The Two Gentlemen of Verona (5 page)

                                       How now,
minion!
⁹²

LUCETTA
    Keep
tune
there still,
so you will sing it out:
⁹³

And yet methinks I do not like this tune.

JULIA
    You do not?

LUCETTA
    No, madam, ’tis too
sharp.
⁹⁶

JULIA
    You, minion, are too saucy.

LUCETTA
    Nay, now you are too
flat,
⁹⁸

And
mar
the
concord
with too harsh a
descant:
⁹⁹

There wanteth but a
mean
¹⁰⁰
to fill your song.

JULIA
    The mean is drowned with your
unruly bass.
¹⁰¹

LUCETTA
    Indeed, I
bid the base
¹⁰²
for Proteus.

JULIA
    This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.

Here is a
coil with protestation!
¹⁰⁴

Go, get you gone, and let the papers lie:

You would be
fing’ring
¹⁰⁶
them to anger me.

LUCETTA
    She
makes it strange
¹⁰⁷
, but she would be best pleased

To be so angered with another letter.

JULIA
    Nay,
would I were so angered with the same:
¹⁰⁹

O hateful hands, to tear such loving words;

Injurious wasps
¹¹¹
, to feed on such sweet honey

And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!

I’ll kiss each
several paper
¹¹³
for amends.

Look, here is writ ‘kind Julia’.
Unkind
¹¹⁴
Julia,

As
¹¹⁵
in revenge of thy ingratitude,

I throw thy name against the bruising stones,

Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.

And here is writ ‘love-wounded Proteus’.

Poor wounded name:
my bosom as a bed
¹¹⁹

Shall lodge thee till thy wound be
throughly
¹²⁰
healed;

And thus I
search
it with a
sovereign
¹²¹
kiss.

But twice or thrice was ‘Proteus’ written down.

Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away

Till I have found each letter, in the letter,

Except mine own name: that, some whirlwind bear

Unto a
ragged
¹²⁶
, fearful, hanging rock,

And throw it thence into the raging sea.

Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:

‘Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,

To the sweet Julia’:
that
¹³⁰
I’ll tear away:

And yet I will not,
sith
¹³¹
so prettily

He couples it to his complaining names.
¹³²

Thus will I fold them, one upon another;
¹³³

Now kiss, embrace,
contend
¹³⁴
, do what you will.

LUCETTA
    Madam, dinner is ready, and your father
stays.
¹³⁵

JULIA
    Well, let us go.

LUCETTA
    What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?

JULIA
    If you
respect
¹³⁸
them, best to take them up.

LUCETTA
    Nay, I was
taken up
¹³⁹
for laying them down.

Yet here they shall not lie,
for
¹⁴⁰
catching cold.

JULIA
    I see you have a
month’s mind to
¹⁴¹
them.

LUCETTA
    Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;

I see things too, although you
judge I wink.
¹⁴³

JULIA
    Come, come: will’t please you go?

ANTONIO
    Tell me, Pantino, what
sad
¹
talk was that

Wherewith my brother held you in the
cloister?
²

PANTINO
    ’Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.

ANTONIO
    Why? What of him?

PANTINO
    He wondered that your lordship

Would
suffer
⁶
him to spend his youth at home,

While other men, of
slender reputation,
⁷

Put forth
their sons to seek
preferment
⁸
out:

Some to the wars to try their fortune there,

Some to discover islands far away,

Some to the studious universities;

For any or for all these exercises,

He said that Proteus your son was
meet,
¹³

And did request me to
importune
¹⁴
you

To let him spend his time no more at home,

Which would be great
impeachment to his age,
¹⁶

In having known no travel in his youth.

ANTONIO
    Nor need’st thou much importune me to that

Whereon this month I have been
hammering.
¹⁹

I have considered well his loss of time,

And how he cannot be a
perfect
²¹
man,

Not being
tried
²²
and tutored in the world:

Experience is by industry achieved

And perfected by the swift course of time.

Then tell me, whither were I best to send him?

PANTINO
    I think your lordship is not
ignorant
²⁶

How his companion, youthful Valentine,

Attends the
emperor
²⁸
in his royal court.

ANTONIO
    I know it well.

PANTINO
    ’Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither:

There shall he
practise tilts
³¹
and tournaments,

Hear
sweet discourse
³²
, converse with noblemen,

And be
in eye of
³³
every exercise

Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.

ANTONIO
    I like thy counsel: well hast thou advised.

And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,

The
execution
³⁷
of it shall make known.

Even with the speediest
expedition
³⁸

I will dispatch him to the emperor’s court.

PANTINO
    Tomorrow, may it please you, Don Alfonso

With other gentlemen of good esteem

Are journeying to salute the emperor

And to
commend
⁴³
their service to his will.

ANTONIO
    Good company: with them shall Proteus go.

And
in good time
! Now will we
break with
⁴⁵
him.

PROTEUS
    Sweet love, sweet lines, sweet life!

Here is her
hand
⁴⁷
, the agent of her heart;

Here is her oath for love, her honour’s
pawn.
⁴⁸

O, that our fathers would applaud our loves

To
seal
⁵⁰
our happiness with their consents.

O heavenly Julia!

ANTONIO
    How now? What letter are you reading there?

PROTEUS
    May’t please your lordship, ’tis a word or two

Of
commendations
⁵⁴
sent from Valentine,

Delivered by a friend that came from him.

ANTONIO
    Lend me the letter: let me see what news.

PROTEUS
    There is no news, my lord, but that he writes

How happily he lives, how well beloved

And daily
gracèd
⁵⁹
by the emperor,

Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.

ANTONIO
    And how
stand you affected
⁶¹
to his wish?

