’m shaky about visiting New York.  It means moving on with my life after so many years with Garner and raising Jay.  I’m also not the same person Max fell in love with twenty-five years ago.”

             
“Yes you are.  You just don’t know it.  Let your mojo out, girlfriend.  Underneath that blanket of living you’re wrapped up in is the same woman who captured the heart of a young, talented writer.  Just take off the blanket.”

             
“You really think so?”

             
“Yes.  Go to New York with no expectations and you’ll be fine.  Just let it happen … or not.  You’ll both know if it’s right.  Deciding to go isn’t the hard decision.  Whether or not you stay, on the other hand, is the million-dollar question.  You’re not going to know the answer until you get there, until you see him … until you see each other.  But, if you don’t go, you’ll never know.”

             
My dear Max,
she wrote when she got home that afternoon
– I had coffee with Miriam today … at our favorite bookstore … yours and mine.  I had my hair cut this morning and she insisted on seeing the ‘new me’ immediately.  She said that I should tell you my hair is shorter, before I come to New York and give you a heart attack. It’s very short, Max, but also very curly, just the way you use to love it. Remember?  Are you sure you’re comfortable with me coming for a visit?  I don’t want to push, or make things awkward for you.  I also don’t want to get in the way if you’re busy … particularly if you’re still struggling with the last chapters of the novel.  I guess I’m having jitters about traveling so far to see you.  Things have changed for me since the last time we saw each other.  My hair isn’t the only thing that’s different.  I’m a single woman, and I don’t want you to think I’m coming because I’m on a hunt to find a husband.  I’m not.  I don’t know that I will ever take that step again.  Do you understand?  Not that I can’t imagine us married … I carried that dream for a lot of years, but I’m not in any rush to do something like that any time soon.  It was a good day.  I heard from Jay.  He’s fine, but still talking about staying in Colorado even longer than we originally agreed.  My prediction has come true. Will he ever want to see me again? God, I miss him so much.  He’s so much a part of me, and it’s like I’ll never be whole with him gone.  I want to visit him, but he begs me to stay away until he comes home.  It makes me incredibly sad.  Love you more than you can imagine, Max. – E.

Chapter 54 – Max

              Max felt better when they returned to New York three days later, but his throat was still raw.  He was certain it was nothing more than fatigue and too many “thank you for buying my book.”  He’d be fine after a few days home.

             
“Go!”  Marcie scheduled Max for an appointment with his doctor the first full day they were back.  “Max, do you know how hard it is to get a doctor appointment in this city?”

             
“I’m fine.  I’ve been fine since Chicago.  My cold ran its course.”

             
“Max, you’re due for a check up, anyway.  I’d be nice to know you’re not having blood pressure problems.  You’re getting old, you know?”

             
“Thanks for reminding me.  I’ll keep my appointment in the morning, to keep you happy ... and off my ass about it,” he told her as the elevator doors closed between them.

             
He sat at the computer after lunch the next day.

             
Dear Erika – I’m home.  Got in last night.  Had a doctor’s appointment this morning.  Just a check up … annual physical.  Doctor said everything looks fine.  So, when can you fly out?  Just say the word and I’ll have Marcie make the arrangements.  Maybe you can be here for a lecture I’m giving at Long Island University.  A very good friend, Dr. Cara Gargano, invited me to speak to a graduate class of creative writing students.  Years ago I thought about becoming a teacher, a professor, but I never had the academic credentials.  My writing got in the way of going to college.  I think I would have been a decent teacher.  Peter said the mini-anthology is selling well.  It’s great that Jay called you.  As long as he keeps calling, I don’t think you have to worry about him straying too far from you and home.  Someday he’ll realize how important you are in his life and he’ll be back.  I’m certain of that.  Thanks for asking about the novel.  The subject of this story was so close to me personally that it was easy to write, almost as if it wrote itself.  I was concerned when I started it that it was too close to home, especially the fact that the main character, Joshua, is struggling with emotional distance between himself and his father.  Who does that remind you of?  Joshua is attracted to the woman who teaches him to sail because he’s a teacher … a college professor.  The woman, Sara, modeled after you, teaches him much more than how to sail his boat.  She helps him find himself.  It’s a love story, of course.  I’m not sure how to end the story.  I know that Joshua and Sara will be together, but my protagonist is still struggling with his feelings.  I haven’t found … he hasn’t found … resolution.  Maybe you can help me finish it.  Come to New York City soon.  We have much to talk about.  Love, Max.

             
Early in the evening, just before heading out for dinner with Peter and his wife, Max logged on and found a new note from Erika.

