The Time Until (9 page)

5 Years Ago (Age 15):
 
February

Sam is glaring at me.
 
She’s not allowed to glare at me.
 
I mean, it’s not like I was cheating on her
or anything.

Ethan has been talking non-stop about Saturday
night at the club.
 
Favorite topic:
 
Me and Katelyn.
 
Apparently, Sam doesn’t approve of Katelyn
since the stories Ethan has been telling have progressed from dancing to full
on making out on the dance floor.

Though, I guess he isn’t too far from the truth
on that one.

We were getting a bit carried away by the end
there, though we never groped each other — like Ethan is describing — and we
didn’t even kiss.
 
It was still one of
the best nights of my life.
 
It was
different, liberating.
 
A part of me
wishes I could have that with Sam, but another part knows it’ll never be like
that with her.
 
My feelings for Sam are
like a warm day.
 
Nice,
comfortable.

Katelyn is fire, passion.

I can admit I’m selfish and say that I want
both of them.
 
I doubt I’ll ever have the
passion and heat I have with Katelyn with Sam, but that’s not the problem.
 
Problem is
,
I’ll
never have Sam.

She doesn’t want me.

Which is why I’m pissed off
at her for being mad at me about Katelyn.

Why shouldn’t I see other people?
 
I can’t pine for Sam all my life, watching
her date and get married.
 
Having kids.
 
It would
kill me to do that.
 
So I find a nice
girl who seems to actually like me and I see where it takes me.
 
How
is that
any
reason for her be giving me the evil eye?

It’s almost like I don’t know her anymore.

We used to be so close.
 
How could so much change after only one
incident?

I feel a tap on my shoulder as I lose myself in
my thoughts.
 
I turn and notice…
 
Katelyn.
 
I didn’t even know she went to our school.

“I was hoping I would see you today,” she tells
me playfully.
 
I love it when she bites
her bottom lip like that.

“Wow, I didn’t know you went to this
school.”
 
She smiles that “I know
something you don’t” smile.

“I’ve been going here since the start of the
year,” she concedes. “I’ve been watching you since then.” She turns a light
shade of rouge and shyly bites her lip.
 
I didn’t think anyone was looking at me like that and it makes me feel
good.
 
A flash of wanting Sam to look at
me like that passed through my head.
 
I
mentally shake the thought away and focus on Kate.

“Katelyn,” I start before she interrupts me.

“Kate, remember.
 
I told you on Saturday I prefer Kate.” I nod
and suddenly realize that my back is burning.
 
I risk a look over my shoulder and cringe inwardly as I see the look on
Sam’s face.

Great, now I have to deal with her.

“
You going
to
introduce me to the rest of your friends?”
Kate motions
toward Sam specifically, a look of challenge in her eyes.
 
Sam snorts and leans back as if it means
nothing to her.

“Hey, Ethan, how you doing?”
Ethan pumps his chin up in greeting.

“Great.
 
Just telling all about Saturday.”
Ethan smiles impishly and
glances sideways at me and Sam.
 
Uh oh.

“You really made my friend sweat that
night.
 
He seemed to really enjoy
himself.” Kate smiled brightly, obviously excited about the news.

“Is that true?
 
You had fun being with me?” I nod and she jumps on me.
 
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she starts
playing with the hair on the back of my head.
 
She pulls herself closer and gets her mouth right next to my ear.
 
I feel the same heat start to course through
my body, her breath causing lewd things to play in my mind.
 
Her body is not helping the imagery.

“God!
 
You smell great, exactly how I imagined you
would,” she whispers.
 
I shiver slightly at
her words, goose bumps trailing my arms.
 
I gasp loudly as she nips my ear lobe with her teeth and then slides
down my body back to the ground.

It takes a moment, but I suddenly remember that
we’re not exactly alone.
 
I turn quickly
and look at my friends faces.
 
Arianna
and Quentin are shocked and surprised.
 
Ethan is smiling a smile of victory.
 
But Sam’s face is the hardest to see.
 
She has a mixture of disgust and anger.

And pain.

