The Understorey, Book One of The Leaving Series (26 page)

“I was so vulnerable and I felt like I’d been
scolded like a child. I know I was too sensitive about it but I was
so exposed and I felt like I needed to guard myself again. The only
way I could do that was by getting out of there. The rejection
damaged my heart a little. I felt slighted and unattractive, like
you didn’t want me.”

    “Oh my God Jules! That is
the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” I said laughing.
She pulled away and gave me the dirtiest look I’d ever seen her
give.
    “You’ve done it again!” She said, pulling
away.
I grabbed her and put her back as she had been. She resisted but I
forced her to.
    “Jules, I meant that it’s stupid to ever think
that I’d never want you! Do you have any clue how difficult it was
to stop myself? I have never wanted anything so badly in my entire
life like I want you but I would never compromise you for it. It’s
my duty to protect you, even sometimes from yourself, and
especially from me. I want you forever Jules and waiting a little
while isn’t a big deal to me. Our time will come
and...........Jules?”
    “Hmm?”
    “It will be the best times ever.”

She hugged me closely and I grabbed her chin.
I brought it up to my mouth and kissed her profoundly. Our shared
galvanized current made us forget the cold night air. When I came
up to breathe, I noticed how dark it was.

    “Wouldn’t it be nice,” I
sighed at the moon.
    “What? If we were older?” She smiled.

Chapter
Five
The Dream of the Ruthless Ideal

The next day, at school, Jules and I walked through the halls hand
in hand as always and squashed all the rumors Taylor Williams had
worked so hard to start.

“Let’s go to the rock bridge again tonight.
There’s something I need to talk to you about,” I said.

“Uh oh,” she fretted.

“It’s serious, but not
bad
serious,” I
said trying to pacify any anxiety.

“Whatever you say,” she laughed.

I kissed her at the door to her Art class and
as it closed behind her I caught a glimpse of a disappointed
Taylor. I shook my head and rolled my eyes while I walked to my
U.S. History class with Coach Miles. I was glad I had history first
because Jesse was in that class and I needed to apologize. It’s not
that I didn’t mean what I had said during lunch, only that I
shouldn’t have done it in such a public manner.

“Hey Jesse,” I said softly.
He nodded, avoiding eye contact, staring toward a depressing vinyl
tile.

“Listen,” I began, “I want to apologize for
blowing up on you yesterday, dude. I......”

But before I could finish, he cut me off,
“Elliott, I need you to break up with Julia Jacobs.”A small smile
curved at his lips, his eyes still plastered to the floor.

He said it so matter-a-factly, so blasé, so
‘can you believe this weather we’re having? Isn’t it a doozy?’. I
thought he was joking at first. I even began to laugh a little but
the narrow eyed expression he burrowed through me gave me a tiny
prickling sensation in my stomach and told me just how wrong I was
to assume so, told me he wasn’t joking, that he was one hundred
percent serious.

“
What
?” I asked.

“I need you and Julia to no longer be
together. Is that clearer?”
His tone was soft and unnerving. I hardly recognized it.

“Crystal,” I breathed, “Jesse, are you
insane?”
That wasn’t rhetoric. I was sincerely concerned. He only ignored
me.

“Stop playing Jesse. Come on.”

“I’m not playing,” a stone faced Jesse said,
“I am genuine. You must break up with her.”
    “I must?”
    “Must.”
    “And if I said no?” I laughed nervously, still
trying to feel out the situation.
    “You won’t say no.”
    “Well, I’m saying no.”

He snorted. “Let’s just say, if you don’t,
you’ll force me to do something......
drastic
.”
    “Be careful, Jesse,” I said through gritted
teeth.
    “After you so carelessly let me take her out, I
decided that I want her and I think you should give her to
me.”
    “You’ve
decided
that you want her? And
you expect me to
give
her to you?” The ridiculousness of it
was mind boggling to me. It was so ludicrous that I foolishly
didn’t even feel that threatened, more concerned with his mental
health.
    “Yes, I like her legs.” He chuckled, “She has
absolutely no interest in me at all and I’ve never run across that
before.” The ego. “I feel challenged and to be honest with you I
need a challenge. I’m so bored. Granted, she’s sort of chatty but
I’m sure I could remedy that.”
    “Get over yourself Jesse.”
He laughed.
    “I’m going to get her from you, one way or
another.”
    “Think you can frighten me into submission? You
couldn’t be more off the mark. I would kill for her. I would even
kill you, despite the fact we used to play together as
babes.”
    “I’ve only begun to frighten you Gray.”

That was very true. It was official, he
was
insane. These past few weeks, I had very strong
suspicions but was in total and utter denial. This robotic,
psychotic version of Jesse that sputtered out this dribble was in
fact the new Jesse. The final version. I could see in his cold,
dead eyes that he had snapped and that it had been a long time
coming.

