The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy (4 page)

“Ok, Speed,” she laughed. “Your secret identity won’t be revealed tonight.”

He gave an inward sigh of relief; at least the alarm had killed his emerging erection.

Elizabeth looked at the clock and sighed. “I should be going.”

He thought he saw her give him a subtle inviting glance but he wasn’t sure; not that he could act on it anyway.

“It was nice sorta-meeting you,” she said as she put her hand out to him. He shook it and held it just a fraction too long. She slipped away and he lost sight of her in the crowd.

He quickly stepped outside and tore his helmet off; his hair was soaking in sweat and he gulped in the cool night air. A few minutes later Caroline emerged behind him and swatted him on the butt.

“Miss me?” she asked playfully. He didn’t answer but looked out into the night. “We still have time to use these,” she waved her handcuffs at him. He grinned and shook his head.

“No thanks,” he answered.

“I told you I’d make it worth your while and I never break a promise,” she said as she slipped her arms around his waist. She pressed against him and looked at him invitingly.

“No need, I enjoyed myself. I won’t hold you to it,” he said.

“But will you hold it
...”
she pressed against his groin
“...
against me?” she replied. Darcy laughed and shook his head.

“No thanks, Carrie. Not in the mood.” He pushed her gently away and she looked at him in slight confusion and amusement.

“OK,” she said and took a step back. “Are you OK?” she asked. He nodded.

“I’m fine. Just a little overheated and dehydrated. I think I’ll head home.”

***

“Is it possible to be completely sexually turned on by someone whose face you have not seen and who didn’t say a word for the whole evening?” Elizabeth asked Lou as he kneaded her back.

“It depends. Was he 300 pounds?” Lou said.

“No. I wish I knew what his face looked like.”

“Have Jane ask what’s-his-name who it was then see if you can get his number,” Lou suggested.

“Christ, he was sexy!” she sighed. “I thought I felt some chemistry, you know?”

“With someone who wore a helmet all night,” Lou repeated skeptically. “He didn’t even lift the visor to say goodnight?”

Elizabeth laughed.

“No. I’m being stupid, aren’t I? If he didn’t even bother to say anything to me, he couldn’t be interested, could he?” She turned on her side to face Lou as he massaged her arm. “It’s just that, well, it was like he was playing a game. I mean, he didn’t say anything but he didn’t ignore me. He followed me wherever I went, he didn’t dance with anyone, and he didn’t talk to anyone else. I think everyone thought he was my date and I kinda think he wanted to give that impression. What does that mean?”

“Mmm,” was Lou’s response. Elizabeth rolled back onto her stomach and sighed again.

By the next week, Jane and Bingley were dating. She found him to be sweet and spontaneous, funny and kind. Although she had never lacked for boyfriends, she had never become conceited; it had been a harrowing few weeks when she was unsure of Bingley’s feelings. But the night of the Halloween party had sealed it for her; he had stayed by her the entire night, introduced her to everyone, and had driven her home at 3 a.m. after a serious make-out session in his kitchen.

For his part, Bingley adored Jane. She was the perfect complement to him. He had always been somewhat flighty and he felt she grounded him a little. She was like a soothing mother to his hyperactive inner child. But he pulled her out of her serenity on occasion: he introduced her to karaoke.

“Does it have to be karaoke?” Elizabeth asked Jane as she peered into her closet.

“Yes, it has to be karaoke and, yes, you have to wear these pants,” Jane said as she tossed a pair of black pants to Elizabeth. “Think of it this way: a blind date can’t get any worse than karaoke, so you only have room for improvement.”

Elizabeth sighed as she pulled on the pants and selected a crisp white blouse.

“What’s this Richard guy like?” Elizabeth asked. She had mixed feelings about blind dates; they were a sign of desperation and yet she wasn’t getting any dates on her own.

“He’s very cute, very funny, and likes karaoke. That’s all you need to know,”

After checking her appearance, Elizabeth decided to undo one more button on her blouse. She added an amber beaded necklace and then turned to Jane for approval.

“Very sexy,” Jane nodded. Jane herself was stunning in a silver mandarin style dress that stopped six inches above the knee. She was wearing strappy silver sandals and had her long blonde hair swept up in a chignon. Together, they looked like opposites: Jane the sophisticate and Elizabeth the siren.

The doorbell rang and Jane ran to answer it. Elizabeth gave them a minute to say hello then came downstairs, letting her heels clomp a little too loudly on the stairs.

“Elizabeth, come meet Richard,” Jane called. Elizabeth saw Bingley
,
jeans, faded t-shirt and blazer-very nice and Richard
,
same thing except dark sha
ggy hair and laughing blue eyes
.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” he said as he held out his hand to shake hers. Elizabeth had a newfound respect for Jane’s ability to attract the cream of the crop in men.

“Shall we go?” Bingley said and they all piled into his SUV. They drove to a club across town from which, instead of pulsing dance music, floated the strains of karaoke devotees. Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief. Was she actually going to a karaoke bar?

They filed in and found a table near the stage.

They started the evening off with a few drinks and cheered as singers boldly took the stage to belt out their favorite songs. After three drinks, Bingley had the courage to leap onstage for a rousing rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Elizabeth laughed as he strutted on the stage, pointing at ladies in the crowd, and rounding up with a finale of jumping up and down on the stage.

Richard, continuing the Journey
theme, did a lusty version of ‘
Ask the Lonely,
’
with an impressive air guitar solo. Elizabeth was quite sure she saw a woman hand him her phone number as he came off the stage. She raised her eyebrow when she saw Richard tuck the number into his pocket with a grin at the woman. Playboy.

