The Ultimate Guide to Kink (46 page)

Drowning’s the one for me. You can do a lot of shit to me, but since I almost drowned when I was a kid you play around with that
at all
and I’m gonna freak and then take it out on you. So, no phobias—agreed?

FUCKIN’ RULES

It should be pretty clear by now that mindfuck is a huge fucking category with lots of room for all kinds of kinksters to do all kinds of things. But there are some basic rules to keep in mind to help any kind of mindfuck happen.

Rule One: Control the Info

The Top, by definition, has to know more about the scene than the bottom. This starts with a balance of communication and mystery. The bottom has to know what’s going to happen but also know that he doesn’t know everything that’s going to happen, or how it’s going to happen. The bottom has to know the Top enough to trust her, but not so much that she feels
fully
safe. There needs to be some lingering doubt, always, and always carefully managed. I like to say that
the bottom should only trust you enough to show up for the scene
.

So as the Mindfucker you have to know if the gun is loaded, and the bottom can’t know. (You have to know if the gun is real, too, and the bottom can’t know.) You have to know if you’re going to kill that person, and the bottom can’t know. You have to know how it will end, and the bottom can’t know.

This also means that you have to know what your bottom knows. I’ve done a bit of weaponsex and I always get hard shoving the barrel of my 9 mm Beretta 92FS down some hungry pig’s throat. But I ain’t an idiot. The gun I use is 1) a realistic blank-firing replica and 2) never loaded. But a smart pig who’s done a lot of gunsex is gonna suck on that barrel when it’s in his mouth. Why? Get plenty of air, there’s no bullet in the chamber, so you know it’s not loaded (or at least not chambered). All the fear goes away and, heck, that ain’t much fun. So, if I know I’m playing with a pig who knows how to do that, man, I just plug up that barrel with a bit of cotton. I can see the fear in their eyes when their clever little trick sends them a whole different message, the message I want them to have in their heads.

That’s because “Control the Info” means more than
just
“controlling” information; it means managing the information a bottom has access too. Innuendo, sensory control, half-truths—they all play a part. In this sense, a blindfold is your best friend, because the brain is used to processing visual information. Slap a blindfold on anyone, and I mean
anyone
, and the mindfuck has started. Their brain just runs with the last visual input it got and then tries to extend it. So, you see me with a big fucking hunting knife and then I blindfold you. Your brain still sees that knife and not the little wooden toothpick I’m poking at your privates. Information managed. Same thing with sound, once someone’s blindfolded. Get ’em tied, get ’em sightless, walk away, slam the door. They’re going to think you left. They won’t know, of course, but it’s that not knowing that makes the mindfuck happen.

Rule Two: Less Is More

The mindfuck isn’t happening out here in the real world, though it might look that way. Instead, the mindfuck is always happening up in the bottom’s head. So the Mindfucker needs to get the bottom to do the bulk of the work up in there. That means you don’t want to overdo anything in the scene; instead, you need to provide the context for the bottom to activate the scene. For example, one very bad mindfuck scene I was in was a kidnapping back in my bottoming days that was just, well, melodramatic. After the guy “kidnapped” me (by which I mean I had to help him drag me over to the waiting van), he “called” someone and said something along the lines of “I’ve got him. Erase all his information.” Oy. I knew it was only going to go downhill from there because it was suddenly very obvious just how not real this kidnapping was. The Top did too much, went too far.

Best way to follow the Less Is More rule?
Confirm nothing
. I once totally mindfucked this bootlicker online. He was convinced, and I mean utterly convinced, that I was controlling his mind. The chats went something like this:

“Oh, fuck, Sir, you’re in my head, aren’t you?”

“Am I?”

“Shit, I knew it. Fuck, what are you doing to me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t even really have to lie to him about what was going on. I just had to hold back and let his head fuck itself. Sweet.

