The Unorthodox Arrival of Pumpkin Allan (14 page)

Lois arrived back at the flat late on Thursday evening. Tom found Sicily’s claim of ‘The Park’ having its own resident drug dealer, somewhat far fetched and accused Lois of being far too gullible. She didn’t even bother to argue, knowing that when he’d spent some more time in their new home, he’d get more of a feeling for how unusual their little enclave was.

The next morning Lois put in a load of washing, then left the flat with Tom and caught the tube to Clerkenwell with a small, wheeled suitcase in tow. She met Adrienne for breakfast and to hand over the few bits of outstanding business that needed follow-up. They had a really good catch-up. Adrienne only had a few weeks left to work for the company and was very excited about her move to Tom’s firm.

When they’d finished a ridiculously large breakfast, they went to the office together, where Lois handed in her work laptop, cleared her desk and said her goodbyes to the team. As she walked out through the main doors and onto the street, laden with a large shopping bag and suitcase full of stuff, Lois beamed.

Arriving back at the flat, she threw the washing in the dryer and collected up various bits and pieces to take to the cottage. Cleaning equipment, hoover, wireless router, the spare printer. The list went on until the MG was packed so tightly that there was only just room for her. She had just opened a can of soup for lunch and found some slightly soft rye crackers in the cupboard, when Mel phoned. They hadn’t spoken since the weekend, when Adam had very kindly offered Mel a bed in one of his children’s rooms. Allegedly, so that she didn’t have to worry about driving home.

“So, how was sleeping at Adam’s?” asked Lois.

“Oh, fine. We just said goodnight and went to bed.”

“You did? That sounds a bit dull.”

“Yes, I know. But he did ask me to go out to dinner with him, tonight actually. What are you up to today, where are you?”

“I’m at the flat. I’ve packed the car with heaps of stuff. I’m heading off in about twenty minutes. How about you?”

“I’ve taken the afternoon off work. Adam thought we could go for a walk so I’m supposed to be there by two thirty. Can I cadge a lift please, the train journey is really slow…and I’ve missed you, obviously!”

“Well I’ll have to make some space in the car, but yes, that would be great.”

Lois finished her lunch, re-organised the car to make space for Mel, taking out a few of the less important items. Just as she was pulling away, she realised she’d left one load of washing, which included the bed linen, in the dryer and nipped back to retrieve it.

When Lois picked her up, Mel looked momentarily taken aback. There were boxes in the foot-well and a large sack on the passenger seat.

“Sorry,” said Lois, taking the sack so Mel could get in. “You’ll probably do best to put your feet up on the dashboard.” Mel sat on the seat, then swung her legs straight onto the dashboard. She could just fit her holdall, which fortunately was remarkably small for Mel, under her legs, on top of the boxes. Then Lois put the sack of clean washing on her lap. She could just see over the top of it. “There, comfy?” said Lois.

“Luxurious!” smiled Mel.

“So,” said Mel, as Lois maneuvered the MG out of a particularly tight parking space. “Getting married eh? That’s sooo exciting!”

Lois grinned.

“When are we going to start organising the wedding? I trust I am invited!”

“Invited, of course your invited. You’re maid of honour! I’m going to make you wear a pink frilly dress and have your hair all bouffant!”

“Okay, I’ll wear pink frills, if you wear white frills, how about that?”

“All right, you win. I’ll let you choose what you want to wear. Gosh, it’s quite exciting isn’t it?”

“You’d better get a wiggle on if you want to have done the deed before Pumpkin shows his or her face. When’s it due?”

“‘It’ is due on the fifteenth of September, that’s,” Lois used her fingers to calculate.

“Hey Lo, I can see why the City’s going to struggle without you and your financial wizardry. Did you always use your fingers when making multimillion pound deals on the stock market?”

“Always. Now where was I?” As the traffic had eased and she’d started driving again, Lois tapped her fingers against her leg, “Gosh, that’s less than eight weeks to go, that’s a bit scary isn’t it?”

“What, for time to organise a wedding, house renovation, house move, and prepare for the birth of your baby? I don’t see why. Or were you referring to going through the most painful ordeal of your life?”

