The Watcher (10 page)

“More than you know,” I replied. She sighed and put her head back on my chest. I stood about a foot taller than her, so she fit perfectly in my arms. I felt her nuzzle my chest and thanked the gods that I’d been going to the gym on the regular. I could tell she was overwhelmed with emotion so I pulled her closer, trying to take her pain away with my embrace.

A Thousand Years
by Christina Perri came on next and I smiled because I knew my girl had a thing for vampires and wolves. She surprised me by singing along quietly and I pulled back a little to look at her. I asked her if she had just sung to me and requested that she do it again. She had a beautiful voice. She made me agree to keep dancing and not look at her and I laughed in agreement. She sang the rest of the song to me in that low, haunting voice and I couldn’t wait to sing with her someday.

After the song ended I bet her that I would get her to sing with me before the month ended. She wanted dinner if she won and I told her I wanted another kiss if I won. I may have been pushing it there a little bit, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to know I wanted more kisses and what they’d lead to.

She tried to laugh it off, and seeing as how I’d made her nervous, I tried to keep things light and asked her for one more dance. We danced to Lady Antebellum’s
Need You Now
and I held her close and sang along with the lyrics. Hearing me sing soothed her and she relaxed against my body. Last call was announced and she said she needed to go. I joked that it was a good idea because I’d just want to kiss her again. She was quiet, letting her head hang and I wondered if I’d gone too far this time.

After a few seconds she looked back up at me and said she needed to go. I took her hand and told her I’d walk her to her car. As we walked out into the alley, she stopped suddenly. I turned to look at her and the look on her face piqued my curiosity. I asked her what she was thinking and she just shook her head no. She looked flushed and turned on as hell. I took a peek at her thoughts and caught images of us against the alleyway wall. I was kissing her hard and finger fucking her until she came. Fuck me that was hot.

“Oh really?” I said huskily. I stalked toward her and she backed up until her back was pressed up against the club’s door. She opened her mouth to speak but I quieted her by putting my fingers on her lips.

“You have no idea do you Lily?” I asked her as I breathed heavily onto her lips. She was so close to me and I was so close to my breaking point. It would only take either of us moving a quarter of an inch to feel her lips on mine. She asked me what I meant and I felt her breath against my lips, making my cock harden even more in my jeans.

“What you do to me, you have no idea.” She closed her eyes and I leaned my body just a little closer, pushing her out of her comfort zone. Her body was tense and I could feel her nipples hardening under her shirt. I could smell her arousal a mile away, she was so turned on. I wanted to unzip those damn jeans she was wearing and feel her arousal for myself. I pressed my dick against her stomach, pushing her even further. I waited for her to make the next move.

She opened her eyes and softly asked me to walk her to her car. I took a moment to gather my wits and backed away. I took her hand, said as you wish and walked her to her car. She’d thought she’d forgotten her keys, so I pulled them out of my pocket and handed them to her.

She thanked me again for everything and stood on her toes to kiss me on my cheek. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. I knew I wouldn’t be watching over her tonight. I needed to keep my distance and gather myself. It was too tempting to be around her after having had a taste of her.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I asked. She mentioned some diner and I agreed to meet her there at 8 a.m. I winked at her and told her to text me when she got home. I made she was buckled in then flirted with her a little more by finally giving her my last name. Slowly walking away, I licked my lips and smiled in anticipation. I couldn’t fucking wait to see her again.

*****

Lily

I pulled out and hummed Lady Antebellum all the way home. I was floating on cloud nine and couldn’t stop smiling. All thoughts of my mom, my past, finals and my failing marriage had dissipated. I had no idea where this was going, but I knew I wanted to get to know more about Gabriel, who he was and what he did. He was such an enigma.

How was it that he knew so much about me already? What was it about him that made me want to trust him? The songs he had chosen to sing spoke directly to my damaged heart. I swore whenever he looked at me he could see straight through to my soul. I had seen a hint of danger from him when he held the knife to my attacker’s throat then again when he had me trapped in the alley, and I’d seen the dark look in his eyes when I had imagined us naked and sweaty. I wondered briefly if he had a dark past as well. Maybe he’d understand mine; I really hoped he would.

