The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy) (11 page)

Jesus, I’m such a self-important bitch.  Here I am, talking about myself AGAIN!  I did it with him when Kelly was sick, and I’m doing it again now that she’s gone.  What the hell is the matter with me?  With soapy hands, I walk up behind him and place one of them on his shoulder.

 “You just made me realize how similar I am to those retards, Guss and Kyle.”

“How’s that?”

“I don’t want you to go down that road with anyone new.”

Turning to me with tears in his eyes, “I don’t think anyone has to worry about that, Chrissy.  She was my life.  No one could ever come close to what she did for me.”

Now, with my own tears, “I just want you to be happy again, Craig.  Please tell me what I can do.”

“There’s nothing.”  And then he loses it when he says,   “Dammit…this is so much worse than I ever imagined.  I’m completely lost without her.”

Just then Leo walks in with Kendall and sees me embracing a grieving Craig.  Quickly realizing we need another minute, he claims to have seen another snipe and hurriedly escorts her back outside.

Aside from the emotional moment I shared with Craig at the end of the night, our evening was a pleasant success.  Craig thought Leo was cool and Leo said, “As much as I don’t wanna like the guy, it’s hard not to.”  We left with plans to do it again soon. The drive back to the cottage that night was quiet.  The only question Leo had was, “Why didn’t you tell me you spent that much time on Kelly’s porch and about all of those letters?”  My honest answer was, “I might seem okay, but it’s still too hard to talk about.”  After that we were both silent, deep into our own thoughts.

Whadididoo?

August, 2001

By most accounts, it’s been a relatively uneventful year.  Let’s see… In January, Apple announced something called iTunes.  They actually think people are going to buy some little contraption called an iPod and give up Tower Records in order to purchase music on their computers.  Like , idon’thinkso!  Last time I checked, this was Earth!  Hmmm, what else has happened this year?  Oh, in April, the Netherlands became the first country to allow same sex marriages.  To be honest, I’m surprised I didn’t notice a decline in the population of San Fransissyco…the way those people bitch about equal rights for gays-n-shit. I’m serious, there’s like a parade or a nude march every other day.  I thought the year was about to take a turn for the interesting last month when Craig invited me and Leo to his house to hang out with the gang, but according to the message Nicole left me obviously lying about having the flu, the evening was canceled.  I didn’t call her back, and I visited Kelly’s grave a day earlier than the July anniversary day to avoid my best friends, and I did the same this month.  I can’t see Nicole or Courtney until I can make sense out of what’s going on.  I’m the one in the friendship who’s supposed to be the liar!  I’m the one who’s supposed to be the wimp!  I’m the one who’s supposed to be emotionally challenged!  It’s like they’re me all of a sudden, and it’s throwing all of the planets out of whack.  Craig tried his best to mediate between the two parties, but as of last week, he quit.  Said he had too much of his own shit to deal with and for me to let him know when I have my head out of my ass.  I assume he told all of them the same thing. 

Let’s see, what else is going on…Oh yeah!  Last month, Leo told me the London Stock Exchange went public.  Whoopdidoo.  Let’s see if I can shake things up a bit tonight at my thirty-second birthday party.

I’m in my bedroom getting ready for tonight’s birthday festivities while Leo’s at the airport picking up Taddeo.  Why that Italian pain in my ass had to fly in today is a mystery to me.  But not wanting to be “that girl” who gets in between her man and his best friend, I grudgingly changed my birthday plans to include the guy.  Leo and I were going to have a romantic dinner at the brand spanking new Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay, but Taddeo messed all of that up when he switched his flight.  And since he can only be in town for one night, he wants to take a trip down memory lane and hit up, drum roll please….The Round Up.   It’s the place the guys always go when he comes to town and God forbid Taddeo change his ways.  So tonight Leo, Taddeo, The Ho-Bag, Slutty Co-worker, Megan and I are going to that dilapidated piece of shit wanna-be saloon bar.  The girls came to the cottage early to pre-funk and calm me down.

“This was the dress I was gonna wear to Half Moon Bay.”   As the two of them oooh and ahhh over the black strapless beauty I just pulled out of my closet, I bend down and grab my old cowboy boots and toss them on the floor. “But lucky me, I get to put these shit kickers on instead.”

