The Two Deaths of Daniel Hayes (34 page)

“You’re not a killer, Daniel.” Bennett spoke calmly. “Let’s just all walk away.”
“Shut up!” Laney turned to Daniel. “You don’t have to.”
“What choice is there?”
She held out one hand. “Give me the gun.”
“What?”
“I’ll do it.”
The words tore through him like a fist through a screen door. He could see the fear in her eyes, the dread. See that she remembered what killing had done to him, and knew that the same thing might happen to her. That some part of her would die along with Bennett. And yet she was willing to do it. Not because she wanted to, but to save Daniel from going through it all a second time.
He shook his head. “No. I won’t let you.” He wanted to lie down somewhere and close his eyes. Somewhere with cool breezes and the smell of flowers.
You are who you choose to be. Make sure you can live with the decisions you make.
He lowered the gun.
Bennett smiled.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“Don’t be,” Laney said. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
You are who you choose to be.
“Yes,” Daniel said, “I do.”
He turned, snapped the gun back up, and pulled the trigger. In the confines of the loading dock, the explosion was enormous. It left his ears ringing enough that the second shot seemed quiet in comparison. The silence that followed pressed heavy.
Make sure you can live with the decisions you make.
Bennett staggered. His legs went wobbly. He raised one hand, touched his chest. Stared at the blood that soaked his fingers. Eyes wide and stunned. Like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. Then he collapsed.
Daniel stared. It all flashed through him in that moment. The long journey of the last days. The terror, the confusion, the stakes. The road and the loneliness and the exhaustion and guilt. Laney and the life he’d lost and then found again.
Sophie. Most of all, Sophie.
He looked at the body on the concrete.
I can live with that.
Daniel Hayes put his arms around the woman he loved and drew her to him.

So tired. Sleep hadn’t gotten any easier. Some of it was the things they’d been dealing with—the lawyers, the media, their appearance on TV, flying to New York. Doctors and tests. The cold fact that no one could tell him exactly when—or if—his past would return to him.

But mostly, it was the memory of a concrete canyon. The horror of that moment hadn’t lessened. Every time he closed his eyes, he found himself back. Every time, he woke in sweat and panic. The dream wouldn’t go away.

