The Wave at Hanging Rock: A Psychological Mystery and Suspense Thriller (12 page)

“I dunno yet,” John said. He said a little miserably. Looking back I guess even he was nervous about it. He might have liked to ask our advice, but he knew it was a subject we knew absolutely fuck all about.

“I guess I’ll see what she wants to do.” John said. Darren shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
 

“Do you hear that Jesse? He’s going out with Cara Williams.” He didn’t say it in a nasty way, he wasn’t trying to remind me how I’d repeated to him every word of the every conversation I’d had with her. He’d forgotten all that. John going out with her eclipsed my achievements in that department.

 
I couldn’t breathe. I’d been plunged off the cliff edge into the abyss, but I
had
to answer. I had to say something appropriate or they’d both know just how deep I’d got myself worked into my own fantasy romance with her.
 

“Yeah,” I croaked. “She’s alright I think. She’s like, pretty hot.” I watched my hand trembling as I reached out to grab Darren’s magazine off him, as if the conversation suddenly bored me. I tried to focus on a picture of perfect waves rolling into a blue water point break somewhere thousands of miles away, but my eyes were full of tears and the image blurred. I wanted to be thousands of miles away.
 

It was horrific sitting with Darren that night, thinking about what John and Cara were getting up to, listening to Darren speculating. John didn’t say anything more about his plans, nor did we ask any more questions. So we sat there, Darren moaning about how crap the waves had been, as if this mattered any more. As if somehow life was still supposed to go on as normal. All I could do was see them in my mind, sitting together in some fancy restaurant, her beautiful shoulders bare in a posh dress and John snapping his fingers at the waiter like some sort of fucking big shot. Or maybe her kicking off her high-heeled shoes so she could dance better in some designer nightclub, the crowd parting to give John the room to spin her around and around, her dress rising higher and higher with every twirl. Of course they didn’t really do anything like that. They just went to the cinema in the next town and sat in awkward silence before her dad picked her up, but I didn’t see it like that. I’m not normally a glass half-empty kind of guy, but that night the glass was dry, it was fucking barren.

Darren loitered around like some bad smell but when he finally went home and I could go to bed I spent the night alternating between miserable insomnia and torturous semi-dreams of John’s bare white arse - that I’d seen a hundred times when he’d changed into his wetsuit - pumping himself into a gasping Cara’s beautiful body in the luxury flat that I knew he didn’t have.
 

The dawn brought some relief. Perhaps, I reasoned, the date had gone badly. Maybe she’d even stood him up? I watched out for John the whole morning, but he didn’t turn up, and there was no way I was going around to his house. In the end he stayed away the whole day and eventually Darren dragged me off fishing. I think it must have occurred to him by then what I was going through. He wanted to help me out.
 

In fact we didn’t see much of John for a while. Somehow the school rumour mill picked up that Cara was properly loved up with her new bloke, who was definitely much older and drove a sports car. The word was she was definitely having sex with him too, you could see it in the way she walked. I couldn’t bring myself to look.
 

Obviously I didn’t talk to Cara at school any more, and she certainly stopped talking to me. I guess she realised that with John and me being friends it was just better that way. A few years later, when I could look back on that time without it feeling like my stomach was being ripped out of my body, I kind of worked it out. She’d probably spotted John some time before and she only really befriended me as a way of meeting him. I’ll never know if I did have one chance with her though, that night we walked back together to Darren’s house. That was what really got me back then, the thought that I’d blown that chance. Fucking that up dragged me right back down to my lowest point since arriving in Wales.

sixteen

THERE WAS LITTLE Natalie could do but wait. Her sister left, promising to be back when she’d found a babysitter for the boys. The policewoman stayed and tried to re-assert leadership of the situation. She explaining how she was now assigned to the case, and how Natalie’s friend Dave had joined two Sea King helicopters and three RNLI lifeboats, from Padstow, Rock and Sennan Cove. She told her about the grid pattern they were working, and how they had to take account of the strong tides found in that area. But Natalie hardly listened to any of it. All she could do was think of those wide open expanses of ocean, far from the beaches and cliffs. She wondered what it must feel like to be out there, alone, with the light fading from the sky, the hope fading from your mind.
 