“You kill me, hunny.  If you don’t wanna do this on your birthday, then why are you?”

“Yeah, sounds like something you would’ve done when you were dating Kurt, and we don’t have to remind you how that turned out.”

After slamming my fourth lemon drop, “Guys, there’s a big difference here!  I’m not pretending to be happy about this.  Leo knows exactly how I feel.  This is a situation where I’m simply doing something
for
him because I love him, not because I
want
him to love me.”

“But are you gonna be able to keep your annoyance under wraps long enough to survive the evening?”

Slamming shot number five, “Totally.”

Boyyyyyyyyy, was I off on that assertion!
 I’m not sure if it was because I underestimated my hatred of The Round-Up, the displeasure of giving up my birthday for a guy who clearly still detests me, or the outcome of the three additional shots of random alcohol I consumed once we got to the shit hole, but my annoyance toward Taddeo was as unmistakable as a fart in church.  When Leo went to grab more drinks, I pounced on the fucker.

“So Taddeo, manage to screw up any other birthdays this year or just mine?”

As if they’re back-up singers, Slutty Co-worker and Megan let out a simultaneous,
“Ooooooh, shiiiiiiiit.”

Not backing down as usual, Taddeo mutters, “Nope, just yours.”

The back-up singers shake their heads and let out an exasperated and synchronized,
“Here we go….”

“When are you gonna give me a break, Taddeo?”

“When I’m done waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll screw this up…again”

“Nope!  Pretty sure I’ve got everything under control now.  I mean, Leo does live with me after all!”

“Chrissy, you have more baggage than a 747.  Something from your past will eventually cause a disturbance.”

Oh that’s it!  This asshole has GOT to go!  I knock over a glass as I reach across the table to try and grab Taddeo’s arm, but all of a sudden it looks like he has seven of them. 

Being the older and allegedly much wiser one in the group, Slutty Co-worker quickly stands and interjects the only way she knows how.

“Taddeo, why don’t you and I go for a walk?”

Knowing exactly what the hell that’ll entail, The Ho-Bag pulls the cigarette from behind his ear, throws it on the table and says “
What the fuck?
I wouldn’t have come if I thought you weren’t gonna go home with me!”

Slurring my words while I point at Taddeo, “Now see what you did?  Nobody wants you here. Why don’t you just go back to New York where you can blend in with all of the other mean people!”

“Because I don’t want him to.”

The back-up singers are at it again with,
“Uh-oooooooh”
as we all turn to see Leo fiercely glaring down at us.

“Chrissy, what’s going on?”

Pointing at Taddeo…or somewhere in his direction, “It’s his fault!  Make him go away, baby.”

Looking at Taddeo, “Dude, is there a problem?”

“No problem, man.  Just defending myself.”

Standing up to show off my slender figure, I sway from side to side as I try to say, “Oh…what Taddeo?  Am I so scary?”  But, it sounds more like,
“Oh..whaddeo? Mysooo  scaaaaaaaaary.”
And then I plop back down in my chair.

After he says “Actually, yeah,” the Ho-Bag, Slutty and Megan literally freeze when Leo bends over, rests his hands on the table in front of Taddeo and says, “What the fuck is your problem, man?”

“She’s the problem.  How come you can’t see it?”

Dramatically rolling my eyes and causing myself to get so super dizzy, I nearly fall out of my chair, I cry out,
“Whadididoo?”

Knowing he’s not gonna be able to get to the bottom of things with my drunk ass in the picture, Leo tells Slutty Co-worker and Megan to take me home and put me to bed.  On the way to the door Slutty yells to The Ho-Bag, “I’ll be back to get you in thirty minutes!”

Damage Control

August, 2001

The argument that ensued the day after my birthday wasn’t nearly as bad as the one that took place on Leo’s graduation night, but it was up there.  When I woke up, Leo was sleeping on the wicker couch in the same clothes he had on the night before.  I tip-toed to the fridge to get something to hydrate with/pour over my head, and that’s when he woke up.

As he rubs his eyes he sleepily asks, “Why did you have to do that?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You knew he still needed time to get to know you.  Why’d you have to push his buttons?”