I turn back to Kate, unable to look at Sam
anymore.
 
Kate seems to understand what’s
going on and a look of understanding passes and fades from her face.
 
She places a hand on my arm and looks me in
the eyes.
 
Her bluish green eyes seem
more emerald today than they did in the artificial light of the club.
 
They are drawing me in again.

“I actually came over here for a specific
purpose,” she finally tells me breaking eye contact. “I was wondering if you
wanted to see a movie with me on Saturday.” Did she just ask me out?
 
I believe she did.
 
I’m struck a little dumb at the prospect.
 
I’ve never been asked out before —
I’ve
never asked anyone out before.
 
I finally snap out of my surprised daze when
Ethan clears his throat behind me.

“Yes,” I answer, “I would love that.” Kate’s
smile grows brighter and
a warmth
spreads through my
body.
 
I find myself smiling along with
her.

“Great.
 
I’ll see you at… say, six?
 
In front of the theater?”

“Sounds perfect.”

There’s a loud bang from behind me and I turn
slightly to see Sam walking away quickly.
 
She’s wiping her eyes — or nose, hard to tell from behind — and she
seems on the verge of running.

I can’t say I’m not confused.
 
She can’t be angry after what she did, but I
can kind of understand her feelings at this point.
 
She’s probably feeling like I’m going to
leave her alone.
 
I would never do that
no matter how much it hurts for me to be by her side.

She has to know that.

I watch her briskly walk away for a moment when
Katelyn steps next to me.

“Seriously,” she inquires, “what happened
between you two?”
 
There’s no malice or jealousy
in her voice, just concern.

“Nothing,” I lie.

“Obviously, since nothing usually sends a girl
running with tears in her eyes,” she informs me with a heavy dose of
sarcasm.
 

“I’ll see you on Saturday,” I say as she turns
to leave.
 
My friends are left to figure
out what’s going on.
 
Arianna gives me
one of her ‘freeze your blood’ looks
she
usually
reserves for Quentin and then takes off after Sam.
 
Obviously, she’s on comfort duty.

I’m not even sure what’s wrong.

I’m left here watching the corner where Sam
just disappeared around thinking about where we went wrong.

Where
I
went wrong.

5 Years Ago (Age 15):
 
December

The biggest soccer tournament of the year is the
Christmas Tournament.
 
Since this is my
freshman year, it’s my first time playing in the tournament and I’m starting in
the final.
 
I won the right and beat out
the others for my position.
 
Plus, this
is the first time the school has made it to the final in all the years they’ve
gone to the tournament.

So, yeah, no pressure.

The team is doing better than expected and by
half time, we’re only down by one goal.
 
This in itself is incredible, since we’re playing the returning state
champs.
 
I feel bit of pride for having
six saves out of seven shots on goal.
 
The coach is going through a strategy for winning and I’m all for
it.
 
It means I’ll be getting more action
in the back – it gets so boring being keeper for a team with good defense.

The ref blows the whistle to warn us that the
second half is starting soon and we all take our positions.
 
I have to take one last look into the crowd
to see if she’s there, but still can’t see her.
 
I’m having one of the best games of my life and she’s not here to see
it.

Where the hell is she?

The strategy is aggressive and risky.
 
Four strikers, three
mid-fielders, and only me and three defenders.
It’s risky since we’re
already one goal behind and we had four defenders in the first half.
 
I can only imagine what will happen with one
less defender.
 
We can only hope that the
strikers do a good job and keep the score close.

We manage to tie the game and I manage to keep
the ball out of the net for a full 45 minutes.
 
I actually collapse in relief and fear when the ref blows for the end of
the game.
 
We’ve tied the state champions
and now it’s up to me to get us the win.
 
Of course, it’s not all up to me, but I’ll have the biggest role.

We’re going into penalty kicks.

I both love and hate penalty kicks.
 
I love them because it’s just me and the
kicker,
mano
y
mano
.
 
I hate them for the same reason.
 
It’s all about reaction and guesswork.
 
You try to make a strategy to trick the
kicker into kicking where you want him to, but it’s really hard to pull off and
it fails more often than it succeeds.

