The Ultimate Stonemage: A Modest Autobiography (16 page)

The Behemoths then took to the trees, carrying much of my treasure with them, and from this vantage point, they had watched the town for many weeks. At night, I learned, they gave out strange calls, which were like the sounds of many bass horns. First one of the creatures would call out, then another, and then others, until the air was filled with their music, greatly terrifying the townsfolk. I had heard these sounds myself, even down there in the cellar, but had thought it to be the sound of some local celebration.

By God’s will, even as I was talking to the boy, the Behemoths began their howling. He looked fearful then, and made as if to leave, but I said, “Wait. Do you know what they are singing?”

“I d-d-do not, but I know it is an eerie sound,” he said.

“They are singing a prophecy,” I said. “For many nights I have listened to it, but it puzzles me.”

“What does the song f-f-foretell?” he asked, and his eyes were wide with wonder.

I was very clever then, and I said, “I cannot be entirely certain, but I can guess at it. Perhaps it tells of one in this town who is held in the lowest regard. This man will come to be raised to great rank, through taking pity upon a prisoner. The prisoner, I am certain, is me, yet I do not know the name of the man which they sing.” And then I looked at the lad, as if an idea had just entered my head. “Tell me, boy, what is your name?”

“It is
Smad,” he said.

Here I burst out laughing, for a smad, in those parts, is a word used to describe the leavings of a horse. Yet I restrained myself, turning my roar of laughter into a cry of the utmost delight. “Why,” I said, “that is the very name they speak of. They prophesy that you, who are the least of this town’s citizens, shall become its lord, and all who live here shall bow down to you and obey your commands.”

You will realize, of course, all my talk of prophecy was trickery, for I no more understood the song of the Behemoths than this boy did. It follows from this that I could not be certain the song of the Behemoths was
not
a prophecy, so my trick was not actually a lie. It is important to be aware of these distinctions if one is to live a moral life.

In any case, he believed my words, and he asked how these things would come to be.

“I will make them so,” I said. “But first, you must run me an errand. You must go to my bodyguards, and tell them where I am to be found.”

He was very afraid at this, and understandably so, for they were fearsome creatures, and they had already tried to kill him once. And, in truth, it was a miracle he had escaped, for they did not usually miss their mark.

Still, I spoke soothing words, speculating as to the kind, wise hearts which beat beneath the ugly hides of the monsters, and the great sadness they must feel at the fear which people had for them. Again, there was little substance upon which to base my speculations, for I believe there is nothing in the world the Behemoths so enjoyed as fighting and killing, and very often, when marching, I had seen them step quickly to one side in order to stamp upon some lizard or shrew by the road, or flick a claw into a tree to disembowel a squirrel.

At last, Smad agreed to my request, saying he would go to the bodyguards the next day, when he went to fetch water from the river.

The next day,
Reckdohl came to visit me. He said, “We have consulted experts and can find no record of a
Prince Fiathor Fthather. Furthermore, we do not believe the army of winged spectres you have described actually exists.”

I explained to him that, in an infinite world, all things must exist somewhere, including an army of winged spectres.

Now, this was good logic, but it made him very angry, and he started shouting at me about how I had no comprehension of the gravity of my sins, and that I was a liar, and so on, which was very tedious.

As he shouted, however, I heard a distant sound, which I recognized as the war cry of my Behemoths. I knew they had just received word of my location from Smad.

Because I wished to distract my visitors from the sounds of the Behemoths, I shouted back at Reckdohl, saying that everybody commits sins from time to time, and, before he passed judgement on my adventures, he should perhaps spend time confessing to me his own imperfections.