PROTEUS
    As one relying on your lordship’s will,

And not depending on
his
⁶³
friendly wish.

ANTONIO
    My will is
something sorted
⁶⁴
with his wish.

Muse
⁶⁵
not that I thus suddenly proceed:

For what I will, I will, and there an end.

I am resolved that thou shalt spend some time

With Valentinus in the emperor’s court:

What
maintenance
he from his
friends
⁶⁹
receives,

Like exhibition
⁷⁰
thou shalt have from me.

Tomorrow be in readiness to go:

Excuse it not
, for I am
peremptory.
⁷²

PROTEUS
    My lord, I cannot be so soon
provided:
⁷³

Please you deliberate a day or two.

ANTONIO
    
Look
⁷⁵
what thou want’st shall be sent after thee.

No more of stay:
⁷⁶
tomorrow thou must go.

Come on, Pantino, you shall be employed

To hasten on his expedition.

PROTEUS
    Thus have I shunned the fire for fear of burning,

And drenched me in the sea where I am drowned.

I feared to show my father Julia’s letter,

Lest he should
take exceptions
⁸²
to my love,

And with the
vantage
⁸³
of mine own excuse

Hath he
excepted most against
⁸⁴
my love.

O, how this spring of love resembleth

The uncertain glory of an April day,

Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,

And by and by a cloud takes all away.

PANTINO
    Sir Proteus, your father calls for you:

He is in haste, therefore I pray you go.

PROTEUS
    Why, this it is: my heart
accords
⁹¹
thereto,

And yet a thousand times it answers ‘no’.

SPEED
    Sir, your glove.

VALENTINE
    Not mine: my gloves are
on.
²

SPEED
    Why then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

VALENTINE
    Ha! Let me see: ay, give it me, it’s mine.

Sweet
ornament
that
decks
⁵
a thing divine.

Ah,
Silvia
⁶
, Silvia!

SPEED
    Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

VALENTINE
    How now,
sirrah?
⁸

SPEED
    She is not within hearing, sir.

VALENTINE
    Why, sir, who bade you call her?

SPEED
    Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.

VALENTINE
    Well, you’ll
still
be too
forward.
¹²

SPEED
    And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

VALENTINE
    
Go to
¹⁴
, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

SPEED
    She that your worship loves?

VALENTINE
    Why, how know you that I am in love?

SPEED
    Marry, by these
special marks
¹⁷
: first, you have

learned — like Sir Proteus — to
wreathe
¹⁸
your arms like a

malcontent
: to
relish
¹⁹
a love-song like a robin-redbreast: to

walk alone like one that had the
pestilence
²⁰
: to sigh like a

school-boy that had
lost his A B C
²¹
: to weep like a young

wench that had buried her
grandam
²²
: to fast like one that

takes diet: to
watch
²³
like one that fears robbing: to speak

puling
like a
beggar at Hallowmas
. You were
wont
²⁴
, when you

laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like

one of the lions: when you fasted, it was
presently
²⁶
after

dinner: when you looked sadly, it was for
want
²⁷
of money.

And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that,

when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.

VALENTINE
    Are all these things perceived in me?

SPEED
    They are all perceived
without ye.
³¹

VALENTINE
    
Without me?
³²
They cannot.

SPEED
    
Without
³³
you? Nay, that’s certain: for, without you

were so simple, none else would. But you are so without

these follies, that these follies are within
you, and shine
³⁵

through you like the
water in an urinal
³⁶
, that not an eye that

sees you but is a physician to comment on your
malady.
³⁷

VALENTINE
    But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?

SPEED
    She that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?

VALENTINE
    Hast thou observed that?
Even she
⁴⁰
, I mean.

SPEED
    Why sir, I know her not.

VALENTINE
    Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet

know’st her not?

SPEED
    Is she not
hard-favoured
⁴⁴
, sir?

VALENTINE
    Not so fair, boy, as
well-favoured.
⁴⁵

SPEED
    Sir, I know that well enough.

VALENTINE
    What dost thou know?

SPEED
    That she is not so fair as,
of you, well-favoured.
⁴⁸

VALENTINE
    I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her
favour
⁴⁹

infinite.

SPEED
    That’s because the one is
painted
and the other
out
⁵¹

of all count.

VALENTINE
    How painted? And how out of count?

SPEED
    Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that no man

counts of
⁵⁵
her beauty.

VALENTINE
    
How esteem’st thou me?
⁵⁶
I account of her beauty.

SPEED
    You never saw her since she was
deformed.
⁵⁷

VALENTINE
    How long hath she been deformed?

SPEED
    Ever since you loved her.

VALENTINE
    I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see

her beautiful.

SPEED
    If you love her, you cannot see her.

VALENTINE
    Why?

SPEED
    Because
Love is blind.
⁶⁴
O, that you had mine eyes, or

your own eyes had the
lights
⁶⁵
they were wont to have when

you chid at Sir Proteus for going
ungartered!
⁶⁶

VALENTINE
    What should I see then?

SPEED
    Your own present folly and her passing deformity:

for he, being in love, could not see to garter his
hose
⁶⁹
; and you,

being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

VALENTINE
    Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning

you could not see to wipe my shoes.

SPEED
    True, sir: I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you

swinged
⁷⁴
me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide

you for yours.

VALENTINE
    In conclusion, I
stand affected to
⁷⁶
her.

SPEED
    I would you were
set
⁷⁷
, so your affection would cease.

VALENTINE
    Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to

one she loves.

SPEED
    And have you?

VALENTINE
    I have.

SPEED
    Are they not lamely writ?

VALENTINE
    No, boy, but as well as I can do them.

Peace! Here she comes.