The Wall of Winnipeg and Me (40 page)

Ah hell. I hadn’t been prepared. My body wasn’t ready for Aiden holding a puppy like a baby.

Shit, shit, shit.

“Vanessa…” he kind of choked out, making the situation worse for me.

“Merry Christmas,” I repeated hoarsely, torn between smiling and crying.

He blinked, and then he blinked some more as his free hand touched the small, perfect features on the young, innocent face. “I don’t know what to say,” he kind of mumbled, his eyes glued to his puppy. His chin tipped down, and I swear he cuddled the dog closer to him. “I’ve never…” He swallowed and glanced up at me, our eyes meeting. “Thank you.
Thank you.
”

Was I crying? Was I seriously crying?

“You’re welcome.” I might have, kind of, smiled at the blurry vision of these two. “I know you said you don’t have time for relationships, but there’s no way you can’t make time for him. Look at him. I loved him the moment I saw him. I was almost about to play it off like I bought him for myself when you walked in.”

He nodded quickly, too quickly for my heart to handle appropriately. “Yeah, you’re right. I can make time.” Aiden licked his lips and pierced me with a brief look that had me frozen in place once again. It was the single sweetest, most eye-opening expression I’d ever had anyone directed at me. “I’m starting to understand that you can always make time for the things that matter.”

H
ours later
, we were sitting on the floor in the living room with the new love of Aiden’s life, and I was thinking that this had turned out to be the best Christmas ever. We’d spent the day with the puppy, which surprised me. I guess a part of me had expected Aiden to take off with it and disappear so he could enjoy his new child alone, but that hadn’t been the case at all.

As soon as he’d realized the puppy was still soaking wet, he’d looked at me and said, “What now?”

For the next hour, we dried the unnamed puppy and took it out to pee while Aiden sprayed out his dirty kennel and I supervised. Then he set up the food bowls I’d brought along with some kibbles and water. What followed that was breakfast in the kitchen together with him running around, then taking it outside again after it peed in the kitchen. Aiden hadn’t even thought twice about wiping it up.

Since then, I’d showered and gone downstairs to watch some television, and that’s where Aiden had found me after he’d apparently showered… with his little guy in his arms.

It was seriously killing me. This gigantic guy carrying an eight pound dog around in his huge arms. God help us. I needed to find some puppies and pay some ripped up models to pose with them. I could make a killing if I put them on calendars.

Or maybe it was just Aiden that I found so attractive holding a puppy that he was clearly enamored with.

I wasn’t going to overanalyze it too much, I decided pretty quickly.

With the gas fireplace going, the Christmas tree lights on, and everything just so peaceful, the day just felt right. I’d called my extended family—my brother, Diana, and my foster parents—after I’d showered to wish them a happy holiday.

I stretched my legs out in front of me, keeping an eye on the blondie curled up on the floor right between my feet, when Aiden, who was sitting next to me, suddenly turned and said, “I still haven’t given you your presents.”

I blinked. He what? I hadn’t been expecting anything, but I’d feel like an ass saying that out loud.

“Oh.” I blinked again. “You got me something?”

He narrowed his eyes a little, like he was thinking the same thing I had just been. “Yes.” Getting to his big feet a lot more effortlessly than someone that large should have been capable of, he tipped his head in the direction of the stairs. “Follow me.”

Follow him I did, up the stairs, down the hall, and toward… his office.

His office?

Ahead of me, he pushed open the door and tilted his head for me to go forward.

I hesitated at the doorway, watching him watch me as I did. Aiden’s hand reached in front of my face and flipped on the switch. Stacked on top of his big, hardwood desk were two presents carefully wrapped in peppermint striped paper. I didn’t have to ask to know that those big, careful hands had done the wrapping, not some stranger.

That alone made my nose tickle.

“Open the first one,” he instructed.