Well, Reckdohl grew furious with me then, and he walked up to me and poked me in the chest with his index finger. But no sooner had he done so than there came a series of deafening roars from outside. Then, suddenly, the room shook under a crashing, thundering sound, mingled with the screams of men and women and falling bricks. Above this terrible din came the sound of splitting wood, and, looking up, I saw great claws tearing through the ceiling of the cellar, and pulling it away in clumps, as easily as a dog digs away at a rat-hole. Within moments, the cellar was ablaze with daylight, for the Behemoths, in their determination to reach me had torn down the very walls of the house where I was held captive, leaving the cellar now open to the sky, so I was almost blinded by the brilliance of the light (for I had been many weeks in the dark cellar, and my eyes had seen nothing but lamplight).

You may be sure the Behemoths did not deal kindly with Reckdohl, and, although I am a compassionate man, I dearly wish I could have watched and relished every moment of his death. Yet, although my eyes were temporarily blinded, my hearing was still keen, and I was well satisfied with the sounds I heard, which were those of blows and splashes and breaking bones and tearing flesh, such as you might hear when hacking apart a leg of pork, yet mingled with the man’s agonized death-screams.

The Behemoths then released me from my bonds, but I found myself too weak to walk properly. So they carried me above, and then back to the camp.

You will wonder why I did not command the Behemoths to kill everyone in the town without delay, as a righteous revenge for the abuses I had received. Yet the truth of the matter is that, although I had rejoiced to hear my Behemoths arrive, I was no sooner released than a powerful wave of nausea swept over me. I felt no urge for vengeance, but wished only to depart the place.

Still, I did not let my wits leave me, for I knew that later, when I was well, I would exact my revenge and take pleasure from it. Therefore, as the Behemoths carried me away, I commanded them to keep watch over the town, making sure no one might leave the area, either by day or under cover of darkness. Later, I ordered them to guard the water boy, Smad, whose actions had released me from my imprisonment, so the people of the town could not harm him. I also sent other Behemoths out to track the groups of myrmidons which had left upon hearing of my death, so they might be brought back into my service once more.

For a day, I remained at the camp, eating, exercising as much as I was able, and gaining my strength once more. Soon, I was able to walk again, and although I still had wounds, it was clear they were healing as they should. I considered very carefully what form my revenge should take, and decided the proper punishment would be to kill only those who had tortured me. For the rest, I decided I would pay like with like. Since they had imprisoned me in their town, I would imprison
them
there. I will explain this shortly.

The following day, I walked into the town, with my Behemoths around me. We took the townsfolk from their houses, where they were hiding in fear, and assembled them in the marketplace. Many tried to hide in secret places within their homes, but this did them no good, for the Behemoths have a keen sense of smell, and were able to sniff out the villains, no matter where they might be concealed.

Once the townsfolk were all gathered together, I looked over the crowd, searching for the faces of those who had tortured me. I quickly found
Tirbe—that savage old woman who had taken delight in mocking me, claiming it was in retribution for the life of her son—and I said to one of the Behemoths, “Kill her without delay.”

Well, no sooner had the words left my lips than the Behemoth jumped forward, seized the old hag, and killed her in a way I will not describe here for the sake of those readers who may be weak in the belly.

Although her death was horrible to behold, and many present fainted away at the sight, I was much delighted by the efficiency of the killing. The Behemoth’s actions were astonishingly fast. It seemed I had no sooner spoken the command for this woman’s execution than she was lying dead upon the ground in two pieces. I then told the creature to use precisely the same methods to dispatch the other interrogators, and also some other folk who had earned my displeasure.

In the course of an hour, I found and executed all of my interrogators, except for Midana.

I said to him, “Where is my throwing-razor which you took from me.”

He said it was in his house, so I told him to go and fetch it. When he returned I took the weapon and returned it to its place in my boot, then I said to him, and to everyone, “The killings are now at an end. Midana, I will spare your life, although you would not have spared mine. In this way, the world will see I am the more magnanimous. But although I will let you live, your actions cannot go unpunished, for this would set a bad example to others.”

I then issued commands to two of my Behemoths. I told them to take him away to a comfortable, private place and there to tear off his legs, but very quickly, so the pain would soon be over. I also sent the town’s physicians to go after him and to care for him so he would not die of his injuries.

