Authors: Cathy Woodman
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Contemporary, #Romance, #Contemporary Fiction, #Literary
He moved closer until our lips touched, igniting the fires of teenage passion, and that was that. We saw each other virtually every day, kissed a lot and gave each other little notes, presents and tokens until Jack went away to college, when we decided, by mutual agreement, to call it a day. It seemed the sensible thing to do, but it felt like the end of the world, and, until Nathan came along, I was never sure that I was over Jack.
‘You saved my life,’ Jack repeats, as we approach the pub once more. Is this why Jack feels that he owes me? Is this why he walked into my wedding? Is this why he’s still hanging around?
‘I don’t want to remember,’ I say firmly. I look at his expression, gentle, straight and inordinately sad, and my heart twists with regret. ‘Jack, I don’t understand. I didn’t need some self-appointed knight in shining armour blundering in to rescue me. So what if my fiancé was sleeping with someone else? It was none of your business. And if you did it out of jealousy’ – who’s blundering now, I think, annoyed with myself for letting that idea slip out – ‘then I’m sorry. Since we broke up and went our separate ways, I’ve never thought of you in a romantic way, not once,’ I go on, my words drowning in the vehement sound of water rushing through the mill race alongside us.
‘I heard you, loud and clear,’ Jack says sharply, and with neither triumph nor satisfaction I watch him stride away into the bar and disappear. If Jack was
lying
about Nathan, then I am as bad as he is because I’m lying too.
Another memory flashes into my mind of when my parents were hosting a house-warming party. They hadn’t done anything much to it, except clear out the glasses from the bar of the old pub, and drink the barrels in the cellar dry. Anyway, there were nine children, including me, Jack and his sister. The younger kids – I thought I was so mature, being one of the oldest at twelve – were continually pestering us for squash and biscuits, so Jack suggested a game of sardines.
‘What do you think?’ he said, addressing me and his sister, Libby. ‘We can hide from this lot,’ he added, flashing me a cheeky grin. Jack explained the rules of the game and elected Libby as searcher. When she began counting up to one hundred, we scattered. I hid in the cupboard in the spare room upstairs, sitting in the dark, listening to the footsteps and shouting from other parts of the house. One set of footsteps grew closer and the door opened, letting in a crack of daylight.
‘Tess, is there room for a small one?’ Jack said in a whisper.
‘Course,’ I said. ‘Quickly,’ I added as he scrambled in. ‘How did you know I was here?’
‘I watched you.’ He pulled the door shut and sat down beside me, almost on top of me, with his weight against my leg. I remember sitting there unsure which leg was his and which was mine, tingling with pins and needles. I wished I could have stayed in that cupboard for ever.
Walking up past the willow trees in the beer garden, I return to sit with Katie, who’s texting on her mobile.
‘Anything
interesting?’ I ask her as she presses ‘send’.
‘I lead a very dull life,’ she responds, dropping the phone back into her bag. ‘How did it go with Jack?’
‘It was pretty hopeless really. He isn’t going to do anything for the pony apart from talk to Mr Maddocks, and I can’t see any point in that.’
Katie frowns. ‘I wasn’t asking about the pony. I was asking about him and whether he said anything about what happened at the wedding.’
‘He tried to apologise, but it’s irrelevant now.’
‘I reckon he made up that stuff about Nathan being unfaithful because he didn’t want anyone else to have you. I don’t think he ever got over you.’ Katie casts me a sideways glance. ‘I used to wonder about you too, before Nathan came along. You used to fancy Jack like mad.’ I start to deny it, but Katie continues, ‘We used to joke about it. Don’t you remember? Before you and Jack got together, you used to hang around town, wishing you would spontaneously combust so he could rush in and rescue you. I’m surprised you didn’t burst into flames – you were pretty hot for him. And when you broke up, you were gutted.’
‘All right, maybe I was.’ I hold my hands up. ‘But I don’t feel anything for him now,’ I add hastily. ‘Can we change the subject, please?’
We talk about the progress of the sale of the house – mine and Nathan’s – Katie’s work at the beauty salon and the salon’s plans to diversify into male waxing. It’s almost like old times and I feel much happier when I return to my parents’ house later in the evening, where they are playing bridge with friends.
