The Wedding Affair (Rebel Hearts series Book 1) (15 page)

Had she ever been? Sally was not sure she could describe her life as happy even now. She had always wanted more. She wanted her heart to not feel so conflicted by what was proper and what she needed. Right now she desperately needed to feel the warmth of Felix’s hand on her skin. Her heart sank as she imagined what that would be like once more.

She had never reacted to Ellicott the way she had to Felix—desperate at just a glimpse of his body, needy with barely an ounce of control. She had been happy when first engaged to Felix, but that was the past. She was not the same woman. She had no delusions that he would stay. “No,” she whispered. Her knees trembled and she leaned against the door for support. “I am not.”

“You should walk out that door,” he said. “No good can come from seeking me out.”

Sally knew that to be true, but her legs refused to cooperate. The moment she had laid eyes on Felix in the white drawing room, she had apparently lost all sense. She opened her eyes and discovered he had closed the gap between them. He stood just out of reach, magnificent even scarred from his battles. There were old and new marks upon his skin that had not been there when they had lain together. She longed to touch the wound on his thigh that still appeared red, a recent injury she assumed, to assure herself that he suffered no lasting pain.

His chest heaved and her eyes were drawn downward, following the smattering of chest hair that trailed low to his groin. He was fully aroused, and they had not even touched. She had dreamed for so long of what it would have been like to be in his arms that she knew, standing alone with him again, that she could not leave without being intimate with him once more. “I cannot leave. Not yet.”

“Did you tell him we were engaged and what we did all those years ago?”

“He does not know about you nor need to.”

Felix inched closer until his body could warm hers. He dipped his lips to her ear and his hot breath sent chills racing along her body. “You are breathing so hard, Sally. I can hazard a guess at what you are thinking about tonight. How long has it been since a man pleasured you with his mouth?”

Oh, hell.
“Some time ago.”

“Is that what you have come for then? A reminder of the pleasure we shared? An affair before your marriage takes place? Before Ellicott returns and takes you away from all that you know?” He braced his hands on the wall beside her head. “Tell me what you want, Sally, and I will do it gladly. My lips kissing your skin? Our bodies entwined on my bed?”

His words made her burn with hunger, and she quickly nodded before she lost her courage and her mind. The memory of such a pleasure had tortured her long after he had left; during the long hours she had lain awake in her bed wondering why her love had not been enough. He had used her, and she wanted to use him tonight. “Yes, all of it,” she managed to gasp out. “I want an affair.”

His lips hovered beside her ear and then he kissed her neck, exactly on the small mole at her hairline. She shivered as he licked the spot.

“Very well,” he said as he straightened, grasping her arms to pull her away from the door. She trembled in his grip, excited and yearning for his kiss. “An affair that ends when you marry. Now get on the bed and do not slap my face afterward when you have regrets. I will not share them.”

She had not truly regretted anything Felix had done to her or made her body feel. Her regrets stemmed from disappointment that he had not returned to set things right in six years.

Sally moved toward his bed, shuddering when his palm caressed her lower back and then slid lower to cup her backside. He squeezed and then the pressure eased to gentleness, urging her toward him. Her reaction was so very different to when Ellicott had touched her that she closed her eyes briefly.

Was she so lost in sin that she could not feel any guilt?

Her legs trembled as she lifted her skirts and set her knee on the thick pile of mattresses on the high bed. Felix slid his hands to her hips and steadied her as she tumbled down on his sheets, breathless with anticipation.

She expected him to stretch out above her as he had that last night together and claim her immediately. It had been so long. However, he remained at the edge of his bed, inching her gown up until her thighs were bare. He stroked her calves and then moved higher, his hands rough and hot.

“So lovely,” he whispered as his thumbs traced the inside of her thighs. He met her gaze. “So soft. Such hunger in your eyes too. I can see and hear your desire. It feeds my own for you no matter how wrong that might be.”

“The only thing wrong is your delay,” she whispered.

“Everything in good time, sweetheart.” His grip firmed, then he slowly parted her legs. Her gown, still covering her most intimate place, remained a barrier between them.

He slid down to kneel beside the bed and pulled so her bottom rested at the edge and her legs dangled over the side. Her gown had risen to expose her lower body, and she squirmed in anticipation. Felix hooked one of her legs over his shoulder, and the blistering heat of his skin against the back of her limb made her gasp out loud as disremembered sensations swamped her.

She had forgotten precisely how hot his skin could be and how the texture of it had affected her excitement. What they had done together was scandalous, and she reveled in memories too wicked to repeat aloud.

He pushed her gown up to her waist roughly, exposing as much of her torso as he could. His hand brushed over her corset, then dug beneath, a rumbling sigh filling the room as he caressed her soft stomach.

Sally squirmed, wishing he were not so far away and that she could see him. As the seconds ticked by until he touched her, kissed her, and made her feel again, she held her breath.

But when he slid a finger over the lips of her sex, she jerked so wildly she was surprised by her own reaction. She wanted him to touch her, but her nerves were so overwrought she could not stay still.

He chuckled softly against her thigh and bit her skin lightly. “You were always so sensitive. Are you ready, Sally?”

“Yes.” The desperate quality of her voice when she answered him took even her by surprise. “Please.”

Heat from his lips on her sex brought a moan bursting from her lips. He kissed her hungrily, and Sally widened her legs, demanding more of that feeling as she lifted her hips into his claiming.

He parted her folds with his tongue, teasing the place he had touched before. She ground her hips into his wicked mouth and lost herself in the sweet torture of a forbidden and missed pleasure.

