The Tumours Made Me Interesting (26 page)
Read The Tumours Made Me Interesting Online
Authors: Matthew Revert
“That’s pretty depressing,” I replied.
“No!” she countered. “It’s not depressing at all. While life may be at the heart of all sickness, it’s also the cure.”
My mother’s words were true. I hadn’t deciphered their importance yet, but I knew they were true. The disease that lies at the heart of us all can erupt at any time. We walk around, zombie-like, in perpetual response. It leaves us so fragile. We collate misery like a macabre census and feed off the results. More often than not, we want to be unhappy because it gives us an excuse to avoid responsibility. Although we’re not aware, we invite so much illness into our lives. And when it’s there, we hold onto it like children with a teddy bear. It keeps us safe. It diverts our attention from the cure. By the time we become aware of it, it’s usually too late. The illness has dug itself so deep that it’s never coming out.
My mother’s body was pressed tightly against mine and for the first time, I felt as if I were in her care. Her giant hand, firm and loving, rubbed my leg, filling me with re-assurance. My past was evaporating, which terrified and excited me. The guilt I had always been in response to was leaving. My mother’s hand maintained its vigil, keeping me safe, assuring me I was okay. Her skin, unaccustomed to life outside of bed rest, was so soft. And it was this that stayed with me as I fell asleep in her arm.
So soft…
So soft…
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