The Trip to Raptor Bluff (16 page)

They set up camp on the western edge of town, across the street and several hundred yards away from the toxic smelling gas station.  Ryder fell asleep immediately and Leanna dozed off shortly afterwards.  “Let’s have a look at your leg, Abby,” Rick said, sitting down beside her. 

“It is fine, Rick.  I would rather not take the bandages off right now.  They are still clean and it stopped hurting a few minutes after I took those aspirins.”

“Take a walk with me?  We won’t go far.  We have about twenty minutes or so before it gets too dark to see.  We need to talk.”  He tilted his head towards Leanna and Ryder to indicate that he wanted the conversation to be private.  Abby kept a grimace from her face as she rose; her leg still hurt although the pain had lessened.  It wasn’t something she cared to share.

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Rick pointed to a grassy area under a tree.  When they were seated, he said, “Your parents never called, Abby.  Joshua gave them the number for Ryder’s phone and offered to let them use his satellite phone so they could talk to you.”

Abby was taken aback by the comment.  It hadn’t occurred to her to expect a call.  Joshua Zeem had told her parents she was fine, and that was that.  “So?  Why would they?  They know I’m OK.”

Rick was looking at her with the same searching expression she had seen more than once since they met.  “I guess I just don’t understand.  They didn’t see you off when you were leaving for a two-week trip to Raptor Bluff, and after a major earthquake like the one we just experienced, they passed up the chance to talk to you?” 

Abby had to speak over the lump in her throat when she replied hoarsely, “What I find odd is that you are worried about me when you just found out that you lost your whole family.”

Rick exhaled heavily and lay back on the grass with his arms behind his head. “I’ve known since we saw the tsunami wipe out Port Fortand that they didn’t make it.  It wasn’t a surprise, Abby.  Joshua’s confirmation hit me hard, but it wasn’t a surprise.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I plan to get through each new day as it comes.  I can’t think past that.” 

“I’m so sad for you…”

“I know you are.  And thank you for the bottle of water you put by my head last night.  That was you, wasn’t it?”

Abby nodded absently and whispered, “You have done so much for us.  I just wish there was something I could do for you.”

“There is.  You can tell me all about your family: your brothers and sisters and your parents.”

Abby hugged her knees to her chest and peered at him through the dimming light.  “Why?” 

“Because I have a theory and I want you to prove me right or wrong.  It is something for me to think about.  I need things to think about other than my own situation.  Talk to me.”

“A theory about what?  About my family?  There’s nothing much to tell.  Mom and Dad had four girls in four years.  All of us are in high school at the same time, and I am the oldest.  My little brother is eight.  Dad works as an engineer and Mom teaches dance classes during the week.”  Abby shrugged.  “We are a normal American family.  We are not that interesting.”

“Well, here is a fact.  You and my mother are so much alike in personality that it is downright frightening.  Everything about you reminds me of her.  From the minute we met in the Zeemercise parking lot and you announced that you had no interest in socializing with the other kids, until today when you got that terrible wound and didn’t shed a tear or bat an eye, a theory has been building in my head and I want your take on it.”

“What is your theory?”

“A few questions first, OK?  You just have to answer
yes
or
no
.”

“Okaaaay.  Are you trying to psychoanalyze me?”

“In my own amateur way, maybe.  Mostly, I’m interested in why you and my mom are so similar in disposition.”

“Well, I can promise you that I wasn’t raised by a sociopathic Nazi guard like your mom was.”

Rick barely smiled before he said, “Just answer
yes
or
no
.  Between your father and your mother, your mother has the dominant personality.  She calls the shots and your father goes along for the ride.  It’s his way of keeping the peace.”

“Yes.”

“She does not like to be exposed to messy emotions; you do not show joy, fear, pain, or sorrow in her presence.”

“Yes.”

“She does not know who you - Abby - are.”

“Yes.”

“You would not consider telling her who you are because you know she isn’t interested.”

“Yes.”

“When she singles you out for attention, it is always to criticize or scold you.”

“Yes.”

“She treats your other siblings the same way she treats you.  None of your sisters and brothers is close to her.”

“Yes.”

“What was her life like before she married your father and had children?”

“She was a ballerina.  Her dream was to dance for the New York City Ballet but she didn’t make the final cut.  She wanted to dance for them and no one else.  When she didn’t make it, she stopped dancing.”  The conversation was deeply disturbing to Abby and she wouldn’t meet Rick’s eyes when she asked, “Why are you asking these questions, Rick?  This feels really weird.”

“Just working on my theory, Abby.  Humor me, please?  How involved is your Dad in your life?  Do you talk to him?”

“Not really.  He works a lot.  When he comes home from work, he has his drinks and watches the news.  We have dinner, and then we all go our separate ways.”

“How much does he drink?”

Abby shrugged, “I don’t know.  He’s not a drunk, if that is what you are asking.  He has a few drinks before and after dinner.  So what is your theory?”

“My mother dropped a huge, cast iron Dutch oven on herself when I was in middle school.  It broke just about every bone in her foot.  She didn’t cry a tear or make a sound. Her facial muscles barely even moved. I was with her when it happened, and her reaction was the strangest thing I had ever seen.  When we talked about it years later – after the Mutti secret was out – she told me that the only emotion Mutti ever showed was anger.  Mutti went into a rage when my mother got upset.  She couldn’t handle it.  Does that sound like your mother?”

“Rick, I can assure you that my mother is not a sociopath,” laughed Abby uncomfortably.

“
Yes
or
no
, Abby.  Does your mother freak out if you or one of your siblings comes to her in an emotional state – especially when you are upset?”

“Yes.  We hide from her when we are upset.  She can’t stand it.  She tells us how selfish we are for dumping our problems on her.”  Abby was so discomfited that she stood up.

