The Trouble with Emily Dickinson (21 page)

The word team reverberated throughout the
locker room and Coach Cook’s after-game speech finally had
ended.

Coach left the room, floating on a natural
high that JJ and Queenie assumed would carry her through the rest
of the evening.

“Coach can certainly ramble on when she wants
to,” Queenie said, as she pulled on her warm-ups.

“She just rambles when she’s happy,” JJ said.
“When we lose, it’s a different story. Then it’s always short and
sweet.”

“Can’t wait to hear those pep talks. I’m glad
we won though. By the way, was that the girl’s team or the boy’s
team we just played?”

“The way they knocked your skinny butt
around, you wouldn’t know, would you?”

“Knocked me around? I’m all muscle,” Queenie
declared, as she flexed her arms. “I can hold my own.”

“You definitely played well tonight. How did
Coach put it exactly? Superbly?”

“You weren’t so bad yourself. Looks like
you’re back on Coach’s good side.”

“It’s about time.”

Queenie sniffed her underarms, “Man, I stink.
You ready? I want to get back and shower before we go out.”

JJ checked in and around her locker to make
sure she wasn’t leaving anything behind. “I’m ready. And what’s
this ‘we’ stuff? Do you have another lesbian in your pocket or
something?”

“Come on, we won a game! That sounds like a
good enough reason to celebrate to me.”

“I thought you didn’t care if we won or
lost?”

“I don’t care if we lose, but when we win it
gives me an excuse to go out.”

“I think I’m going to stay in tonight.” JJ
yawned and stretched. “I don’t think I’ve recovered from the fire
escape incident just yet.”

They left the locker room together,
discussing the highlights of the game as they reentered the gym. JJ
was in the middle of reliving a sweet behind-the-back pass that
she’d made to Queenie late in the third quarter, when she noticed
that Kendal was still sitting on the bleachers.

“The point guard didn’t even see where the
ball went!” Queenie exclaimed before she realized that JJ wasn’t
walking beside her anymore. As soon as she saw Kendal making her
way down the bleachers one step at a time, she knew why.

“Give me a moment,” JJ whispered.

Queenie hesitated.

“Please?”

“Okay. I’ll see you back at the dorm.”

JJ composed herself and stood as tall as she
could in an otherwise defensive stance, debating whether or not she
should meet Kendal halfway or stay where she was. By the time she
made up her mind, Kendal already stood in front of her.

“Great game. You’re really good.”

“Thanks,” JJ replied as evenly as
possible.

“I’ve never actually been to women’s
basketball game before.” Kendal took in the empty gym. “It was
exciting and fun to watch.”

“You know what they say, there’s a first time
for everything.”

”That’s very true.”

A lull in the already struggling conversation
irritated JJ.

“Hey, look,” she said roughly. “I’m glad you
came to the game. But I’ve really got to get—”

“I didn’t come here just to watch the game,”
Kendal interrupted. “I came here to apologize.”

“For?”

“For standing you up. For avoiding you. For
making you think that—”

“That you are as shallow as the rest of the
cheerleading squad?”

Kendal closed her eyes. “I know how it
looked,” she said. “But it’s not what you think.”

“You know, Queenie warned me. She said you’d
get all freaked out when your friends started wondering why we were
hanging out so much.” JJ shoved her hands angrily in her pockets.
“She said you’d stop talking to me. And I stuck up for you. I said
you’d never do anything like that. Guess you proved her right.”

“I didn’t freak out, as you put it,” said
Kendal. “You know me.”

“No, I don’t. That’s the problem. I don’t
know you at all.”

“Yes, you do.” Kendal reached out and touched
JJ on the arm. “You know me better than anyone else at this
school.”

JJ took a giant step backwards. “I thought I
knew you,” she said, as she bent over to pick up her gym bag off
the floor. “And then I realized that you’re not the person I
thought you were at all.”

“At least give me a chance to apologize, to
explain what happened,” Kendal pleaded.

“If you’re so eager to apologize, why did you
wait so long to talk to me? I’ve seen you around campus and you
acted as if I wasn’t there.”