I shot him a glance over my shoulder before walking inside the office and taking the gift off the top. Slowly, I undid the wrapping and peeled the slim box out. I knew what it was the instant I saw the name of the company. It was a brand new, top of the line tablet. It was the one most graphic designers would salivate over but never actually buy because you could talk yourself into spending less money on something
almost
as good, pretty easily.

Holding it to my chest, I turned around to face him with my mouth wide open. “Aiden—”

He held up his hand and rolled his eyes. “Thank me after you open the next one.”

About ready to ignore him and give him a hug right then, I decided to be a good sport and open the next gift first since he’d asked so nicely. The next present was in a bigger box, like a fancy scarf case I’d seen my roommate in college collect things in. Just like the last present, I opened it up slowly and pulled out the perfectly cube-shaped box out.

Peeling off the top, I couldn’t help but crack up at the pile of nightlights and flashlights inside. There were two small ones with keychains looped through the base of them, three different plug-ins: one shaped like Jupiter, another of a star, and the third was a plain column-shaped one that promised to be the best on the market. Apart from those were four flashlights in various sizes and colors; pink, red, teal, and black. I picked up the metallic pink one.

“They reminded me of your hair colors.”

Oh no. “Aiden—”

“I know it isn’t much compared to what you gave me, but I thought it was good enough at first. I haven’t bought anyone a present in years—”

“It is enough, dummy,” I said, looking at him over my shoulder, holding what was the most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given me.

The big guy cleared his throat. “No. It isn’t. I owe you.”

He owed me? “You don’t owe me anything. This is… this is perfect. More than perfect. Thank you.” Fucking nightlights. Who would have thought?

Two big hands landed on my shoulders. “I owe you, Van. Trust me.” Just as quickly as they’d gotten on me, his hands retreated and he added, “This isn’t a present, but hold out your hand.”

I did, cupping it high above my shoulder, curious as to what he was going to give me. Chewed up gum?

Something cool and small fell into my palm. It was pretty heavy.

When I lowered my hand, all the saliva in my mouth went just about everywhere else in my body.

“It isn’t a gift. The jeweler called yesterday and said it was ready. I was going to give it to you, but...”

At first, I honestly thought it was a rock. A big, light blue rock. But I must have been so confused I didn’t see the white gold band that lay against my hand. Then it hit me: it was a ring. Holding it up closer to my face, years of shopping at vintage thrift stores came back to me. An emerald cut, slightly bluish-green stone—aquamarine to be exact, my birthstone—was mounted to the thin band. On each side of the stone were three accent diamonds. Just below the plain white gold was a simple diamond encrusted band that fit around the bigger ring like a set, very subtle.

It looked like one of those cocktail rings people in the 1950s wore… except I could tell,
my heart could freaking tell
, this wasn’t some cheap knockoff from a catalogue.

“I figured you needed an engagement ring. I didn’t think you’d like a diamond. This seemed more you.”

“Shut up.” I gaped at the ring a second more, my breathing getting heavier.

“No,” he snapped back. “If you don’t like it—”

“Stop talking, Aiden. It’s the most amazing ring I’ve ever seen.” I held my hand up closer to my face and shook my head in a daze, looking up at his eyes with my heart on my tongue. “It’s for me?”

“Who else would it be for? My other wife?” the annoying ass asked.

He’d gotten me a ring.

And it was—

Damn it. Damn. It. I couldn’t love him. I couldn’t. I couldn’t, especially not because he’d chosen me something perfect. Something
me
.

I tried to beat back the emotion just enough. “You could have just given me a band. I don’t care what everyone else thinks,” I kind of whispered as I slipped the wedding set onto the appropriate hand and finger.

“I don’t care either, but I got it for you anyway.”

“
I
’m in love
.”

Watching Leo zoom from side to side across the tile floor, a vision of everything wonderful in the universe, I couldn’t help but agree with Zac. All three of us loved the little yellow ball of fur, and it had only been two full weeks. In that time, between Aiden and I, we’d potty trained the little turkey and set up a schedule. When the big guy was gone, I kept him with me and made sure to take him outside every couple of hours.