Jane was next with
her version of Kylie Minogue’s ‘
Come Into My World,
’
spreading he
r long legs in a rather erotic ‘V’
that seemed to have Bingley completely entranced. She was thoroughly enjoying herself and gave one long leg a kick at the end of the song. The room shrilled with whistles and cheers at the end of her song.

Four drinks in, Elizabeth was full of bravado; serene Jane wasn’t going to show her up!

Elizabeth stood on the stage with the microphone in her hand. As the strains of Donna Summer’s
‘
Hot Stuff
’
began, she turned her back to the crowd, legs spread, and heel tapping to the beat. Then, she turned to the crowd. She thought she would be nervous but the spotlight was so bright that she couldn’t see beyond the first row of tables
...
it was like she wasn’t even in a room full of people! If she couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see her, right?

She started to sing:

With the word ‘
tonight
’
she raised one arm over her head and ran it over her hair in an expression of repressed desire. She strutted across the stage and
with each refrain of ‘hot stuff’
swung her hips suggestively.

She raised her arms above her head and swung her head to the music. She sunk into a low crouch and sang to the front row, then bounced back up effortlessly. She continued the song in this manner, unexpectedly enjoying herself. She looked at Richard and flashed him a smile. She looked at him when she sang
‘
warm-blooded lover
’
and smiled again. Her attentions were not lost on R
ichard; he grinned and shouted ‘
spank it!
’
Never one to back down from a challenge, she obliged by slapping herself on the ass and looking at him over her shoulder. Applause and whistles followed; Richard’s grin widened.

She finished off the song with a few swings of her hip and then struck a pose as the last drum beats echoed. She was greeted by thunderous applause and whistles. She laughed and jumped off stage to her waiting table. Jane clutched her hands and Bingley kissed her cheek, both laughing. Richard gave her a congratulatory kiss on the lip
s that said a little more than ‘
nice job.
’
Elizabeth sat next to him catching her breath and he put a hand affectionately on her leg.

Darcy stood at the rear of the club. Bingley had invited him to come along to watch
,
he knew Darcy wouldn’t sing
,
and to bring Caroline along but Darcy had refused. He wouldn’t set foot in a karaoke bar without his sister Georgiana, he’d said. But Georgiana was out of town, Darcy was bored, and Bingley was always good for a laugh, so on a whim he decided to join them.

He was about to start looking for Bingley when he saw the most amazing thing he had ever seen in his life. Elizabeth
Bennet
was on the stage singing and
...
undulating
...
in a very unprofessional manner! He didn’t believe it was her at first but he recognized that smile that she flashed partway through the song. He was stunned.

Her shirt was open halfway down her chest with a glittering necklace that served only to draw his eyes to her breasts, jiggling under her shirt with every move. Her hair was a wild halo of dark curls around her face
-
holy Christ did she just slap her ass? He swallowed with a parched mouth. It couldn’t possibly be her. It just couldn’t. That wasn’t fair; she had no right to be hiding all of
-
that
-
under a suit
every day
, parading it around in front of him where he had absolutely no chance of ever seeing it!

She finished her number and everyone started to clap. She grinned and bowed like a kid, laughing at herself. He remembered that Bingley was dating Elizabeth’s sister and that Elizabeth had no idea that he had been at the Halloween party. She could have no reason to expect him to show up; meeting her now would only embarrass them both. Darcy decided not to join Bingley after all. He turned quickly on his heel and left.

Ignorant of the repressed libido that she was enflaming at the back of the room, Elizabeth focused all of her flirtatious attentions on Richard. Jane was right; he was very cute, very funny, and
...
very cute. But she was conscious of the warning signal in her head that he was a playboy and that he would not likely be around for more than a few weeks. While she liked him, she wasn’t prepared to settle for a one-night stand. So she resolved to flirt and capture his attention but to let it end with that.

For his part, Richard was attracted to Elizabeth as well, which surprised him. In his job as a fashion photographer, he was surrounded by statuesque women with giant boobs and no hips all the time. It had been his dream job for several years and he had dated models almost exclusively for some time. But the smell of vomit was hard to get out of your head and he liked to eat a good steak once in a while, so he’d stopped dating models. Not that he didn’t still sleep with them.

She wasn’t a statuesque model by any means. She had freckles across her nose that he thought she’d look better without, but they didn’t spoil her overall appeal. She was funny and had a quick wit. They had absolutely nothing in common but he enjoyed talking to her. He enjoyed kissing her more. He did it as much as she would allow and retreated with good humor when she seemed to think he was moving too fast. No sex tonight, he sighed to himself. He doubted he would call her on his own initiative but he liked her enough to consider another date if it were convenient for him.

***

Elizabeth’s performance did nothing to push thoughts of her from Darcy’s head; she’d already been on his mind too much for comfort since Halloween. After seeing her at the karaoke bar, visions of her smacking her rear would intrude on him at the most inopportune times, such as in the shower. On Monday he saw her, looking professional and pulled together as ever. She had no idea whatsoever that he was lusting after her.

He had the urge to tell her that he knew her little secret; she would probably think it was hilarious. If she didn’t think he was a complete pervert. He contented himself with his private knowledge of her performance skills but when he saw her in the cafeteria line, he couldn’t help himself.

“Watch out for the chili, it’s hot stuff,” he said to her as he passed her in line. She looked at him in confusion. First, why was he talking to her? Second,
there’s no way in hell he could know about her song, was there? No, absolutely not. She chalked it up to his eccentricity and cosmic coincidence and then hid a smile because it reminded her of her naughty behavior.