The Unexpected Evolution of Language (26 page)

The term “stove pipes” (meaning, simply, thick black pipes connected to a stove) came along by the end of the 1600s. By the 1850s, stoves—and stove pipes—were so well-known that they lent their name to a
similar-looking popular style of gentleman’s hat, which President Abraham Lincoln made forever famous.

success

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
outcome; result (not necessarily positive)

NEW DEFINITION:
attainment of a desired or hoped-for outcome

At one time, “success” wasn’t about achieving desired ends. It was a synonym for “result”—sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes a little of both. Your crops were plentiful? “Success.” Your crops all died? “Success.”

The Latin word from which “success” springs contains an element of “happy outcome.” Think, for example, of the word “succession.” Something leads to something else. The result, as often as not, is positive. Of course, sometimes succession—of a president, for example—occurs because of an untimely death.

Ultimately, by the seventeenth century, “success” became associated specifically with the fulfillment of a positive, desired end. As early as the turn of the twentieth century, psychology pioneer William James diagnosed America’s main malady: too much attention to the “bitch-goddess Success.” That’s America! We want to be first! We want to be the best! We want to be better than our neighbors! We want every piece of the pie! Thus, one’s Middle English ancestors paved the way for modern-day Americans to chase after that particular “bitch-goddess” with all the gusto they can manage.

symposium

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
drinking party (fun)

NEW DEFINITION:
conference focused on a particular topic (not fun)

“Symposium’s” roots actually mean “gather and drink.” Romans and Greeks alike enjoyed—
seriously
enjoyed—“symposia” (the Romans called them “convivia” … but same thing). Picture Plato’s version as a bevy of MENSA members congregating to play beer pong while having intellectual conversations. His concept of a “symposium” translated well into English and remained intact well into the eighteenth century.

Then colleges and universities began to take the fun out of “symposia.” They borrowed the word and (sort of) the concept of a symposium by gathering people together to discuss arcane topics. If you’ve ever been to a symposium, then you know the word’s true definition should be “embodiment of boredom.” Symposia are an excuse for eggheads to congregate, lay a few ideas, cluck their tongues in opposition, and go back home to roost.

Thus, by the nineteenth century, symposia were stripped of all their earlier, enjoyable elements. They became excuses to go to a university in the middle of nowhere, and listen to a bunch of people ramble, sadly, without beer pong.

T

tawdry

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
lace ribbon for a lady’s neck

NEW DEFINITION:
cheap; gaudy

St. Awdrey, as she’s generally known, founded a monastery in 673 in a village called Ely, near Cambridge, England. For centuries, an annual fair held in the village to honor the saint was known for its modest lacework decorations, which ladies of the day wore about their necks.

As time went on, the simple lacework became, well, gaudier. Or at least the Puritans thought so. (Honestly! They took the fun out of everything!) They descried St. Awdrey’s lace, and eventually “St. Awdrey” transformed into “tawdry.” Thus, the same folks who brought America witch trials and scarlet letters also bequeathed to the English language a word that still means cheap, showy, and gaudy.

termagant

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
fictional Muslim deity

NEW DEFINITION:
quarrelsome, scolding woman

During the Middle Ages, most people couldn’t read, but they were still expected to know the Bible … or at least the highlights of the Bible. If people couldn’t read, then how did the clergy bring the Word of God to the masses? They created mystery plays, so called because they featured the mysteries (i.e., miracles) of Christ’s life.

Then, as now, however, those who put on plays aimed at the “rabble” knew they had to throw the common folks bones. They couldn’t just offer strict theology because it would have bored the very folks performers tried to reach. One way to appease the masses was through farce (see entry for “farce”), and another was the creation of over-the-top villains (see entry for “villain”).

Herod was a favorite villain. In case you’ve forgotten, he was the king who tried to kill the baby Jesus. Another bad guy of choice was completely fictional. His name originally was Tervagant, but this switched later to Termagant.

Termagant was a fictional Muslim deity. You see, Christians didn’t know much about Muslims during the Middle Ages. They just knew Muslims were evil … because the clergy told them so. Most people had no idea how Muslims worshipped, so they created Termagant to fill that void. This fictional god yelled, screamed, and overacted just as much as Herod.

Over time, “termagant” (with a lower-case “t”) came to denote anyone—male or female—who is quarrelsome or extremely disagreeable. Ultimately, the word became almost entirely associated with stereotypical depictions of yelling, screaming, quarrelsome women.

test

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
cupel

NEW DEFINITION:
trial; examination

What? You don’t know what a “cupel” is? You would have known if you’d lived during the fourteenth century and wanted to get your money’s worth.

A “cupel,” also called a “test,” was used to assay precious metals. The “test” was a porous cup into which one poured molten silver or gold. Impurities in the valuable minerals were absorbed by the “test,” leaving pure gold and silver. Thus was born the expression, “put something to the test.”