Me?
 
I go
by my gut and my reaction time.
 
It takes
about one second for the ball to get to the net after leaving the kickers foot,
that leaves me with exactly half a second to decide where the ball is going and
move in that direction.
 
I miss more than
I hit, but I do enjoy the thrill of it all.
 
Now if only the game didn’t come down to either me saving the ball or
total defeat.
 
That would be great.

Plus, she’s not here yet and that’s really
starting to play with my nerves.

Each side picks their best five kickers. When the
first one for their side gets ready to take his shot, we’ve already gone and
got a goal.
 
I take a wild guess and jump
in the complete opposite direction, there’s one for them.
 
Our turn again, one more goal for us.
 
I’m able to block one and let two more go
through as the tiebreaker continues.
 
Their keeper has the same luck and so it comes down to the final guy for
each team.
 
Our best player places the
ball in the upper V of the goal securing our lead.

My turn to be the hero.

We’re now up by one, I save this goal and we
win.
 
Miss and we keep going. Basically,
it’s all down to me to win the game for us.

No pressure.

I have to be careful about this one.
 
Guesswork or reaction alone won’t get
it.
 
I need to be smart.

“
Yo
, Al, you got
this!” There she is in all her
Samness
.
 
Sam is standing behind the goal behind me
acting like she’s been there all day.
 
I
turn slightly and glare at her for being late.
 
She smiles sheepishly and shrugs her shoulders like she knows what I’m
thinking.
 
I turn back as the ref starts
to shoo Sam away.

“You can’t stand back there, Miss.”
Sam laughs at the ‘miss’ part, but moves over to the sidelines.
 
I focus on the ball — the kicker can try to
trick you all he wants, but he can’t change where the ball goes once it leaves
his foot.
 
I give a quick glance to the
sidelines and see Sam bouncing up and down in anticipation.

The kicker makes his move, running straight at
the ball hoping that I’ll have a difficult time figuring out where he’s going
based on his running trajectory.
 
Good
trick, but he didn’t think that I’d be watching the ball not him.
 
I know where he was going as soon as his
pivot foot is planted.
 
I’m airborne
before the ball even leaves the ground.

The ball doesn’t move an inch as it slams
squarely into my waiting hands.

I just look at the ball in my hands as the
world explodes around me.
 
I’m on the
ground in seconds as Sam tackles me.
 
She’s laughing and celebrating as she holds me tightly.
 
I’m screaming in excitement and my teammates
pounce on us on the ground in a celebration dog-pile.
 
I’m still holding the ball, but Sam somehow
works her way to my chest.
 
We’re now
face-to-face in a sea of bodies and yelling.

The crowd gradually disperses; my parents and
sister congratulate me.
 
The awards
ceremony takes place not long after and we all get medals for winning.
 
The coach of the other team asks me if I want
to play for them next year and tell him I’ll think about it.
 
All too quickly, the day winds down and
starts to get dark.
 
I go behind the
concession stand to change my shirt and clean up a bit before we head home.

“Hey, Al, everyone is
wa
—”
Sam stops in her tracks when she sees me with my shirt over my head.
 
She stops breathing and nibbles her bottom
lips slightly as
a small
rouge colors her cheeks.
 
I squeeze my
ab
muscles a little tighter and flex my biceps more than I need to as I finish
taking off my shirt.
 
Sam slowly makes
her way closer to me as if in a trance.
 
Her breathing has returned since I can hear it labored and heavy.
 
She stops in front of me and gently rests one
of her hands on my stomach, caressing my torso slowly.
 
The lingering effect of her fingers on my
skin sends shivers down my spine.

“Where did these come from?” She asks me barely
a whisper.

She seems both amazed and confused at the same
time.
 
I imagine I had the same look on
my face the day I noticed that Sam was out of a training bra and filling out
high C’s.
 
It was an eye-opening
revelation to say the least, though not entirely an unwelcome one.

 
“Where
do you think?” I ask her back. “I run every day.
 
I have to stay in shape for soccer.” I’m
still very much aware that her hand has yet to leave my chest and now it’s been
joined by the other one.

