The View from the Top (9 page)

It was one of those rare sticky nights when it was too hot for covers. Still, Lexi liked the comfort of having a sheet on top of her, and Anabelle usually did, too—but tonight she wouldn't get inside. She curled up in fetal position, her back to Lexi.

Lexi stared out her window, up at the sky. The clouds looked like tiny puffs of smoke. There was a group of them all bunched up like a hat over the moon and one right below them, like a lone eyebrow.

“We okay?” she asked Anabelle, desperate for things to get back to normal.

“I guess,” Anabelle said unconvincingly.

“I'm sorry I got bitchy.”

Anabelle rolled onto her back. “It's okay,” she said.

“I just admire you so much. And it felt like you were rejecting me.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to be like that. I guess I just don't think of myself in those ways that you were describing me.”

“Well, whether you see it or not, it's all true.”

“Thanks, that's nice of you to say.”

If Lexi strained her ears, she could hear waves crashing in the distance. They fell in patterns. A few at a time in quick succession, then a long period of silence before a huge one rolled in. She wondered if the air had been cleared enough to tell Anabelle what was on her mind. Maybe they could start by playing that game where they gave each other the shivers. Anabelle always seemed to like that.

Lexi lay there, the chant running through her mind:

The last time they'd played, Lexi had pulled her nightgown over her head and held it in front of her chest while Anabelle ran her fingers over Lexi's bare back and arms. And then, to Lexi's surprise, Anabelle had done the same with her nightgown. Lexi had gone extra slow to prolong touching Anabelle's smooth skin.

Yes, that's exactly what we should
do, Lexi thought.
We
should
play that
. But all she did was keep silently reciting the words to herself.

No
, she thought before she even got to the end.
This isn't right. It'll take too long.
At this late stage it was probably best to be direct. Maybe start by admitting to Anabelle that she'd lied about losing her virginity during her trip to Boston last summer, that there was no hot coffee-shop guy named Jamie. That, yes, there was a Jamie, but Lexi had known this person a couple years ago and not from Boston and they hadn't actually done it and, and, and ... she was a girl. Yes, a girl.

Maybe Anabelle would be intrigued, would have questions about it. And maybe she'd admit that she'd always wondered what kissing a girl would be like. Maybe she'd want to try it. Or just lie there holding each other.

Or maybe she'd never want to talk to Lexi again.

But maybe that didn't matter—she'd be leaving in a month anyway. There wasn't really anything to lose. Except, of course, if she really did keep dating Matt forever and ever. And then they'd be in the same family. And boy, would that be awkward.

Lexi tried to come up with the right words. She tried to memorize them. But she had to memorize them in such a way that when they came out they'd sound spontaneous, as if this thought had just occurred to her, as if it hadn't been weighing on her constantly.

Just as she felt ready to say something, Anabelle got out of bed.

“Where you going?” Lexi asked.

“Bathroom,” Anabelle answered in a tone that said,
What's it to you?

Okay,
Lexi thought.
When she gets back. No more excuses.

Minutes passed. Many minutes. More minutes than it should take to go to the bathroom, no matter what you were doing in there. Lexi listened for a flush. She didn't hear one. But she did hear voices. Hushed voices, coming from her mom's room. She tiptoed down the hall and stood by the cracked-open door.

“It's so confusing,” she heard Anabelle say. “I just don't know what to do.”

“Well, I'm not going to tell you to break up with Matty or not—that's your decision,” Lexi's mom said.

Wow,
Lexi thought, she's really going to end it. She was tempted to bust into the room and start jumping on the bed like she did when she was a kid, back when her parents were still together.

“But if you do break up with him,” her mom continued, “which I think is fine, it should be because it feels like that's what has to happen. Not because you're curious about someone else.”

Curious about someone else? What? Was Anabelle really telling Lexi's mom about this? About what was going on between the two of them? How embarrassing. She didn't want her mom to know about that. Not yet, at least. At the same time, it was a relief to know Anabelle was feeling just as confused as she was. She had to get Anabelle out of there so they could discuss this privately.

“And besides,” her mom added, “I can't really see you and Jonah together anyway. He's too tall for you.”

The words hit Lexi like a bowling ball in the stomach. Anabelle had been talking about Jonah. Not her. Of course she had. They'd been flirting like crazy lately, but then, Jonah flirted like crazy with everyone. But she'd been an idiot not to have seen it for what it was.

Anabelle was heterosexual, just like everyone else. Every one else except Lexi, who was the only girl in this town to ever be a maybe, probably lesbian.

Lexi needed some air.

She ran down the stairs and practically bashed right into—surprise, surprise—Jonah, who was heading up as she was heading down.

“When did you ... what're you ...” she started asking, not sure what her question was. Her head was all over the place. It felt like it was crawling with ants.

