THE WAR BRIDE CLUB (26 page)

      She was never going to feel like this, so disgusted in her own behavior, ever again.
 

      She was going to give her marriage one more chance. If she could live with this guilt, the weight of it pressing down on her chest, then she would try her best to make amends with Ralph. Otherwise she’d leave him, but she wasn’t going to be anyone’s mistress, not now, and not ever again.
Not now she knew how it felt.
 

      Could she ever make her marriage work now, though? Because she knew men. And no man would ever forgive his wife this type of sin.
 

      If he ever found out.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

MADELINE’S hand shook as she reached over the counter. Her boss had said that there was a telegram waiting for her, and she had that sinking feeling that it was bad news.
 

      Would her family send a telegram if her sister had had her baby? To celebrate a milestone? Was this why she hadn’t been able to contact them? Why they hadn’t replied to her letters?

      She could think of no good reason other than tragedy. Goose pimples tickled her forearms. She needed her family right now, and had been trying to get in touch with them, frantically, since Roy had made his announcement.
 

      The lady behind the counter smiled. A soft smile. But it only made her feel worse.
 

      There was a bench outside the store and Madeline sunk to it with relief. Her feet ached from standing in the bank, filling in for a teller all morning. Sitting seemed a luxury.
 

      The paper was folded. Crisply. She slipped her finger in between the fold and pushed it open, but shut her eyes at the same time.
 

      She’d been waiting to send a telegram herself. Ready to tell her family that she wanted to come home. Ready to give in.
To renounce her marriage and flee
.
 
She’d been saving for weeks to get the money together.
 

      Madeline gulped, opened her eyes and scanned the page.
 

      Her entire body seemed to falter, like she’d received an electric shock capable of paralyzing her.
 

      No!
Please, no!
 

      This was worse than moving back to the farm. This was… it couldn’t be true!

      “No!” she wailed. “Please Lord, no.”

      Madeline ripped the paper into pieces, over and over and over. It couldn’t be.
 

      Not him.
Not her father.

      But no matter how hard she tore, the printed words remained in her brain. Imprinted, ingrained in her memory.
 

MY DARLING MADELINE. STOP. YOUR FATHER HAS DIED. STOP. HE SUFFERED A HEART ATTACK IN THE SHOP. STOP. PLEASE KNOW HE LOVED YOU AND MISSED YOU. STOP.
 

      Her father was gone.
 

      And so was any chance of her leaving this hell hole.
 

      She was going back to the farm.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

ALICE had that strange feeling like she was being watched. Like eyes were travelling over her skin, even though she hadn’t opened her own yet.
 

      She kept hers shut. And listened.
 

      This morning, for the first morning since she’d arrived, she wasn’t greeted by snoring. Only silence. Like she was alone.
 

      She knew how dreadful she must look. She’d cried for hours, then bathed, over and over again, trying to rid her skin and hair of the smell of Matthew. It was like a poison that she couldn’t eliminate from her body, couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard she tried.
 

      Something touched her face. Something featherlight and warm.
 

      She opened her eyes.
 

      Ralph was staring at her. Watching her.
 

      The first thing she noticed was that he wasn’t drunk. His eyes were focused on her. Alert. And his hand was hovering above her face, hesitant, like he wasn’t sure whether he should have touched her or not.
 

      Alice didn’t know where to look.
 

      “Good morning,” he said.
 

      She swallowed and just kept staring back.
 

      “Alice.” He said her name slowly, like he wasn’t quite sure what came next. “Alice, I’m sorry.”      

      
She could have died
. Could have closed her eyes and never opened them again. He was sorry? Why now? Why not yesterday, before she’d committed the worst sin there was?
 

      
Infidelity
. It was all she could think as she looked back at him.
 

      
She had been unfaithful. She had committed adultery.
 

      “Did you hear me, Alice?” he placed his hand against her face, softly cupping her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

      Tears escaped from the corners of her eyes – tears that she had thought she’d never be able to shed in the company of her husband. Tears that stung with pain, with raw hurt. With disappointment and guilt all packaged into one.
       

      “Don’t cry, love. Please don’t cry.”

      Ralph pulled her against him and she couldn’t resist. She let him cocoon her body, just like she’d wanted all these weeks. For months now.
 

      “I love you, Alice. You deserve so much better than me.”

      But she didn’t. She didn’t deserve better, not after what she’d done last night.
 

      “Alice?”

      She shook her head, slowly. “I’m sorry too, Ralph.”

      “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

      His words were firm, almost commanding. Like they had been back in England, when he’d been someone important. When she’d fallen in love with him.
 

      “Ralph, I…”

      He touched his fingers to her lips.
 

      “Ssshh.”

      Something deep inside told her that he’d guessed what she’d done. Maybe not the full extent of it, but he knew she’d been out with a man. That she had been drifting further and further away from him.
 

      “I haven’t been a husband to you, Alice. I’ve been a fool.”

      She tried to smile up at him but her mouth just wouldn’t cooperate.
 