Then the policewoman’s phone rang. Natalie asked at once what it was, but the officer put up her hand and shook her head.

“It’s not news, I’m sorry.” She went to the other side of the room and listened for a little longer. A few minutes later she ended the call. She turned to Natalie her face screwed up, puzzled.
 

“Natalie, I need to ask you a question.”

“What’s happened? Who was that?”

She answered reluctantly. “That was the officer who found the car. They’ve undertaken a closer inspection…”

“So?”

DS Venables paused, like she was working out how to continue.
 

“Natalie I need to ask you about your husband’s state of mind. Was there anything troubling him? Perhaps there were money problems?” Again she softened her voice. “Were there any difficulties in the marriage? Had you argued? Anything like that?”

Natalie stared at her blankly. Thoughts flashed through her mind, one burned so brightly she thought the woman must be able to see the image reflected in her eyes.
 

“No. Why?”

The policewoman paused, then continued carefully.
 

“They didn’t see this at first because they were under the seat, or perhaps whoever broke into the car kicked them underneath by accident. Or perhaps your husband tried to hide them.” She watched Natalie’s reaction to this.
 

“Hide what?”

Natalie felt the other woman’s eyes on her face.
 

“Hide what?” She said again.

“There were three packets of painkillers. Paracetamol, on the floor of the car. Empty packets. Natalie was Jim using painkillers for any medical reason?”

The question was so unexpected it took Natalie some time to answer.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I mean he gets headaches sometimes. But no more than anybody. Look I’m sorry but I don’t understand. What are you saying?”

The policewoman hadn’t put her phone down, she held it in both hands in front of her, as if feeling its weight.
 

“Do you keep a supply of paracetamol tablets in your car?”

“No.”

“Have you in the past? Could those empty packets have been there for some time?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t remember having any tablets in there.”

“Are you sure?”

“No. I’m not sure. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Natalie, the amount of tablets missing from those packets…” The policewoman stopped.

“If Jim took those tablets, there’s really only one explanation for what he was trying to do.”

“What? No, Jim wouldn’t… What are you saying?” A frown was creasing Natalie’s forehead.

“I’m sorry Natalie. I have to ask these questions. Has he ever tried anything like this before?”

“Like what?”

“Has he ever spoken of being suicidal? Or made any attempt at suicide?”

“
What
? No!” There was anger in her voice. “Of course not. Why would he… ?” Natalie pushed herself up from the table and strode over to the sink. She took her mug with her, but her hands were shaking so much when she tried to rinse it out it slipped her grip and clattered against the metal walls. She stood there staring at it for a moment and then fired a squirt of washing up liquid after it, but instead of washing it she began to wash her hands under the tap, scrubbing them hard under the cold flowing water.

seventeen

NATALIE KNEW SHE needed time. She felt the presence of the policewoman behind her, she felt her questioning stare on her shoulders. She blew out her cheeks and tried to calm herself down. She didn’t know what was going on, but she sensed that how she acted now, how she was perceived as acting by this woman could have an impact on the rest of her life. She turned off the tap and slowly turned around.
 

“We had an argument, before he left. But it was only a silly thing. There’s no way it would make him want to kill himself.”

DS Venables said nothing and waited for her to continue.

“He’s been working a lot these last few months. Up in Scotland, flying oil rig workers out of Aberdeen. It’s just until the business gets enough work in locally. And I guess I’ve been working too hard as well. I’m teaching undergraduates at the university.”
 

“OK.”

“Jim does this thing where he disappears, with absolutely no notice to go surfing. It’s kind of an ongoing argument we have. He hadn’t done it for a while, I thought he was growing out of it.”