Rule Three: Deliver and Maintain

As a Top you need to deliver the mindfuck and maintain it; otherwise the spell will be broken. That means reading where the bottom is, doing what it takes to maintain the illusion, but also knowing when it’s coming to a head and timing the scene appropriately. Every lie has its limits. You need to know those limits and tweak the dynamic to keep the sense of unreality real. For example, you get all jazzed and jizzed thinking about me drugging and raping you, so when you show up I shove a pill down your throat (maybe make you wash it down with my piss). Now, at first, you’re gonna think it’s all happening. And, soon, you’re going to feel a little weird and probably a little tired. I mean, fuck, we’re
all
tired these days, so no wonder, right? But sooner or later you’re going to realize you’re not passing out. That lie has a definite limit.

THE FUCKING SAFETY VALVE

All these rules support one goal: for the Top to get the bottom to the point where she can say up in her head,
I know I’m safe and this isn’t real, but what if it is?
I call this the safety valve because it allows the bottom to control the amount of fear he wants to experience. Not excited enough? Let yer head drift over to the
What if it is real?
side. Starting to freak out? Slide back down to
I’m safe and this isn’t real.

This safety valve mechanism is crucial for a successful mindfuck. If you leave out either part of it, it all falls to shit. If the bottom is sitting there only thinking the first part,
I’m safe and this isn’t real
, then there’s no fear, no fulfillment of fantasy, no test of faith. It’s just another scene. Fun, maybe, hot, maybe, but just another scene where we’re all safe and playing hard but nice. At the same time, fuck, you’re screwed if all you remember is the second part,
but what if it is?
If the bottom gets stuck on the idea that it’s all real, you risk real panic. And panic, let me say again, is a really, really bad thing in a scene.

The good news is that it’s not that hard to get the valve working. That’s what the rules are for. Control the Info to leave enough doubt to activate both sides. Remember that Less Is More, and the bottom’s head can do all the work, sliding up and down the scale of fear as needed. Deliver and Maintain, and everyone involved can ride that mindfuck for as long as you all want.

SOME FUCKING METHODS

Part of what the rules remind us is that all mindfuck is really self-mindfuck. If you’ve done any play with hypnosis, this might be familiar to you. All hypnosis is self-hypnosis, all mind control is self–mind control. As a mindfucking Top, all you need to do and all you want to do is create the context for this self-persuasion to happen. I’ve got a few methods to help you out with that.

First: Ask questions that prompt contextualized thinking. Ask questions that get the bottom’s head in the right place. For example, in a fear-based mindfuck you might have a verbal script peppered with questions like “Who will miss you most when you die? Will they remember you? Did you say goodbye? Did you say you’re sorry?” In a fantasy-based mindfuck you might be asking, “How will it feel to be turned into a cigar? Do you ever think about what it would feel like to be lit? To feel the heat consuming you?” And in a faith-based mindfuck, the questions are serious shit: “Will you trust me with your life? Will you do anything for me?” Ask the question, and the bottom’s brain takes over. It answers it. It fills in the gaps. It makes the magic happen.

I call my second recommended method “LILO,” which stands for “lie in; lie out.” (Any coders out there reading this? Recognize it? Remember GIGO?) This one’s pretty simple: if you manipulate the information going into the brain, it will make decisions consistent with that information. Obviously this method has a lot to do with both the Control the Info and Less Is More rules. Manipulating sight and sound is part of this technique, but it also involves useful lies like using a replica gun, switching their clothes for larger clothes in a shrinking scene, or just holding something sharp on the balls. Here’s my favorite example of LILO. I did this mindfuck class once where I pulled a victim from the audience and had her holding a small baggie with a little stick in it. I told the whole class about my recent experience with poison ivy (true), read aloud a whole bunch of shit about how nasty and pervasive the active ingredient is (true), talked about how it fucking drove me crazed to feel that itching (true). Then I put on rubber gloves and took out the stick, holding it very, very close to my victim’s skin. She was freaking out, especially when I finally touched her tits with it. Only then did I tell her it was some twig I had found outside the hotel—not poison ivy at all. Lie in; lie out.

