The Uninnocent (19 page)

“If I hadn't got it in my head to fix up that boat—” he would mutter, then his words would trail off.

Grandmother Iris, who grew more brittle and crotchety by the day, could only agree with him. After my mother was buried in the cemetery next to my father, I was left by default in her care. Ours was a house of grief. But whereas my grandfather grieved for my mother and me, I got the sense that Grandmother grieved mostly for herself and the burden that I now had become. In school, we read about the ancient mariner and the albatross. I'd become an albatross, if no longer taunted for being a mama's boy. The crowd of punks who'd made that accusation now shunned me for a different reason. I was, they decided, an angel of death. Someone to be avoided like the plague. I had neither the will nor way to contradict them. At home in bed, listening to the ticking clock in my parents' empty bedroom, I found myself wondering if they weren't right.

People die in threes. So goes the old saying. Though seven years had passed between my parents' drownings, one intentional, the other not, death once more came lurking to round out the number. My grandpa had taken ill with a case of walking pneumonia at Thanksgiving and was hospitalized in nearby Princeton by early December. The snow was particularly heavy that year. Wind drifted shapely piles around the house and frost clung to the windows in fernlike patterns. Since my grandmother hated driving in bad weather, a man named Franklin, who responded to a help ad she placed in the local paper, drove us to the hospital every other day to visit. I couldn't help but notice that around Franklin my grandmother seemed to lighten up a little, which was a relief to me, since I could only imagine how, deep down, she must somehow have faulted me for her husband's illness. Franklin sometimes stayed for dinner after we returned from Princeton, recounting the places in the world he claimed he had visited—exotic locales like Morocco and Brazil and Fiji. What he was doing in these far-flung countries and how he could afford all his globehopping was unclear to me, but what did I care? Pretending politeness, I listened, at least in the beginning, even though I figured it was all a pack of lies. If from the very beginning I didn't trust his stories and overconfident manner, his presence nevertheless meant my grandmother and I weren't left alone at a painfully silent table. For that I was grateful.

As with my mother, my grandfather seemed to be improving daily, only to abruptly take a downward turn and die of complications between Christmas and New Year's. My grandmother's heartbreak over this, I must admit, startled me. She wept the most genuine tears I'd ever seen well from her steely eyes. For a time, I wondered if she wasn't going to end up in the hospital herself, so bereft was she. Neighbors dropped by with tuna casserole, cold fried chicken, and potato salad, which I lived on for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, noticing that she ate nary a morsel.

Franklin helped make arrangements with the crematorium and drove us over to the funeral home so we could pay our last respects before Grandfather was fed to the furnace. Though she abhorred her husband's final wish not to be laid to rest in the ground, where he would rot like old maggoty timber, my grandmother honored his instruction. We caravanned with several dozen of his friends and longtime customers to the dam end of the pond, where the ice was still unfrozen. On a gusty, blue-sky day in the dead of winter, the minister delivered yet another eulogy before my grandfather's ashes, gray as pumice, were scattered on the equally gray water. I couldn't help but think, as I burrowed my freezing face into my wool muffler, that at twenty-five dollars per eulogy, our family kept the minister so busy he might as well have been put on the hardware-store payroll.

Gallows humor, not very funny. But I didn't have much to laugh about, anyway. The wind made a swirling snow devil out at the far edge of the pond, where some kids were ice-skating, blissfully unaware of why a bunch of people in overcoats were huddled down at our end. We trudged away after the service, climbed in our cars, and slowly drove home.

Life at school didn't improve. The opposite. I should have been grateful that the punks had given up teasing me, but instead I felt ignored. What was worse, I was now pitied by many of my imbecile classmates. How I hated the sympathizing stares I got from students I hardly knew. Walking the hallway between classes became an ordeal both embarrassing and infuriating. My only recourse was to feign sickness as a way of getting out of school for stretches of time, at least until winter subsided. And when the weather warmed, I simply began ditching classes and hanging out by myself down at the pond. The school's student counselor dropped by one evening and spoke about my absences and failing grades with my grandmother and Franklin, who was by that evening, as he was most every evening now. I eavesdropped from an adjacent room and was relieved and angered by my grandmother's response, which was, in essence, “The boy's suffered a series of bad blows and ought to be allowed to work through his mourning as need be.” I was relieved because this meant I was, as I understood, freed from adults lording over me, telling me what to do. Angered because I knew, even then, I didn't have the first idea how to mourn, and that I had been essentially abandoned to my own devices from that moment on.