By the seventeenth century, writers borrowed “test” and made it into a metaphor. The “test” “examined” the gold and filtered impurities from it, so a “test” became a general word for examination or trial. As other means of purifying precious metals became available, the “cupel” fell out of use, leaving behind the “test” we know today.

thrill

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
to pierce, as with an arrow

NEW DEFINITION:
to excite; cause a shudder of emotion

In the 1300s, “thrill” meant to pierce or penetrate. For example, if you were on the battlefield, and a spear went through your guts, you were “thrilled.” The word’s roots hearken back to “hole,” which is what you’ll have if something pierces you.

By the turn of the seventeenth century, writers already were starting to use “thrill” in a metaphorical sense. Rather than being pierced by an arrow, someone “thrilled” was “pierced” by an emotional overload. If you’ve experienced the thrill of love, then you know it’s a visceral feeling. Literally, you shudder, flooded with a myriad of emotions you can’t process. No wonder Cupid comes equipped with a quiver. When love “hits” you, you feel like you’ve been pierced by an arrow. That feeling is how the word “thrill” changed in meaning. The word became a noun by the eighteenth century, and in the twentieth century, it came to mean “an experience that is exciting.”

tinker

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
mender of pots and pans

NEW DEFINITION:
to work at something in an unskilled way

Long before Angie’s List, people could make known their dissatisfaction with a skilled worker. Take the example of the “tinker” for proof. In the Middle Ages, a “tinker” was an itinerant (mobile) mender of household items such as pots, pans, and kettles. The word may derive from the sound a “tinker” made when hammering on metallic items.

But notice that key word: “itinerant.” These folks ambled into town, claimed to be excellent menders, and often left behind shoddy craftsmanship. By the time the folks in the household realized they’d thrown money away on a faulty job, these “tinkers” were long gone.

Thus, unskilled labor masquerading as skilled labor played a part in the transformation of “tinker” from a word with a neutral connotation to one with a negative connotation. All dissatisfied customers on Angie’s List can do is give plumbers negative reviews, but folks who got irritated with “tinkers” caused the word “tinker” to adopt an entirely new meaning.

Tinker’s Damn

Not only were “tinkers” lousy at mending, but they also had a reputation for profanity. Many claim that’s the origin of the expression “tinker’s damn,” which means, basically, “the least amount of effort one can put into something.”

Others claim that this unfairly maligns “tinkers” … at least the part about them being profane. For these etymologists, the expression actually is a “tinker’s dam” without the blaspheming “n” at the end of the second word. A “tinker’s dam” is a small plug used to help create cast metal molds. Since the plug is fairly insignificant, the expression still denotes “the least amount one can put into something.”

toady

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
one who eats toads

NEW DEFINITION:
servile follower

“Toady” is short for “toadeater,” and that’s really what the word meant in the seventeenth century. “Toadeaters,” or “toadies,” worked with charlatans (see entry for “charlatan”). Charlatans were quacks who sold “medicine” they claimed could cure any disease known to humankind. In fact, they could even counter the poison of toads! (In those days, people believed that toads were deadly poisonous. They feared accidentally consuming a toad’s leg instead of a frog’s leg.)

A charlatan’s “toady” would, literally, eat a toad and then put on a smashing display of convulsions and death throes. Then, armed with his magic potion, the charlatan would bring the toady back to the pink of health.

By the eighteenth century, most people knew to avoid buying a charlatan’s nostrums. But people remembered the sight of the quivering, shaking, quaking, bowing, scraping “toady.” The word lost its direct association with toads and became, instead, a slavish follower, someone who would even eat a toad for his or her boss.

tomboy

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
a rude, boisterous boy

NEW DEFINITION:
a girl who acts and dresses like a boy

The word “tomboy” first appeared in the early sixteenth century. At first, a “tomboy” truly was a boy, the sort who might skip school, not do his chores, get into fights, etc. He wasn’t evil, just high-spirited.

The word “tom” had denoted a simple-minded person since the 1400s, and that helped give these boisterous lads their nickname: They acted like fools.

By the 1600s, “tomboys” changed gender. They were spunky girls who acted in ways one often associates with boys. They liked playing in mud, wearing pants, skipping school, etc.

A likely reason for this gender change is that the word “tomboy” derives not from the boys’ nickname “tom” but from an Anglo-Saxon word meaning “dancer” or “one who tumbles about.” This led the word to be associated with prostitutes, who, um, like to tumble about.

Eventually, the high-spirited tumbling simply became high spirits, the opposite of the meekness with which one associated girls for centuries. Thus, the word had a pejorative ring. Most tomboys today are proud to be assertive and not “girly girls,” but the word can still be used as an insult.

truant

ORIGINAL DEFINITION:
beggar

NEW DEFINITION:
one who disregards a duty, especially one who skips school

At one time, a “truant” was a beggar, a vagabond, one who wandered from place to place entreating strangers for a crust of sustaining bread.