When these severe punishments were done with, I addressed the rest of the people as follows: “You have wrongfully kept me prisoner, and done foul deeds to me. Yet now the jug is in my hand, and I shall pour as I drank. All of you shall now be prisoners, and you shall suffer daily indignities, as I suffered them.” Then I brought forward Smad, the water boy, saying: “This boy, whom you have mistreated, I will now set above you all. He will command you, and he will whip you as he pleases every day. Moreover, I shall leave four of my bodyguards behind, who shall be in his service and will protect him from those of you who may wish him harm in his new post. Further, these bodyguards will be your gaolers, for if any of you should try to leave this town, they will hunt you down and kill you.”

Then I chose four Behemoths, and I commanded them to guard Smad as they would guard me, and to obey his every command. I told them also to kill any person who might try to leave the town of Grim.

And I spoke to Smad too. I gave him a fine leather whip, and I said to him, “Give such orders around the town as may please you, but remember this: for my sake, let no day pass without soundly whipping fifty of the townsfolk, for I wish them never to forget the sufferings they inflicted upon me.”

I stayed there a few hours longer, to watch the new order of things, and it pleased me very well, for Smad took quickly to his appointed role, whipping the townsfolk with vigour, and having them wait upon his every need. When I was satisfied all was as it should be, I left the town, accompanied by my Behemoths and also those of my myrmidons who had returned while I was recuperating.

We left the town in some speed, for I knew
Prince Tiaphan was close now. As we marched, I sent out scouts to find the other myrmidons that had wandered off, and we sounded horns to summon them. Over the next few days, more of them returned, although not as many as I would have liked. In total, I now had only two hundred of the original
Northern Guard to command (there had been over eight hundred when I left Quebec), together with twenty-five slaves, and all thirty Behemoths, less four which I had assigned to the permanent protection of Smad.

You will be sorry to hear that the punishment I inflicted upon the town of Grim, and which seemed to me a very fair and cool-headed one considering my sufferings there, did not work itself through as I desired, and I will quickly tell of this now.

A few days after I had left Grim, the rear observers spotted several figures coming after us at a run. As they approached, we saw these to be the four Behemoths I had assigned to Smad. I was angry to see them, and, when they reached us, I asked why they had disobeyed my orders to guard him. I could not make out their answers at first, for the tongue of a Behemoth is not well suited to eloquent speech (although they can understand such speech well enough), but at last I understood them to say they had abandoned their duties because they had “no love of it.” As I understood their meaning, they had no desire to serve any person save the one who wore the pendant, which was to say, me.

Fearing for the life of the virtuous Smad, I sent six of my ordinary myrmidons back to Grim, with orders to take over the duties which the Behemoths had abandoned. Two weeks later, however, these myrmidons, too, returned, saying Smad had been killed in the time he was unguarded, and the people were no longer prisoners in their own town. Worse yet, Prince Tiaphan’s great army had reached Grim, and passed it, and was in fast pursuit of me. My myrmidons had crept past the army at night, and they said it numbered many thousands.

I was tempted to double back, past the enemy army, and to punish those townsfolk once more, but, after considering the matter, I decided I had wasted enough time in the town of Grim, and I would leave them to stew in their own sins, until their offences against God himself became so great He would strike them down, as He did in
Sodom, and in
Gomorrah, and in
Tentennal, and
in Rhad. I therefore turned to the southwest, and we marched at great speed.

This, then, was how I escaped from my time in Death’s Kitchen, and with no serious injuries to speak of. However, I had lost three-quarters of my army, together with much of my wealth, for my treasures were in bags strapped to the myrmidons, and when they wandered off they took thousands of arrans with them.

In my mind, I resolved I would use the wealth that remained to me to buy more myrmidons, and build up my army once more. As you will see, however, Destiny decreed I should turn away from the military life. I will tell next of how this came to be.