The Torn Up Marriage (14 page)

“S’cuse me love.”

A good-looking 20-something male in tight jeans squeezed past with two dripping pints of lager held aloft. The five of them were squashed into a bar in the centre of town, music pounding, lights flashing, bodies sweatily close, having to shout above the beat.

The meal earlier had been lovely. It had certainly been far more civilised in the bistro down the street. Kate had enjoyed her Thai fishcakes with salad, purposely choosing something light, though she did steal the odd chip from Mel, who was sitting next to her. Debs was there too, as well as Suzy and another friend from her banking days, Ruth. The wine had gone down well and the chat was easy.

Suzy and Ruth said they’d go and get the next round in, nipping into the gap the six- foot, beer-dripping hunk had left. Mel disappeared off to the loo.

Kate smiled at Debs and drained the last of her vodka and coke, finding the courage to say what she’d been trying to get out all evening. “I’m sorry, Debs,” she started. She had tried to phone the other day, but it had just been on the answer machine and then Kate hadn’t known quite what to say. Now seemed the right time; she didn’t want any bad feelings left unaired. “That other night at my house,” Kate’s throat was tight with emotion and she needed to shout in the noisy bar, “When I found out you knew. Well, I overreacted and I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Deb’s hand was on her shoulder. “You were upset. Anyone would have been.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It was Michael I should have been angry with, not you.” Her voice dropped, edged with shame.

“Honestly, it’s okay, Kate… I did wonder about telling you at the time, about what I’d seen, but if I’d got it wrong? It could have stirred up all sorts of trouble.”

“I know, I know. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Anyway, it’s all water under the bridge, honest. How are you doing now?” Debs’ tone was kind, forgiving. “Are you managing alright? It must still be tough.”

“Oh, I’m okay-ish. Not as bad as I was, anyway. I think I’ve finally accepted that he’s not coming back. Actually, I’m not even sure if I’d
have
him back… not after all this.”

Debs was listening intently, her head bent close in to Kate’s. A young girl pushed past and their heads bumped. “Sorry,” Kate muttered.

“God, it’s like a cattle market in here,” Debs grimaced.

“It is a bit. I’m not used all this. Haven’t been out like this in ages.”

Mel, Suzy and Ruth were back clutching glasses of vodka and coke. “Sorry, no ice left.”

“Cheers, ladies!” Mel grinned. They clinked glasses.

“Cheers!” Kate took a large swig. Vodka on top of white wine at the restaurant – probably not such a good idea. But then, what the hell! In for a penny in for a pound!

“Right then, who’s up for dancing?” Mel was grinning like a teenager and then launched into “I’m in the mood for dancing” a la cheesy Nolans, showing her age. Most of the others in here were teenagers or young 20-somethings, by the looks of them.

“Romancing,” took up Suzy, roughly in tune and they were off for the dance floor, vodkas in hand.

“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Come on, Debs. I haven’t had a dance in ages.” Kate grabbed her friend by the hand, happy that they’d cleared the air, and led the way through the crowd.

They found the others positioned on a metre-square patch of parquet flooring, strutting their stuff. It was a Rhianna song, “Only Girl in the World”. They placed their drinks down on a nearby table and started to groove. Kate was in tight jeans and high heels, her new peach-coloured chiffon top shimmying with her. (She’d finally got to the shops and bought herself a couple of new things to pep up her wardrobe.) Kate liked Rhianna, the music was gutsy, as if she wasn’t going to be messed with. Then it was The Black Eyed Peas and Kings of Leon. Kate felt the music buzz through her, dancing away her troubles. Someone was dancing very close behind her, but she didn’t mind. It was all rather “up close and personal” in here, with the sheer mass of bodies. Then Suz started giving her funny looks, until Mel leaned across to shout, “I think he fancies you”.

What the hell was she talking about?

Kate half-turned to see the guy who had gone by with the pints earlier dancing within millimetres of her, with a dynamite grin on his face. God, he only looked about 20. His mate stood watching with a leery, glazed expression.

“Hi,” Mr Tall-and-Twenty mouthed to her.

“Hi,” she mouthed back, half afraid and half desperate to giggle. It was probably some kind of a joke. Chat up the old bird for a laugh.

The girls were raising their eyebrows and grinning at her. She carried on dancing as before. She liked dancing. Dancing was good. The song came to an end and Tall-and-Twenty leaned across, his breath fusty with beer, “Can I get you a drink?” Oh, dear God, the mating signal of the pubescent male.

