The TV Time Travellers (6 page)

‘And how long,’ I asked, ‘have you two been together?’

Solly leaned his chin onto Barney’s hand as if he was about to say something soppy, but then snapped, ‘Too long.’

‘It’s nearly a year now,’ said Barney. ‘And Dad says I’m as good as most professionals now.’

‘Is your dad a ventriloquist too?’ I asked.

‘No, he’s a clown: Mr Carrothead. I expect you’ve heard of him.’

I hadn’t, but I nodded as if I had and said, ‘That must be so good having a dad who’s a clown; mine just works in an office.’

‘So did mine, once,’ said Barney, ‘but he hated it so much he decided to follow his
dream
instead; never looked back since then. He has masses of requests. Sometimes he’ll do eight children’s parties in a week. He says entertaining is in his blood. It’s in mine too.’

‘So you’re going to follow in his footsteps?’ I said, fascinated by all this.

‘Well, my dad takes me along to a lot of his gigs now. And I help him a lot,’ he added proudly. I felt a rush of envy then. It must be great sharing something with your dad like that.

‘But I couldn’t go out on stage on my own,’ said Barney. ‘I need someone else with me.’

‘Is it hard being a ventriloquist?’ I asked.

Barney replied, ‘Speaking without moving your lips takes a lot of practice. Ps and Bs are the hardest. So never call your vent Peter – it will sound like “Eater”. But I don’t like talking about this in front of Solly.’

‘That’s because,’ said Solly, ‘I’m the brains of the outfit.’

Barney grinned affectionately at his seal. ‘I really think you are.’ I found myself smiling at the seal too.

Solly’s head leaned forward as if he was about to tell me something confidential. ‘We’re waiting for our big break,’ he began. ‘In fact, we’re hoping this might be it.’

Then Miss Weed called up the stairs: ‘Lights off in two minutes.’

‘Hey, I’d better go.’ I grinned. ‘Goodnight, you two.’ And I darted into my bedroom.

Leo was already in bed. ‘Enjoy doing your chores, did you?’ He made that one sentence sound so mocking. I really wished I was sharing with Barney and Solly, rather than him.

Then Miss Weed opened our door and said she was switching our lights off now. After she’d gone Leo asked me, ‘So, are you enjoying yourself?’

‘Oh, very much. It’s just so atmospheric. And now we’re lying in a room with not one trace of light in it – exactly as they would have done seventy years ago. So that’s fantastic.’ Then I added, ‘Are
you
enjoying yourself?’

‘Very nearly,’ said Leo, ‘because everything is just so weird.’

I had a feeling he thought I was weird too, but I didn’t care. And I wouldn’t let him spoil tonight, so I didn’t say anything else.

Outside I could hear some twittering and rustlings. There must be a bird’s nest above our window. And then a cow started mooing loudly and indignantly. It was all so different from the sounds of life at Aunt Sara’s, on an estate packed tightly with houses and people. And me on a camp-bed in a room that wasn’t even a bedroom.

It was what Aunt Sara called in the daytime her study. At night I’d lie there aching for my old life and my mum. The ache never left me either, it went on gnawing away at me all night. But that all belonged to my past, because I was never going back to Aunt Sara’s again.

That last thought just popped into my head. Then I said it to myself again: ‘I am never going back to Aunt Sara’s. This is where I live now.’

I was still pretending, of course. Only now the dream seemed to totally surround me, making me believe the
most
incredible things could really happen.

Finally I drifted off to sleep. A bit later, though, I woke with a start. I could hear something. I peered into the darkness. Someone was crouched out there in the darkness.

A vampire.

That was my first thought, because I’d had a few dreams about them recently: really horrible ones. Only they don’t exist. But someone was actually there in the corner of my room.

I slowly, cautiously, scrambled out of bed and edged towards the figure.

And then I got such a nasty shock.

CHAPTER EIGHT

We’re in a Time Slip

Zac

I WAS TOO
shocked to even speak at first.

Then I whispered softly but accusingly, ‘You’re texting someone.’

And without a flicker of shame Leo looked up. ‘That’s right; smuggled this little baby past them all. They never looked in my—’

‘I don’t want to hear,’ I cried.

‘Keep your voice down,’ he hissed.

I stood in front of him accusingly. ‘You can’t do this.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it’s against the rules.’

‘Ah, but I’m a rule-breaker,’ said Leo.
‘You
show me a rule and I just have to smash it. Now you go back to sleep and let me continue my illegal activities in peace.’

Instead, I moved even closer to him and whispered, ‘We’re in the war years now and texting hasn’t even been invented.’

Leo looked at me. ‘If we’re really in the war years . . .’

‘We really are.’

‘Then I haven’t been born yet. So I can do whatever I want as I’m not actually here. Problem solved. Now, let me get back to texting my pet rabbit. He’s not been eating his lettuce because he’s missing me so much.’

‘Who are you really texting?’

‘Ah, you’re too clever for me. All right, I’m not texting my rabbit at all. I’m texting my mum and dad and bringing a little excitement into their dull lives. I’ll text yours too, if you like.’

My voice rose. ‘No, I’m sorry, I can’t allow this. You’re destroying the whole wartime atmosphere.’ Then quite suddenly I leaped forward and snatched
the
mobile phone from him. I surprised myself nearly as much as him. ‘I’m keeping this until we return,’ I said.

‘Until we return!’ Leo shook his head. ‘We haven’t boarded a time machine, you know. You can’t actually re-wind time.’

‘Oh, yes, you can,’ I cried. ‘We’re in another zone completely. So don’t spoil it. We might never get another chance like this.’