      “Ralph, I’ve got things to be sorry for too.”

      He shook his head. Gave her a look she hadn’t seen in all the time she’d been here with him.
 

      “Whatever you’ve done, or think you’ve done, Alice, I forgive you.” His words were strong and sincere. “If you’ll give me another chance, just one chance to prove myself to you, I will forgive you anything.”

      Anything? She didn’t know if he would still think that if he knew the truth. Could she keep it to herself? Could she really move on and pretend like nothing had happened? Forever?

      “Alice?”

      She made herself meet his eyes. It looked like him again. More dishevelled, rumpled around the edges, but not the bleary eyed, vacant man he’d been since she’d arrived.
 

      “What happened to you, Ralph?” Her words came out as a whisper. “Where did you go? And why are you back
now
?”

      He pulled away from her, wiped at his eyes.
 

      He was crying. Her husband was actually crying.
 

      “I don’t know, Alice,” his voice cracked as he said her name. “I don’t know how everything went so wrong, but I need help.”

      She stayed silent. Seeing him like this, so fragile, it nearly broke her heart.
 

      “Will you help me?” he asked.
 

      “I’ll help you, Ralph. But you need to let me in.”

      He reached for her hands, squeezed them against his.
 

      “I think you should call in sick to work.” He took a deep breath but didn’t let her go. “I need you today, we need to be together.”

      She didn’t need convincing about doing that. She had no idea how she was going to face Matthew again today, anyway. Just thinking about his lunch comments made her skin flush, then chill.
 

      “Are we going to spend the day, just the two of us, like this?” she asked.
 

      He smiled. The real smile she’d been waiting for. The smile that told her that maybe, just maybe, she had a chance at seeing her Ralph again. That he might come back to her.

      “I need you to help me talk. I’ve been watching you this morning, fighting the need to drink, to lose myself to that dark hole again, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to do that any more.”
 

      Alice could feel emotion building in her throat again, tears pricking her eyes.
 

      “I am here for you, Ralph. I’m here.”

      She just wished she’d been here for him last night. Or maybe her leaving for the evening had forced him to see what he’d become.

      “I need to tell you what went wrong. What happened to me?”

      Alice needed time to herself. She needed a chance to breathe. To tell herself it was okay.
 

      “Ralph, could you go next door and ask to use the telephone? Tell my work I’m not feeling well today, and I’ll stay here.”

      He smiled and dropped a kiss to her forehead.
 

      “I won’t be long.”

      She watched as he dressed, trying not to compare watching him to how she’d felt as Matthew put his clothes on.
 

      Alice had to get rid of the coat. Forget what she’d done and believe in her husband.
 

      Today, she was going to make her marriage work.
       

      If anything, what she’d done last night had made her realize how badly she wanted Ralph. Not the Ralph she’d lived with, but the Ralph she’d married.
 

      If that man was back, if he’d let her help him, she’d suffer through anything. If her Ralph was back, it would be worth it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

BETTY heard Luke arrive home. Late. She’d already eaten her dinner with Ivy, and now she was in bed. The rumble of the car as it had pulled up the gravel driveway, the depth of his footfalls, the bang of the door – she heard it all.

      Part of her was intrigued by him. Desperate to find out more about him and understand what about him was like her Charlie. To give him another chance.
 

       
She’d been trying so hard to fit in and be discreet, that she still didn’t know him well at all. Between his travels away for business and the hours he spent at work, she hardly saw him. Charlie might have been Luke’s brother, but they were not alike at all, or not from what she’d seen, anyway.
 

      William was sound asleep beside her. She had felt sad and lonely tonight, and when he’d fallen into a deep slumber in her arms, she hadn’t the heart to put him in the nursery. Instead, she’d tucked him into the crook of her arm and snuggled up beside him.
 

      She inhaled the smell of him. The sweet, tangy soap from his bath, the sweetness of his little breath as he exhaled.
 

      She might have lost Charlie, but she was not going to lose this wee man. He was her future. Everything she did from this step forward was as his mother. She had to keep Charlie in her heart, and in her memory, and be strong.
 

      She heard the muffled noise of Luke’s words to Ivy. It soothed her, knowing she wasn’t alone in the house, even if it felt like it sometimes. It was almost like Luke was an irregular visitor here, and she and Ivy were the only residents of the house.
 

      Talking to Ivy, spending time in the kitchen with her each day, had made her think differently about Luke, even if she’d rarely seen him. He was the serious brother, had made a financial success of himself, and he’d somehow managed to avoid military service. She never had asked Charlie why. She also knew now that it was Luke who had insisted his home made available indefinitely for her, despite other family members advising him otherwise. Family members she still hadn’t met.

      She was determined to make Luke proud, make him pleased to have offered her a roof over her head. And she’d make sure William always knew who to be grateful to.
 

      Betty closed her eyes and conjured an image of Charlie. Of dancing in his arms, of kissing him, of lying on the grass and gazing up at the sky.