“Oh, no. No thanks. I’m fine.” She felt herself blushing.

“I know you’re
fine.
” He cast her an admiring look up and down. “But would you like a drink?” he persevered.

He did actually have quite a nice face, dark, straight hair and was tall. Tall was good. But she knew when to keep out of trouble and that was definitely now. “No thanks.” she answered firmly and then smiled politely. “I’m here with my friends.”

Mel moved in then to save her, just as the room went a bit fuzzy. Kate held on to Mel’s arm to steady herself a second. Definitely time to ease off the vodka. The lads gave them a bit of space and backed off.

“Well, you certainly made an impression there. We’ll have to watch you,” laughed Mel.

“Ah, they were just joking around.”

“Come on, then,” Mel said “We’re going to have a break from dancing and top up our drinks.”

“Okay,” Kate’s voice sing-song happy. Life was good… vodka, music, lights, someone fancied her, lol. Oh, but her feet were aching. Ooh look, someone she knew. Over there. She pushed through the crowd. “Hi, Graeme, fancy seeing you here, I didn’t think this would be your kind of place?”

“It’s not really,” he shouted over the din. “I’m just here with a crowd from work. A 30th birthday bash, for Emma in the office.”

“Oh, I see. Good night?”

“Well, yep. Not bad? You?”

“Yeah. Out with the girls.” She glanced back over her shoulder at the four of them watching her, and waved. “Kind of a first outing. It’s been fun actually.” She tottered a bit on her heels. He steadied her gently.

“Had a few drinks?”

“Just a few, yes.” she grinned. “You dancing?” She pulled at his arm.

“No sorry, don’t do dancing. Well only at family weddings. You
really
don’t want to see me dancing.”

“Aw, come on Graeme! Live a bit!”

She tugged him through to the crowded dance floor, where he did some jerky robotic moves, his feet planted firmly to the ground, as she grooved along to the beat. Okay, so he was right. She laughed.

“See, told you I can’t dance.” He pulled a face.

“That’s fine. You’re doing fine.”

After a while, Mel came across and shouted in her ear, “The others are getting a taxi back now. Do you want a lift with me? Kev’s fetching me at 12:00. It’s five to?”

Oh, and the night was so young. Nearly midnight and she’d been having such a good time. Mind you, it was rather hot in here now and her feet were hurting like hell. She had a feeling any minute that the real world would come crashing in again and her Cinderella moment would be over.

Graeme smiled across, having heard. “I’ll be walking back soon, or if you’d rather, we could share a taxi. I just live across the road,” he explained to Mel. “I’ll look after her, promise.”

Mel gave Kate a long look, giving her the chance of a get-out clause. She’d recognised the chap as Graeme who lived across from Kate. He seemed a nice enough guy to be fair, and Kate already knew him.

“Umn,” Kate dithered. Graeme did have to go her way and fresh air and a walk might just do her some good. “I think I’ll head back with Graeme. Yes, my knight-in-shining-armour, Graeme, is going to take me safely home.” Her voice was a bit giddy.

“Okay, well, if you’re sure.” Mel steeled a hard look at Graeme as if to say, just you keep her safe and don’t try anything on.

They were outside now, the night air was cool, refreshing. There were hugs and kisses all round. The taxi came and left with Debs, Suz and Ruth. It was a couple of minutes later when Mel’s husband, Kev, pulled up, “Last chance for a lift. We could take you back if you like.”

Graeme glanced at her. Kate spoke, “No, the fresh air’ll do us good. Thanks, anyway. And thanks for organising tonight, Mel, it’s been great.”

“No worries. It’s been a good night. See you soon, then.”

“Bye.” Kate grinned, waving.

“Night, Graeme,” Mel followed this with a stern look. “Take care both.”

Kevin gave them a nod from the car as Mel got in, and then whisked her away. It suddenly seemed awfully quiet out in the street, just the thrum of the music from inside the club and the cold air hit Kate hard.

“You’ve not got a coat?”

“No, well it was warm when I came out earlier.”

He smiled and made a small shake of his head as he took off his jacket and placed it around her slim shoulders. “There you go.”

“But you’ll be cold.”

