The Two Kings (Afterlife Saga) (125 page)

“You think ANY of that was
gratifying!”
He was seriously pissed now and for some reason I felt better for it. Anything was better than having Draven just stand ther
e and take it like he was stone…
cold, hard un-breathing stone.

“Well did you stop once, just once...
for
one tiny second in that flaming head of your
s
to think abo
ut how it made ME FEEL! DID YOU?
” He actually winced as though I
’d
branded him with a red hot poker.

“Wait, let me answer that one for you...NO!” I stomped.  

“He hurt you, he threw you to the ground, I saw it and I reacted like anyone in my position would
.
” He spoke the words like a true King.

“You
really believe that don’t you?
” His features set in granite and he folded his arms across his chest before answering.

“Yes
.
”

“Then you really are an idiot! Think back to my face Draven...this face!” I pointed at my face and walked him backwards because I kept pushing forward and he had nowhere else to go.

“This face, that was covered in tears as it is now. My pleading face that was begging, BEGGING Draven! Begging you to stop, begging you not to let me witness what you were doing, what you wanted to do, what you DID! Do you know when t
he last I begged Draven? DO YOU?
Let me take you back to my hell!”

“No, please, don’t do this!” He lowered his head like this was the most painful thing he had ever heard but I kept going, there was no stopping me now. 

“One name Draven, MORGAN!” He cried out when I shouted the words and he bent over double and looked like he was trying not to erupt again. I didn’t care...I just didn’t care, so I carried on.

“I begged him, every DAMN DAY! I begged him to let me go or let me die, just anything so that I could have control back over my life. So that I didn’t belong to him anymore. I had to nearly die to get free and when I made it out of there with my life, I vowed never to beg ever, ever, ever again! Tonight I broke that promise because of you. I was terrified Draven and it wasn’t because of what
had
happened
,
it was because of you. I was terrified of you!” This was the straw that broke
him
. Draven finally got it! And he looked like he wanted to die because of it. He fell to the ground just as I had and covered his face with his hand like he was trying to prevent it from caving in. I stood back and watched in horror at what I had done. Had I gone too far? I know I had wanted to hurt him
,
but this? I answered my own question.

I had gone too far.

“You can’t...I won’t...I won’t let you be frightened of me
.
”

“No
,
” I said in a whisper as I backed away from him further.

“I...I...can’t, NO, I won’t! I won’t live without you. Please Keira, I didn’t mean to frighten you, I had to do that, I had to show them that you couldn’t be touched. They had to fear it, they had to fear me, the very idea of it. I’m trying to keep you safe and keep you in my world at the same time but it is difficult. There are so many dangers, so many things to fear...but...but me? To think it was me all along that I had to protect you from, the way I am
.
” I cringed back as I had gotten a taste of justice and hated its
bitter acidic after
burn. I shook my head and he shouted back.

“YES! Yes it is and don’t try and deny me your true
feelings. I frighten you, who
am
I
to strike fear into the very heart that I
am trying desperately to claim? Where is my hope?
What is there for me to do, what can b
e done when you see me this way?
.... Hell’s Beast in love with Heaven
’
s beauty
.
” He ducked his head again and the pain was rippling from him like it was erupting from his core. Mine felt as though I was the one murdering him. It had cracked under pressure and I knew only one man that could heal me. My God this was tearing me apart! How could I ever have thought so badly of him, been so scared of him. That man that had shown himself, was this man that was in front of me on his knees declaring his love. If I had nothing then this moment, only this moment in my life to last me until eternity, his words, hi
s voice telling me that he loved
me would be enough and I need
ed
to hold on to that, I had to.

“I have to go
,
” I wanted to say, knowing
that I had to put space from
this night, I needed this time to get past this. I had to see things without Draven around, to face the facts and clear my head fro
m the visions of the King, the Judge and the E
xecutioner! I cried out again as another flash of tonight’s nightmare stole my concentration. Draven’s hand choking the life from another being. I mean
,
I had seen Draven fighting but that was always different, that was in self-defence or from protecting me from death or kidnapping. Those men had truly wanted to hurt me so didn’t that make it ok? See these are the things I needed to clear, to find clarity and make my decisions based on them, not on guilt at seeing Draven’s pain or the intense love he had for me. I had to be smart. I had to leave. So I said the words aloud, the ones I knew would hurt the most.

“I have to go
,
” I said letting fresh droplets of myself fall from my eyes and disappear into the snow. He raised himself up in one liquid motion and in two strides he was
in front of me, so close that i
f I was to see his face, I would have to strain my neck back so far that I would be looking straight up to the winter moon.

“No
!
” Was all he said and I tried to hold on to my resolve as I stared at his chest expanding as he took a breath.

“I have to,
” I repeated but his breath hitched and held for the longest time.

“Don’t go
!
” He poured everything he had into those two little words and more tears gathered and overflowed. His voice was so silky smooth it felt like being placed in a deep, cool lagoon on a blazing hot day. I closed my eyes before the next stage came. I knew it was on its way because I knew what my answer was going to be. And as if he knew also he raised his finger to my lips to stop me from speaking. He hesitated just a second before touching me but when I didn’t take a step back he placed one warm finger on my frozen mouth. I closed my eyes and let another overflow spill down to his hand.