Her arousal built swiftly, sharp and raw, and she jerked back from him before she climaxed. “No.”

He rose to his feet quickly, his brow furrowed. “Doubts now?”

“No.” She sat up and reached out to touch his face, trailing her fingers over his hard jawline and the new scar. “I just did not expect to feel so much so soon.”

He pushed her backward and bent to nuzzle between her legs again, “I always liked that quality in you. Trust me. I know what you need better than anyone ever will.”

He skimmed her opening lightly with his fingers but then shook his head and instead brushed them over her sensitive nubbin. He glanced beyond her head to the open window and the moonlit night beyond and grinned. “My Sally beneath the stars once more.”

He maneuvered to lie with his face between her legs and settled himself to kiss her lower lips fiercely. Sally grasped the bedding as he brought her back to the brink before she was ready. He teased her, loved her until she could barely remember her own name. He moaned against her sex.

Sally touched the top of his head as he lapped at her, threading her fingers into his messy hair. Her sex quivered again with a warning of imminent release that she could not control alone. His arm clamped down on her hips when she tried to move away again to delay the moment. His intent was clear. He would not allow her to put off her release a second time.

He had not changed his bedding habits very much. He had insisted her pleasure come before his own.

Sally fought against her body’s need, prolonging the moment for as long as possible. She writhed on his bed, tortured, eager, and when her release burst, her every muscle shuddered violently. She muffled her cries with the back of one hand, fighting to breathe while holding Felix’s mouth against her.

Struggling to make sense of why she had just betrayed her own plans for a proper future, she let herself slowly relax. There was no explanation, so she reached for Felix, eager to reciprocate—to have him slide inside her body and gain his own satisfaction.

“No,” he murmured and drew back to sit up far away from her on the bed. His cock full, hard, and waiting for her touch.

She fought with her lassitude to rise from the bed and follow him. He evaded her a second time. She sat back on her heels in surprise. “Why not?”

“This is not right.” He reached for his trousers. He tugged them on roughly while Sally could only watch in confusion. He turned eventually once they were fastened, but his expression was grim. “Sally, let me make one thing perfectly clear. The next time you seek me out alone, I will have the rest of you too. I will not hold back again; I will not even ask permission. If we are ever alone like this again, I will make you mine and dishonor us both. Do not come back.”

Sally scrambled to a sitting position as he stood up. “Felix, you do not understand.”

“Oh, I understand all right.” He wiped his brow with the back of his hand, scowling. “You always did like the danger of meeting me in secret. An affair will not ever be enough for me, but you know I am willing so you came anyway.”

She gasped at the bitter edge to his voice. “That is not why I am here.”

“You are engaged to be married to one of the most eligible bachelors in society. It is a good match for you. For your family. This”—he gestured to the bed—“is nothing more than an adventure for you, like it must be to so many married women who flirt with naval officers with nothing but their years of service to recommend them. I know why Lady Duckworth wants me to visit her at Lofton Downs. I assume I am to be made to look a fool.”

Her eyes filled with tears at how he must perceive her intentions. “I have not changed that much. I never expected this when I sought sanctuary in your room. What happened just now was not planned, but I am not sorry.”

He seemed taken aback for a moment. “Even so, an engaged woman should not allow another man to bed her before her wedding day. Ellicott will want his own heir.”

“He does,” she agreed, although in the heat of the moment Sally had forgotten everything but satisfying her own passions. Felix had considered Ellicott far more than she had. As far as he was concerned, they were in the wrong. “And he shall have his own son thanks to your level head. You must not feel concern he will call you out for this though. Ellicott and I have an agreement to marry, but fidelity was not part of it.”

Felix growled, a dangerously loud sound that shocked her. “How could you agree to such terms?”

She shrugged. “In many ways I am the same woman you knew, but I have grown up too. I have given up the fantasy you dangled before me, then snatched away. I have given my word to marry Ellicott. He understands what I want from life.”

“Then you are not the woman I loved but a veneer of her former glory.”

Sally blinked. He had not loved her. Not really. She could not waste any more years on a dream of love
and
marriage too. Felix had already disappointed her once. Sally did not think she had the strength to recover from a second heartbreak. Lust without love was the only experience she wanted now.

At least with Ellicott there would be no disappointments. Their discussion had freed her from guilt and allowed her to do what she wanted with whomever pleased her as long as she remembered to be more careful next time. She jumped from the bed, pushing down her gown. “I am sorry that I disturbed your evening.”

He stalked to the window to stand in the cool breeze and said nothing at first. But then he turned around, eyes blazing. “When you were mine, I would never have shared you,” he told her bluntly.

“I was never really yours.” She rubbed the sudden chill on her arms. “You bargained with my father for my hand and command of the
Selfridge
. You never gave what you did to me a second thought.”

“I thought of you,” he insisted. “Too damned much.”

“Well, not enough to bother to say good-bye or write to apologize for the fool you made of me,” she snapped angrily.

“
Never admit fault
,” he ground out. “Is that not what you always said you admired in a man? Someone who owned his decisions?”

He ran both hands through his hair roughly, forcing the dark strands to all angles. After a moment he shook his head and gestured to the door. “You got what you came for, my lady. Please be so kind as to let the door smack your pretty backside as you leave.”

“Fine,” she snapped again. With as much dignity as she could muster, Sally swept from the room and into the hall. She stood in the dark, shaking with frustration and confusion. How could it feel so right to be in his arms and the next moment argue about it? How dare he use the Ford family motto against her too? He was not one of them.

She scowled at the door behind her. “You will be sorry.”

“I already am,” he replied bitterly from the other side before locking the door.