The Very Thought of You (14 page)

Placing his hands on either side of the podium, he leaned forward. “I want to tell you one fact. Nothing worth having comes cheap and the world doesn't owe you a dime. Let me tell you that life won't be fair, especially for those of African descent. But we have to get past that…we have to move on, move up and get over the mountain.”

He raised his hands and pointed toward the congregation. Miranda felt as though he were pointing at their pew.

“I know it's hard, but today I am going to remind you about a gift that the Lord has bestowed upon his children. The gift is that of love, compassion and strength. The gift is one of faith and devotion. If there is something in your life weighing you down, give it to the Lord. Loneliness, sadness, doubt and anger setting up shop in your heart, give them to the Lord. All you have to do is ask and your wish will be granted, seek and you will find. I am going to close today not only with a prayer but also with a gift. I'm doing something different this morning. I'm going to make this sermon a short and powerful one.”

Miranda looked toward one of the church deacons and had to bite her tongue to keep from giggling out loud. Deacon Jacob's eyes widened and he jerked back slightly. The Reverend Williams was well known for his two-and-a-half hour sermons.

The reverend took his place at the podium. “I know ya'll are shocked. Well, don't get used to it,” he said smiling.

“When you depart this house of worship, I want the following prayer in your minds and in your hearts. Now close your eyes and repeat after me—

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.”

After the service Miranda somehow managed to get separated from Kelly and her family and Caleb's. Not only was it uncomfortable to be in the receiving end of all the knowing glances, it was downright irritating that Caleb wouldn't let go of her hand.

“Where are we going?” she asked as he led them out of the sanctuary.

“Here,” he said.

Miranda's eyes widened as the exit door closed.
Here
turned out to be an empty stairwell leading to the upper balcony.

She blinked and found her back against the wall, looking up into Caleb's hungry stare. Scandalized and titillated at the same time, she forced back a hysterical giggle. “We're going to get struck by lightning, Caleb Blackfox.”

“The Lord will approve since he knows we're just practicing.”

Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips as her heart skipped a beat. “Practicing?”

His fingertips reached out and gently arched her chin upward.

“For when we say our
I do's.
” The deep base of his voice reverberated across her skin.

She had time to draw a quick breath; then his mouth settled on hers, kissing her forcefully, almost punishing her mouth. His tongue pushed against her lips and forced its way into her mouth. Yet she kissed him back eagerly. Her closed hands opened and lay against his chest, her fingers clenching and unclenching against the lapels of his jacket as the dimly lit stairwell faded into a hazy oblivion. Miranda's eyes fluttered wide, and then shut. He held her there with one hand, cupped her hip and pulled her into even more intimate contact while his other hand traveled with achingly tender slowness up her spine to the nape of her neck.

This is not happening.

They were kissing in a stairwell in her family's church.

Only the sound of her own soft moan snapped her back to reality. She pulled back. When Miranda opened her eyes, she found Caleb grinning.

“So are you going to make an honest man of me?”

She stared at him. Though she knew he was joking, she couldn't really pay attention. Her pulse was racking, her ears were ringing. She was still suffering from the aftereffects of the kiss. Miranda inhaled deeply, forcing her mind to concentrate. Only it was useless. Maybe she was going crazy?

Caleb glanced down at the watch on his wrist and then back at her. “You have approximately five minutes to answer that question before my brother realizes where I'm hiding you.”

The serious tone washed over her like a cool shower. She drew a breath when his questioning eyes came up to meet hers. She blinked and continued to just look at him. This was crazy, she told herself. It was impulsive and dangerous, and…exciting. Kissing in the church. What if they'd been caught? But there was something about Caleb that had always been irresistible; not to mention that he made her feel good. Real good. Like “the top of the world” good.

She swallowed. “I'm sorry, but did you just ask me to marry you?”

“Are you going to say yes?”

“I can't.”

Caleb's shoulders relaxed. “I guess that beats a flat-out no. Remember the offer's still on the table. Now, how about we find Kelly and get you to your car?”

Gaping, Miranda allowed him to take her hand and lead her back into the main church building.

How could she have anticipated he would have pulled a stunt like that? Oh well, what did it matter? The sky was falling and she had fallen in love.

M
iranda and Kelly made it to her aunt and uncle's house just in time for Sunday dinner. The house was filled with the distinct aroma of Southern home cooking. She left her purse on the table in the entryway, and then hung her suit jacket in the closet.

“We're here,” she yelled out.

“Miranda, why don't you come into the kitchen and have Kelly go downstairs and check on your uncle?”

“Is he okay?” Kelly asked as Miranda helped her take off her coat.

“Uncle Alan's fine. That was just my aunt's way of saying that she wanted to talk to me alone.”

Kelly's expression took on a sober tone and Miranda quickly tugged on a ponytail. “Don't worry. Uncle Alan has all kinds of neat stuff downstairs and I'm sure he could use your help on the computers.”

“You uncle has a computer?” she asked suspiciously. Miranda had to giggle. Somehow the eleven-year-old had gotten it into her head that people over the age of thirty didn't know how to use the technology they created.

