The Twelve Dates of Christmas (4 page)

“Did I ever tell you how I decided to go into medical research?” I asked, determined to make him understand for once just how important this was.

“Sure.” He shifted in his seat, slinging one arm across the couch behind me. “It was when your mom got sick when you were a kid, right?”

“That was part of it.” I nodded. “When I was six or seven Mom had a cancer scare, and our whole family traveled to the Mayo Clinic to have it checked out.”

“Yeah, I remember now.” Cam reached
down and squeezed my upper arm. “That must have been really scary for you.”

“Uh-huh, I guess.” I stared blankly at the mirror over the fireplace across the room, barely feeling his hand as I thought back to that time. Back then I hadn't even really understood exactly what cancer was. I'd just known it was something bad. “Anyway, it turned out to be a false alarm, thank God. Everything was benign; Mom was fine. But while we were at the clinic and she was getting her tests done and stuff, there was this one doctor who was supernice to me. He kept an eye on me while Dad was distracted, and even took me on a tour of his lab and let me play with his ultrasound machine.”

“Nice of him,” Cam said.

I nodded. “I'm sure he was busy. All those docs always are. But he took the time to watch out for me, and I always remembered that, even though I don't even know his name. Ever since then I've known I wanted to do what he did. I asked Mom and Dad recently if they remembered who he was so I could mention him in my college application essays, but they don't remember either. So I just wrote the essays without the name.”

“That's a great story,” Cam said. “I bet the college admissions people will love it.”

“I hope so. But that's not my point. I know we all kid around about how driven I am, how I plan out everything in my life and stuff. I guess I'm trying to tell you just how much those plans mean to me.”

He reached over and gently pushed a lock of auburn hair out of my face, smiling down at me fondly. “I get that,” he said, his fingers tracing the outline of my forehead. “I always have, Lexi. It's part of what makes you, you.”

His expression was so caring and happy that I didn't have the heart to go on. I did my best to tamp down my own frustration, but it wasn't easy. If he really
did
understand, wouldn't he be a little more worried that our futures were so completely mismatched?

“So when do you find out about the scholarship?” Nick asked, carefully threading a cranberry onto a piece of fishing line.

“Weren't you listening? She already said she doesn't know.” Allie grabbed a pair of scissors from the floor and snipped off the end of the cranberry garland she'd just finished. “But it doesn't matter, anyway. It sounds like she totally blew them away at the interview. That scholarship is so hers.”

“Don't jinx me,” I warned her. “Yeah, I think I did pretty well in that interview. Still, Andrew might've done even better. You never know.”

But my focus wasn't really on the Simpson Scholarship anymore. I'd done all
I could; from now on it was up to the committee, and I was trying not to stress over it too much. Besides, I had other things on my mind.

I grabbed another handful of cranberries. The three of us were sitting on the floor of Nick's roomy, yellow-walled basement rec room, stringing garlands. Nick's mom, my aunt, was head of decorations for the Ball that year, and even though it was still September, she already had us hard at work. There was a ton to do before December
24. At least she'd left us with plenty of soda and popcorn to help us through the day's task. Then again, maybe we were supposed to turn the popcorn into more garlands. If that was true, she was going to be sorely disappointed when she returned home from that day's round of committee meetings.

“Listen, guys,” I said to my friends, grabbing another handful of popcorn out of the almost-empty bowl. “I want to talk to you about something. About Cam, actually.”

Allie's head shot up, and she almost cut her own finger off with the scissors. “What?” she demanded. “You're not still actually thinking about ending things with Cam?”

“Sort of,” I admitted. “I just keep going
back and forth on it, you know? It's driving me nuts. On the one hand, Cam is great.”

“As I've been telling you all along,” Allie put in with a frown.

“I know. And you're right.” I shook my head. “But on the other hand, where are Cam and I headed, realistically speaking?”

“Homecoming,” Allie put in. “The Ball. The prom.”

“Right. But then what?”

Nick looked a little confused. He'd been so deep into his own heartache that I guess he wasn't fully up to speed on my love life issues. “Wait,” he said. “You're not thinking of stringing Cam along until you're ready to leave for college and then ripping his heart out with your bare hands, are you?”

He sounded a little suspicious. And a lot bitter. Who could blame him?

“Definitely not,” I assured him. “That's why I'm thinking about this now instead of putting it off. If Cam and I are going to end up going our separate ways next summer, why prolong the inevitable?”

“Because you guys are in love, that's why!” Allie exclaimed.

I barely heard her. All this time, I'd
been moving inexorably toward the only logical conclusion. No matter how many times I went over the facts, checked the variables, ran the numbers, the result was always the same.

“There's only one answer.” I took a deep breath, ignoring the floppy-fish feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling was irrelevant to the facts. “Cam and I need to break up.”

Allie gasped, her scissors clattering to the floor. Even Nick looked kind of shocked.

“Dude,” he said. “Are you sure? Seriously, it'll kill him if you dump him out of the blue.”

“Don't worry, I'm not planning to dump Cam at all.” I smiled slowly as a great idea popped into my head. Who says scientists can't be creative? “No, I've just realized there's a much kinder, gentler way to handle this. I'm going to get
Cam
to break up with
me
!”

“Huh?” Allie looked perplexed. “What are you talking about, Lexi?”

“Yeah.” Nick set down his threaded cranberries and peered at me suspiciously. “Since when do you play those kinds of games? You've always been a straight shooter.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Actually, you were the inspiration for this plan.”