In retrospect, my first clue should have been
when I caught him as kids on two separate occasions trying to
mutilate live animals. The first time, he made an excuse and I
shrugged it off but the second time there was no mistaking what he
was doing and I had proceeded to scream and yell and explain until
I was blue in the face how cruel it was. He had bowed his head and
apologized and I was naive enough to think that I had gotten
through to him, that it was just a phase because I hadn’t caught
him doing anything else since, but I could no longer deny that my
best friend was insane.

Then there was the way he treated women, yet
another red flag. The puzzle pieces were fitting together and I
could no longer make excuses for him. I knew now that somewhere in
this world there was probably a hidden pile of cruelty that he was
responsible for and I wondered where the hell it was and I hoped to
God it was only animals.
You’ve only begun to frighten me.
I
repeated it to myself so I could fully absorb it.

   “If you refuse to let me
have her, then I’ll just take her and I’m betting you’re not going
to like what I plan to do with her if it comes to that.”
Rage.
   “Touch a hair on her head,” I said, surprisingly
even for the explosion coursing through me, “and I will tear you
limb from limb. Remove her from your thoughts Jesse. That is the
kindest warning you will get from me. Don’t underestimate me.”

“Suit yourself but don’t say I didn’t warn
you.” He tipped his head toward the ground and shook it.”

“
God
but did I warn you.”

He lifted his face and his expression shocked
the hell out of me. He appeared extremely pleased with the
direction our conversation was going, like I was saying all the
right lines. It was paralyzing.
“Jesse are you psychotic?”
   “I wouldn’t say such a word if I were you.”
    “Why? Does that accusation hit too close to home
for you? I can see it in your eyes Jesse.”
    “Choose your words wisely Gray.”
    “You are aren’t you? You’re a bona fide
psychotic. How could I have not seen it before?”
    “Say that word one more time Gray. I dare
you.”
Go ahead Gray. Provoke the deranged psychopath.
    “Psychotic.”

He slowly slid his eyes closed and took two
deep breaths. He hurled himself at me and I began my second fight
for that year.

He crashed into me with pathetic force, or
maybe it just seemed that way because the adrenaline streaming
through my veins might as well have made me a brick wall. I yanked
my hands from my pocket and stood up. He let go of me, straightened
himself, and rubber banded his right elbow behind his back, forming
a tight fist.

I shoved my chair behind me with my right
foot and steadied myself for the next blow. He swung his right fist
toward my temple and I blocked it with the back of my left forearm.
I swung with my right hand swiftly under his pitiful chin and
knocked his head back.

The blood and spit spilled from his lips and
I watched as it splattered across the same vinyl tile he had so
closely been studying just a minute before. He stuttered backward
into Katie Shannon and she shoved him off of her body and ran
toward the door where the rest of the class hovered, waiting for
our scrap to die out or for Coach Miles to enter and intervene.

He regained his balance and the hate emanated
from his eyes. I’ve never seen eyes that looked like that. It was
as if I could see into the depths of his wicked heart and it sent
chills down my spine. I held out my hand and told him to back off
but he sprinted toward me with unspeakable rage billowing from his
stare.
Great
.

He attacked again, but I didn’t even give him
the chance to get near before kicking my right leg in front of me
and striking the middle of his chest. I heard the huff of his
breath break short. He groaned in pain. His body listlessly curled
around my foot, his hands brushed against my knee in reaction to
the force and he stumbled drunkenly over several desks rolling onto
the floor just as Coach entered the room.

***

I sat in the Principal's office and could see
the idiot across the lobby laying unconscious still in the nurse’s
office on her pleather padded bench. When Coach Miles came out he
grabbed my arm and tugged me into the hallway. I leaned against the
cold tiled wall with my arms folded.

“The kids in class told me you were just
defending yourself Elliott,” he said, “but what I wanna’ know is
why.”

“Am I in trouble?” I asked, not truly caring
if I was or not.

“No, since every one’s stories check out
you’re free to go back to class with me, but first, I want you to
explain to me what happened. What started it?”

“He’s insane,” I said, honestly.

“Elliott, I thought Jesse was your best
friend?” He asked, confused.

It probably was more unsettling to him that
we had a game Friday and he didn’t want two of his players at odds.
I didn’t feel like explaining something to him that he would just
shrug off anyway, so I lied.

“Nothing. Really Coach. It’s a
misunderstanding and I think we’ll be okay soon.”

I almost said for Friday’s game instead of
soon but caught myself. He would have seen right through that as my
way of only appeasing him. I guess it was an acceptable enough
answer for him because he started down the hall toward his
classroom and I followed. I had never looked forward to Mrs. Kitt’s
class so much in my life. I sat in History following the sluggish
tick of the second hand paying absolutely no attention to the
lesson.