“I'll let you in on a secret. Uncle Alan can build computers.”

Kelly's eyes grew to the size of silver pieces. “I wanna see!”

“Two seconds,” Miranda said as she slipped out of her heels and left them in the hall closet. As stylish as her pumps were, she wished they'd been more comfortable. The moment she and Kelly stepped into the finished basement, the little girl's face lit up at the sight of the multiple computer screens and robotic toys.

Miranda observed for a few minutes before slipping back upstairs. It was past time she faced the music, and knowing her aunt she'd be ready to sing.

“It smells great in here, Auntie Pat,” Miranda said as she crossed the kitchen to the sink and washed her hands.

“You could have at least sent a wedding invitation. You could have said something to prepare us for your coming home with an eleven-year-old child in tow. Do your parents even know what you've been up to? That would be impossible. Your mother can't keep a secret, so you must not have told her.”

“I don't want them worrying about me.” Miranda dried her hands.

“Well, someone needs to.” A smile played at the corner of her mouth. “Maybe this is just what needs to happen in this family to get Margaret and David to come home. I pray for them every night and I send money to those orphaned kids every month.”

As crazy as the cover story was, the surprising thing was that everyone had believed her. Most likely because no one could fathom that Miranda Tyler could ever tell a lie. Her stomach twisted and she wondered why she didn't have nightmares. Even after the stunt Caleb had pulled at church, she wanted him. He made her feel again, to need again, to want things that she'd promised herself she could never risk again. Love. Commitment. Marriage. When he'd kissed her in the stairwell with the choir singing in the background, it was as if the Lord had blessed her. When Caleb held her, she forgot about the past and allowed herself to hope. With him she risked losing her heart again.

This is why I need to stay away from him.

Miranda sighed inwardly as she reached into the cabinet and pulled down a glass. He was going to make it impossible. Before she left Georgia, they would know each other in a very Biblical sense. She knew that like she knew her own name. When they were close, her body reacted. Hidden underneath her bra, her nipples were hard and sensitive. Her pulse beat erratically and her stomach warmed. Even her mouth longed to taste his skin. The question was, how would she handle what happens next?

Since she'd seen her aunt after the sermon, the woman had changed out of her church clothes and was busy moving around the kitchen in her gourmet apron. Miranda hid a smile behind her glass of sweet tea as her mother's best friend and older sister fussed around the kitchen. Any moment now the scent of roasted chicken, mushrooms, and macaroni and cheese would come wafting from the oven.

With all the change that had occurred in the past few weeks, going to church that morning and then stopping by her aunt's house had been just what she'd needed to regain a little balance. Walking through the home and looking at portraits of her great-grandparents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles strengthened her sense of family.

“Miranda, you've gotten too thin. What have you been eating?” Aunt Pat's dark eyes scanned her frame while Miranda opened the refrigerator to pull out a carafe of sweet tea. “I know you haven't been eating right. You need to get some more meat on your bones.”

Aunt Pat lightly pinched Miranda's arm. “I don't want to hear no mess about either of you picking up that supermodel disease. I won't have any…”

“Anorexia,” Miranda supplied after pouring more tea and returning it to the refrigerator.

Aunt Pat nodded her head. Patricia Russell looked fantastic. She walked two miles a day and her auburn-colored hair was pulled back in a stylish French twist.

“That's the one,” she declared. “We won't have it in this family.”

“Auntie,” Miranda protested with a smile on her face as she sat down at the kitchen counter. “I'm in no danger of becoming anorexic.”

The women in her family were big-boned. No matter how much time Miranda spent on the Stairmaster at the gym, her backside wasn't going anywhere. It was a gift from someone on her mother's side of the family with a no-money-back, no-return, no-exchange policy attached.

“Don't
auntie
me. I'm still upset about your little marriage misadventure.”

“I know,” she replied and prayed that her aunt wouldn't ask too many questions. Miranda hated lying, especially to family, but ever since she volunteered to keep Kelly hidden she'd been doing a lot of it. And the scary part was that she was getting better at not telling the truth. All throughout the church service, Miranda had been praying that God wouldn't strike her down for the falsehoods she'd had to tell the people.

Only looking down at Kelly's bright eyes and knowing the real danger her father was in kept Miranda going. She couldn't imagine having to do it for the rest of her life. And for the first time she really understood what people gave up to be in the Witness Protection Agency. She already felt as if she'd given up her conscience.

“You know I'm going to be dodging phone calls from all of the deacons' wives tonight. Not only did you come home with a child in tow, but you've managed to grab the attention of Dr. Caleb Blackfox. You would think that he'd be a little less obvious in his courting technique. Not to mention that family of his. I know that the Blackfox family is close, but did he need to bring the entire clan to the service? The church secretary almost fainted when he looked down at the collection plate.”

“I had no idea that Caleb would be in church this morning.”

“I could tell that. So what really happened? Why did you get a divorce?”

“Simple. Ryan and I were good friends, not good mates.”

“Well he should have done things the old-fashioned way and talked to your father first. I know he would have set both of you straight.”