It never will. Until you pay for it.
Laney was driving again. Probably best given his nerves. Out the windows, Los Angeles, sun-drenched and blurry-bright. Taquerias and Thai joints, day spas and massage parlors, holistic healing centers and high-end boutiques and a thousand places to get a cup of coffee. Cars and cracked sidewalks, billboards and boulevards.
“I still don’t like this,” Laney said, again. “It could be a trick.”
“Maybe.” His voice raspy. “But he said he had something to tell me, that it was important. We can’t hide behind our lawyers forever.”
“What if he arrests you?”
“Then call Jen Forbus and tell her to go to work.” The criminal lawyer had been dying to strike first, to file suits against the LASD and the media for their portrayal of Daniel as a murderer.
We won’t win
, she’d said,
but we can make damn sure it will cost them way more than they’re willing to pay.
“That will only work if he’s arresting you for running from him,” Laney said. Dappled shadows fell through trees as they wound uphill. “What if he knows about Bennett?”
“Then we’ll deal with it.” He leaned back against the passenger seat, closed his eyes. “I have to face this. It’s something I need to do.”
“I just don’t want to lose you again.”
“Hey.” He straightened, turned. “You will never lose me again.”
Laney smiled at him. She’d dyed her hair back to its proper shade, and her eyes burned bright as the California sky. “What if I start to smell?”
He returned the grin. “I’ll buy nose plugs.”
Five minutes more and they’d reached the top of Mount Hollywood. By evening the parking lot would be jammed with tourists watching the sunset, but at this hour, she found a parking place easily enough. “At least let me come with you.”
“No. He said he wanted to talk to me alone. Besides. Someone has to be able to call our lawyer.”
And more important, you might try to stop me. Might even sacrifice yourself. I won’t let you do that.
He reached for the door handle.
“Daniel.” She leaned over. “Be careful, okay?”
“I will. I love you.” He stepped out of the BMW. Ahead of him, the Griffith Park Observatory loomed. A building from an earlier age, it looked like a sultan’s palace, white and massive and capped by gray domes. Children scampered back and forth on the lawn while their parents posed for photographs. Daniel followed the path around the side. A stone rail rose to waist height. Beyond it the mountain fell away, yielding a breathtaking view of the city shimmering with heat and smog.
Detective Roger Waters sat on the railing, back to Daniel, feet dangling off the far side.
Daniel took a deep breath. He’d hated having to lie to Laney, but she would never have understood the truth. Never have understood that he had to turn himself in. How could she? No one who hadn’t gone through it would.
Killing Bennett he could live with. Bennett was a monster. But the man in the river basin. That had just been some guy Bennett twisted. The same way he’d twisted the two of them. He’d been a victim.
Which made Daniel the monster.
You are who you choose to be. Be sure you can live with the decisions you make.
Daniel squared his shoulders. He said, “I don’t think you’re supposed to sit on the ledge like that.”
“Benefits of the badge.” Waters didn’t turn. “You get to break a few rules.” He patted the concrete beside him. “Have a seat.”
“I’ll stand.” He took a breath. “Listen—”
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” The man stared out into the distance. “People say Los Angeles is fake, but that’s not true. It’s just that it’s got no memory. Am I right?”
“I.”
What was this?
“I guess. There’s something—”
“Reason I asked you out here, I wanted to tell you a story.” The man bulldozed him. “About a guy named Larry Morgan. Larry was born in Reseda, but this story doesn’t start till he was nineteen, when he started selling coke. He wasn’t very good at it. LAPD busted him, he went up for five years. Inside he joined the Brotherhood—you know the Aryan Brotherhood?—probably mostly to stay alive.”
Daniel leaned against the railing. Was this some sort of scare tactic, hit him with tough-guy talk about prison? “This is gritty and all, Detective, but I have something I need to—”
“Somewhere along the line, Larry decided the Brotherhood made good arguments. So when he got out of prison, he decided to align his business and racial philosophies. Went back to dealing, but instead of cocaine, he moved to crack. That way he was selling mostly to blacks. He used kids, all under sixteen. You know why?”
“Prosecuting them is harder?” The writer in Daniel unable to resist.
“That was part of it. Other thing is, kids can sell in schoolyards. Which let Larry expand his interests. See, he’d give the prettier girls credit for a while. But when the bill came due and they couldn’t pay, he’d turn them out. Get them tricking for him.” Waters looked over. “I’m talking little girls, eleven, twelve.”
Daniel swallowed. “Sounds like an asshole.”
“He was.”
“Was?”
“Yes.” The cop looked away again. “Three weeks ago he was shot and killed under a bridge on the L.A. River.”
The city swam in front of him. Daniel was glad he’d chosen to stand. He fought to keep the reaction from his face, wasn’t sure he made it. “Really.”
“Yep. Three bullets, a nine-millimeter.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Waters brushed a speck of dirt off his trousers. “The law is a good thing. It’s what separates us from animals. But sometimes it’s a little strict.” He paused. “No one is going to miss Larry Morgan. The world is better with him not in it. But the law doesn’t care. If someone were to come forward and confess to killing him, that person would be tried for murder. They would lose everything. They would go to prison, which is not a happy place. And it wouldn’t matter that Larry was a piece of shit.”
Daniel stared at the horizon. A thousand thoughts came and went. None of them stuck.
“I saw you on TV the other day. Quite a story.” Waters paused. “Funny you didn’t mention it when we spoke on the phone.”
“You mean when you told me you’d found her body?” The retort came fast and angry.
Waters shrugged. “There’s no law that a detective has to tell a suspect the truth.”
“Convenient.”
“It is, yes.” Waters spun so his legs were above the walkway, then dropped off the ledge. He slapped dust off his pants. “Look. We’re not going to come after you. Your wife isn’t dead, and you’re a media darling. You’re a very lucky man. If I were you, I would count my blessings. And be careful not to mess up what I had. Understand me?”
Daniel stared. Did he? Could the detective actually be telling him . . .
“I’m going back to work. You and Laney do the same.” The cop started away, turned back. “Like I said. A place with no memory.”
Daniel watched him go. His mind tracing the conversation, filling in the gaps. The cop knew about the man he’d killed. And if Waters knew about that, then he probably knew about Bennett, too. Two homicides. But he was letting them go.
On the other hand, maybe he was fishing, hoping that Daniel would reveal the murders himself. Only, Daniel had decided to confess, and the cop hadn’t given him a chance.
You’re missing the point.
It wasn’t what Bennett did to
you
that made killing him something you could live with. It was what he did to Sophie. That was his unforgivable sin. That justified your actions. When he murdered Sophie, Bennett put himself beyond morality.
Before, in the river basin, you were the one who went beyond morality. You were the monster. At least, that’s what you believed, and why you were willing to turn yourself in. You thought you had committed an unforgivable sin, that you had murdered an innocent man.
But you were wrong. Larry Morgan was as evil as Bennett.
You’ve spent the last weeks trying to become the man you were before. Problem is, that man is dead. You murdered him on a beach in Maine. And what you had rebuilt of him died again when you killed Bennett.
But only so that you could be resurrected.
Who you are now is up to you.
He turned, pushed himself away from the wall. Walked fast to the parking lot. Behind him, the city sparkled in the midday sun. The sky was cloudless and open.
Laney leaned on the front panel of the BMW. Watching for him. He smiled, walked straight to her without breaking stride, put his arm around her waist, and pulled her close. Kissed her like a free man.
“What did he say?”
“He said . . .” Daniel paused. “That I was reborn.”
“Huh?”
“He said it’s over.”
“Really?” She gave him a quizzical look.
“All of it.” He laughed, stepped away, sighed. Shook out his arms. He wanted to jump up and down and holler like a child. He wanted to howl and to cry. But he wanted something even more. “Let’s go to bed.”
“You got turned on talking to a detective?”
“I didn’t say anything about sex.” He smiled. “I’m going to sleep.”