Leo was brilliant, and I completely regretted giving him to Aiden instead of keeping him. Not that it really made much of a difference who he belonged to since he technically spent more time with me anyway with his daddy gone all the time. With the Three Hundreds moving through the post season, advancing through the wild card bracket, they were entering the divisional playoffs. Their game was the next day, and needless to say, the man who insisted on carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders was feeling every inch of stress.

Needless to say, I was giving him a wide birth and trying to be as supportive as I could, which meant I’d been making enough dinner to feed everyone in the household. Aiden was Jedi-level focused, and when he was home, he spent all the time he could with his new kiddo, while also resting as much as possible.

“I love him,” I said as the little guy trotted over to where we were sitting at the nook, draping his body over my sock-covered foot. “He sleeps on my lap for hours while I’m working. It’s so hard not to want to keep him on me all day.”

Zac leaned down to give him a rub with the tips of his fingers, but Leo was out cold. We had gone for a twelve-mile run at the gym where he was training, and immediately afterward took Leo out of his crate, which Aiden kept in his room, and let him run around in the backyard. Sitting straight, Zac took a big drink of the lime green Gatorade bottle sitting in front of him. “Are you goin’ to the game tomorrow?”

“I was planning on it. Did you want to go?”

He went back to peeking under the table. “You have anybody else to go with you?”

Since that first game, Zac hadn’t gone with me to any of the rest. I’d been going alone. “I can go by myself. It isn’t a big deal.”

“I know you can go by yourself, but it’s a division game. It’ll be nuts.”

I crossed my eyes. “I grew up with three psychos. I can handle nuts.”

Zac raised his eyebrows and I realized what the hell I said.
I could handle nuts
. Idiot.

I groaned. “You know what I mean.”

He grinned big, wide, and so not innocent. “Just for you, I won’t say nothin’.” The doofus winked. “Look, I’ll go with you tomorrow. Just make sure Aiden gets us good seats since you think you’re too good to sit in the box.”

“Too good to sit in the box?” I squawked. “I just don’t want to get friendly with the other players’ wives. That’s all.”

That had Zac sitting back with a frown. “Why?”

“I told you.” Or was it Aiden I told? I couldn’t remember. “I feel like a phony.”

“You’re not a phony.”

I lifted up a shoulder. “I feel like one. Plus the season is almost over. Who knows what’s going to happen. He hasn’t kept me in the loop at all about what’s going on with Trevor or even brought up when he’s leaving for Colorado this year.” Honestly, I hadn’t thought too much about him leaving for the offseason because I didn’t want to. The one and only time I had, it had made me sad to think about not seeing him for months at a time. I’d rather live ignorantly than with this weight of missing someone who wasn’t gone around my shoulders. Plus, he would tell me when he was leaving… wouldn’t he?

“He hasn’t told me a single thing, Vanny, and the last time I talked to Trevor, it was just to go over what my goal for the offseason was,” Zac explained.

That gave me an excuse to forget about Colorado for the moment and remember that what Aiden decided to do with the rest of his career didn’t just affect me; it affected Zac too. If he went to a different team, it wasn’t like Zac would go. Things had been so strained between them the last couple of months, that I had no idea where they stood. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“My old Texas coach gave me a call a few weeks ago. Said he was plannin’ on retiring this year, and he’s from a town real close to Ma’s. I think I might end up heading back to Austin to work with him.”

Austin? I gulped selfishly. “Really?”

“Yeah. It wouldn’t hurt to go home. I told you how guilty PawPaw made me feel during Christmas,” he explained. Zac said his grandpa kept reminding him he wasn’t getting any younger.

Then the second step of the future hit me. Sure we’d only been living together for five months, but… we might end up in different states. Forever. I’d be essentially losing Zac, one of my closest friends. What kind of messed up, self-absorbed dimension had I been living in to not contemplate these outcomes?

He must have seen the despair on my face because he let out a sharp laugh of disbelief. “Why you gettin’ upset, sugar?”