‘Fancy a glass of rosé?’ Dad asks me, throwing peanuts into his mouth.
‘No, thanks.’
‘Party pooper,’ he calls after me as I head into the kitchen and extract a mug from the pile of dirty crockery by the sink, rinse it out and make myself a tea before going upstairs to my room to have a word with my aunt.
‘You didn’t tell me you’d taken Jack Miller on as animal welfare officer,’ I say.
‘Didn’t I?’ There’s a long pause, too long, and I smile to myself when she continues, ‘It must have slipped my mind.’
‘Sure,’ I say with irony.
‘It really shouldn’t concern you, Tessa. You’ll be based at the Sanctuary while Jack’s field-based. He’ll be on the road most of the time.’
‘I’ll still see him though.’
‘He’ll be collecting and delivering animals, but I can’t imagine that will be every day.’ Fifi sighs. ‘You really mustn’t let your personal issues get in the way of what is a wonderful opportunity for you to get back on your feet. Of course, you’ll have to settle your differences with Jack eventually.’
‘There’s no way—’
‘Think of the animals.’
‘I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want him anywhere near me.’ I feel as though I’ve been deceived. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because I knew what your reaction would be. You would have turned it down.’
‘Yes, I would.’ I hesitate. ‘I am turning it down.’
‘You must never let a man get in your way. Whatever happened to girl power?’
‘I think you’ll find that that went out with the Spice Girls,’ I say, amused. My aunt likes to think she’s in touch with modern culture, but she’s several decades
behind
the times.
‘Listen. Maz at Otter House has been absolutely wonderful, but she can’t keep the black dog there at the surgery any longer, he has to be moved out tomorrow – and there are three orphaned ducklings that Mrs Dyer’s Great Dane rounded up by the river that she’s bringing with her because she hasn’t got anywhere to keep them. So, whatever you decide, there will be animals arriving at the Sanctuary.’ I hear the desperation in my aunt’s voice, and I think of the black dog confused and abandoned in the kennel at the vet’s. ‘Tessa, they need you,’ Fifi continues. ‘We need you. For the sake of the animals, if nothing else, please, please don’t turn this opportunity down.’
Chapter Five
Ducks in a Row
A COUPLE OF
days later, I’m collecting the rest of my belongings from the home that was mine and Nathan’s. I check I’ve picked up everything from the vast open-plan kitchen-diner, the one the estate agent described as perfect for the growing family when we bought the house, and I recall standing arm in arm with Nathan, my heart overflowing with joy as I pictured the high chair pulled up close to the breakfast bar, the baby’s bottle on the tray and the toys and teddies strewn across the laminate floor. There’s nothing left in this room now that belongs to me, not even a single happy memory of my time here with my ex-fiancé.
With the very last box of make-up, paperbacks and shoes in my arms, I look back at the front of the house, at the windows glittering in the sun, and I feel sick with the realisation that that is all our relationship was, a façade.
‘Hurry up, Tessa,’ Katie calls from her car, which is parked on the drive. ‘You said you didn’t want to run into Nathan.’
‘I don’t,’ I say quickly. ‘Thanks, Katie.’ I open the boot and place the box inside.
‘What for?’ she asks.
‘For being such a great friend, going beyond the call of duty, and acting as go-between. It can’t be easy for you, either.’
‘It’s no problem. Nathan and I have what you might call an understanding.’
‘Katie, you don’t fancy him, do you?’ I ask lightly, as I slide in beside her and close the door. I can’t help wondering. ‘You seem quite pally.’
‘Of course I don’t fancy him,’ she says, scolding me for even suggesting it. ‘We have absolutely nothing in common, apart from you.’
The more I think about it though, the more alike they are with their interest in health and the body beautiful.
‘Oh, and a fondness for Formula One,’ Katie adds, driving away.
‘I didn’t know Nathan liked motor racing.’ I don’t look back – I would cry if I did.
‘He has a passion for it. He told me.’ Katie raises one perfectly shaped eyebrow. ‘I hope you don’t mind that I’m still in contact with him, Tessa. If it’s going to come between us, I’ll de-friend him and delete his number.’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ I tell her. ‘Thanks for offering, but I don’t want people feeling that they have to take sides on my behalf, and besides, it would make Nathan think he still mattered to me, when he doesn’t.’
