The War Widows (41 page)

‘Look at the state of you. We can’t send you home like that. You’re going to have to come down my place and sober up. You’re going to have a head on you like a helter-skelter in the morning. Let’s get her out of here.’

Linking arms, they staggered towards Queenie’s house, passing the foot of Bowker’s Row where Walt was, no doubt already tucked up in the land of Nod. The sight of his street name stirred something inside Lily and a smile erupted over her face. It was suddenly important to tell him what she had just seen. Did he know about Levi’s little secret?

‘Let’s give Walt a surprise visit, see if he gives me a welcome like Sylvio did Ria. Let’s wake my intended up for a little chat.’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ Diana suggested. ‘We mustn’t disturb the peace. Come on, not long now. You can ring home from the telephone kiosk at the bottom of Featherstone Road or, better still, I’ll give them a tinkle and explain you’re unwell and I’ve taken you home with me. You can go on to work from my place in the morning.’

‘No! I have to speak to Walt first. It’s important.’

‘It can wait till the morning, ducks. Believe me, things said in drink don’t come out right. Let’s be having you!’ Queenie was pushing her out the way.

‘No! I’m just going to ring his bell.’ The idea was in her head and it was not going to be shifted. It wasn’t that late. It was funny how the cobbles kept sloping away from her but she was soon at number four and rapped the door knocker hard. No one answered.

‘Open sesame!’ she yelled. ‘It’s Lily of Laguna, with a sweet serenade.’ There was no movement but curtains twitched across the road and lights went on.

‘Lily! Come away now, you’ve made your call. That’s enough.’ Queenie was coming to drag her back again.

‘No! I know you’re in there, Walter Platt. What’s the matter with you? Shall I come up and wake you with a kiss…? I’ve got something to tell you, something you should know.’

The sash window was raised and a sleepy head popped out. ‘What’s going on? Is that you, Lil? What’s up? Who’s died?’

‘Come and give your fiancée a big kiss!’ she yelled with her arms flung open, looking up to see him in his blue striped pyjamas.

‘Lily, come away,’ Diana whispered, pulling the arms of her cardigan.

‘Not before I get a proper kiss from him. I want to know what it tastes like.’

‘She’s drunk,’ said another head, wrapped in steel curlers and a pink hairnet. ‘Go home, Lily Winstanley, and don’t show yourself up. Walter, shut the window! What’ll the neighbours say?’

‘Walter! Don’t take any notice of her, the old battleaxe. Come down here and give me a kiss! You’re marrying me, not her,’ she argued, seeing him looking down at her, his hair tufted up like a Roman helmet.

‘Lil, I’m not talking to you until you’re sober.’ With that the window was shut and the light went out.

‘I told you it wasn’t a good idea,’ Diana said. ‘Come on, time to go home. You’ll feel better in the morning.’

‘But I only wanted a kiss,’ Lily squeaked, feeling as if all the air was sucked out of her body.

She woke a little later in Queenie’s parlour on a hard sofa covered in a grey army blanket. Her tongue felt like cork matting and she had only the vaguest recollection
of the jaunt to The Coal Hole. Then she recalled Levi’s guilty face, a little boy’s look caught stealing jam tarts from the cake tin.

In turn, they filled in the rest of the gory details and she turned hot and cold with embarrassment.

‘You weren’t yourself earlier,’ Diana explained softly as if to a patient. ‘There was no shifting you. You kept going on about kissing Walter. But he didn’t want to play at that time of night.’

‘He never wants to play,’ Lily muttered. ‘But my brother was playing away for both of us. Didn’t you see him?’

‘What’s new about that, ducks? Given half a chance most men play away, and if I was married to that Ivy…’ Queenie was shoving yet another cup of Camp coffee into Lily’s hand. ‘Drink up.’

‘I’m sorry to put on both of you. It’s not like me. This wedding is getting on my nerves. I’ll be glad when it’s all over.’

It was almost dawn when they drove up through the town. Diana had phoned Waverley House with excuses for Lily, but she was puzzled. Lily was acting out of character.

‘What did you mean earlier about being glad when it’s all over? It’s only just beginning for you two. The wedding is just for a day, marriage is a life sentence, so be sure it’s what you want,’ she said, staring at the road ahead.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Lily replied, wrapping her crumpled cardigan around herself for warmth.