“Please Keira... don’t leave
me
.
” He whispered and i
t felt as though my heart had stopped beating, it too, waiting for my answer. I looked away, moving from under his fingers, feeling like I
had
taken his place as the judge.

“Draven it’s too late, I have to leave now or I will just end up saying more things I will regret later on and I’m so tired of feeling a guilt that is enough for me to drown in
.
”

“No, stay and punish me, you have not said enough to me and I deserve more. Shout at me,
hit me and beat me down until I’m
nothing more than a shell but
please
don’t leave me!”
He was begging and there
was
not one ounce of pleasure in it
at all but I knew I couldn’t make it stop. It was too late for that wish.

“Then I will ask you, Dominic
please
let me go
.
” This time I did look up at him and when I saw the tears in his ey
es for the very first time a sob
broke free from my trembling lips.

“I am sorry but I cannot do that Catherine
.
” He spoke like he was truly sorry for not giving me what I needed. I broke down completely then and fell into his arms and cried until I felt empty. His strong hold wrapped around my torso and one hand held my head against his chest.

“Ssshhh, My little sweetheart
.
” He soothed back my hair and the gesture was making it harder for me to find control over
my feelings. It was only when
he took my hand in his and said the next words that I pulled myself back to our desperate situation.              

“Come Keira, come with me
.
” He pulled gently on my hand but I pulled back.

“No, I can’t..I..”

“Keira you
’
r
e
exhausted and freezing, you need rest and warmth. Let me give you that, let me take care of you
.
” He was trying so hard to lead me away with him, back to the place I still couldn’t go. It would have been so easy, like breathing, to just let him take me away to his tower. It was so tempting, knowing he would lay me down and encase me in his warm arms until sleep took over my mind and let me escape this turmoil. But I couldn’t do it. I wrenched my hand free and almost stumbled backwards.

“NO!” I shouted holding my hands up at him, like you would have an approaching wild animal.

“Ok...ok, look we can stay out here a little longer but...” I didn’t let him finish and he noticed me walking backwards.

“I’m leaving and you’re not going to stop me
.
”

“The hell I’m not!” He said angrily but also certain.

“Draven
,
I want you to do something for me
.
” I was still moving backwards but now he was moving forwards like at any minute he would scoop me up and carry me to his room whether I resisted or not.

“Go on
,” h
e nodded cautiously.

“Prove to me how you feel
,
” I said in flurry of emotion and before he could speak I had to say one last thing, to get it out before he gave me no option. I was taking quicker steps now and he was about to reach out to me. 

“Because
,
if you love me Draven, you will let me
GO!
” I cried out the word “go” causing his arms
to drop
to his sides and his face wince in pain. This was the last image I saw because I turned and started running as fast as my cold limbs would carry me. And I didn’t look back. I couldn’t give into the need. I ran like never before, not even thinking about what was making me move so fast. The world around me became a dark blur.  I just kept going until I was far along the main road and out of breath.

Thankfully the moon was full and was lighting my way, otherw
ise this get
away would have ended abruptly. I bent over to catch my breath, holding my waist like that would help the stitch that burned there. It took me a while to get past that and I realised why, I hadn’t stopped running until I was half way home. I wasn’t the fittest person at the best of times, not having the muscle strength for more endurance but I couldn’t believe it. I started back up and continued at the dull pace of walking. Soon after my body’s energy was spent from running, I got very cold. My pounding heart wasn’t making my skin hot like
it
had done but now it beat so slowly it was like I was asleep. All my body wanted to do was shut down but my mind was punishing it
self
by keeping it moving. My muscles were now screaming in protest, my feet felt blistered and painful. But I had to keep going, only half way to go.

I almost hoped Draven would ignore my proof of love and come flying in to get me. I was just so tired it hurt just keeping my eyes open. My body shook in vain at its feeble attempt
s
at keeping itself warm. My fingers were numb and my toes little cubes of ice. My lips had been bouncing against one and other as my teeth chattered uncontrollable and my thin, black cotton top clung to my skin as though it was trying to help. The bottom of my trousers were dripping and the damp was making its way up to my knees. I was a cold and broken mess. But I kept moving. I kept moving with the only knowledge warmi
ng my heart wa
s that Draven had proved his love. He had not stopped me from leaving, he had not even followed. He had... just simply
...

L
et me go.

This was the one thing that kept my unsteady legs moving and my frozen heart beating. I couldn’t even tell if I was crying anymore because my cheeks were numb to any feeling. But nothing mattered because Draven loved me. He had done the hardest thing in letting go of an eternity of control and given it to me.

And what had I done with it? I had left.

I had simpl
y walked away and all for what?
Just to find myself walking down this icy
road of heartache and despair
. Is this how far I would let fear negate my actions in life. Is this how weak I had become or was it strength? I know one thing that might answer that question...leaving Draven was one of the hardest things I ever forced myself to do. So now all was left was for me to start praying it was for all the right reasons.