The Vampire Shrink (53 page)

And lived to tell about it, I'll bet …

I became temporarily distracted by a mental horror movie featuring hundreds of vampires feasting on the blood of enchanted, unwilling humans. Then the scene quickly shifted to another, this one of hapless mortals being thrown into pits filled with ravenous bloodsuckers in a feeding frenzy—“Kismet?” Devereux tapped my shoulder, his face a mask of distaste.

“I fear you are doomed to disappointment if that is what you are expecting to find at the gathering. It is to all intents and purposes a simple party.”

“A
simple
party?” My laugh held a sardonic incredulity that I suspected would tick him off. “Like the last event you brought me to was a
simple
ritual?”

Clearly impatient, he rose, circled to the front of my desk and shook his finger at me. He'd just opened his mouth to respond when a familiar
pop!
preceded the arrival of a beefy, long-haired vampire.

The unexpected visitor materialized near Devereux and bowed from the waist, sending purple-streaked black hair cascading to the floor. “Excuse me, Master, but your attention is needed in the shipping area. The coffins you ordered have arrived.”

“Why does that require my attention?” Devereux barked. “Deliveries of all kinds take place every night. You may sign for the merchandise as always.” He flicked his fingers in dismissal.

“There's a problem, Master.” The messenger fidgeted, twisting his hands together, his eyes wide. “It seems the coffins are already … occupied.”

“Occupied?” Devereux stared at the messenger for a few seconds.

It took me a moment to realize he was obviously reading his mind. “What's going on?” I asked halfheartedly. As curious as I always about what vampires didn't say out loud, I really couldn't get too enthusiastic about anything having to do with coffins—especially occupied ones. I had started to realize there were things I
really
didn't need to know, at least if I wanted to stay sane. Could a human brain even process such an unnatural experience? I wondered what would happen to mine if I kept trying. Maybe that was what Devereux meant by “esoteric information.” Could someone truly be driven mad by exploring a non-human reality? There'd been no mention of that possibility in any of the popular vampire movies.

“It looks like there was a mix-up at the mortuary, and instead of sending six empty coffins, as usual, they mistakenly delivered the remains of a halfdozen humans who perished in the recent cult suicides here in Denver.”

I cringed at the reference to the grisly event currently saturating the daily news. Yet another charismatic guru had convinced his flock that death was the answer, though the leader himself hadn't smoked any of the tainted marijuana.

Six empty coffins?
As usual?
I wondered what story Devereux had told the mortician to explain why he needed regular deliveries. Of course, he probably didn't have to say anything. He could use his handy little mind-control trick. Or maybe the funeral home director wasn't human. I still hadn't gotten used to how many vampires nested in the Mile-High City.

“I am sorry, Kismet,” Devereux sighed, “but once again duty calls. It is important for me to confront the mortuary director in person. He has been creating problems, behaving erratically. We will exchange the coffins and erase the memories of any mortals involved.” He lifted my hand and kissed it. “I shall call for you at your home soon, and look forward to sharing many uninterrupted hours together.” He sent a silent message to the other vampire, who promptly disappeared, then Devereux turned back to me. “Until then.”

“Wait!” I hurried from behind the desk and grabbed his arm. “What should I wear to this
simple party
?” I imagined something floor-length with long sleeves and a high collar. A very high collar. Or maybe a hazmat suit. Hopefully I wouldn't be the entrée. I trusted Devereux to keep me safe from his less civilized minions, but I'd learned that his ideas of “normal” inhabited a different galaxy than mine.

“Ah, yes, thank you for reminding me. Your clothing for the event has been transported to your bedroom. You will find everything you need. And please, wear your protective pentagram. Now, if you will excuse me—”

Why did he mention the pentagram if this is just a simple party?

He vanished.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book has had a long journey and many incarnations. I'm very grateful to everyone who helped along the way: the friends, generous authors, readers, critique groups, writing groups, plotters, and brainstormers who gave ongoing support, suggestions, and encouragement (and chocolate). Special thanks to Thalia Andrews and Deborah Snider, who provided love and positive motivation; and Esri Allbritten and Laurie Hawkins, who spent lots of time in restaurants with me, discussing plots and sharing publishing stories. Couldn't have done it without you! Much appreciation to all the wonderful professionals at Sterling Publishing and Quercus Books, especially my editors, Katherine Furman and Jo Fletcher, who believe in me and my strange vampire world. I'm very lucky to have them. Hugs to my agent, Robert Gottlieb of Trident Media Group, and his vision for me and my books, and to Elaine English who steered me through some choppy legal waters. It's been an amazing experience.