The Vanishing Girl (11 page)

Chapter 18

A hand touched
my back. “Ember, are you okay?”

Caden happened to be the last person I wanted next to me right now. After flushing the toilet, I pushed his hand away and instead reached for my bathrobe, which hung next to him, and put it on.

I moved over to my sink and opened a bottle of Listerine. Only once I’d rinsed my mouth out a few times did I decide to face him.

Caden leaned in the doorway of the bathroom, waiting for me to say something.

“Do you even like me?” I finally asked.

He crossed his arms and furrowed his brows. “What kind of question is that? Of course I like you.”

My eyes moved over his bulging arm muscles. “So you aren’t just interested because you’re supposed to be interested in me?”

“Ember, what are you talking about?”

“Us. Pairs.”

A line formed between his eyebrows. “What about it?”

I studied his features as I spoke. “Isn’t it curious that the government paired us in male-female groups
—
which happen to be genetically viable
—
and then encouraged us to get to know each other?”

The crease between his brows deepened. “So?”

“So, they’re setting us up to perpetuate our genetic mutations.” I paused to watch Caden’s expression change, but it didn’t. This wasn’t news to him. “Why spend money making more of us when more can be made for free?”

Caden’s face still hadn’t changed, and damn, my heart hurt because of it.

“You knew,” I said.

Caden must’ve seen some unpleasant expression flitter across my face because he grabbed my shoulders and gave me a gentle shake. “No. Ember. That’s not it at all. Just because I’ve known about the true purpose of pairs doesn’t mean that I’ve been forcing myself to like you. You don’t think that this disgusts me? It’s fucked up. I like you in spite of
—
not because of
—
our status as pairs.”

I shook my head, remembering the way he’d looked when we talked about my file last week
—
like I had mattered to him. He cared because pairs were genetically created together
—
they had to be.

“Please Caden,” I said. Regardless of his words now, I couldn’t shake the memory. “Just … I think you should leave. I need a little space.”

“We need to train,” he said, his voice all business.

“I’ll do it alone.”

He shook his head, his jaw working. “Fine.” He turned and walked out of the bathroom, and a few seconds later the door slammed.

I slouched against the wall. My life was a damn soap opera.

“
So how did
seeing the woman get shot in the club make you feel?” Debbie sat on the plush chair across from me, studying me intently. A notebook and pen rested on the arm of her chair.

I’d finally come in for my debriefing, and it was every bit as awful as I’d imagined it would be.

“Um, awful. Can I go now?” I asked from where I reclined. I was discussing my issues on a couch. I had no idea psychologists really did this
—
used couches to make their patients feel more at ease. It was physically comfortable, sure, but I wouldn’t say it made me feel any better.

Debbie folded her hands in her lap. “If you don’t talk this out with me now, you’ll have to come back again and again until I feel you’re mentally fit.”

A small sigh slipped out of me, and I fell back into the memory. “I felt awful, but I also felt guilty,” I said, seeing the events unfold all over again in my mind’s eye.

“Why is that?”

“Because I set off the chain of events that led to several people getting shot.”

“How do you think events would’ve played out if you hadn’t done what you did?”

I shrugged. And on and on it went. I discussed my feelings about the mission for almost forty-five minutes, and I begrudgingly had to admit, it helped. I didn’t hate myself so much for events that I largely couldn’t control. Talking about it made me realize that.

“Okay Ember,” Debbie said, “I’m going to shift topics slightly. How is your relationship with your pair?”

Just as I was starting to find the couch a truly comfortable and safe place to be, she had to ask about Caden. My body went rigid.

“Good.” My voice sounded strained.

Debbie raised an eyebrow. “Why is it good?”

“Because he helps me train and he looks out for me.”

Debbie smiled at my description of Caden, and I remembered back to when she introduced me to him.
They must be close.

“Is that all?”

I’d rather get a tooth pulled without Novacane than elaborate, especially considering how Caden and I had parted yesterday. But I really didn’t want to do this again next week. At the back of my mind I realized that I hadn’t even thought of trying to escape for a couple days now, even with how screwed up my life was. 

“No,” I said, defeated. “Caden’s really, really good to me. And I don’t feel as though I deserve it. I’m rude and selfish, and I don’t get along well with others. Yet despite all my attempts to push him away, he doesn’t give up on me. I don’t know what to do with that kind of loyalty.”

