The Two-Night One-Night Stand (7 page)

“And now, mountain pose,” the instructor says calmly, bringing the class up to its feet.

Jayne’s mountain is on top of my mountain, she’s standing way too close. “Thanksgiving is coming up, then Christmas, New Year’s, your birthday, and then Valentine’s.”

“So, what does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m just saying, now is the perfect time to meet someone so you don’t have to spend all those days alone.” Jayne is a serial dater, a girl who is never alone and always needs to have a serious boyfriend.

“I have family and friends, I won’t be alone.” A four-hour car ride back to Jersey isn’t that big of a deal. I will definitely be going back home for Thanksgiving.

“You know what I mean. I’m talking about
being
with someone. Do I have to remind you of last year’s Valentine breakdown? Your threesome with Ben & Jerry and the two pints of ice cream you inhaled.”

Why did I tell her about that?
“Why did I tell you about that?”

“Because you wanted to make sure I would help you to never let that happen again. So, boom, here I am, helping you out.”

We’re now two very close talking trees. I balance my foot on my thigh. “I just don’t think I’m ready.”

“Why? Because of that dickhead Tyler?” she snarls. “Oh wait, or is it because of Dr. Dirty?” she asks, raising her brows, using the nickname she assigned my one-night stand.

“It has nothing to do with either one of them.”

“So are you saying you’re over Tyler?” She stretches her hands up over her head.

“Yup,” I say quickly, although I’m not sure that I am.

“And you’re done being
under
Dr. Dirty?”

A wave of heat flushes over me. Body parts that shouldn’t be get awakened. “Can we just drop this?” I whisper-shout at Jayne. “We’re gonna get kicked out of this class. Yoga is a time for inner reflection, not outwardly discussing my sex life.”

“No, I won’t drop it. You claim Tyler is over. Dr. Dirty was your rebound guy, so now it’s time for you to meet Mr. Right. My brother.” She points a finger in my face. “Saturday night. I’ll have him call you so you can set it up and there’ll be no mix-ups this time. Then if you go out and it doesn’t work out, I’ll stop bothering you. Deal?”

I fold forward to begin sun salutation. “Fine. Deal,” I say, breathing out and giving in. ’Cause really? Right about now, I’ll agree to anything if it will shut her up.

“UNCLE MATTHEW’S HERE!” I’m greeted by an onslaught of little girls. I single out the birthday girl and hand her a wrapped gift.

“Thank you.” Stacy beams and tears into her present, wrapping paper flying everywhere. “Aw, I have this one already.” She frowns.

“I’m sorry, it was on the list.” I followed the list very carefully. Uncle Matthew knows the rules.

“Stacy, that’s very rude,” Ashley scolds my niece. “Matty, I’m sorry, she received it from a friend at her birthday party this afternoon. And apparently she is still struggling with her manners.” My sister-in-law gives my little niece the death stare.

“I completely understand. Don’t worry, I can return it for whatever you want.” I hold out my hand and my niece hands over the gift, a smile back on her face.

“Thank you! You’re the best!” Problem solved, she runs off happy. If only I could solve all problems that easily.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Matty. I feel like we never get to see you lately. The girls miss you. Me and Pat miss you.” Ashley pulls back the foil to a cupcake and bites into the pink frosting. “God, why can’t I stop eating these things?” My brother comes up from behind and rests his hands on his wife’s full hips. Ashley has filled out a bit over the years—six kids will do that—and Patrick loves every single one of her curves.

“Look who actually showed.” Patrick grins.

“Anyone else here yet?” I ask, looking for my parents and any sign of Kent and his family. I still owe Robin an explanation for our strange run-in at the pizza place on Halloween.

“Kent’s in the back room. Robin stopped by Mom and Dad’s to borrow wrapping paper. They should be here soon.” Patrick opens the fridge. “Beer?”

“Sure.” I nod. He grabs three and we head off to the back room to find Kent.

“Dr. Daniels,” Kent greets me. Same joke every time. This time I ignore it. “We’ve been calling you, I even sent you a few texts. What happened on Halloween? Robin said she saw you at Romeo’s and you were acting like a deranged lunatic. Bet the girl loved that,” he mocks, chuckling at my expense. “Did you score?’

“As a matter of fact, I did.” The smile drops off Kent’s smug face. “Three times.”

“You’ve seen her three times since Halloween?” Patrick asks. “I guess that’s why we haven’t been hearing back from you, you’ve been busy.”

“Not three separate times, I only saw her that night.” Word vomit. I have no fucking clue why I tell them this.

My brothers exchange a confused look and then turn to me. “What?” Kent shrugs in question.

“I only saw her that one night,” I say, twisting off the cap on my beer, getting ready to chug.

“And you,” Patrick dips his head in an implicating way, “three times?”

I chug, refusing to make eye contact with them, and give them a simple nod.

“Holy shit.” Kent places his beer down on the end table and stands up. “Are you serious? You weren’t even that girl’s real date. Talk about getting lucky.”

“So when are you seeing her again?” Patrick asks.

I gaze down the long neck of my empty beer bottle, wishing there was more. “I’m not.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“She doesn’t want to see me again. It was just a… ya know… like a one-night thing,” I stammer. It’s quiet for a few seconds while they process what I just shared.