‘Earth to Zac,’ he shouted. ‘This is still 2009 and we’re just in a reality show – a pretty rubbish one too, if you ask me. Now come on’ – his voice rose to a snarl – ‘give me my property back this very second, or else.’ And he smacked his fists together ominously.

‘I’m sensing definite hostility now,’ I said. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘And do you want a smack in the mouth?’

I really didn’t. But I also felt extremely strongly about this. ‘I’m sorry, but you had no business coming on this mission if you won’t abide by the rules and—’

‘Shut up,’ he interrupted suddenly,
urgently.
And then I heard it too, a creaking sound outside our door. I hastily flung the wretched mobile under my pillow, just as the door swung open.

Miss Weed, in a big green dressing gown and pink slippers, peered in at us suspiciously. ‘What on earth is going on here?’ she demanded.

And quick as a flash, Leo said, ‘Didn’t you hear us calling? We both need to perform Number Twos urgently.’

‘Oh, I see,’ she replied. ‘I apologize for not hearing you sooner. Now put your coats on and then quietly come downstairs. I shall make appropriate arrangements.’ Then she rushed off.

Leo stared at me. ‘You weren’t planning to give me away, were you?’

‘No, of course not,’ I said. Appalled as I was by his conduct, I couldn’t do that. I had my principles – and not snitching was definitely one of them.

‘Good, let’s get performing then.’

Miss Weed was waiting for us with Farmer Benson. ‘Mr Benson has kindly agreed to assist you,’ she said, before going back downstairs.

If Farmer Benson was annoyed at being woken in the middle of the night, he certainly didn’t show it. ‘Now, boys, glad to see you’re wrapped up, as it’s surprisingly cold tonight. Normally I’d have a torch to guide us—’

‘But you can’t tonight because enemy aircraft might see our light,’ I interrupted eagerly.

‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘So as it’s so dark, I shall lead you there and I’m going to ask you, Zac, if you will be so kind as to hold onto my shoulder and Leo, will you take a firm grip of Zac’s shoulder? It’s a very black night. But don’t worry, I know this farm like the back of my hand, and so will you once you’ve been here a few days. Right, off we go.’

Shuffling forward, we set off. Leo suddenly burst out laughing.

‘Yes, this does have its comical side,’ said Farmer Benson. ‘In fact, I feel as if we’re performing some kind of late-night party game.’ He started laughing too then: a loud, deep rumble of a laugh. Soon I was joining in as well.

‘I hope Miss Weed doesn’t hear us,’
said
Farmer Benson and somehow that thought made us laugh even louder.

At last we reached our totally unnecessary destination, Farmer Benson swung the lavatory door open. ‘It’s really quite comfortable.’

‘Loving it already,’ said Leo.

Then I had to pretend to use the lavatory too, and we shuffled back in the same fashion, giggling away as we went.

‘Well, it’s been a little adventure, hasn’t it?’ said Farmer Benson. ‘Now sleep tight, both of you – and no more laughing,’ he added, even though he’d been the one who’d started us off.

Upstairs I said, ‘Farmer Benson really is jolly decent.’

‘Jolly decent,’ echoed Leo mockingly. ‘Why are you speaking like that? Oh, don’t tell me – because we’re in 1939. Well, be jolly decent and give me my phone back.’

‘Do you promise not to use it again?’

‘No.’

‘Then I can’t let you have it back.’

‘If I fight you, I’ll win,’ he said.

‘I’m sure you will,’ I agreed, ‘as I’ve never been in a fight before, and don’t know the basics. But I feel so strongly about this . . .’

‘All right,’ he cried wearily. ‘I promise. Now hand it over.’

I dug the mobile out from under my pillow and he grabbed it.

‘So how did you smuggle it in?’ I asked.

‘Easy,’ he replied. Then he picked up the book he’d brought in: a huge, fat one called
Arthur Mee’s Encyclopaedia
. ‘Look inside,’ he said.

I did, and then gasped. A massive hole had been cut inside it.

‘Took me ages,’ Leo said.

‘It must have,’ I cried.

‘But it’s a very snug hiding place for my mobile,’ he said. And the phone did fit perfectly into the hole he had specially cut.

‘You took such a risk, though,’ I said. ‘Anyone could have opened this book up and examined it.’

He grinned. ‘I know, but that’s what makes life great, isn’t it?’ He leaned forward and whispered, ‘I’ll tell you
something
else. If they ever find this, I’ll be evicted quicker than you can say “Miss Weed rocks”. But don’t worry, they never will.’

CHAPTER NINE

Life with Harriet

Izzy

IT TOOK ME
ages to get to sleep that night. The old-fashioned nightie I had on seemed to weigh a ton, the bed was hard and, as I mentioned before, the room was far too dark. But I’d finally just drifted off when Harriet shook me awake again
.

‘What time is it?’ I gasped, thinking it was time to get up already
.

‘Just gone half past three.’

‘What!’ I shrieked
.

‘I’ve been so worried about you,’ she said, ‘and the strange noises you’ve been making.’

I blinked at her. ‘What noises?’

‘Oh, you’ve been snoring away for ages . . . and so loudly. I just thought you’d like to know, because I don’t think snoring is very healthy, is it?’

I sat up in bed. ‘Excuse me, but I don’t snore.’

‘Oh, you certainly do.’ She gave a high, tinkling laugh. ‘You snore just like my grandad; reminded me of him actually, only not quite as bad. He actually makes the windows rattle.’

‘Well, that’s something to aim for,’ I said
.

‘It was my nan who told me you should wake up snorers . . . you didn’t mind me mentioning it, did you?’

‘Oh, no,’ I said. ‘And feel free to wake me up any time, won’t you?’

‘Perhaps if you take a few really deep breaths before you shut your eyes, that might help you,’ she suggested. ‘And also . . .’