“What getting married?”

“No. Giving birth!”

“Thanks for that. Remember I’ll be able to worry you too when your time comes. Anyway, I meant both.”

“Yeah, I don’t suppose my time will ever come at this rate. I thought Adam might have ravished me the other night, but not a sausage, as it were. Oh and the fact he had no bedroom door made him a bit embarrassed!”

As they continued on their journey, Lois described her second meeting with Doreen and Jack. Then told Mel about Bert and Betty. “Oh God, I forgot to tell you, I’m going to tea with Chaz and Mags tonight!”

“Chaz and Mags? Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

Lois laughed, “Now this you really won’t believe!” She proceeded to relay Sicily’s story of Debbie and Richard discovering the real occupation of their next-door neighbour.

“Are you sure she wasn’t winding you up?”

“She said she wasn’t. I’m pleased to say Sicily’s coming with me this afternoon; she seems very chummy with them. I think I would be somewhat anxious if I was going alone.”

“Blimey Lois, it’s quite a place you’ve found, isn’t it?”

As they entered the sweeping driveway of Harewood Park, that led, first to the Manor and then to the cottages, the beauty that lay ahead of them once again amazed Mel and Lois. At the beginning of the drive, post and rail fences bordered the lane, as it sloped down to a dip, with horses grazing in the fields on either side. The Manor stood majestically on top of the facing hill, surrounded by stunning, meticulously kept gardens. The lake in front glistened in the sunlight.

When they arrived at Honeysuckle, Lois persuaded Mel to pop in before going to Adam’s, to admire the progress that had been made. Even Lois was surprised at the changes since yesterday. It looked like the rewiring was finished. All the holes around the sockets and switches had been plastered over. Dean said George was coming tonight to mount and connect the fuse and meter boxes. The staircase was finished and looked amazing. The bathroom suite was fully functioning and the bathroom walls had a coat of paint, as did both the upstairs bedrooms and the landing.

“Wow,” said Mel, “it’s looking absolutely amazing! I can’t believe the staircase, it looks completely different. The whole place is starting to look great.”

“You guys have been very busy today, its really taking shape isn’t it? When do you think you’ll be done?” Lois asked Dean.

“Middle of next week should do it.”

“Perfect!” said Lois.

Mel went off to find Adam, with Lois calling after her to have a great time. Then she looked at her watch. Ten to five, Sicily was due to appear at any moment. She nipped upstairs to the bathroom and as she was walking down, there was a knock at the door.

“You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Oh it’ll be fine. Pretend nobody’s told you what Chaz does, take ‘em as you find ‘em and decide whether you like ‘em or not. I get on quite well with ‘em as it goes.”

“I say, aren’t you supposed to be talking posh today?”

“Oh yeah. Mmm, perhaps I’ll start tomorrow.”

“Gosh, what’s that smell?” asked Lois, as Sicily turned to walk down the garden path. The back of Sicily’s jacket and hair were covered in, what looked and smelt like, manuur puddle.

“Um, Sicily, how did you get here?”

“On my dirt bike, why d’you ask?”

“You seem to have half of Bill’s ‘manuur’ heap up your back and in your pony tail.”

“Oh crap!”

“Exactly!” Lois laughed. “Look, do you want to borrow some leggings and a T-shirt, I’ve just bought some clothes from the flat. I tell you what, go up to our newly installed bathroom and give the shower a test run.” Lois rummaged in the holdall she’d brought in from the car and found a towel and clothes for Sicily to change into. “Here you go. The leggings are somewhat stretched out of shape and will be too short, but at least you won’t smell so bad! Oh, hang on just a sec,” she went through to the kitchen and found a bin bag, some soap and a small bottle of shampoo. “There you go, now make it snappy, I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot by being late!”

“You can go up there on your own if you like, I’ll meet you there.”

“Ha ha! Hurry up, pleeeease!”

“By the way, did you find any of Chaz’s class As in yer shed?”

“Oh gosh, I completely forgot to look. I’ll go now, while you’re in the shower.”