Finally (and easiest of all), use silence. Silence just about equals mindfuck. It can be eerie, discomforting, and disturbing. For one thing, it deprives the brain of aural information. For another, we all know someone’s guilty when they plead the Fifth. Remember, the
real
psycho killer doesn’t tell it to rub the lotion on its skin. The real one doesn’t say anything at all. Just looks at you. Freaky fearful fun, that.

THE FUCKING DYNAMIC

Now, the easiest way to put together all these rules and methods is to think of mindfuck as a kind of theater or performance sex. This means you need to think about plot, setting, props, characters, movement, and climax.

Plot’s a biggie because every mindfuck has a plot. The plot guides the events, structures the dynamic, and suggests the arc of the scene. The plot needs to be discussed but not scripted—there should always be room for improvisation. What’s great about plot is that we live in a culture of stories. That means that for any given plot in any given mindfuck the bottom already knows how it ends. And, because they do, that’s where their head goes. The moment you invade their home, they’re thinking about the rape. The moment you pull out the gun, they’ve already been shot. Thus any plot can be used to “make them mindfuck themselves.” But more basically, the plot lays out the scene.

Setting is important, too, but dammit, setting is tricky, because it’s often hard to get it
authentic
. For example, I don’t know how things are where you live, but by me all the best abandoned warehouses have already been converted into very trendy lofts. When it comes to setting, sometimes you just have to do the best you can—and sometimes that turns out to be even better. For example, I once played with this Jewish guy who wanted to be the kike to my Nazi. I thought about investing in the big swastika flag and all that; I even looked at a few online. But man, I knew if I bought that online my name would end up on some interesting lists—not just with the government but with some scary-assed companies. So, instead, I printed out a bunch of pages from White Power websites and highlighted some key passages. When the kike arrived, this material was lying on the coffee table. And you know what? It worked even better. Let’s face it, Nazis today don’t live in some freaking Reichstag. They live in apartments and condos and suburban houses. It ended up being a more realistic setting and the scene was fucking
hot
. Less Is More, you see?

Depending on the mindfuck, props can be really important too. Sometimes these are easy. Want someone to think you’re making them shrink? Give them clothes to wear at the start of the scene and have the exact outfit two sizes larger waiting for them at the end of the scene (all tags ripped out, of course). In a case like that, props make the scene. In all cases, consider what would be appropriate, and then also consider what can be approximated. Like good theater, believing can make something real. For example, one year at IML this guy in the lobby was totally freaking because a bud of mine was in uniform and had a plastic gun. The guy knew it was plastic but it still freaked him out. Control the Info, my friends. Replica guns look and feel very real. (They’re great for pistol-whipping, too.)

I’m a sick bastard so one of my favorite props is a body bag. I don’t mean a bondage bag or a sleepsack. I mean a
body bag
—you know, the kind they put your corpse in so that your decaying juices won’t get all over the place. What do I do with it? Nothing, really. I just leave it out. Let them see it. If they ask about it, I change the subject. Control the Info. Less Is More. (Told you I’d sound like a psycho killer. I’m not, really.)

If you’re the Top you’re also going to need to develop a character. This is like role play, with one minor,
crucial
difference: the Top is playing a role but the bottom absolutely cannot be. They just have to be themselves, because if they feel as if they’re playing a role they know it’s not real. But the Mindfucker needs to be
absolutely
convincing, and sometimes that means thinking inside the bottom’s head and then beyond it. Let me tell you about the psycho killer. He’s not angry; he doesn’t yell. That’s not how to freak out a bottom. Instead, the psycho killer is perfectly calm—a little
too
calm, if you know what I mean. Fucks them up every time.

I should point out that characters play a role primarily in fear-based mindfucks. In some fantasy-based ones, both of you might be playing a character. In faith-based ones, neither of you should, since it’s all about bringing trust and submission to a whole new level.

True for all mindfucks, though, is that you need movement (or development) and a climax: the scene has to be going somewhere. It might be someplace the bottom knows, or not. For example, in a castration scene, you’re clearly building up to a climax. How fast do you want to move to it? Whatcha gonna do when you get there? As the Top, you should plan these elements in advance and then direct the scene like a theater director.