At what point did I begin to suspect Franklin was trying to seduce my grandmother? I was young enough at the time—fifteen at the end of the Second World War—that anyone beyond their teens was an oldster to me, yet in retrospect I realize Franklin must have only been in his midforties. Though my grandmother was a decade or more his senior, she was still a handsome woman in her hawkish way. But no, I thought, shoving away this disgusting idea as one might a snapping, rabid dog. Don't be ridiculous. Franklin, fraud though he might be, was acting charitably toward a sonless widow and a luckless orphan stuck under the same roof, wasn't he?

I wasn't overly surprised when he moved into the house that spring as a boarder, occupying my parents' old room. My grandmother explained she could use the extra money to help pay down the mortgage, but I knew she could have gone on just fine without, living off the healthy proceeds of the sale of the hardware store. I had grim mixed feelings about the way things were developing. On one hand, as I say, I welcomed the buffer Franklin constituted between my grandmother and me. On the other, it took my breath away, angered and confused me, how proprietary he became. Not just toward my grandmother but the whole household. His authority was established with an almost businesslike swiftness, as if he had been born to the task. Impressive, too, was the ease with which he pushed back whenever I got it in my head to challenge him, even over the slightest thing.

When I commented, testing his patience one evening during dinner, that Franklin was more a last than a first name, he laughed softly, picked a fleck of tobacco that came loose from his hand-rolled cigarette with his thumb and pinkie finger, and said, “I've heard that one before. Benjamin Franklin and all.”

“Well, why don't you let people just call you Frank? Wouldn't that be easier?”

“Would you want to call our recently deceased President Roosevelt, Frank Delano Roosevelt?”

“Why not? It's less of a mouthful,” I countered. “Anyway, you're not the president.”

He regarded me with a slow sidelong glance. “I like you, Wyatt. And respect you enough not to call you Wy. Franklin comes from the Middle English word for freeman—
Frankeleyn
. Frank means something else altogether. The Franks were a German tribe, named after a kind of spear they used back in the early times. When they moved from Germany to Gaul, that's how France got its name. I hate the Germans and can't stand Frenchmen. But I like the idea of being a freeman. So, Franklin it is,” he said, and took another drag off his cigarette.

Increasingly, he liked to make smart little speeches like this while my grandmother now and then glanced over at me and nodded, as if to say, You might learn something if you keep your trap shut and listen.

I didn't hate him, not yet, but I couldn't figure Franklin out, either. He seemed never to have worked a day in his life, and it was unclear to me where he came from, what his background was, if he had family, how he knew so much, and how he managed always to have enough money to pay his room and board. The first person I ever heard use the word
enigma
was Franklin. And though he was talking about something else, politics or religion, when I asked him what it meant and he answered, “Anything that's baffling,” I knew I'd never forget that word because it perfectly defined Franklin himself.

For instance, how could anybody dislike my grandfather's sweet old dog, Claude? I inherited him after my grandfather passed away. For a while, Claude became my best friend in the world. I could tell that he missed his master as much as I did, but he slipped into the habit of sleeping on the rug by my bed at night and accompanying me on my walks around the pond. A mangy mutt with a messy coat of blacks and browns and what looked like a smile perennially on his face, Claude—so named because he was prone to knocking things over, digging up the yard, a real
clod
, in other words—was a comfort to me, a pal in those months of grieving the loss of my one remaining male relative. As much affection as I directed toward Claude, Franklin showed him a hostile impatience.