“Me?” Nick blinked. “You're pinning this on
me
?”

“Yeah. Just look at you—Rachel dumped you almost a month ago, and you're still a mess. And you guys were together less than a year.” I shook my head. “No way do I want to do that to Cam. It'll be way easier on him if I let him make the decision to end things.”

“I hope you're not in a hurry,” Allie said dubiously.

“I'm not,” I replied, tossing a piece of popcorn into my mouth. “I won't rush it. These things take time.”

“No.” Allie shook her head. “I mean, I hope you aren't counting on Cam suddenly deciding to dump you anytime this century. Because it's not going to happen.”

“She's right, Lex.” Nick stretched out his legs and flicked a stray cranberry off the knee of his jeans. “The dude has it bad for you. He never even
looks
at other girls. Not even superhot, half-naked ones.” He licked his lips. “Mmm, half-naked girls,” he Homer Simpsoned.

I rolled my eyes. Maybe there was a
glimmer of light at the end of Nick's tunnel of heartbreak after all.

“Anyway,” he went on, “if you're really set on ending things, you should just go ahead and do it. Cam is going to be totally devastated either way.”

“Not if I do this right,” I countered, the plan forming more fully in my mind even as I spoke. “All I have to do is set things up so he falls for another girl. That way, he'll realize for himself that we've been growing apart and then
he'll
break up with
me
.” I shrugged. “He's too honest to do anything else once he's seen the light. And that way, no one's heart gets broken. If I handle it right, we can totally stay friends and enjoy the rest of senior year together without all the complications and wondering where our relationship is going and stuff. It's winwin. Totally foolproof!”

“You're nuts, Lexi,” Allie said. “I'm telling you, it'll never work. Cam adores you.”

“And I adore him.” I sighed as they both stared at me with skepticism written all over their faces. Just because I was able to look at the situation logically, it didn't mean I didn't have feelings or that this wasn't tearing me up inside. “Listen,
you guys, I wish I didn't have to do this. But I've been over all the options, and it's the only way. Cam and I are just too different. That's okay in high school, but we won't be in high school much longer. That means it's time for some tough choices. Like it or not.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Oh, please,” he said, reaching for the popcorn bowl. “If you keep this up, you'll have to quit the Science Geekettes of America and join the drama club.”

I reached over and gave him a shove. “I'm serious, smart guy,” I said. “If you can think of a better idea to handle this, then spill it.”

“I can think of a better idea,” Allie put in. “Stay with Cam. Figure things out. Live happily ever after.”

That was Allie for you. Hopeless romantic. “I already told you, that won't work,” I said patiently. “How are we going to live happily ever after when I'm running a lab in Boston or New York or Atlanta and Cam's running a kitchen right here in Claus Lake?”

“But you guys are such a great couple!” Allie actually looked as if she might burst
into tears. “I mean, okay, maybe you're not that much alike. But that's kind of what makes it work!”

“She's right, Lex,” Nick agreed. “If you ever hooked up with someone as logical and ambitious as yourself, you'd drive each other crazy.”

Yeah. He had a point. Then again, it wasn't really
the
point.

“Plus you guys have always been so happy together,” Allie said. “You barely ever even fight or anything.”

“I know we seem happy enough now,” I said. “But we'll probably both be even happier once we've moved on. And it's not like we can't stay friends, like I said. In fact, I can't imagine not having Cam in my life one way or another.”

That, as it turned out, was quite literally true. As I sat there, I tried to imagine it. Not having Cam around. Never talking to him, never hanging out together. Maybe never seeing him again after graduation.

But it didn't work. My mind couldn't seem to put together that kind of scenario. It just Did. Not. Compute.

I shrugged it off, deciding it didn't matter. If my plan worked out the way I
was picturing it, there would be no need for me to imagine Life Without Cam. We could stay good friends, hang out for the rest of senior year and all next summer. Then when I went off to college, he'd still be there for me just like Allie and Nick, supporting me from a distance, giving me one of his patented pep talks as I dove off the high board of life into my exciting new future.

Meanwhile he would be free to figure out how to put his own future in motion. He could find himself a girl who would be perfectly content to stay in Claus Lake all her life, maybe hostessing at Cam's future restaurant and serving on the refreshments committee with him for the Ball. There were tons of girls at our school who would dream of nothing more, especially if the plan involved an amazing guy like Cam.

“I don't know, Lex.” Nick still seemed dubious as he methodically scarfed down the rest of the popcorn. “Maybe you should think about this some more.”

“Yeah,” Allie agreed. “Don't forget about the Fast and Furious Theory. The quicker you try to make big moves or
decisions in a relationship, the more likely it is to end in anger or heartache.”

“You know, that theory actually
almost
makes sense,” I said. “But it doesn't apply to me. Not unless almost four years counts as a quick move.”

“You might as well give it up, Allie,” Nick put in. “This is Lexi Michaels you're talking to, remember? Once her mind is made up, that's that. No turning back. Mule city.”

I made a face at him. “Very funny,” I said. “Why don't you just come out and call me stubborn?”

“I thought I just did.” He shrugged. “But here you go, Ms. Literal. You're stubborn.”

I laughed. Now that I'd finally made my decision, I was feeling a little better already. It was always kind of comforting to have a course of action, a plan to follow. No more looming uncertainties. Just a problem to be solved, sort of like an especially challenging and complex bio lab. Now that I had the gist of how to approach it, I just needed to nail down the details and I'd be all set.