“Because I won’t be seeing you anymore,” I said with every ounce of horror I felt. “You’re basically my second best friend.”

“Ahh shit, Van. You’re basically my best friend, too.” Those blue eyes widened for a moment. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you these last few months.”

I had to reach up to swipe at my eyes with the back of my hand. I’d been the biggest crybaby since Christmas, and I had no reason for it. “Why am I getting so upset? We’ll still text message each other, right?”

“Of course we will.
Of course we will.
Come on.” Were his eyes getting shiny? “Gimme a hug. You’re gonna make my mascara run.”

I laughed even as I threw my arms around him. “You’re an idiot, but I love you.”

With two arms slung over my shoulders, his chest gurgled beneath mine in what sounded like a watery chuckle.

“You don’t have to do the marathon if you don’t want to,” I let his shirt know.

“You haven’t put me through hell for me to back out on you now, darlin’. We’re doin’ it.”

“But if you’d rather go to Austin sooner than later…”

“We’re doin’ this,” he insisted. He pulled back, his hands going to my upper arms so he could peer down at me. “You know you’re gonna be all right, don’t you?”

“Doing the marathon or if I have to move with Aiden?”

Those light blue eyes narrowed down at me. “I’m not worried about you doin’ the marathon. You got that thing in check. I meant movin’.”

“Oh, yeah.” I shrugged. “I’m not that worried about it. I don’t do much here in Dallas anyway, and Aiden’s been keeping me company a lot more.”

Part of me expected him to say something like “I’d noticed” because he’d been teasing me mercilessly from the moment he came home after the New Year and seen the ring Aiden had bought me. The fact I only took it off when we went running didn’t help. Instead though, Zac nodded, his smile easy. “He’ll make sure you’re fine.”

That had me snorting. I wanted to tell him about Aiden and how I’d been feeling but… I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Every day this thing with him just got stronger. Worse. How do you fall in love with the man you’re supposed to divorce in a few years? I was an idiot, and sometimes I didn’t want to face the facts of just how stupid I was.

I wasn’t really convinced of the idea that Aiden would make the effort to make sure I settled in okay in a new city. I knew what his main focus in life was, and it definitely wasn’t me. “How are things going with both of you anyway? Has it gotten any better?” I hadn’t really seen them talk much in the last few weeks, not that they ever talked much to begin with, period.

“All right.” His answer was as innocent as I expected. “Why?”

“I haven’t really seen you two talk. I was just wondering if something had happened.”

Zac shook his head. “No. Things are different now. That’s all. He doesn’t know what to say to me, and I don’t know what to say to him either. The last time I tried to talk to him he lectured me on how it was my fault I got cut from my team. I know it’s my fault, but I don’t wanna hear him say that. Look, don’t worry about him and me; I’m not the one who’s got his ring on my finger. You two are gonna be fine.”

Wait a second…. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what.” He winked.

“No. I don’t know.” I didn’t like where this was going, and I definitely disliked the intelligence in his eyes even less.

When Zac put a hand on the top of my head and gave me a pat, I crossed my eyes. “Don’t be a dunce. He got into bed with you—”

“Because I was scared!”

“He got into a fight for you, Van. If that doesn’t say it all, I don’t know what does.”

“Because—”

He apparently didn’t care what I had to say. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. I know how you’ve always looked at him.”

No.

“You’ll never meet anybody more loyal than him, Van, and I don’t know anybody better that Aiden could have ended up with. You might be the only person in the world who can put up with his ass. I just hope you two do something about it and not waste time.”

I could only stare at him blankly.

It was the garage door opening that snapped us both out of the stare down we were having. By the time we separated, with Zac thinking he knew some dirty little secret and me not sure what the hell was going on, Aiden had opened the door to the garage. Leo shot up from beneath the table, bounding toward his daddy.

Immediately crouching down, Aiden scooped up his blond ball and hoisted him up into those brawny arms that seemed so at odds with the now ten-pound puppy. His eyes swung from Leo to Zac then to me. I was sure we looked pretty suspicious just standing there like deer caught in the headlights, but oh well.