“I’m fine.” His shirtsleeves were still rolled up from in the bar and his hair more unruly than usual in sweaty curls. She felt a little wobbly on her heels, tottering across the cobbles of the town square. She walked a little closer to Graeme and he put a gentlemanly arm about her. It felt nice, safe.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Right now? Yeah, I’m fine. Just a ta-ad tipsy.” She hiccupped. “Oops, sorry.” “Yeah. I kind of guessed that.”

She leaned in closer to him.

“How are you, Kate? How have you been?”

“Oh, so-so.” She didn’t feel like elaborating tonight, she’d had a good evening, a night off. Didn’t want to put into words that Molotov cocktail of emotions she was still going through.

“Remember, I do understand how you are feeling. But you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I know,” was all she said, then went quiet as she felt the shelter of his body walking beside hers. The slow rhythm of their legs ambling together, the rub at the hip, his arm around her and the little spin of the night and vodka though her giddy head.

They stayed quiet for a while. The odd car passing, an echo-ey shout from a drunken youth on a side street, laughter, the honk of a horn, smell of salt-and-vinegar late-night chips.

The street was darker now they were out through the arch of the old town wall. She tried to focus, but stumbled on the kerb, one foot landing awkwardly in the road.

Graeme grabbed her, kept her upright, then pulled her back beside him, steadying her. Their eyes met and held for a second or two. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” She was beginning to sober up. “Bloody shoes, I’m not used to high heels. Haven’t worn them for ages.”

She nestled back into his warmth, letting her head rest gently against the dip where his shoulder met his chest. She thought she felt a gentle pressure from above touching down against her hair. Had he just kissed the top of her head?

She heard his slow sigh, “Come on, let’s get you home.”

The rhythmic patter of their shoes on the pavement echoed in the night. A dog barked.

“Have you got any plans for tomorrow?” Was he just being polite, making conversation, or might he be asking her out?

“Ah well, my diary’s jam-packed full of exciting things these days.” She tried to keep her tone jolly. “Actually, all I’ve got to do is to fetch the girls back in the morning. They’re staying with Michael’s mum.”

It was strange to mention his name there. As if it might place a wedge of reality between them.

“He’s a bloody idiot, Kate… doesn’t know how lucky he is.” He sounded frustrated, angry.

Kate stayed quiet. They were approaching her house. Graeme saw her in through the gate, up the path and the three steps. At her door now. And then, she had the sinking feeling that she didn’t want to go in, be alone. She’d had enough of it all. He held her gaze questioningly a moment, and then moved his face slowly, tentatively towards hers. The kiss was surprisingly tender. They pulled back, both wondering what the hell had just happened. Then she moved back in for a second try, testing his lips, tasting him. She hadn’t kissed anyone other than Michael in ten years. This felt very different.

He pulled away, smiled at her, looking rather astonished. “Oh, I’m sorry if I…” he seemed flustered.

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” They both perched on the step like a couple of teenagers. “Would you like to come in?” she asked shyly, not quite sure herself what she might be offering.

“Umn, ah,” a little frown knotted across his brow. “Look, I’m not sure. I said I’d get you back safe and sound and here you are. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to, but….” The look on his face let her know he was wondering was this just a coffee or something more she was offering? “Look, Kate, I think you’re lovely, really lovely, but I know what you’ve been through… and you’ve had a few drinks… And I don’t want us to do anything we, well
you
, might regret. Not that I’m suggesting anything here… And I’m sure there’d be no regret on my part.” He rubbed a hand across his forehead, struggling to find the right words. “Or have I just got this awfully, embarrassingly, wrong.”

She didn’t answer, didn’t help him out.

“God, have I really got that all wrong… and you literally just meant a coffee?” He gestured a punch at his forehead.

She swayed slightly on the step, focused on how she really felt, then said, “No, you didn’t read it wrong. But, let’s go to yours.” She couldn’t bear another night alone. But, it wouldn’t seem right in her own house. Too many memories, reminders, Michael everywhere still and the girls’ things staring at her, even though they themselves were happily away at Granny and Grandad’s.

Somewhere new, for someone new.

He looked bemused, a touch anxious.

Kate smiled at him. He was a kind, lovely man. Not unattractive. And if she didn’t do it now, she feared she never would. She’d end up an old, shrivelled spinster. She needed the tipsiness, just for a bit of courage, but she knew exactly what she was doing. There was no “taking advantage” about it.