Kendal cringed, “I know—I was embarrassed
about what happened. And I thought you were angry with me and
needed some space. I just want to explain—”

“You don’t have to explain anything. It is
what it is.” JJ slung her gym bag over her shoulder. “Good luck
with the rest of your semester, you know, with Emily Dickinson and
your Women’s Literature class. I know you’ll do well.” She turned
to walk away then stopped abruptly. “Oh, and you should probably
know that Kyan Stevens is head over heels for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He stopped by to see me earlier today.
Wanted me to put in a good word for him. Apparently he thought we
were good friends or something. I guess he likes you a lot.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because maybe you should give him a chance.
Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all. Maybe he can give you some
of those ‘wild nights’ you’ve been wishing for.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. He’s perfect for you. And I’m sure all
of your friends would approve.”

Kendal opened her mouth wide but JJ didn’t
wait for her to respond. Instead, against her better judgment, she
decided to walk away. But when Kendal didn’t try to stop her or
come running after her, she wondered if she’d made the right
decision.

CHAPTER 30

While she hid strategically behind the big
chunky couch in the school lounge, Kendal wondered if Queenie had
spotted her. From where she hid, she clearly could see Queenie
standing in front of her student mailbox, shuffling through its
contents. She was dressed as if she were going out downtown, in
faded jeans, a v-neck sweater and an expensive black leather
jacket.

To Kendal’s right sat a group of students of
various ages, races and religious beliefs. They were a part of the
Cultural Awareness Society. Kendal had sneaked into the school
lounge under their cover, and pretended to be involved in their
group meeting as she kept a watchful eye on Queenie.

“And you are?” Kendal heard a voice ask. She
turned her head to see the Cultural Awareness Society president
staring directly at her from the podium in the center of the room.
His eyes were warm and welcoming, intent on nursing her out of the
shadow of the couch.

Kendal stood slowly, gradually exposing
herself to the rest of the group. They all wore matching smiles
along with their Cultural Awareness Society pins.

“Yes, you behind the couch.” The president
pointed a finger. “What’s your name?”

“Kendal—”

“Hello, Kendal. Everyone, please say hello to
Kendal.”

“Hello, Kendal,” the students said in
unison.

Kendal gave a slight and awkward wave.

“What brings you to our meeting tonight,
Kendal?”

“Well—” Kendal stammered and pulled at her
fingers. She could see Queenie close and lock her mailbox and head
for the doors.

“It’s okay, take your time,” the president
said patiently.

“I, I,” Kendal’s eyes darted around the room
and then down at her feet. “I was—I’m not here for the meeting,
really, I—” She saw a quarter protruding from the couch cushion and
quickly bent over to snatch it up. When she stood up, she gladly
showed the group the shiny quarter in her hand. “See, earlier today
I dropped some change in the couch. But look, I found it!”

The entire group looked at her strangely.
Kendal could only flash them a quick apologetic smile before she
hurried away from the couch.

“Sorry to interrupt!” she called over her
shoulder as she shoved the quarter into her jeans pocket and pushed
through the doors.

Queenie was standing on the curb outside,
talking on her cell phone. She kept checking her watch after every
other sentence, as if she were waiting for someone who obviously
was late.

Kendal approached her slowly, and tapped her
gently on the shoulder. She spun around and the phone dropped from
her ear to her side.

“Can I help you?” Queenie asked.

“Do you have a minute?”

Queenie gestured at the phone in her hand,
and then looked back at Kendal.

“It’s important,” Kendal insisted.

Queenie slowly returned the phone to her ear.
“Hey. Yeah. Meet me in five minutes instead. Just give me five
minutes.” She hung up the phone and slid it into her back pocket,
then crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ve got five
minutes.”

“Five minutes is all I need,” Kendal said.
She took a deep breath and plunged forward into the chilly night
air. “I already know what you think of me. But you’ve got it wrong.
I wasn’t going to stop talking to JJ. In fact, I want to do the
exact opposite. I want to talk to her more. I want to—spend more
time with her. I want to—I don’t know. I really—”

“Why’d you stand her up then?” Queenie
challenged. “Why did you suddenly stop talking to her? And why did
you do exactly what I said you’d do?”