‘You heard me. I’m your friend and I’m worried.
Think about it. Last night’s little episode was quite an eye-opener on all fronts. It’s just not like you.’

‘Put this down to nerves. Walt and me’ve waited that long, I’m bound to get jumpy.’

‘If that’s all it is, then fine. It’s your life, not mine, but think on.’

‘What are you saying?’

Diana pulled up by the pavement. ‘Listen, I’ve been watching you and you’ve been so edgy since that episode in the park. I’m concerned, that’s all. Not every woman has to be married to have a good time and be fulfilled. There are other ways…look at me.’

‘Oh, don’t tell me you’ve not got some bloke on the sly? That’s why we never see you hitting the town with some handsome doctor on your arm.’

Diana felt herself boiling up. ‘It’s not like that for me.’

‘Don’t tell me you’ve never been in love. I won’t believe you. All those pilots and officers you nursed in the war-I bet they were all round you like flies to the honeypot.’

It was time to put her straight. ‘Yes, I’ve been in love,’ Diana sighed.

‘Who was that then?’

‘Binky Ballard, an officer serving in the same hospital. We made plans just like you, but people can change and it didn’t work out. Not every romance ends with a wedding ring.’

‘I’m sorry. Why did it end? Was he killed or did he find someone else?’

Diana took a deep breath. It was now or never.
‘She
found someone else, Lily. Binky was my best pal but
one day she just packed her bags and left me. Not every love is straightforward.’ She was glad of the covering darkness so she couldn’t see Lily’s face as the penny dropped. ‘Don’t tell me you hadn’t wondered why there were no men in my life?’

‘To be honest, I’ve been that wrapped up in myself and the Winstanley dramas, I hadn’t noticed that you were unhappy too.’ Lily paused and turned to face her. ‘Is this your big secret? I’d never’ve guessed. You don’t act like a…’

‘Like a lesbian? That’s the proper word, a lonely word in a town like this. “The love that dares not speak its name” is all around if you know where to find it. You don’t choose who you fall in love with. It just happens and kept on happening to me at school, in the army. It’s difficult to explain…’ There were tears in her eyes and she bent her head.

Lily grasped her hand and patted it. ‘That’s why you came back to Grimbleton, is it?’

‘I suppose so. I thought it would be safe and predictable-which it was until I met you lot. One dead soldier and his two women, one drug-pushing brother and his snake of a wife. Romeo and Juliet at the hair salon, and you struggling to keep every plate spinning in the air, pouring oil on troubled waters. Each of us is searching for happiness, one way or another. It’s no different for me. Love, betrayal and rejection are the same feeling in any language.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Lily smiled. ‘You must have felt so alone.’

‘No more, I think, than any other soldier returning from the war. One minute there’s danger and excitement,
then its boredom and humdrum. You live as if every moment is your last. You dream of coming home and when you do…A war like that comes once in a lifetime and it’s hard to settle in civvy street after all that. Ask Levi or any of the men in drab demob suits, confused, disorientated, unable to settle to anything much. Their buddies are scattered, far flung, and some memories will fade, but the heat, dust and danger will never be forgotten, nor the blood brothers who shared danger together. Don’t be too harsh on him. You can never know what he went through that changed him so much.’

‘I’m just so sorry you felt you had to hide it from us. We’re on your side.’

‘Not everyone like me dresses like a man and smokes a pipe. There must be many sad souls out there, in this town, hiding who they really are for the sake of their families and their jobs.

‘I’ve decided to study psychiatry, perhaps retrain, move away for a while. If I stay here, I’ll only brood. But enough of my worries, it’s you we need to sort out.’

They were both crying now.

‘I didn’t share all this to make you feel sad or guilty,’ Diana continued. ‘Meeting up with the Olive Oils has made life here bearable and given me the oomph to make new plans. I can’t sit sulking at my misfortune and living like a child in her parents’ house. Time, I think, for us all to go and make our lives happen, doing the one thing that will give us the greatest satisfaction and fulfilment. If marriage is what you want, above all else, go to it! If you’re not sure…What is that saying to you? I trust you won’t tell anyone else about all my
little quirks…One day when I’m not so sore, I’ll come clean, perhaps, or maybe not.’

Suddenly Diana was feeling lighter, hopeful and relieved. Better out than in, went the saying. It really was time for her to move on.

‘Thank you for trusting me,’ Lily replied. ‘I’ll not let you down.’