Patrick narrows his eyes. “When you walked back over to her that night, you told her about the misunderstanding right away, right?”

“Um.” I stare at the ceiling, pondering as if I can’t recall. “No, I didn’t tell her right away, exactly.”

“But Robin said you were at the pizza place with her, so you must have told her then?” Kent says matter-of-factly.

“It didn’t really come up when we were having pizza.” I should have kept my mouth shut. Why the hell did I open up this Costco-sized can of worms?

“When did it come up, Matty?” Patrick leans forward, awaiting an answer. “Before you slept with her?”

I close my eyes and shake my head no.

“During?” Kent exclaims.

“I didn’t tell her until the next morning. She got a call from her friend and I guess the friend must have been in touch with the real date and she figured it out.” I come clean, telling them everything rather than dragging it out question by question. “Then I told her my name, apologized, told her I’d like to see her again, and she showed me the door.”

My older, more mature brothers, who are both in their thirties, absorb my story for all of two seconds before falling over in laughter, hooting and hollering, clutching at their sides. I regret telling them almost as much as I regret not telling Holly my name right away. My stupid decision that night cost me big-time. Holly seemed like everything I wanted in a girl: smart, interesting, gorgeous, not to mention that our chemistry was off the charts. Her not wanting to see me again… sucks. And now to have these assholes making me feel like shit all over again, it sucks even more.

“What’s going on back here?” Ashley walks in, Robin right behind her. “We can hear you guys carrying on all the way from the kitchen.”

Patrick sobers up from his laughter, Kent not so much. This is why I hate being so much younger; every issue I have is one big laughable joke to them. Then they wonder why I don’t come around as much.

“Nothing’s going on, we were just hearing one of Matthew’s crazy stories.” Kent rubs his stomach, still huffing out the last of his laughter.

“Did the story have to do with that night I saw you at the pizza place? Because that was really strange,” Robin asks with the slight eye roll.

“Robin, you didn’t tell me anything about seeing Matthew at the pizza place. What happened? Who was he with? Did he have a date?” Ashley needs the details of
my
life but turns and asks Robin, even though I’m standing right here.

“Well, Matthew was on a date,
I think
, but he said he wasn’t Matthew.” Robin fills her in.

“He wasn’t Matthew?” Ashely holds up her hands. “Wait, what? If he wasn’t Matthew, then who was he?” The question restarts the chuckles of my two dickhead brothers.

“He was someone else,” Kent roars. “He stole some other guy’s date and….” He can’t finish. Too much laughter at my expense. I’m in a house full of children where the adults are the immature ones. I can actually feel my blood pressure start to rise. One more comment and I’ll blow.

“Can someone please explain what the hell you guys are talking about?” Ashley places a hand on her hip.

Kent controls his laughter just enough to get out, “Ask Dr. Nick.”

That’s it.

“You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you!” I holler at the four family members in the room. “A girl confused me for someone else.” The fuse is lit, sizzling its way down toward the bomb. “I stupidly went with it, realized I actually liked the girl, still didn’t tell her who I really was and then… I fucked her!” The bomb explodes. “Then she found out who I really was and that was it. All done. Over. I had a one-night stand. That’s all it was—A. One. Night. Stand. There, now you all know.” I knock my head into the back of the couch and close my eyes.

“Matthew Timothy Daniels!” My mother’s voice fills the silent room and my eyes fly back open. No one says anything. No one makes a move. My mother storms over to where I’m seated. “Please tell me that I didn’t hear you correctly. Did you just say you lied to some poor girl? And that you had a one-night stand?”

I don’t answer right away and Patrick jumps in, trying to help. “No, I think he just meant—”

My mother holds up a finger to silence him. “You don’t need to speak for Matthew, he can tell me what he meant himself.” She turns her angry gaze over to me. “So, tell me, Matthew, what did you mean?”

All eyes are on me. Robin hooks Kent’s elbow and tugs. “Come on, let’s go in the kitchen.” They leave the room. Patrick and Ashley follow, leaving just me and my angry, disappointed mom all alone.

“I screwed up,” I say in the lowest voice possible.

“You certainly did. I thought you knew better than that, Matthew.”

“It was an accident, Mom. I didn’t know what to do.”

“You didn’t know what to do?” she asks, appalled.

I hate that I’m getting this lecture. I’m sure my brothers never did.

“Sorry that I’m not as perfect at women and dating like Patrick and Kent were,” I say defensively, in an immature manner.

She grabs a tissue from her sleeve and swipes at her nose. “Oh, please. Your brothers were far from perfect back in their day.”

“They both married girls they knew since they were little kids. I don’t have anyone like that. I barely even dated in high school. I was the nerdy kid who didn’t even go to the prom.”

“What does any of that have to do with lying to a girl and having a,” she lowers her voice down to a disgusted whisper, “one-night stand?”

I’m not doing this. I’ve already been beating myself up ever since that night and I don’t need advice from my mother. “Mom, I’m twenty-four. I know what I’m doing.”

“Honestly, Matthew,” she shakes her head, “I don’t think you do.”