“Because I was confused. I’m still confused.
And I needed some space to think about my confusion.” Kendal caught
a glimpse of the moon over Queenie’s right shoulder. It distracted
her for a moment.

“Confused about what?”

“Feelings. School. Friends. Everything. All
of it.” She laughed in spite of herself. “This is so new to me. I
can’t even begin to explain or justify it. I don’t even know what
I’m saying. But what I do know is that I enjoy spending time with
JJ. And I don’t want to stop hanging out with her, no matter what
people think or what people say or . . . .”

“Aren’t you saying this to the wrong
person?”

“I tried talking to JJ after your basketball
game the other day. She wouldn’t even let me explain. I knew she
was mad at me, but I guess I didn’t realize how much I hurt
her.”

“So, let me guess. You want me to talk to her
for you?”

“Not exactly.” Kendal hugged herself to keep
warm. “I’m perfectly capable of saying all of this to her myself.
And there’s more to be said. I just need for her to give me a
chance to say it. I need her to give me a moment to explain what
happened.”

“She’s back at the dorm right now,” Queenie
said and pointed behind her. “Why don’t you just go talk to
her?”

“I’m not going to go beg at her door,” Kendal
declared. “Besides, I already tried talking to her, and that didn’t
go so well. This time, I thought I’d try a different approach. If
she’s really interested in what I have to say, then she’ll come
meet me.”

“Meet you where?”

“At my special spot. Tell her to meet me
there in an hour. She’ll know where I’m talking about.”

“And what do I get in return for doing this?”
Queenie asked.

“You get a chance to help make this right,”
Kendal explained. Her breath formed a cloud as she spoke, as if her
words were left suspended in air.

Queenie stood firm as she watched Kendal walk
away, admiring her long and slender legs as they carried her
forward. Then she reached into her back pocket without looking
away, pushed a few numbers and raised the phone to her ear. “JJ.
It’s me. No, I’m not downtown yet. I haven’t even made it off
campus. Something came up. I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ll tell my
ride to wait longer. Meet me in the school lounge. It’s important.
Yes, I’m serious. Okay. See you in when you get here.”

When Queenie hung up her phone, she could
still see Kendal striding along the sidewalk, and continued to
watch her from afar, until her silhouette faded into the night.

* * *

“So what happened with Kendal?” Jason asked
Kyan as they left the athletic center. “Did you get her friend to
talk to her for you?”

The soccer season was over, but Kyan and
Jason continued to work out every night as hard as they did at the
beginning of the season.

“No,” Kyan answered. “She said she hardly
even knows Kendal and that she’s just one of her tutors.”

“What are you going to do now? Are you still
going to ask her to the winter formal?”

Kyan rolled his heavy shoulders back. His
entire body ached from the back of his neck all the way to the
soles on his feet. Winter formal was only a few weeks away. His
days to find a suitable replacement were numbered.

“I’m thinking about asking somebody else,” he
said quietly.

“What!” Jason stopped walking. “Man, all
you’ve been talking about since school started was that you needed
to find the perfect girl. Then it was all Kendal McCarthy this and
Kendal McCarthy that. Since when do you give up on getting the
girl?”

“I’m not giving up, okay. I’m just,” Kyan
waved his hand into the air,” exploring my options.”

“I don’t get it. Did you even ask her
out?”

“The invite-only party. Remember? She stood
me up.”

Jason bit down on his laughter, “Oh—right. I
forgot about that.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Man, relax. Maybe you just need a different
approach.”

“I tried a different approach. The whole
sensitive guy routine,” Kyan said, while making quotes with his
fingers. “It bombed. The girl just isn’t interested in me for some
reason. And I can’t figure out why.”

“Maybe she’s just not into guys.”

“I doubt that.”

“No, seriously. Christine said something
about her spending a lot of time with that JJ girl from the
basketball team. You know, the one that you talked to. She said
Kendal hasn’t been acting like herself since they started hanging
out.”