I sighed when I pulled into my parking space and slowly got out of the car. I was hoping Ryan was asleep. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I just wanted to sit down like adults and talk this out. Things needed to change and we both needed to say our parts and move on. When I got inside, I realized the apartment was empty. He had never worked this late before. Usually he was fast asleep on the couch and I had to wake him up to come to bed.  I walked into the bedroom, turned on the light, and noticed something taped to my vanity mirror. I walked closer to read it and my purse and keys fell from my hands. I fell to my knees and began to sob as my world came crashing down around me.

The End of Part One

“Just because something isn’t a lie does not mean that it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of the truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.”

– Criss Jami

*****

Lily

I looked up and saw his wedding band lying next to his set of keys. All of a sudden I felt dizzy and nauseous. I ran to the bathroom and the contents of my stomach were out in a matter of seconds. Once I had reached the point of dry heaving, I sat on the bathroom floor, wiped my mouth off with some toilet paper, and starting sobbing again.

“Goodbye, Lily. I’m with Katie. Move on, because I have.”

Six years of my life were wiped away with a goddamned Post-It™ note. If this were an episode of the
Sex and The City
, I’d be on a 3-way call with my friends and planning a great night out in a matter of minutes.

Unfortunately for me, this was definitely
not
a TV show. I was a hot mess: raccoon eyes, snot coming from my nose, breath smelling like rotten garbage, and my new clothes were wrinkled and wet from the tears. I took a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. Somewhere deep down I had seen this coming, I was even slightly ready for it, but I was nowhere near prepared for
how
he had ended it. In my mind, we would sit down and explain that we had simply fallen out of love with each other, hug it out, then go our separate ways. Kind of like that scene in “You’ve Got Mail” where she tells Frank she’s not in love with him anymore. They have a glass of wine, have a laugh, and they go their separate ways. Nowhere in this break-up fantasy was there a Post-It and his wedding ring on my vanity.

I got up from the floor, splashed some water on my face, and quickly brushed my teeth. I went to the fridge to grab some sparkling water and chugged it down. Sighing, I looked around our apartment, illuminated only by the refrigerator light. I knew I couldn’t afford this place by myself, especially having cut my hours to go back to school. I placed the water on the counter and closed the fridge.

I knew it; I just knew it. He
had
been out late with Katie. He had given me so much grief about how much overtime he was working, telling me it was for “us,” and that he wanted to give us a better life. I had gobbled his lies right up, so intent on him being my one and only, that I had ignored the signs that I wasn’t
his
one and only. Why the hell was I so trusting of everyone? Was I truly that desperate for love? I felt so stupid. Feeling the tears about to start pouring again, I put face in my hands. I just needed to go to bed.

I walked back to the bedroom, the bed seeming so much bigger now that it was only the cats and me. “It might be time for a new place”, I said aloud to my kids. They were both asleep on the bed, unaware of anything amiss. I took off my new outfit and went to put it in the hamper in the walk-in closet. Most of Ryan’s stuff, save for a few pairs of pants and some shirts, was missing. The motherfucker was fast; I’ll give him that.  I closed the closet door, pulled out some PJs from my dresser and got dressed for bed. I went to grab my makeup remover to get the last of the night off my face when I heard my phone vibrate. Oh shit! I had totally forgotten to text Gabriel. Grabbing my makeup remover cloths, I rushed to dig my phone out of my jacket pocket. Sure enough I had missed several texts from him.

Did you make it home?

Beautiful, don’t make me worry, please let me know if you got home ok.

Alright hon, I’m coming to find you if I don’t hear from you in 5 minutes.
Oh gosh, that was three minutes ago. I texted him back immediately.
I’m sorry, I got sidetracked when I got in. I’m home safe.

Please don’t do that to me again
, came his response.

Do what?

Make me worry.

I’m so sorry, forgive me?

As you wish…are you ok?

I will be
I typed.

French toast still sound good for breakfast?
he asked.
I smiled and in that moment I was so grateful for this new person who had entered my life. He hadn’t pried, he didn’t ask a million questions, yet I could tell he cared. He still wanted to see me first thing in the morning. I started to feel a little better.