‘And don’t sell yourself cheap, Brown Owl. Go home and be prepared!’

Diana’s revelation was spinning round Lily’s fuzzy head all morning. How lonely she must have felt among them. How generous and trusting she was in confiding such a secret. If ever this came out, she would be ruined and her position at work compromised.

Minds were prejudiced against such loving. It had taken her aback for all of five minutes until she thought, why shouldn’t a caring woman like Diana be allowed to love whom she pleased?

Her suffering made the petty quarrel with Walt fade away but what was she going to do about Levi? If Ivy found out she’d skin him alive. Somehow she knew he’d be making contact. No surprise, then, when he was round at the travel agent’s first thing, cap in hand, looking washed out.

‘It’s not what you think, Lil. Shirley’s just a friend. We have a bit of fun,’ he whispered. She bent her throbbing head down, trying to keep a straight face.

‘Pull the other one. What’s got into you lately? I don’t know you any more. I used to look up to you. I would have done anything for you once. I ran the blooming
business straight as a dye and who goes and cooks the books? Then there was that box of dope. Dad would turn in his grave to have a son into such stuff. You need sorting out good and proper. Tell me why I shouldn’t go and tell Mother some more good news about you?’

‘So you haven’t told her yet?’ His eyes were glassy, like a dead fish on a slab.

‘Who do you take me for, Levi? It’s as it always was. All for one and one for all. I don’t tell on you if you don’t tell on me, not like
some
I could mention. Right?’ she smiled, too exhausted to crow over his humbling.

‘Thanks. I owe you one, sis.’

‘You’ve got to sort this out for Neville’s sake. Ivy’s no paragon and she had no right to do what she did to Maria, but cheating on her doesn’t help,’ she added.

‘You’re right, as usual, Miss Goody Two-Shoes. I know about that stuff with Marco Santini…I know it was her and I feel bad about it. She gets these ideas in her head. I can’t keep up with her expectations of me.’ He sat down on the bentwood chair, his head in his hands. ‘Nothing’s turned out as I expected. I can’t seem to let go of things, memories, stuff from the war. I saw so many pals go west. Why should I be the one to survive, and now my brother’s dead? I can’t believe we’ll never see him again. I just want to blot things out. Shirley’s good fun, she takes my mind off things. Ivy just makes things worse.’

Lily recalled Diana’s words and suddenly felt for him. ‘Then put your foot down and say no to her wants, once in a while. Time to put up or shut up, Levi. Where’s your backbone? You’re a Winstanley and we’re made of granite.
You’ve a good business to run, a little son to follow you, a future to build. That’s more chances than many of your pals got. I’ll not say a word if you buck up.’

‘Thanks,’ he croaked with relief.

‘You and I haven’t seen eye to eye for months but we can try and do better if you’ll keep your hands off skirts. It’s not the answer. Besides, you’re the only brother I’ve got now.’ She touched his arm in a gesture of friendship.

He looked up sheepishly. ‘You’re a good lass. Walt should be proud to be getting you down the aisle and I’ll be proud to escort you there.’

‘We’ll see about that when the time comes. I want you to make sure Mother is looked after. You’re head of the household now. Winstanleys expect. Go on, better open up shop and let me get on or I’ll be getting the sack. Think on, Levi. No second chances at this life, I reckon.’

The funny thing was he didn’t say a word about her own little jaunt to The Coal Hole; not a flicker of curiosity or disapproval.

Suddenly all she felt was pity for the man who’d been the bane of her life for months. He was family, after all, and they must stick together now. Family First into the next generation. Whatever was happening, she hoped that they’d seen the last of Doormat Lil.

Her second visitor came in his lunch break as she was sorting out the itinerary for the coach trip to France. ‘I hope you’ve got a good explanation about last night. I can’t leave you five minutes with that lot and you make an exhibition of yourself in front of the street.
Mother hasn’t put her foot out of the door all morning because of you! I’m surprised at you in that state,’ he said, pink with indignation.

‘It was only a bit of fun.’ Where had she heard that excuse before?

‘That’s not what I’d call it, and on a Sunday night of all nights. What will your mother say? Honestly, Lily, I’m beginning to wonder about you. It’s not the first time this has happened, is it? What about the other week in the park?’

She hung her head. ‘We were just having a bit of a do, a celebration. My head’s paying for it now. Never again.’