The Vampire Queen's Servant (38 page)

No matter her reputation, the
Council would have had to act against such a transgression. At the least, her
Region would have been taken from her. It was Thomas who had suggested the
course of action.

I'm dying, my lady. Tell
them I killed Rex when he was off guard. They all knew we did not get along
well. They also all knew he'd gotten unstable, no matter what they claimed to
your face. Tell them you killed me.

She'd thought of a hundred other
options, none of which would have adequately protected the three hundred
vampires in her territory. Things were too unstable. Thomas had been right, and
she'd hated the truth of his words even as she'd finally capitulated. She
severed their link and laid the blame for Rex's death square on the shoulders
of the man who'd served her loyally to the end. She'd put magical protection on
the monastery, made it effectively disappear from the sight of the vampire
world until Thomas's death in case Rex had ever told anyone like Carnal its
location, but that had seemed woefully inadequate compared to her servant's
last gift of sacrifice.

Perhaps the burning of souls
wasn't punishment. Perhaps it was Hell's way of doing what she had done, taken
something forever ruined and removed it from existence, as if that could fix
anything. If only the memories could be burned with the body.

She sank down on Jacob's bed,
lying down. Bran showed his familiarity with the room by jumping up behind her
and lying along her back, a comfortable bulwark. Turning her face into the
pillow, she smelled Jacob. His aftershave, the striped soap he used with the
clean scent it said it had in the commercials. The smell of his skin. Her
joints were aching, keeping up an alternating staccato with the drumming in her
head.

Thomas had gone on to his God.
Cleansed, pure, the painful fire in his blood likely rinsed away with the cool
touch of holy water.

When she broke his arm, had
Jacob seen a light in her eyes like she'd seen in Rex's? Was it coming to that?
Was she becoming so lost in this disease she no longer could see past it? Was
she making up her own reality, her own idea of what was a threat? Perhaps there
was nothing left for her to do and she could go. Maybe everyone wanted her to
go. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe it just needed to be over.

Opening Mason's letter, she
unfolded it, still lying on her side so the creased paper sat on the mattress
and she could skim it with half-closed eyes.

He wished her well, the desert
vampire rarely seen by any of his own kind. This was the first missive she'd
had from him in over twenty years. They'd once been close, long before Rex. But
Mason hadn't believed in the dream of Council and civilized behavior for
vampires. He didn't care enough to try anything different either, and so they'd
parted ways. He just wanted to be left alone in his barren world.

Typical for Mason, he cut right
to the purpose of the letter:

You and Rex were
the monarchy of us all for nearly a century. You, not Rex, helped set up the
Council with its rules, because you know a king and queen are only as good as
the two individuals involved. But you are still a queen, Lady Lyssa. I will
tell you now what I should have told you long ago. I consider you my liege. If
our world forever could be ruled under your justice, there would be no need of
Councils and elaborate laws. Rex had deteriorated to the point his passing was
a blessing, however it occurred. If I could absolve you of any guilt you carry,
I would. Give you a penance or a rosary to say so you would worry on it no
more.

I know pressure
on you to remarry will be fierce, my fellow vampires crudely thinking their
seed might find fertile soil. I do not think you are barren, my lady, if I may
be so bold. I simply think there is no man on this earth who is worthy of being
a father to a child of your making and your body knows it. I also know a threat
is brewing against all you have built, though I've not yet pinpointed the shape
of it. I have come out of my sandbox, as you always call it, and am keeping my
ears open.

If I may make
amends for the ignorance and apathy I showed to your noble cause years ago, if
it would be of use to you, I offer myself to you however you need me, even if
it is to relieve the crass pressure of matrimony.

You know I do not
seek power or even your physical affections if you do not wish to share them. I
just offer it as proof of my support of what you value. Even if I cannot
believe in it as you do, I know what is valuable in this world. You. You are
the Council's strength and they are still too young to be without that. I will
stand behind you.

As long as you
believe in what we can be, I can believe in your conviction. That is probably
as close to a faith as I will ever have.

Mason's senses had a far reach.
He obviously had detected the same dark undercurrent of vampire politics she
herself had been picking up on of late. Those opposed to the civilized
constraints imposed on them by Council code were becoming more vocal, and more
numerous. The younger vampires, the ambitious made ones like Carnal. It was
important that leadership be strong and unwavering to hold the commitment of
the many who stood on the fence. Those were the ones who could upset the
balance of power if they turned to apathy instead of cautious support for
order.

Her lips twisted. But perhaps
the attempt at civility had run its cycle. She'd lived centuries and seen
governments rise and fall, philosophies change and die, be reborn and called
something else. If the majority opposed the current structure, and the minority
could not hold it against their onslaught, change would happen. But a world
overrun by the brutality of a host of Carnals…

Closing her eyes, she placed her
hand on Mason's strong script. Perhaps this was another sign. Mason at last had
made a commitment. He would step into the breach. He wouldn't really need her.
That had been the root of her disappointment so long ago. If Mason had
committed to their cause, nothing would have stopped him from seeing it become
a reality. He cared not for diplomacy, but he was good at it, as good as he was
at being a benevolent or sometimes not-so-benevolent dictator. He had no
problem with totalitarianism as long as the ruler was just. But then, therein
lay the problem with absolute monarchy, didn't it? It only worked as long as
the person in the crown made it work. But if Mason stood for her, it would be
all right. He would not thank her for leaving him with the responsibility, but
his word was good.