Jonah's face turned the color of that ugly hoodie Anabelle had been wearing lately. “Whoops,” he said, running back downstairs. “Forgot Matt was still gone. I'll come back tomorrow.”

“Liar,” Lexi said, leaning over the banister to keep herself steady. “Why'd you really come?”
Just say it,
she thought.
Say you came for Anabelle.

“Actually,” he said walking up to her. “I came for you.” Another lie. He never came looking for her.

“Yeah, right.”

“Well, for you and Anabelle.”

Now we're getting somewhere
, Lexi thought.

“I wondered if ... if maybe you wanted to break into one of the McMansion pools,” Jonah said. “I found a wicked cool one last night on my way home from a party.”

She could tell he was making this up as he went along, but the excitement of trespassing actually sounded good right now. A much-needed release. “Yeah, let's do it,” she said. “Hang on, I just have to get Anabelle.”

“She sleeping?”

“No, she's in my mom's room. Having some sort of heart-to-heart.”

“Oh yeah? What about?”

“Boys, what else?”

Jonah shifted on his feet and rubbed his hand nervously through his five-o'clock shadow. Lexi got why he was jittery; it was the same reason she had been, just minutes ago.

She decided right then: there was no way she was letting Jonah and Anabelle be alone tonight. If she couldn't have what she wanted, then neither could they.

Lexi had thought she'd never find herself in a stranger pool than the heart-shaped one last summer that belonged to the couple with an unusually large collection of miniature poodles. But this one that Jonah took them to was definitely weirder. In fact, the only thing that tipped her off to knowing that this little body of water was, in fact, a swimming pool was the diving board on the end. Otherwise, it looked like a pond. Instead of concrete around the edge, there was slate and the sides were made of varying levels of smooth rocks.

The house itself was pretty spooky. It looked like an old castle, even though it was brand-new. And there were giant bushes cut to look like animals all over the lawn. The whole place felt like a movie set, which Lexi found sort of fitting. She had a sense that something dramatic was going to happen tonight and this seemed like the perfect setting for things to go down.

The three of them stood at the foot of the pool, checking to make sure nobody was watching them. All of the lights in the house seemed to be out, which either meant the people who lived there weren't around or they were asleep. It was always better to err on the safe side and keep quiet. Which was also way more exciting.

Jonah untied his shoes and threw them into the grass, then tossed off his shirt and shorts until he was just in his boxers. He lowered himself into the water on the long wide rocks arranged like steps. Lexi was going back and forth over whether or not to go in in her clothes. She was starting to regret having laughed at Anabelle back at the house for saying she didn't want to go swimming because she didn't have a bathing suit. The truth was, even though Lexi wore bikinis, she hated them because they made her lack of womanly features so clear.

She looked over at Anabelle, who was unbuckling her sandals at a glacial pace. And as uncomfortable as Lexi was with her body, it occurred to her that right now she had the opportunity to make Anabelle look like a wuss in front of Jonah. She tore her clothes off as quickly as possible and stepped into the lukewarm water in her bra and underwear. Even though it was dark and she was pretty sure nobody could see anything, she had to fight an urge to cross her arms over her chest. She ducked down, making sure the water covered her shoulders.
You're in a show right now
, she told herself. A show starring a fearless heroine who didn't give a damn if anyone saw her in her soaked, natural-color bra.

Anabelle walked up to the edge of the pool and curled her toes over the slate. The spot between her eyebrows was all wrinkly.

“What's your problem?” Lexi whispered up to her.

“I'm not stripping,” Anabelle clipped back. It seemed like she didn't want Jonah to hear.

Jonah waded over to them. “She need a push?” he asked Lexi with a grin.

“She needs some guts,” Lexi answered.

Anabelle crouched down. “What'd you say?” she challenged.

“Anabelle,” Lexi said. “You're so amazing. But you know what would make you even more amazing?”

“What,” Anabelle said, through clenched teeth.

“If you'd just take a risk once in your life.”

Major eye roll.

Lexi knew she'd won a point there, but this one didn't make her feel good.

“Ladies, hey, this is supposed to be fun.” Jonah stuck his face in Anabelle's. “Look, here's what we'll do,” he said. “Lexi and I will go underwater for, like, ten seconds. That's how long you've got to get in.”

“Or what?” Anabelle said, all sassy.

“You don't want to find out,” Jonah flirted back.

“Maybe I do,” Anabelle said, hands on her hips.

Jonah turned to Lexi, gave her a nod, and disappeared underwater. Lexi followed his lead and began to count Mississippis. She was sure this was a ploy to get her out of the picture for a brief moment while the two of them made out. She came up two seconds early, convinced she'd catch them with their lips locked. But all she saw was Anabelle sitting on the side of the pool with her feet dangling in the water. Still fully clothed.