Debbie nodded. “That’s what being a pair means. He won’t give up on you.” It was the first time she’d offered her opinion
—
not as a suggestion, but as a statement. Her words didn’t make me feel better.

I hesitated before I spoke again. Giving up the kind of information I was about to, even to a counselor, made me feel vulnerable
—
if no one else knew how I felt, then they couldn’t use it against me.

“I like him,” I said softly. “So much. And I know he likes me, so this shouldn’t be a problem, but it is. Because he’s just like me
—
he can teleport. I’m scared that if I let myself fall for him, and then he dies, there will be nothing left of me.” I didn’t know the words were true until I spoke them.

“It sounds like you’ve thought this through many steps down the road.”

“Is that surprising?” I asked. “Wasn’t I created to think this way?”

Debbie didn’t say anything for a minute. Finally, she cleared her throat. “Don’t you think it’d be nice to let someone in? It sounds pretty lonely to be you.”

I frowned and blinked rapidly to diffuse the tears that wanted to come.

“Yeah … it’d be nice,” I admitted, “but I sort of pushed him away.”

“Well,” Debbie said, “just going off what you told me, it sounds like that hasn’t stopped him in the past.”

I laughed in spite of myself. So true.

“And,” she continued, “this isn’t advice, but in my own experience, an apology goes a really long way.”

An apology … I think I could do that.

As soon as
I left Debbie’s office, I made a beeline for his room. He lived on an adjacent hallway to mine. I’d never been in it before, but I’d seen him come in and out of the room between classes.

I knocked on Caden’s door. Several seconds passed and no one answered. I tried the handle.

Unlocked. I was so going in.

I opened the door and slipped inside. Once the door clicked behind me, I looked around.

His walls were a collage of images. Some were photographs of nature, some were posters of albums and movies, and some were artwork. I don’t know what I’d expected from dangerous, cocky Caden, but it wasn’t this.

His queen size bed took up most of one wall, and across from it was his desk. Two large bookshelves rested against the far wall, filled with books.

I moseyed over to his book collection and flipped through it. Just about every genre was represented here, including romance. Hypocrite much?

I grabbed a bodice ripper, and made myself comfortable on his bed. I’d do a little light reading until Caden came back.

Forty minutes and three sex scenes later, the door opened, and a sweaty, shirtless Caden came into the room.

Whoa.
I shifted uncomfortably as I took in his tanned skin and rippling muscles. It probably wasn’t the best idea to read a romance novel right before seeing him. Heat pooled low in my stomach.

As soon as he saw me, surprise registered on Caden’s face, followed by a slow, smoldering grin.

“You know,” I said conversationally, moving the romance novel away from my face, “I’ve never understood why people liked these things,” I said, throwing Caden’s earlier line back at him.

His dimples deepened, more delicious than ever. “Does the fact that you found that make me less manly?”

Laughter bubbled out of me, and my heart sped up. Screw the creepy scientists and their twisted plans for us. I liked Caden, and I was going to stop running from him.

“Not in the least.” I put the book down. “I owe you an apology.”

His face lost all traces of playfulness.

I started to get up from his bed, but he put his hand out. “Don’t get up. I kind of like the way you look there.”

Okay, definitely not helping my libido. “I’m sorry for pushing you away, Caden. I really like you, and your muscles are distracting …” I trailed off. Whoops. Not what I meant to say.

Caden raised his eyebrows and looked down at his naked torso before glancing back up at me with a lopsided grin.

I coughed. “Er … I meant to say that I was sorry that my disgust towards this program was misdirected at you.”

Caden came around the bed, and suddenly a very sweaty, muscular man wrapped me up in his arms. “Thank you,” he whispered into my ear.

“Welcome …” I hugged him back. Without really meaning to, I traced the slick muscles of his back, not caring that my clothes were now sweaty.

He pulled away. “I have to take a shower. Please don’t leave; I’ll be quick.” He turned and walked away, and my eyes ate up the way his back muscles rippled beneath his skin. At the base of his neck, black lines curled out, tracing their way along the surrounding muscles.

It chilled my blood, seeing those same lines I had on my shoulder blade.

Caden paused. “If you want, you can join me
—
now that you’re all sweaty too,” he said, his back to me.