Absolutely
I responded.

Until then, sweet dreams beautiful.

Sweet dreams, Gabriel. Oh and Gabriel?

Yes?

Thank you…for everything.

His response was a pair of lips blowing a kiss at me, which of course made me think about our kiss earlier. Suddenly very tired, I took a deep breath. Turning on my fan I climbed into the bed that the cats had been keeping warm for me. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to miss Ryan or miss Gabriel right now. All I knew is that I was back on my own after six years and I had no idea how to take that first step into my new life. I closed my eyes, took a few more deep breaths, and went to sleep.

*****

Lily

I woke to my alarm at 7 a.m., slapped the snooze button, and rolled over. Then I sat straight up, the events from last night flooding back into my brain. My eyes were swollen from crying and my mouth felt like it had fur in it. My head had a dull ache right between my eyes and I was in desperate need of water. I trudged out of bed and into the kitchen to get water and went into the bathroom. Catching sight of myself in the mirror, I let out a loud gasp. I looked like death’s uglier, older sister. I started the shower and waited for it to heat up. Looking at myself in the mirror again, I took note of what had become of me: my rounded cheeks from one too many comfort cupcakes, my worry lines that had gotten deeper and deeper in the last two years, and my hair, which was currently a rat’s nest. I began to hate myself a little in that moment, wondering what Katie looked like. I wondered if she was younger, prettier, and thinner. Tears threatened to start again so I jumped into the shower to wash them away.

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Getting out slowly I towel dried my hair, put on my ratty yoga pants and my favorite hoodie, and climbed back into bed. I was too tired and too puffy to be out in public. I didn’t want to talk, my stomach was still grumbling, and all I wanted to do was sleep for a few days until the pain had dulled. I sent Gabriel a text telling him I wasn’t feeling well, that I had to cancel, and that I’d text him later this week. Looking like death warmed over, I knew that I wasn’t ready to face him. I didn’t want to talk about Ryan or how he had completely ripped the rug out from under me last night.  I didn’t want to expose this ugly side of myself to someone so beautiful. I needed time to mourn alone. I needed my fur-balls and my covers and my bed.

I turned my phone off and went back to sleep. I dreamt of long hallways with no exits. I dreamt of green eyes and alleyways and sad songs. This routine went on for a few days. I called off work, I turned my phone off, not wanting to talk to anyone, and I slept. The darkness from my past had swept in and taken control of my life again. My marriage was completely over and I had been a fool not to see it before: all the late nights at work and all the times he never answered his phone. All the so-called innocent times he casually dropped Katie’s name into our conversations. God I was so fucking stupid!

I couldn’t eat, my stomach was so torn up with grief. I woke up every few hours or so, went to the bathroom, took hot showers just to muffle my crying, fed the cats, and I went right back to bed. I knew I was hiding out but I didn’t care. I was so tired. Tired of the sadness, the hurting. Why couldn’t love just be simple? Was it too much to ask for a man who loved me for me, flaws and all? Did I constantly have to work on being skinny and smart and poised and coiffed? It was exhausting.

The sun was just beginning to set a few days later, I think it was Tuesday, when I awoke with a start to someone was pounding on my door. I stumbled out of bed, hoping it was just a neighbor with a package of mine. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone or let anyone see how much of a mess I was.  I blew my nose and called out, “Just a second.” I threw on my fluffy, hot pink robe and checked my face in the mirror. ‘
It’ll have to do
’, I thought. I fixed my hair into a sloppy ponytail and opened the door. Six feet of angry male greeted me.

“What the hell, Lily?” Gabriel said quietly. I stared at him, unsure of what to say.

He continued, “It’s been four days? What gives?”

I shrugged, “I’m not feeling well…I didn’t want to get you sick.”

“Seriously?” he retorted, “You expect me to believe that bullshit?” I looked down at the floor. He had seen right through me. He had known me for like a day, yet he knew me better than my husband. My ex-husband. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” I whispered pointing at my robe and messy hair.