Rick rose with her and took her shoulders.  He stooped so their eyes were level and said softly, “You don’t believe that what you think or how you feel matters, so you shut down your feelings before someone else shuts you down first.  You hide, Abby, and you shouldn’t.  You are smart, you are honest, you have a strong sense of justice, and you have a good, good heart.  Who you are
does
matter.  You just don’t know it.  That is my theory: you don’t know your own worth.  Your mother’s heart has never told your heart that you are precious and priceless.”

“That’s it?” asked Abby, wondering why she felt like hiding someplace secret and bawling her eyes out.

“That’s it. It is no small thing, Abby, to reject your own self – to be ashamed of who you are - because someone who is supposed to love you makes you feel worthless.  Think about it, OK?”  He kissed the top of her head.  “Let’s get back to the others.  We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

**********

They used plastic spoons to eat cold soup straight from the can for breakfast.  Everyone saved their last bites for Dante and Caleb, who interrupted their wrestling game the moment they smelled food. 

“We will probably be here for a week or more,” said Ryder.  “Headquarters is trying to get to the injured first, then to people who are without food and water.  Their big issue is fuel.  They have access to helicopters with space for multiple people, but because there are no reliable fuel sources near the coast, they have to carry their own.  The fuel containers take up space meant for people, and that is hindering the rescue effort.”

“No fuel?” asked Leanna.  “How can that be?”

“Most of the underground tanks and lines were ruined in the quake so rescuers have to get their fuel much further inland.  That means longer flights to rescue sites, then no way to refuel once they get there.”

“We should probably start looking for more food in nearby farm houses, just in case we are here for a while, but I want to camp in town.  We can always shelter in the police station if it rains.  I’m just not comfortable being five miles out - in a farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere - if your team suddenly has an opportunity to pick us up,” said Rick.

“Agreed,” replied Ryder.  “Why don’t you three take the farm access road that heads east?  We already know there has to be a house there, and it will take all of you to carry back supplies.  I’ll take Dante and Caleb with me and travel further down the main road to see if there are other farms within walking distance, and if so, we can hit the first one tomorrow.  Let’s plan to meet back here at sundown.  I will let Headquarters know where we are at all times in case they can get to us sooner rather than later.”

“Where are we going after rescue?” asked Abby.

“To a refugee site, probably, and from there we will be transported to an inland airport or a train or bus station,” said Ryder.  “You won’t be going home any time soon, that’s for sure.  It will be months, maybe years, before the coastal cities are livable again.”

“I will call Joshua soon, Abby,” said Rick.  “He can find out from your parents where they plan to go once they are evacuated from Cleardon City.  We can make arrangements to get you there.  Leanna, I will talk to Joshua about where to send you.  You may well be evacuated from here long before Lucy’s team makes it out of Port Fortand.  The Zeems will want to keep you with them.”

“We aren’t going anywhere without Dante,” Abby declared. 

“We aren’t leaving him behind, Abby.  You have my word on that.  How’s the leg, by the way?”

“Good enough to get me anywhere I need to go,” she replied dismissively.  “I can feel it, but not in any way that will slow us down.  It’s not infected, either, so you don’t need to check it.  I already did.”

The farm house closest to their location was visible to Abby, Leanna, and Rick after they walked less than half a mile down the road branching east from the main road.  A large metal storage shed lay tipped on its side, and part of the house had caved in.  The smell didn’t hit them until they were a few hundred feet from the shed.  “Oh no,” Rick muttered under his breath. 

“There’s a dead animal around here somewhere,” Leanna said, scrunching her nose.  “A big one.”

“Let’s hope it is an animal,” replied Rick. “You guys stay right here while I check out the area.”

“There’s a dead man under that car in front of us!” Abby gasped, taking several steps backwards.

Rick covered his mouth and nose with the bandana he wore around his neck and walked towards the car.  The buzzing from hundreds of flies filled the air as he approached.  He looked at the body for a second and then jogged back towards the girls.  “Are you two OK?” he asked as he tore the bandana from his face.  When they each nodded a grim ‘yes’, he said, “He must have been working underneath the car when the quake hit.  The car fell off the blocks and crushed him.”  He quickly led the girls away from the grisly scene and into some shade beneath a large tree. “I am going in the house.  Wait here and I will call an ‘all clear’ when I determine that it’s safe for you to come inside.”

Ten minutes later, when Rick still had not summoned them, Abby walked carefully up the porch steps and peered inside.  Rick was bending over a white-haired form hunched over in a wheelchair.  “Rick!  Is someone alive in here?”

Rick turned his face to her, his eyes brimming with grief. “Her wheelchair tipped over in the earthquake.  She’s been lying on the floor ever since.  I just got her back in the chair.  Get me a cup or a glass from one of the kitchen cabinets.  Then go and get Leanna but be very quiet about it.  There’s a little dog whimpering at my feet and you two can take care of him.  Check the cabinets for dog food and feed him, OK?”

Abby nodded, noticing a claw-like hand gripping Rick’s wrist.  When she returned with a tea cup, Rick took his water bottle away from the skeletal woman’s mouth and asked Abby to pour the water into the cup.  He could not do it himself because his free hand was still in the desperate clasp of the old woman.  “Shhhh,” he whispered in her ear.  “It will be easier for you to drink from this cup.”

Abby backed away quietly, noticing that the air was rank with the smell of human waste. She walked outside and signaled for Leanna to enter the house.  “There’s an old woman in a wheelchair in there.  Rick found her lying on the floor and she’s still alive.  He is giving her water now.  There’s also a starving little Yorkshire Terrier inside.  Rick wants us to feed the dog but he needs us to be quiet, OK?”