“He'd wanted to but I convinced him not to. I didn't want to come home yet.”

“Still mourning Caleb, weren't you?”

“Yes,” she said simply.

“And your stubborn rear end jumped in front of a bus.”

“Something like that. But I didn't get hit. Ryan's wife had died and I needed help taking care of Kelly. It wasn't all that bad.”

“I still think you're holding out. To be married to a man for a few years and not even tell your parents? And you must have taken off your rings because I would not have been able to miss seeing a wedding band.”

“I did.”

“And where was Ms. Kelly when you came home?”

“She spent time with Ryan's family. Both her mother and father were only children so we are the only family she has.”

“You best remember that. That little girl is family. Your uncle is down in the basement right now showing off his computer network.”

“And I'm sure she's loving every second of it.”

“Just like you were when Dr. Blackfox made a show of sitting beside you in church.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“Why? Are you uncomfortable, niece of mine?”

Miranda was about to roll her eyes until she remembered who she was talking to. The childhood memories, including threats of being slapped back to slavery, held her eyes straight ahead. “Very,” she added dryly.

“Then you're going to squirm in your chair when I tell you that I caught your doctor giving me the eye.”

Miranda was so startled she choked on her iced tea. After coughing up a storm and wiping tears from her eyes she rasped, “What?”

“Yep. His father, too. If you ask me they were just looking at me to figure out how you're going to look in twenty years. Don't let that mess fool you. Your uncle had been checking out your grandmother before he even looked at me.”

“And how do you know that, Auntie?”

“You know your uncle Alan thinks he's the smartest man in the county. Take him to a party and I can guarantee that on the second glass of Hennessy, he'll start bragging about how he has the prettiest woman in Georgia and all that.”

Miranda laughed at the lovingly sarcastic tone in her aunt's voice. “Well, both you and Mom were homecoming queens.”

Aunt Pat smiled and waved a hand. “That was then, this is now. You've finally come back home. I just wish you'd stop being so tight-lipped about that Blackfox son.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Are you in love with him?” she asked bluntly.

Miranda winced, sat back in the chair and swallowed hard. Was she in love with Caleb? She didn't really have anything to compare her emotions to. With Ryan they'd dated, kissed, held hands, talked for hours. But she couldn't even fool herself when it came to love because she'd experienced it before. Her heart knew what real love felt like. She'd been in love with Caleb Blackfox. Her mind rushed through a list of semi-believable responses to her aunt's question and she settled on one. “I will probably always care for Caleb. He was my first love.”

“That wasn't what I asked. Remember you stayed at my house for a few days that summer after you graduated from college. I've got firsthand knowledge of the shape you were in after breaking up with him. Not to mention your mother called me every night and all we did was talk about you. Now, my daughter just went through some mess with her last boyfriend and that nonsense gave your uncle and me a few gray hairs.”

“I'm not sure, Auntie. I'm taking this one slow.”

“I'm hoping that's because you learned your lesson with your last relationship.”

Miranda sighed again. “Of course.”

“Momma, I just looked at the top of our house from a satellite. It's so cool. Your uncle is so cool.”

Miranda smiled as she watched Kelly jump into the seat next to hers. She turned her cheek and caught her uncle Alan's grin.

“Kelly, why don't you wash your hands and help me put the frosting on this red velvet cake I baked last night? If you do a good job, I'll let you lick the bowl.”

Just like that her aunt's focus shifted to the little girl. Miranda sat back alongside her uncle.

Cooking was Aunt Pat's pride and joy; the kitchen her domain. The men in the family were only allowed to watch her work and to later pay proper praise to her delicious meals, while the youngest girls were drafted as visiting apprentices.

“She sure does know how to handle your little girl.” Her uncle had leaned in close to whisper in Miranda's ear.

“Maybe we should take lessons?” she whispered.

“Don't know about you, but I've been taking notes for some time. How you think I kept her from leaving me?” Uncle Alan replied.

“By eating?” she joked.

They burst into laughter. When Miranda looked up with tears in her eyes, Aunt Pat and Kelly had the two of them in their sights.

Miranda watched her aunt raise her eyebrow. “Anything the two of you'd like to share?” she asked.

“Nah.” She shook her head quickly.

“Are you sure?” Aunt Pat looked from her husband's smiling face back to Miranda's.

“Uh-huh.”

“Positive,” Uncle Alan answered, giving her hand a little squeeze.

“I'm going to make a plate for that brother of yours. I'm sure he isn't eating right. And you'd better tell him that he needs to be in church next week.”

Miranda sat back and let out a breath when Kelly asked Aunt Pat a question and the woman's laser-sharp eyes returned to cooking. Miranda was safe for a moment, but her thoughts drifted back to Caleb. During and after the service that devastating grin of his was in full effect. Without a doubt, the uptilt of his generous lips and perfect white teeth would appear in her fantasies. What was it about Caleb that made her want to throw caution into the winds and forget about the lies she'd told, the bad breakup, and concentrate on satisfying her curiosity as to what he looked like naked in bed?