The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates #1
Read The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates #1 Online
Authors: Caroline Carlson
MAP
EDICATION
For Zach, with love
ONTENTS
Excerpt from
The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates #2: The Terror of the Southlands
ROLOGUE
THE VERY NEARLY HONORABLE LEAGUE OF PIRATES
Servin' the High Seas for 152 Years
MEMBERSHIP DIVISION
Master Hilary Westfield:
It is with great pleasure that the League accepts your application to our Piracy Apprenticeship Program. Welcome aboard!
Your application impressed our committee of scourges and scallywags with your remarkable knowledge of pirate lore, your knot-tying talents, and your reported ability to tread water for thirty-seven minutes. We look forward to observing your formidable skills in person when you join the VNHLP.
Today, you are a wide-eyed and innocent young man, but tomorrowâor, rather, at the end of our four-year training programâyou will be a swashbuckling, grog-swilling, timber-shivering buccaneer. If you would like to accept this offer of apprenticeship, and we hope you will, please mail a signed statement to VNHLP Headquarters at the following address:
16 Whiteknuckle Lane
Gunpowder Island
The Northlands
Arr!
and best wishes,
One-Legged Jones
Membership Coordinator, VNHLP
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Dear Mr. One-Legged Jones,
Thank you very much for your offer of admission to the Piracy Apprenticeship Program. I have dreamed of joining your organization all my life, and I am happy to accept a place as a pirate apprentice.
I have my own sword, but it is a bit rusty. Should I bring it with me, or will weapons be provided by the League?
I do feel I should mention that your information regarding my appearance is not entirely accurate. First, I am not wide-eyed: thanks to the interminable lessons delivered in a torturous monotone by my governess, my eyes are frequently closed. Second, I am not a young man, but a young woman. I would not want your committee of scourges and scallywags to be surprised when we meet in person.
Yours truly,
Miss Hilary Westfield
Pirate Apprentice
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THE VERY NEARLY HONORABLE LEAGUE OF PIRATES
Servin' the High Seas for 152 Years
MEMBERSHIP DIVISION
Miss Westfield:
We are pirates. We are not easily horrified. We have seen shipwrecks. We have seen sword fights. We have seen men eaten by crocodiles and crocodiles eaten by men. We have, on occasion, hung skeletons from trees. None of these things horrifies us in the least.
Your letter, however, is another matter.
We believe our rules are perfectly clear: No woman, young or otherwise, may join our League. You may not set foot on our ships, you may not retrieve our buried stashes of magic coins, and you may not
under any conditions
hoist the skull and crossbones.
In fact, we are not sure you should even be reading this letter. We will send a copy to your father at once. Admiral Westfield is no friend to pirates, but if there is one thing upon which the VNHLP and the Royal Navy can agree, it is this: permitting girls to prance about on the High Seas
would be entirely undignified.
Under normal circumstances we would, of course, require you to walk the plank. However, our Code of Piracy does not permit us to treat young women in such a fashion, so we will be generous: with your father's permission, we will forward your application to Miss Pimm's Finishing School for Delicate Ladies.
With shock and consternation,
One-Legged Jones
Membership Coordinator, VNHLP
Â
Mr. Jones:
Don't you dare listen to a word my father says. He may believe that the only proper place for a young girl is finishing school, but he also believes that the only proper place for pirates is the Royal Dungeons, and I am quite certain he is wrong about both of these things. I assure you that I will walk the plank a thousand times, into cold and shark-infested waters, before I will attend Miss Pimm's.
I remain,
Hilary Westfield
Really Quite Furious with You
Â
Miss Pimm's Finishing School for Delicate Ladies