             
Dear Max – Got your note earlier today, then got a call from Jay.  I told him that I might be traveling east.  I invited him to come.  I hope you don’t mind …

             
“What’s east?”

             
“I’m going to see Max Rosen, the writer.”

             
“Ah, lover boy!”

             
“Jay, that’s mean.  Max and I have known each other for nearly thirty years.  We’re good friends.  He’s a very successful writer with a beautiful home in New York City.  Wouldn’t you love to see all the sights?”

             
“Mother, the sights you’re going to see there don’t interest me.  Besides, I’m busy here with my job at
FunPlex
, and my friends and all.”

             
“Grandma said she thought you lost that job,” Erika said into the phone.

             
“She’s wrong.  I still have the job … if I want it.  They just suspended me.  It ain’t permanent or anything.”

             
She could hear him take a deep breath.  It saddened her to think that it was difficult for her son to talk to his own mother.  Still, she worried that if she allowed these intermittent, weekly phone reports to stop, she’d never hear from him again.

             
“Then it’d be okay if you took a couple weeks and traveled with me, all expenses paid.  Come on, Jay, it’d be fun!”

             
“For you, not me.  Go have your fling in New York, Mother.  Just let me know if I have to start calling him
‘Dad’
when you come back.”

…but he declined my invitation.  And the separation continues.  He can reach me on my cell phone regardless of where I am, right?  I need to arrange for someone to watch the house, water the plants and such.  Usually it’s the maid, but I had to let her go when Garner and I split.  I don’t want the cats to die while I’m living it up in New York
City.  Miriam said she can help, but she and George are headed for the Bahamas in two weeks.  They travel a lot.  Can we go there some day?  Garner and I traveled, in the early years, but never to the Bahamas.  I don’t want to go to the places he and I went – not with you.  Give me until the end of the week to make travel arrangements.  I’ll be there soon.  Can’t wait to see you.  Can’t wait to hold you.  Can’t wait for a lot of things with you.  Love you, Rosen. – Reekie.

              Marcie was in Max’s home office two days later when the call came.  She picked up.  “Max, its Doctor Klein … for you.  He’d like you to come in this afternoon, if you can make it, for a follow up on your appointment.  He has the results of your tests.”

             
Max walked into the room and stared at Marcie.  She gave him a ‘beats me’ look.  “Can you make it?” she asked, her hand over the phone.

             
“Tell him I’ll be there.”

             
Max – Been thinking about you nearly every minute of the day.  Its late here and the middle of the night there, but I had to write.  How was your visit with the doctor?  Did he give you a prescription for antibiotics?  Everyone who’s been sick in Cottonwood has had to let it run its course.  They cough for a day or two and run a low-grade fever, but most kick it quickly.  Are you better now?  Well, I did it.  I called my travel agent this afternoon.  I’ll be there Monday.  I can take a cab into the City if you’re busy.  Can’t wait to meet Marcie.  Do I sound excited about coming … about seeing you?  I am.  I hope you’re as anxious to see me.  Love you more every day, -- E.

             
She was correct, he thought, it was the middle of the night in New York, but Max wasn’t sleeping.  He was sitting at the computer.  He saw her e-mail moments after she posted it.  He waited, certain she’d go to bed, not expecting to hear from him until morning.

             
Erika – I’ve been thinking about your visit to New York.  I’m also excited about seeing you, but maybe now isn’t a good time.  Peter said we have some decisions to make about foreign distribution rights next week and I’ll be involved in heavy negotiations.  You understand, I hope.  If you come on Monday, we’ll not be able to spend much time together.  Maybe in a week or two things will slow down and I’ll be able to give you my full attention.  Hope you’re not too disappointed. – Max.

             
The instant he sent the message he regretted not waiting until the morning, and calling her instead of giving her this news via email.  But, she might have read too much into his motives if he’d called after all these months.  Erika was a worrier, so the less he said at all, the better.  Short email, no phone call, was definitely the best plan.  Maybe in a week or two when his mind was clearer, he’d call her and they’d talk.  Maybe.

Chapter 55 - Erika

             
What did I say? What did I do wrong?  What did I do to turn you off? 
Erika sat staring at the computer monitor.  Max’s note didn’t add up.  She was sure he’d been receptive to the idea of her visiting. 
More than receptive!  ‘Come to New York soon,’ those were his words.  Now he’s putting up roadblocks?
 

              “It does sound strange, Erika.  Maybe he’s afraid of commitment after all these years.  Maybe he got cold feet when he heard you made travel plans.”