I smiled at him, hoping I didn’t look as flustered as I felt. “Hey, big guy.”

“Hi.” With the arm that wasn’t holding Leo up, he reached up to stroke down the length of Leo’s spine, his irises bouncing back and forth between Zac and me once more. Walking toward us, he tipped his chin down to nuzzle the puppy before stopping in front of me and dipping his cheek to plant a soft, dry kiss on my cheek that had me rooted in place.

What the hell was happening?

What in the hell was happening?

“I’m going to shower,” Zac said, shooting me a smirk that said ‘See?’ With a smack to my lower spine, he left the kitchen, leaving me there alone, confused and wondering if this was a dream I hadn’t woken up from.

Restraining the urge to pinch myself, I gulped and glanced at Aiden as my insides went haywire. “How was your day?” I pretty much croaked out.

The big guy shot me a funny look as he rubbed the other side of his cheek against Leo’s fur. “Fine. Meetings and practice.” Aiden had Leo so high up, the puppy’s body hid everything below his eyes. “How was your run?”

“Tiring. We did twelve miles on the hill setting at the gym.” He kissed Leo’s nose and something in me died. “Your kid’s already run around outside, and he’s pooped and peed.”

At ‘your kid’ a small smile curled the corners of Aiden’s mouth. Those brown eyes switched back to me and asked, “You’re still coming to the game tomorrow?”

“Oh. Yeah. Of course. Is that fine?” I’d gone to every home game since that first one with Zac. While Aiden hadn’t invited me to any games away, I hadn’t invited myself either. I didn’t want to spend the money when I could go to a perfectly good game minutes from our house.

Aiden made a noise on his way toward the refrigerator. “Don’t ask me stupid questions, Vanessa.”

“Well. I don’t want to just assume, thank you.”

He huffed and said over his shoulder, “You know I would tell you if I didn’t want you there.”

“I figure, but you never know.”

Aiden’s attention was forward when he replied with something that had me wondering if he was dying. Or delusional. Or maybe this entire moment was just a dream. “You don’t ever have to worry about me not wanting you somewhere. Got it?”

And like the idiot I was, the one who didn’t know how to process hints, or roll with things in a clever, cute way, I said the dumbest thing I could have said, “Oh. Okay.”

Idiot
. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

It haunted me the rest of the day.

T
he booing was overwhelming
.

More than overwhelming. It was so deafening even my soul could feel it.

Three Hundreds’ fans in the stands were roaring with disapproval and disappointment. To say that they were pissed would not adequately describe the situation at all. The game had been awful. In the first quarter, Zac’s enemy, the team’s quarterback was sacked—or tackled—and had his arm broken. In the third quarter, Christian Delgado was tackled so hard his helmet flew off and he sustained a concussion. I didn’t cheer.

And that had just been the tip of the iceberg for bad luck. Zac, who was my bodyguard for the game, had been gripping his heart from the very beginning, and that was saying something from the man who hadn’t rooted for the Three Hundreds once since he’d been let go.

The offense played terribly and Denver had taken advantage of how rattled and distracted the Three Hundreds’ defense was. Well, every other player on defense other than Aiden. Every time the camera landed on him, and every time I managed to catch a glimpse of his face thanks to how close my seats were, he had that stone-cold expression on his features, like his role alone would be enough to get the team through.

Unfortunately, it hadn’t been.

The booing had started before the game had even finished, and when the players for the Three Hundreds walked off the field and in the direction of the sidelines, the third biggest player on the team had stopped before making his way toward the tunnel that led to the locker rooms. Aiden stood there at the fifty-yard line, just shy of crossing over with his hands on his hips facing me. I knew those tendons along his neck well, I could see the tightness in his shoulders that no one else would be able to pick up on, even the angle in which he held his wrists told me a story.

Disappointment flowed deep in that big body.

I lifted my hand up and gave him a wave.