“That dog should be kept outdoors,” he told my grandmother at breakfast one day, after Claude had an overnight accident on the front-room rug.

“It's my fault,” I argued. “I should have taken him out for a walk before I went to bed. He couldn't help it.”

Franklin's condescending smile was directed toward my grandmother, as he went on, “He's pretty old not to be house-trained. By which I mean Claude, not Wyatt, of course. With your permission, I can build a doghouse for him.”

“I don't know,” my grandmother hesitated. “There's a foot of snow out there. I'm afraid he might freeze.”

“Dogs are used to weather. He'll be fine.”

Seeing that my grandmother was actually weighing Franklin's inhumane proposal, I slapped my hand on the table, making the silverware jump, and shouted, “No way is Claude going to be thrown out in the cold. He'll die out there. Grandma, I promise it won't happen again. He's a good boy.”

When, a month later, Claude disappeared, never to be found, I knew Franklin was somehow behind it. I had no proof, however, and because we three had been all but snowbound together, the weather that winter being the worst anybody could remember, I couldn't figure when or how he would have managed to spirit Claude away without me or my grandmother noticing his absence. There were no telltale tracks in the snow, nothing beyond an empty food bowl, a coiled leash, and a couple of chewed-up rawhide bones to prove he had ever lived here. It was as if Claude had simply floated away, transported into the sky on flurries.

The spring following my grandfather's funeral, Franklin busied himself fixing rain gutters that had been damaged during a wet, heavy April blizzard, the last of that wretched season. He worked on repairing the front porch, wearing a jacket that had been my father's and a porkpie hat I recognized as my grandpa's. Closet-shopping regular part of the family he'd become, not that I had much say in the matter. I knew if I confronted my grandmother about the indecency of Franklin wearing these clothes, I'd get a sharp rebuke in response. Instead, resentment started to build in me like steam in a pressure cooker. I sensed he could tell, and that he got a perverse kick out of it.

One day he found me down at the pond fishing. Clearly, he'd been looking for me, because he said, “There you are.”

I didn't look up from my line lying like a skinny snake on the water.

“There I am,” I said.

My grandmother had recently accused me of being more and more alienated from those around me, and I hadn't bothered to argue with her. I was even more alienated than she knew. Had been in a couple of fights after school, on days I was forced to attend, and simply let the other guy win, if only to avoid having to talk about it later. I figured if I'd somehow pulled off a victory, I would have had to accept congratulations from kids I hated or else dealt with demands for a rematch. I wanted nothing to do with any of that malarkey. Instead I filched some cover-up powder from my mother's cosmetics kit to camouflage my black eye and bruises, though I wondered if it was possible, technically, to filch anything from my mom now that she was dead and gone.

“Catching anything?”

I squinted up at him, said, “Caught a pretty good-size stick an hour ago.”

“Threw it back, I guess,” he quipped, sitting next to me.

There was nothing to say so I left his line unanswered, just like my own line out in the water.

“Wyatt?” he went on, his voice pleasant as punch. “Iris wants me to paint the house.”

Iris? My grandmother, Mrs. Mecham, you mean? I said nothing.

“And I was wondering if you'd like to help me. It'd go a lot faster with two of us working on it together. You game?”

I shrugged, uncomfortable with him sitting so close beside me. “I don't care.”

“Great,” he said, standing after grabbing me by the back of the neck and amiably shaking me side to side, like we were old buddies. I wrenched away, staring at the clouds on the pond. “We start first thing in the morning.”

It would seem that Franklin had, maybe at my grandmother's behest, removed quite a stash of paint and primer, brushes and sandpaper, drop cloths and ladders, from the hardware store before its new owners took possession. He made me help him lug all this possibly stolen stuff from the cellar after breakfast.

As with most everything, Franklin possessed a remarkable knowledge about how to paint a house. We scraped away the old curling and chipped surface of each course of clapboard first, then sanded, primed, and brushed on two coats of yellow oil paint—a pale, jaundiced yellow that was my grandmother's preference—with white trim. Work went along steadily and in a few weeks the job was done.