She stopped talking and eventually the policewoman had to prompt her to go on. She did so, shrugging as she spoke.

“He had a few days off this week. I was still working and we’d agreed he was going to paint the hallway. Then he announces he’s going off surfing instead. I… I kind of blew up at him.” Natalie stopped, the memory of it still fresh in her mind. The thought occurring to her as she spoke that this might be the last conversation she ever had face to face with him.
 

 
“You’re going
surfing
?” She’d said and immediately he was on the defensive.

“It’s just for a few days. You’re working anyway,” he said.

“Yeah but I’m here in the evenings. And it would be nice if you were as well.” She glared at him until he looked away.

“Nat, you know what it’s like. It’s a good forecast. I haven’t been in the water for ages.”

She knew exactly what it was like. She’d learnt very early on in their relationship that there were virtually no plans that couldn’t be dropped at the very last minute if the weather forecast indicated the surfing would be good. At first the idea of this had seemed exciting, free-spirited. But where she’d imagined the two of them dropping everything to explore wild beaches and hidden coves together, the reality was that moments after they’d arrived and ‘checked the surf’, he’d wriggle into a wetsuit and disappear. She had plenty of time to explore, but it wasn’t so much fun on her own. And mostly it was cold so she’d sit in the car waiting for him.
 

“And what about the money? We’ve got the house now. What’s the point in you working away if you’re going to spend everything you earn on surfing trips?”

“I’ll camp. Come on. It won’t cost much.”
 

“And your car? You said you were going to fix that this week.”

He took a deep breath before answering. “I was kind of hoping you might lend me yours.”

“Oh fucking hell Jim. You can be so fucking selfish you know that?”

He’d gone anyway. She knew he would, that was what made her so frustrated. He made vague promises to make it up to her, which she pointedly ignored. But even before he’d gone she recognised within herself a little sense of guilt. She knew she was meeting his unreasonableness with an unreasonableness of her own. But instead of backing down, she smothered it with indignation, with a sense of righteous anger.

“And you don’t think this was enough to… To explain the painkillers in any way?” The policewoman asked when Natalie had finished.
 

“No. Absolutely not. It was nothing, just a silly argument.”

DS Venables stood quietly, watching.

“Jim’s not the type. He really isn’t.” Natalie felt her eyes imploring the other woman to believe this.

“How about the business. Jim is a partner in a helicopter firm, is that right?”

Natalie nodded.

“Are there any problems you’re aware of? With money perhaps? Anything that might have put stress on Jim.”

Natalie shook her head.

“Is it possible he could have hidden something from you?”

“I don’t think so. He never mentioned anything, and Dave is very sensible, he’s very careful.”
 

“Dave is the other partner? The man who’s helping with the search and rescue?”

“Yes.”

“And how is Jim’s relationship with Dave?”

“Fine. Good.” The words came out strangled and Natalie glanced across at the policewoman, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Is Jim a private type of man? Would you know if there was something troubling him?”

“No. I mean yes. I’d know.”
 

“Did the two of you have any other arguments? Any problems in your relationship?”
 

“No. Nothing more than what I’ve said already. Look you’ve already asked me all this.”

DS Venables raised a hand to calm her down. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just I can’t work out these tablets. It’s not that unusual for people to use painkillers in a suicide attempt, but like this? It’s very strange. I’ve never seen it before. I’m just trying to make sure we have all the information.” With this she turned her head to watch Natalie. “It’s very strange.”
 

Natalie felt the policewoman’s eyes stay on her, and they weren’t entirely sympathetic any more. There was doubt there too, the clear beginnings of suspicion. Maybe that was what made Natalie say what she did.
 

 
“You know I might have had some tablets there. Empty packets I mean. I’m afraid I don’t keep the car very clean. I think I kept some to help with period pain.” Natalie brought her eyes up to meet the policewoman’s gaze, and for a moment neither woman blinked nor looked away.