My thoughts turned back to the disastrous
turn of events.
I’ve only begun to frighten you
, he had
said. Acid from my stomach began to creep into my throat. I
couldn’t sit there any longer. I grabbed my bag and jacket and
rocketed from my desk into the hall. Coach started to protest but I
had already started for my truck and wasn’t about to turn back.

I sat in the cab, shivering from the cold,
wrapping my jacket closer to my body, collecting my thoughts. I
thought about how I was going to handle Jesse and wondered if I was
overreacting.
Stop trying to find an excuse for him. He’s not
the same Jesse anymore.

I wondered if I was going to tell anyone
about our conversation, I wondered if they would believe me, but
mostly I wondered how I was going to keep Jesse away from Jules. I
still hadn’t decided what I was going to do when the bell rang.

It startled me from my dark thoughts. It
startled me because it meant something to me that it had never
meant before. Its shrill tone marked the end of a euphoric
existence with Jules and the beginning of an uncertainty. I was
scared and I never get scared because, I realized, I had never had
anything worth losing before.

    “Jules!” I called when I caught a glimpse of her
across the hall. My hands shook at my sides.
She smiled and did this little funny dancing jig to make me laugh,
not caring one bit about the pairs of eyes staring right at her.
She was blissfully unaware of how effective it was, temporarily
melting away the fear of my morning from my mind.
    “Hi,” she flirted.
    “Hi sweetheart,” I said, kissing her neck,
reigning in my feelings of fear just enough not to tip her
off.
    “Gross,” said Taylor behind us, rolling her eyes
and shrugging past us to her next class.

Of course, we ignored her. Jules and my world
was an amazing one. World War III could be clamoring around us and
she’d be asking me if I remembered to write down the name of that
obscure Indie film we had wanted to see.

She snuck her left hand into my right jacket
pocket, as she always did, and let it set there to get warm against
my body. Her hands were always frozen. I dipped to get her to
remove her hand so I didn’t reveal anything through touch but she
thought nothing of it. We moved to the tile wall behind Mrs. Kitt’s
door to let traffic through.

    “What happened in Art
today?” I asked, avoiding the inevitable.

My heart was beating at a million miles an
hour. I breathed deeply to regulate, hoping I wouldn’t give it
away. I knew I had to tell Jules what had happened but I would have
paid an exorbitant amount of money in that moment not to.

    “Not much,” she said,
scrunching her nose.
Uh oh
.
    “What happened?” I asked.
    “Well,” she said, “Taylor Williams.”
    “Enough said.”
We both laughed.
    “Exactly. How was History?” She asked
innocently, asking the very question that usually deserved a
mundane answer.
    “Well,” I sang.
    “Uh oh,” she said, repeating my previously
unspoken comment.
    “Jesse Thomas and I got into a fist fight.”
Guess what else baby? He’s also a psychopath.
I tried to make it sound like it was not a big thing. No sense in
worrying her at school
    “What?!” She almost screamed.
Heads whirled our way. They would find out soon enough but I wasn’t
going to be the one to tell them.
    “Shhh,” I said, placing my forefinger to my
lips, “I don’t want to talk about it now. Besides, class is about
to start.”
    “Okay,” she said pointing her finger at me, “but
at lunch. Everything.”
I nodded.
    “Elliott?”
    “Yes honey?”
    “I can read you from here you know? You’re
nervous and that’s making
me
exceedingly nervous.” She
paused, her bottom lip began to quiver. “Are you sure you can’t
tell me now?”
I shook my head and we drifted into class.
    “At lunch, I promise. Just not now. Let me
gather myself. I’m just glad to have you next to me.”
    On our way to lunch we walked slowly behind the
rest of the class.
    “Spill,” she said as soon as we reached the
threshold of the door.
    “Jules, what if I asked you to run away with me?
Right now. This very second.”
    “I’d say you were avoiding telling me what
happened this morning.”
I stopped her and grabbed her arm, swiftly removing it before I
bombarded her with my fear.
    “Would you do it? If I asked you to? Would you
do it without explanation?”
    She sighed, “If you could look me straight in
the eyes and say it was absolutely necessary. Yes, I would. I trust
you.”
Alright, that was good to know. No sense in worrying her anymore
than needed. I decided to tell her the bare minimum.
    “Alright,” I said, steadying myself to blurt it
out. “Jesse Thomas told me that I needed to break up with you and
that I needed to give you to him.”
She thought seriously for a moment.
    “As in, he wants to be with me?”
    “Yes.”
    “Why?”
    “I don’t know.”