“Like what, Lily? Human?” I nodded, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, “Ryan left. For good. For another woman.” His anger immediately faded and he stepped closer to me.

“Your husband.”

“Yes, of two years. Well we’d been together over six, but only married for two. I had suspected he was seeing someone, but I didn’t want to believe it. I...I came home to a note on my mirror telling me he had left me for another woman…” I trailed off, thinking I had sprung too much on him at once. In my grief, I didn’t notice he hadn’t asked, he had merely stated the words ‘your husband.’

He pulled me into his arms and said, “Jesus Lily, I’m so sorry. He fucking left you a note?” I nodded into his chest, the tears starting again at the mention of the note.

“He left his wedding ring and cleared out his stuff while I was at the club that night.”

“What a fucking piece of shit. What a fucking coward! He obviously had little respect for you to begin with!” he exclaimed. This made me cry harder, knowing full well everyone had been right. I had been blind and now I was alone.

“It’s going to be ok. You’re better off without him. The world is full of cowards like him who feed off beautiful souls like yours.”

I pulled away slightly, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “See this is what I didn’t want you to see. I just met you. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. You can go and I won’t be upset, I promise. I’ll text you later this week and you can see me when I’m normal again,” I rambled.

He put his finger under my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Miss Lily, I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, or don’t you know how a stalker works?” This made me snort and smile and his eyes lit up. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you for stalking me,” I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head and laughed quietly. “Would you like company?”

“Are you allergic to cats?” I replied.

“Lily, you have a thing or two to learn about stalkers.”

“What?”

“Of course I’m not allergic. I know you have to two cats, which you adore. I also know that your fridge is full of healthy food and that you’re in desperate need of Ben and Jerry’s and pizza right now. I’m going to run to the store, grab some cookie dough and coffee buzz and I’ll be back in a bit. What I don’t know is, do you already own the Twilight series, or should I pick it up as well?”

Holy fuck…

*****

Gabriel

She’d see me in a few days? What the fuck? Maybe she and Ryan were making up. Maybe he was taking her away for a few days. Maybe she just didn’t like me. Or maybe I’d come on too strong and scared her away. In a rare moment of fury I threw my phone across the room at the wall. The cracking noise of the phone breaking into a hundred pieces gave me no solace. Fuck! I replayed every detail in my head. I knew I’d been pushing my limits with her dancing and whispering into her ear and singing to her. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed her. Maybe pushing her up against the wall in the alley was too much.

I didn’t fucking know. But at this point, I respected her too much to push it. If she and Ryan were going to work things out, the best thing for me to do would be to disappear. I’d give her the space she needed for a few days, then I’d check on her. At least that’s what I told myself to sound rational. I was bursting out of my skin and needed a distraction. I locked up the club and hopped onto my bike. I needed to clear my head and get out of the city for a few hours.

I drove and drove through the night, leaving the city behind. I wound my way through back roads where no one traveled going faster than anyone should on a motorcycle. Feeling the wind and hearing the roar of the motor allowed me to be a rational being again. I couldn’t get Lily out of my head though. She had looked fucking amazing tonight, all her curves on full display for me. I couldn’t wait to trace those curves with my hands then my tongue until she was writhing under my touch.

As I headed home, I decided not to give up on her. I’d give her a few days, then I’d go and check on her to make sure she was actually OK. If she and Ryan were giving it another go, I’d leave and never look back. But if they weren’t, if something completely opposite had happened, I was going to kick his ass then make her mine.

The next day I still hadn’t heard from her so I decided I would peek in on her and see how she was. I swore to myself that I’d only stay a few minutes to get a read on what was going on. When I got to her place, it was silent and all the blinds were drawn closed. I went to her room after finding the rest of the apartment empty and saw her huddled into a ball under a pile of blankets. She was sound asleep, but her face was red and splotchy. For a moment, I thought maybe she really was sick. There was a mountain of tissues on the floor and several half-drunk ginger ales on her nightstand. I sat down in her reading chair and waited for her to wake up, silently watching over her. Where in the hell was her husband? Why wasn’t he home taking care of her? It was Saturday so I knew he wasn’t at work. I shook my head in frustration and sat back and waited.