The Unloved (21 page)

When Nick came into view, so did his mother’s casket. It rested in the center of the wall behind him, a deep wood color without a glossy finish. The top had been opened and I was glad that I couldn’t see Mrs. Owen from where I stood.

People expressed their condolences to Nick and his dad and then headed straight to the open casket. Nausea rolled in my stomach at the thought of actually seeing her dead. How was I going to do this? The urge to slip out of line and head back to the car was almost overwhelming, but then I felt Emily’s hand on my shoulder and when I glanced back at her I realized I wasn’t the only one scared. She was gripping Blake’s hand so tightly her knuckles were white. I flashed her a slight smile and turned around, my eyes searching for Nick. I needed to be here. Even if things between us weren’t worked out yet, he needed me here whether he wanted to admit it or not.

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

NICK

I saw her, Jules. She was standing just a few people away from me smack in the middle of our friends. It meant a lot to me that they’d all came. I had no clue who most of these people I’d shook hands with this morning were, but them I knew. Her I knew.

We still hadn’t talked about the kiss between her and Brian. We hadn’t discussed anything. My entire life had been put on pause indefinitely. But I never had a doubt that she wouldn’t be here. She was there for me at the hospital and she was here for me now. That had to count for something, right? Maybe she cared more for me than Brian? A guy could hope.

More people shook my hand and told me the same lines I’d heard all morning, the lines that were now permanently branded into my brain, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Followed by, “Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.” Seriously? I didn’t even
know
them.

This whole situation seemed morbid to me—my mother lying in her coffin right behind me, looking like she was sleeping and these people parading around dressed in black. And to think, it wasn’t even over yet. In two more days I’d have to go through all of this again when we actually buried her.

Shit. We’re burying my mom.

Tiffany stood in front of me. She’d dyed her entire head solid black. It was the first time I’d ever seen her hair one solid color. She took my hand, just like everyone before her, and said, “I’m sorry, Nick.”

I nodded and shifted my attention to Jules. It was the only time I’d ever seen her in a skirt and heels. I assumed both were loaned from either Tiffany or Emily, but it didn’t matter where she got them from, all I was thinking about was how amazing she looked standing in front of me. I knew I shouldn’t be, given the situation, but I was. The sight of her rescued me from drowning in the black ocean of funeral attire any longer.

She reached out to take my hand, but just before I gripped hers, she threw her arms around my neck instead and I became smothered in her scent, coconut. I wrapped my arms around her waist tightly while inhaling her.

“I’m so sorry, Nick. I can’t believe this,” she whispered.

“Me either,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut.

Jules released me first, forcing me to let go of her. I didn’t want to; the feeling of her in my arms had been something I’d missed lately. Her hands locked with mine and then she glanced beside her at Emily before letting me go so that others could tell me how sorry they were.

I tried to give everyone else my attention, but it had left the room with Jules.

~

After the final person shook my hand, exhaustion finally set in. This had been draining, more draining than I’d ever thought it could be. As I piled into the backseat of Bill’s car I’d already decided that when I died I did not want to have a funeral like this, I’d rather be cremated instead.

CHAPTER SIXTY

JULIE

I went home right after leaving the funeral, going out to a late lunch with the others just seemed wrong. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t feel like smiling or holding a conversation. My thoughts were still with Nick. Maybe it was because I knew him better than they did. Better than most. The same with his mom. Or maybe it was because I cared for him. I loved him.

I stood at my bedroom window, watching the road and waiting for that blue car to pull into his driveway. The urge to talk to him alone, to console him, ate away at my insides. The thing that stopped me was that I didn’t know where we stood. We hadn’t discussed anything and now wasn’t the time. I knew this, but it still ate at me nonetheless. The guilt from what Nick probably
thought
he saw starved my lungs of air.

The blue car pulled into Nick’s driveway. I stared as Nick and his dad got out while the strange guy with glasses remained in the driver seat. They didn’t go inside; instead both of them stood beside the car and talked. Nick nodded and his dad reached out and gave him a long hug. I saw Nick hesitate in returning it, but smiled when he eventually did. At least his dad was trying. They parted and his dad slid back into the passenger seat and drove away, leaving Nick standing in the driveway.

He was still standing in the same place long after the blue car was out of sight, his back to my house, staring at the front door with his hands shoved into his front pockets. I watched a large puff of air swirl around his head like smoke before disappearing into nothing.

Shoving my feet into a pair of fuzzy purple house slippers, I grabbed my red coat off the floor and started down the stairs. When I opened the front door Nick still hadn’t moved from where he stood. The only thing about him that had changed was his hands were now at his sides as he continued to stare at the door like he was mustering the courage to step forward and grip the handle.

I pulled my jacket tight around myself and walked across the street.

“Hey,” I said. Without thinking I slipped my hand in his as soon as I stopped beside him.

His hand gripped mine and he turned to me and smiled slightly. “Hey.”

My heart hammered in my chest at the sight of his tiny smile. “What are we staring at?” I asked, shifting my gaze to the front door.

Nick turned his attention back to the door. “The house that my mother died in. The house that feels like it died with her.”

My chest tightened as tears began to form and I shifted my eyes to his house. The house did look different. Empty. Cold. Lonely. I hated the thought of walking through that door, let alone leaving Nick alone in there all night.

“It seems so final now. I’ll be burying her in what, forty-eight hours?” he said, never breaking his stare from the door.