Sam’s breathing starts to level out, but her
face is still flushed.
 
She looks up at
me and our eyes lock.
 
Suddenly I can’t
breathe; her gaze has sucked the air from my lungs.
 
Her eyes show longing, need, and seduction,
my heart starts pounding at the prospect.
 
My emotions growing to match hers.
 
Her face flushes more and she chews her bottom
lip again as she looks at my mouth.
 
A
small smile plays on her mouth.

My body reacts before I can talk myself out of
it.

One minute we’re looking at each other and the
next, I have her in a tight embrace against the concession stand wall.
 
Our mouths work against each other as she
claws at my head and shoulders trying to pull me closer.
 
My mind starts to go blank as all I can think
about is Sam and how incredible she tastes.
 
She opens her mouth to take a breath and I take the opportunity to try
something.

I’ve often imagined what it would taste like
when I finally kissed Sam and I’m very happy to report that all fantasies are
totally wrong.
 
The real thing is so much
sweeter tasting.
 
Her lip gloss is a
chocolate strawberry which makes her lips taste like dessert after a long
day.
 
Delicious.

I push harder against her and start exploring
her mouth with my tongue.

Sam moans against me and I can’t help but moan
with her.
 
The need of us both is making
us almost desperate.
 
I can’t seem to get
close enough to her.
 
She starts to slip
down the wall a little and I reach down to stop her.
 
She groans in pleasure as my hands grasp her
thighs and ass, my biceps take most of her weight as I lift her up and pin her
between the wall and my body.
 
I grip her
ass tighter, she lets out another moan into my mouth, and her eyes roll into
the back of her head slightly.

Finally, Sam needs air, breaking the kiss and
throwing her head back to take a big breath.
 
I smile a small wicked smile and start gently kissing and licking down
her neck and across her collarbone.
 
Sam
sucks in a gasp and her hands grab my head with such power that I nearly break
my nose on her collarbone, but keep caressing her with my mouth.

“Oh my god,” she manages in between breaths, as
she continues to caress the back of my head.
 
I have to smile at that.
 
Everywhere she touches sends shock waves of pleasure through my very
being.
 
I’ve wanted this for so long,
wanted her for so long, it’s almost a dream right now.
 
Both of our lips are getting swollen, but I
like the gentle pain of it.

“I love you,” I whisper into her mouth and Sam
goes rigid.

Oh shit!

Did I just say that out loud?

“Wow!” Wow is right.
 
I can’t believe I said that to her. Out loud!

But I process the voice before I process the
blunder and we both look over.
 
Jennifer,
my little sister, is standing there utterly amazed at the sight of Sam and me
making out against the wall.

We jump apart almost instantly.

“What are you doing here,
Jenn
?”
I ask a little pissed about being interrupted.
 
Before she can answer, I hear a small sob from Sam next to me.
 
I turn and see the look on her face,
something I wasn’t expecting.

Horror.

Was it really that repulsive to hear me speak
those three words?

“That never should have happened.” Sam looks
scared and lost in thought.
 
All my
feelings of euphoria are blasted away.

“What do you mean?” Sam looks up at me and two
completely different emotions pass through her eyes; longing and fear.
 
She stands up and pushes my hand away when I
try to help.

“Sam?” I take a step closer and she steps
back.
 
She looks away again back into her
trance.
 
She’s shaking slightly, but
won’t let me get closer to help her.

“This is all wrong…
 
We can’t…
 
I don’t want…” And then she starts running before I can get any
explanation out of her.
 
I take a step to
follow her but she flashes me a sorrowful gaze as she rounds the corner and I
freeze in my tracks.

What the hell just happened?

“I’m sorry, Alan,” Jennifer apologizes, “I
didn’t want to scare her away.
 
I was
just happy for you.”

“I know how long you’ve
been
wanting
that,” she ends.

“I have a feeling that was about me not you,
Squirt.” I rub her head to comfort her, though I feel like I’m the one that
needs it most right now.

I hope I didn’t come on too strong and
completely ruin everything, including our friendship.