‘That’s the spirit.’ Katie taps her nails – they’re fluorescent pink this week – on the wheel in time with Beyoncé.
When we reach the Sanctuary, a scrawny black and white cat that’s spraying up the side of one of the
flower
tubs next to the front door scarpers around the corner of the building and disappears.
‘Is that an escapee?’ Katie asks, as we start unloading the car.
‘There aren’t any animals here yet. I expect it’s a cat from one of the nearby farms. I’ll ask my aunt. She’ll know.’ I sigh deeply. ‘She knows everything.’ I unlock the door and let us into the bungalow, putting my things down to pick up the post that’s piled up on the mat from the day before. ‘Stick those boxes down anywhere,’ I say. ‘I’ll unpack later.’
‘Let’s get it done now,’ Katie says. ‘I’ll give you a hand.’
‘You don’t have to stay.’
‘I want to. I thought you could do with some moral support when Jack turns up with the dog.’ She pauses. ‘When’s the house-warming party?’
‘You’ll be the first to know,’ I say, smiling.
‘You know, this place isn’t too bad. It has potential.’
‘It isn’t to my taste exactly, but I’m very lucky. It’s out of the way and quiet, and I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep without being disturbed by my parents, although I shall miss them both, Dad especially.’
‘I don’t think it’s going to be all that quiet,’ Katie observes as the doorbell chimes the tune of ‘The Lonely Goatherd’ from
The Sound of Music
. ‘Did your aunt donate that bell?’
‘I expect so. It was obviously a line that didn’t sell well down at the garden centre.’ I chuckle as I head out to answer the door, where I find two earnest middle-aged (I’m erring on the generous side) ladies, dressed in sloppy sweat tops and joggers, jostling for position on the step.
‘Hello, Tessa. What are you doing here?’ says the taller of the two, who has short grey hair, a ruddy, broken-veined complexion, horn-rimmed glasses and fiercely white trainers.
‘I’m moving in today. My friend Katie’s here, helping out.’
‘Oh?’ the ladies say at the same time. They look at each other, passing unspoken messages between them. ‘Is your aunt about?’ the taller one says.
‘She’s supposed to be here, but there’s no sign of her. I remember you from years ago when Gloria ran the Sanctuary,’ I say, pleased to see familiar faces. ‘You’re Wendy,’ I add, addressing the taller one, ‘and you’re Diane.’
‘I’m in charge of rehoming and I foster dogs for Talyton Animal Rescue,’ Wendy says, ‘and Diane is currently treasurer of the committee.’
‘We’re the Tuesday gang,’ says Diane, who wears her hair in a blonde shoulder-length bob and flat black moccasins with leather tassles.
‘We’re your volunteers for the day,’ Wendy goes on, noticing me frowning.
‘Are there any more of you?’ I say, wondering what has happened to my aunt’s volunteer army.
‘It’s just the two of us,’ Wendy says, confirming my fears that the rest of the troops have either deserted or not been conscripted yet. ‘Are you sure your aunt isn’t here?’
‘I can assure you she isn’t,’ I say as Diane slides her foot forward as if to step inside. ‘I haven’t seen her today.’
‘It’s unusual for Fifi to be so elusive,’ Wendy observes. ‘She usually loves being the centre of attention.’
‘Well, it’s pretty obvious why,’ says Diane. Although she has the kind of figure you might associate with a jolly person, being well rounded and fully upholstered, she’s actually a prickly character, and I’m not sure we’re going to get along. She subjects me to an intense stare.
‘I can let her know you want to see her,’ I say, willing to help.
‘I don’t think that will be necessary. You see, I’m sure she knows that already and that’s why she’s avoiding us.’
‘Is there some problem? Anything I can deal with?’
‘No, no. We’ll have to have this out with Fifi,’ says Diane, her face flushed.
Wendy gives me an apologetic glance. ‘Diane, let’s not be rude to Tessa. This isn’t her fault. What can we do? We’re here for the day, until lunchtime,’ Wendy elaborates. ‘Then I have to get home to let the dogs out.’