“Join?” My eyes widened at his offer, and I forgot all about the inky markings.

“Yeah.” Now he turned to look at me. “Unless casual nudity makes you uneasy.” There was nothing casual about being naked around Caden.

Too many thoughts were rushing through my head. Was this a bad idea? Did I care? Would I regret this?

I stayed silent for too long.

Caden shrugged. “It’s a standing offer in case you change your mind.” He began walking again, pulling down his gym shorts on his way to the bathroom.

All that is holy, that man had an exquisite backside.

Slowly I got up from the bed, and with shaking hands I began to strip down. I crossed the room and opened the shower door.

Caden’s hair was slicked back, the water turning its normal golden hue into the color of wet sand. He drank me in as I stepped inside, and I felt that same nervous rush of excitement I had when I’d removed my clothing by the lake. This was much harder, though. Then I could act as though I hadn’t really wanted to be naked in front of him.

But now I did.

We stared at
each other for a beat, and then Caden closed the distance between us and kissed me. I didn’t jump away when I felt the hard press of his body against mine. Instead I moved against him.

He groaned and pulled away. “Stop being such a temptress,” he said.

“Then stop being such a tease.” I slid past him, brushing against his slick body as I maneuvered my way under the shower’s spray.

He gave me a serious look. “There is nothing about this that’s funny.”

I leaned my head back and let the shower smooth back my hair. “I agree,” I said, closing my eyes as water dripped down my face.

A small sound came out of Caden’s mouth.

I opened my eyes slowly. His gaze was smoldering, and it devoured every inch of my body. The sight stirred something low in my stomach. I let my own eyes move over him, from his wide shoulders, to his rounded pecs, to his rippling abs. A deep V pointed to his arousal.

My breathing sped up. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” I said.

“I can control myself.”

I shook my head. “It’s not you I’m worried about.”

Caden’s eyebrows rose. “I’m just going to throw this out there, but I’m okay with being taken advantage of.” Even though his face was serious, his eyes twinkled.

I smiled at him and reached for his body wash, relieved on some level that Caden was okay going as far as I was. “Okay then, you’ve convinced me.”

“Good.”

Caden tugged the body wash out of my hand. “Mind if I wash you?” he asked.

My mouth went dry, and I cleared my throat. “Not at all.”

He poured some of the shower gel onto his hands. “Turn around,” he said.

I did as he asked, and a moment later I felt his calloused hands rubbing soap along my shoulders. I sucked in a breath. His touch raised the gooseflesh of my skin, each stroke sensual.

Gradually, his hands lowered. After he’d run them over the small of my back, he paused. I almost yelped when I felt Caden’s hands cup my butt.

“You have such a sweet ass,” he said, his voice low. My breath hitched at his words.

He cleared his throat. “You should probably turn around.”

I faced him, my heart hammering in my chest. He poured more body wash onto his hands and watched me as he placed his hands over my breasts.

My mouth parted and my eyes lowered at the feel of his hands gliding over the sensitive flesh. But as quickly as they passed over my breasts, they were gone. My belly tightened as they caressed the soft skin of my stomach.

Caden’s hands dipped lower and lower until …

I caught his hand just as it was about to dip past my pubic bone, my breathing heavy. “My turn.”

I squeezed out the body wash onto my palm and rubbed my hands together. I reached out and touched Caden’s slick chest. As soon as my sudsy fingers touched his skin, they seemed to have an agenda of their own. I glided them over his pecs and his large shoulder muscles, imagining what it would feel like to wrap the rest of my body around this skin.

I didn’t even bother pretending to wash him after that. While I still rubbed soap onto him, I was more interested in feeling every hard plane of his body. I turned him around with my hands, noticing his sly smile as I did so.

I ran my hand over the dips and rises of his back muscles, noticing the goose bumps that appeared under my fingers. Caden made a sound low in his throat. “Whatever it is you’re doing, it feels so damn good.”

I smiled and moved my hands to his back dimples. I swallowed when I glanced further down at his utterly perfect ass, before I finally got up the courage to run my hands over it.

As soon as I did so, I felt Caden’s body tense. “You’re killing me slowly,” he said, turning around to face me. He leaned in and kissed me, nipping my lower lip gently and running his tongue over it.