I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Come stay at my house tonight,” I said without thinking my words all the way through.

Nick eyed me. “At your house?”

He didn’t seem as repulsed by the idea as I’d thought he would be, considering where we stood at the moment in our relationship status, so I went with it. “Yeah, my house. Mom’s sleeping right now. She’ll be working tonight and who knows where Cole will be. Even if he is at home all night, so what? Come stay. I don’t want you here alone.”

“Okay.” He grinned half-heartedly, relief pooling in those greenish-brown eyes of his and I felt good about my asking.

CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE

NICK

Jules had me wait in her bedroom with her door tightly shut until after her mom left for work before I was allowed back out. I didn’t mind, of course, but I never realized how stressed out her mom’s chosen occupation made her feel until now. It was something we rarely talked about growing up. I always knew Charlotte was a stripper, but I never knew it bothered Jules so much until tonight.

“It’s not about getting caught,” she said, taking another peek out her bedroom door and into the hall to see if her mom had went downstairs to leave for work yet. We’d spent the afternoon downstairs watching TV until we heard her mom get up around five, then, at Jules’ demand, we’d booked it up the stairs and high-tailed it into her room. “It’s about you seeing what my mom is wearing while walking around the house.”

“What’s she wearing, her birthday suit?” I teased.

Jules rolled her eyes. “Those stupid sequined things with tassels that hang.”

“Seriously?” I searched her face to see if she was joking, but there was no sign of mock play on her face. In fact, all I saw was complete embarrassment.

Jules nodded her face still devoid of any trace of mockery. “Seriously. It’s her new costume that she and some lady named Heaven Sent she works with wear together in their show.”

“
Heaven Sent
, what a stage name.” I sat up on her bed. “Can I just take a quick peek?”

“Supposedly it’s not a stage name; it’s the actual name her parents gave her at birth. Guess they realized her potential for dancing on a pole when she came out of the womb. And no, you cannot take a peek!” Jules smacked me on the shoulder with a grin.

I’d missed teasing her like this. I’d missed the comfortableness, the ease of our relationship. I’d missed my best friend…but most of all I’d missed my girlfriend.

“Okay, I won’t go peek at her. I’m sure my mental images are pretty close anyway.” I winked.

Jules smacked me again. I grabbed her arm and then began reaching for the other one, but she fell sideways, taking me down on the bed with her. I tumbled to the side and landed partly on top of her, chest first, her hands pinned between us. Jules’ eyes widened and my breathing hitched as her soft lips became the only thing I could focus on. Everything else became a blur, those supple lips being all that I could see. She licked them almost like in anticipation of what I might do and an image of Brian locking lips with her in his Blazer flashed through my mind. I sighed and pushed myself off her as my agitation broke the moment.

“Sorry,” I said. “I know you were only inviting me over here tonight as a friend.” I was not able to bring my eyes back to her, because I was too busy wondering if she and Brian were a couple now.

She sat up beside me. “It’s okay.”

I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I’d detected a hint of disappointment in her words. Either that or I’d pissed her off and that was the last thing that I wanted to do. I didn’t want to have to go back to my house tonight. I didn’t think I could handle it.

“I know right now isn’t a good time to talk about this, but…” Jules started and then paused. “I never kissed Brian. I know that’s what you think you saw, but you didn’t. He kissed me.”

I didn’t speak. Instead I continued to look at her bedroom floor. The image from a moment ago, the one of Brian sucking her face, filled my mind again. How could she not have been kissing him back? Too much time had passed for her to not have.

“When he kissed me…I froze. I didn’t see it coming and I froze,” she whispered. “I know I should have pushed him off right away, most people would have, but I just froze. When I finally did, you were opening my door and everything else happened so fast I couldn’t even speak.”

The way she’d looked at me in that moment seeped into my mind and I could clearly see now how shocked she’d been. I’d thought at the time that it had been from being caught, but maybe it had been from the kiss itself.

“I just wanted you to know. I never intended to hurt you and I wasn’t seeing Brian on the side or anything for whatever it’s worth,” she added as she walked to her bedroom door. “We can leave my room now; mom’s gone.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to meet him? Why did you sneak around?” I asked without moving. This was what had bothered me the most. This was what had made me think she’d been cheating.

Her big green eyes locked with mine and she didn’t hesitate when she said, “Because it was your birthday and I didn’t want you upset.”

I held her stare, waiting for any sign that she was lying. Either she wasn’t or I wasn’t as good as I thought when it came to reading people. “Why did you have to go in the first place?”

“Mom upped her order and told me she needed it by that afternoon. I wanted to get it done and out of the way.”

Again she didn’t hesitate in her answer. She still hadn’t even broken eye contact with me, which was odd for Jules. She rarely held eye contact with anyone, which led me to believe she was telling the truth.

“I’d never hurt you like that, Nick, never. I know how something like that feels.” Her eyes finally dropped from mine, but not before I saw tears pooling in them, magnifying their greenness.

I stood and walked across the room to her, pulled her into my arms, and said, “I know.” Because I did. I did know Jules would never hurt me like that. I didn’t know why I’d ever thought she would. We stood there like that for a while, and I felt like I’d added a missing piece back to the puzzle of my soul, a piece that never should have been missing in the first place.

As we pulled apart, Jules wiped her tears and looked up at me with a smile. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I asked.

“For forgiving me,” she whispered.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, he did.”

“Okay then, for believing me,” she said, standing on her tippy toes just before she kissed me.