Lois searched the shed for suspicious packages. Then, lifting the gnomes off the shelf one by one, she found a hole underneath them and hollow bodies. She felt slightly disappointed in a strange way. It would have made a great dinner party story, finding gnomes full of heroin in the shed.

Lois rushed Sicily out of the door as soon as she arrived downstairs and up the lane to the last cottage. In the event, they were only five minutes late. Margaret opened the door and Lois saw her in her entirety for the first time. Even though Lois sort of knew what she looked like, she was still shocked by her obesity and had to concentrate on not letting her jaw drop. When Margaret had been in the car, Lois couldn’t really appreciate how short she was. Now, seeing her standing, the fact that she was as wide as she was high, became apparent. Margaret gave Sicily a huge bear hug then reached for Lois’s hand and stood on tiptoes, Lois bent down and kissed her on each cheek. ‘Like kissing a couple of dough balls,’ Lois thought to herself. She was relieved that she hadn’t come with Mel; she wouldn’t have kept a straight face.

“Thanks so much for the invitation Margaret, it’s awfully kind of you.” Lois found herself putting on her upper-class accent. Sicily turned and raised her eyes to heaven, as if to say “Not again!”

“Oh please, call me Mags, all my friends do.”

Lois felt like saying, “Steady on there Margaret, lets not be too presumptuous!” But actually said, “Ok Mags.” And as if she had read Lois’s mind, Sicily, once again, raised her eyes to heaven.

Margaret waddled into the kitchen. Lois noticing how tiny her slippered feet were and wondering how on earth she managed to keep her balance. It reminded her of Chinese foot binding. Then she realised that if Margaret had been of average weight for her height, her feet would probably not have looked so small.

As they were about to go into the kitchen, Lois stopped so abruptly that Sicily walked into her. She was staring at a wedding photo on the wall. Chaz was recognisable enough, but Margaret, where was she? Surely Chaz wasn’t keeping a photo of a previous wedding on the wall.

Before Lois could draw her eyes away, Margaret had retraced her steps to see what the hold up was. “Ah, yes, I look a bit different there, don’t I Lois?” Lois, for a change, was rendered speechless. Sicily, once again, came to the rescue.

“You’ll ‘ave to cut down on them cakes Mags!”

“I know, I know and I will, tomorrow, I promise!”

“Yeah right, I’ve ‘eard that one before. You know better than any of us ‘ow bad it is for your ‘ealth. Look at poor ol’ Jack, you don’t wanna end up like ‘im do you?”

“No you’re right Sissy. You do have a remarkably sensible head on very young shoulders. I will try hard, I promise. It’s just that when you’ve got so much to lose, it’s very disheartening you know.”

“Yeah I’m sure, but you’ll lose your job soon, they’ve warned you ‘aven’t they?”

“Yes, yes. Ok I’ll start now.” Margaret thought for a minute as she ushered Lois and Sicily into the kitchen and indicated for them to sit down at the table, which was covered in all sorts of wonderful looking treats for tea. Lois hadn’t been offered a tea like this for a very long time and she scanned the display trying to decide which of the glorious items to sample first.

“Sissy,” said Margaret, “would you like to be my personal trainer? I really need someone to keep me in line. Be firm. I’ll pay you well.”

Sicily didn’t look at all surprised by this suggestion, she just said, “Sounds great, we’ll start now.” Then, went to the cupboard under the sink, took out a bin liner, and to both Lois and Margaret’s astonishment, and horror, emptied each plate from the table into the bag. Sandwiches, scones, malt loaf, a fantastic looking coffee cake, chocolate cake and a plate full of iced fairy cakes. Then she got a spoon out of the drawer and scooped the cream and jam back into their containers, which Margaret had left on the side, and threw the containers into the bin liner as well. She tied up the handles of the bag, marched out of the front door, up the garden path and slung it into the wheelie bin.

“Well,” said Margaret, sitting down to get over the shock, “well, that, I suppose, is a start.” She sat in silence, looking completely bewildered for some time. Lois thought she could see tears welling up in her eyes. Then she said, “Sorry Lois, perhaps I should have mentioned the personal training idea after tea.”