“Leo, first, he’s had plenty of time to get to know me.  And, second…what about my buttons?”  Ouch.  My head hurts.

“Chrissy, have you forgotten about all of the times you screwed me over and who was there for me
every single time? 
If a girl did that to him, she’d never have a chance to get on my good side.  At least he’s giving you that.”

“I’d rather he not give me the chance than taunt me with future failure!  Because that’s what he did, you know!  He said I’m gonna screw this up…AGAIN!”

And then a crazy thought occurs to me.  Maybe I’m not angry about what Taddeo thinks.  Maybe I’m scared that he might be right.  Maybe that’s what triggered my ridiculous reaction, which is what I’m assuming I had since Leo’s so angry with me that it made him sleep on the couch.  Actually, come to think of it, I don’t remember much about last night, not even how I got home.  Last thing I remember is Taddeo telling me I was about to go on an airplane…or was it that I needed to buy new luggage?

“Baby, you’re not gonna screw this up.  Look…I don’t want to fight about this.  There was enough of that last night.”

“What are you talking about?”

When he sits up, I see his face.

“OMIGOD!  What happened?”

Exhaling like he’s super disturbed, “Defending your honor, I guess.”

Oh shit, he got in a fight with the only other person in the world he loves!  What the hell did I do last night to have made that happen?  Think, think, think…

Rushing over to him to get a better look, I’m horrified at what I see. “Are you hurt?”

I hate fights!  I hate them so much, my body actually feels the blows of the punches when I see them happening on TV.  They’re savage and primeval and they have no place in my life.

“Not as much as he is.”

“Why Leo?  He didn’t do anything that bad!”

Did he? 

“It never should’ve come to that!” 

Should it have?  God damn it, why don’t I remember anything?

“I’m not gonna let anyone, Taddeo included, disrespect you to my face.  After you left, I told him to take it easy…warned him to back off.”

“But he didn’t?”

“Does it look like it?”

When Leo clasps his hands behind his neck it causes his biceps to flex and it stirs something inside of me.  I walk over to him in anticipation of trying to make him forget about last night, but before I get there he leans back on the couch, closes his eyes and shakes his head.  My sweet, loving, noble knight in shining armor is hurting and it doesn’t look like it’s from the black eye.

“Leo, please tell me what can I do to fix this?  I know!  Gimme his number, I’ll call him and apologize.  I’ll tell him he’s right about…whatever it was he was accusing me of being.  I’ll do whatever it takes to make things good again with you two.”

Snapping his head up, “No, Chrissy, he wasn’t right! I never would’ve beat the shit out of him if he was.”  Standing and pacing the small living room, he runs his fingers through his black hair and grumbles, “Fuck!  This is a mess.”

That should be my middle name, Chrissy Mess Anderson.  I thought I would’ve shed it, along with Gibbons, when I got a divorce, but for some reason it’s globbed onto me.

Doing the only thing I ever know to do when Leo gets super mad, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

“I guess there’s one good thing that came out of last night.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“You found out I’m a really bad drunk.”

I knew things were bad when Leo barely cracked a smile at my joke, broodingly took the Gatorade bottle for a swig, and then silently walked down the hall for a shower.  It’s been almost a month since that morning and the same amount of time since he’s spoken to his best friend.  However, the same cannot be said about me and my best friends.  Courtney and Nicole caught onto the fact that I’d been going to Kelly’s grave a day earlier than anniversary day, courtesy of the creepy lawnmower dude, and to my surprise they were there waiting for me yesterday.  The minute I saw them, it hit me how much I’ve missed them. There were massive amounts of apologies on both sides and a speedy invitation to get the gang,
plus Leo
, together.   They hated the fact that Craig had met him before them and said they talked some much needed sense into their unnecessarily loyal and idiotic husbands, hence the pool party Leo and I are invited to attend tomorrow night at Nicole’s house.

Even though it’s totally the wrong time to spring this on Leo because he’s crazy busy at work
and
still stewing from the Taddeo nightmare, I accepted the invitation anyway.  I had to!  I’m the one who caused the big stink to make it happen!  Here’s to hoping I still look good in a bikini and that it’s enough to distract Leo from the probable shit show I’m about to put him through.