Bran whined as Lyssa pressed her
mouth into the pillow, fought the heaving of her stomach.
I will not throw
up. I am tired of that, you hear me? Stop it
.

The wave passed sullenly, and
she blinked watering eyes as she opened the letter from the monastery. A
smaller envelope fell out of it. An envelope that bore Thomas's seal.

She stared at it for a moment,
then her gaze flitted to the short handwritten note in the abbot's script.

Mrs. Wentworth,
Brother Thomas gave this to me several weeks before his passing. He asked that
I send it to you on this date specifically. I hope it contains words that bring
you comfort. We are glad he has finally been accepted into God's House, though
he is greatly missed. Thank you for your continued patronage
.

Why didn't Jacob bring it?
Perhaps it had been additional surety, if Jacob had failed to gain an audience
with her. She turned it over in her hands, studied the seal, then broke it
open.

My Lady,

By now, I'm sure
you've cursed my presumption a hundred times, and I am feeling the lick of flames
from the sins I've committed to ensure Jacob was accepted in your service. But
I cannot feel shame in at last saying my love for you and my love for God have
always been as one, interchangeable in my heart. On good days, I hoped that was
just an indication my service to you also served God's will. On bad days, I
thought I was perhaps deluding myself and the last hundred and fifty years of
my life had been a war between Lucifer and God for my soul, though I cannot
imagine I would be of such importance.

I tire easily,
and I could not dictate this to Jacob or anyone else, so I will speak frankly.
By now I suspect you are confused and torn in your feelings, wondering why you
want him so much, this man you've barely just met. For I have no doubt that
Jacob succeeded in being accepted into your service, both because of the will
of the man and because of what I believe him to be.

Despite a surge of dizziness,
Lyssa sat up on the bed, gripping the paper harder.

I know the
prejudices of your world, certainly. You know I do. But hear me as I tell you
that Jacob is the other part of your soul You probably gave him the first and
second marks with barely a hesitation, startling yourself. Now you are held
from giving him the third only for fear of sentencing him to an early death.
Did you think I didn't know you were infected and dying when you never came
back again? When you sent me your last missive, severing our ties completely?
Do you think I know so little of you?

Tears stung her eyes, and she
blinked them back. "Foolish monk," she whispered.

Knowing that has
only strengthened my belief in the things I will write to you about in this
letter. Remember that life is a finite, precious thing, but what makes it
precious is what we do with it. You have always treated humans as inferior to
your species, though with respect and humaneness. Jacob confuses you because he
fills a part of you which you thought could only be filled by an equal. Ergo,
he is an equal.

I know you had
little patience for my spiritual explorations, but in tracing your long and
colorful history, and through other methods also likely to damn my soul, I
believe—fully and completely—that Jacob has served you before, in two previous
lives.

Do you remember
the knight who saved your caravan from vampire hunter attack during the
Crusades? He was only with you a short time before he continued his quest, but
you remembered him so vividly… that was Jacob. Then there was the samurai guard
assigned to you as a child. The one who was killed protecting your retreat when
your father's house was overrun by his enemies. You are shaking your head…

Lyssa stopped the motion,
frowning.

but now that I
have planted the seeds, you will start remembering many things, including the
things these two men have in common with the man in your service now. Jacob
knows my theories on this, and though he too has some of your skepticism, he
cannot deny his inexplicable compulsion to serve you. Please hear me, my lady.
His soul will not survive being parted from you again. Let him make his own
choice before you try to make it for him.

I would have
liked to have ended my life at your side. That would have been my last wish.
But by sending me away from you, it told me God had another plan. To find Jacob
for you and give you the soul mate you've always deserved, the love of a man
that will fill the emptiness of your woman's heart. That's something you've
never had, not in all your many years of life.

I puzzled over
why it was that his spirit served you as the samurai guard and the knight, two
lifetimes that were within two centuries of each other, but did not cross your
path again until now. Unfortunately, I believe it is because he comes to you
whenever your life is truly, genuinely in danger. Bless your extraordinary
abilities, that has only been three times. God gifts the strong sparingly, only
when they have grave need.

As I said in my
introduction, Jacob is the last gift I can help God give to you. Please trust
your heart, for it is the strongest part of you, even if you do not believe that.
You are the most remarkable woman I have ever met. You will always have my
love, and I believe you have God's love as well.

Your faithful
servant

Thomas

Bran lifted his head, laid it on
her hip as she sank back down on the pillow, fisting the letter in one hand,
the pillowcase in the other as she turned her face into where Jacob laid his
head.

No
. Thomas had been a sick man, deluded by his illness, imagining he
could give her something that didn't exist, a romantic fantasy. If she believed
it, she would kill Jacob with her own selfishness and desires. Perhaps like
Mason's letter, it was a sign. A sign she needed to end it before she left
another body in her wake.

Jacob got home a handful of
moments before dawn. Urgency was gnawing at him so hard during the last few
miles that without knowing why he asked Elijah to speed it up. The man glanced
over at him and flattened the gas pedal. When he wasn't driving a limo Elijah
drove a serviceable pickup that was practically antique. However, he had some skill
with engines, because it jumped up to ninety with no problem.