The Time Until (24 page)

Present Day

“I’ve missed you so much,” Sam
tells
me with her hoarse and scratchy voice.
 
It’s barely a whisper and she sounds a lot like when she first wakes up
from a good night’s sleep.
 
I don’t know
why, but that thought actually comforts me.
 
Thinking of her waking from a good sleep is better than thinking about
the alternative.

I quickly rush to her side and take her hand,
placing my forehead on her forehead.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” I tell her
as I kiss each of her fingers.
 
She
smiles at me.
 
Casually reaching up, she
lovingly touches my eye patch — the one with the heart and arrow – she’s the
first person to actually touch it since the nurse who handed it to me.
 
The sight of it makes her sad.
 
She then does something even I haven’t had
the courage to do; she lifts the patch to look at my eye.
 
I don’t know what it looks like under there,
but her face is a mix of horror, sympathy, and sadness.

“I love you,” she adores replacing the patch to
its rightful place.
 
I cup her face in my
hands and kiss her as fiercely as I can without hurting her.
 
She kisses me back with a smile on her face.
 
I’ve never tasted anything so sweet.

“I love you too,” I tell her.
 
I can’t get enough of her.
 
I want to touch her everywhere and never let
her go again.
 
My heart overflows with
emotions, I can’t stop myself and start crying right there in front of
her.
 
Sam raises her arm, with great
effort, to wipe the tears from my face gently.

“
Shh
, it’s okay.
 
It’s okay,” she soothes.
 
I gather her up into my arms and squeeze
her.
 
Maybe I can keep her if she’s
closer, a silly dream, but one that won’t go away in my mind.
 
I desperately try to pull her closer to me,
but also concentrate on not hurting her.
 
This delicate balance is threatening to tear me in two.
 
She continues to soothe me as she squeezes me
back, tears trailing down her face as well.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” I admit after
breaking the hug.
 
She shakes her head.

“Never,” she says as she gently strokes my cheek
with the back of her hand, a small smile on her face.
 
Her eyes shine as I watch her look at
me.
 
I’m happy that I can still get her
to respond to me like that.

It also brings on the guilt.
 
I drop my eyes again.

“I have to apologize to you, Sam.
 
It was my fault.
 
I should have done something.
 
I’m so sorry Sam.”
 
She reaches down and softly guides my head up
by my chin so I’m looking into her eyes.
 
She has her best smile on her face and she runs her other hand through
my hair.

“Alan,” she says, “you feel too much.
 
Let it go.
 
What’s done is done.”

“But your legs?”
I ask.

Her gaze drops to her half legs under the blanket
and then it comes back to mine.
 
There’s
a careful smile on her face.

“They’re gone and I’m not entirely sure how I feel
about that.
 
I think that once the shock
wears off, I’ll have more to say about it, but right now…
 
What’s gone is gone.” I can’t respond to her.
 
It’s kind of like how I was with my eye being
gone.
 
I was mostly in shock, but
eventually I just accepted it.
 
Learning
to live with it is faster than raging against it I guess — doesn’t mean I can’t
be pissed at the one who made us this way.

“So, tell me everything I’ve miss—” Sam gets
interrupted by a sharp pain in her head.
 
She shoots her hand to her temple and closes her eyes so tight I think
she’s trying to seal them shut by force.
 
Hissing through her teeth as she inhales, the pain on her face is easy
to read.
 
The pain must be intense if
it’s that bad despite the pain medication in her system.

I freeze for a moment, unsure of what to do or how
to help her.

“What’s the matter?” I ask stupidly.
 
It’s obvious what’s wrong, but I can’t think
of anything else to say.
 
She puts her
hand up to stop me from getting closer to her.

After a few moments, the pain starts to subside
and she shakes her head a few times as if trying to shake out the pain.
 
Blinking the pain away, she opens her eyes
and takes a deep breath.
 
She has a
reassuring smile on her face, but I can still see the pain just under the
surface.
 
It has lessened a bit, but not
enough.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a massive headache,” she says still
rubbing her temple in an attempt to remove the pain from her head.
 
She finishes, “nothing to worry about.” I’m
not so sure.

“Should I call the nurse?”

Sam shakes her head no.
 
I gently stoke her hand as I hold it.

“You sure?”

She smiles as she places her hand on my face,
softly running her fingers on the buzzed hair behind my ears.
 
I like the feeling of it.

“Alan, I’m fine.
 
Really,” she informs me.
 
I nod my
head as I stare into her chocolate brown eyes.
 
The dead look from before is gone.
 
She’s back to her very alive self.

Jennifer was right, one look in those eyes and
everything is right in the world.

“Good.
 
Now
tell me what I missed.”

I tell her about the hospital stay and the police
interview.
 
Telling her about the
courtroom and the verdict was difficult without getting angry again, but her
gently caressing arms drain any rage from my body.
 
She gasps when I tell her about the parking
lot fight and the knife wound I now have on my back.
 
Her eyes fill with tears when I tell her
about Kate and how much of a friend she’s been since coming back.
 
She laughs at Quentin and Arianna being a
couple and tells me “I told you so.”
 
She’s surprised when I tell her about Ethan and his unrequited
love.
 
I even tell her about how hard
it’s been since she’s been in the coma.

She only holds her head twice through the whole
conversation.

“Well, it sounds like I missed everything,” she
pouts with her bottom lip jutting out.
 
I
find it adorable.
 
She seems to be lost
in thought for moment and I find myself staring at her.

“So, Kate has a boyfriend.
 
Good for her.
 
Maybe we can move on and become the friends we were meant to be now?”

“I think she’d like that as well.”

“Okay,” she exclaims suddenly, “when I get out of
here you’re taking me to do something that will put all that happened in the
last week to shame.” She has that look in her eyes, the one that usually gets
me in trouble.
 
I smile at how natural it
feels to be with her again.

“Uh oh, I know that look.
 
What do you have going through that demented
mind of yours Sam?” I tease and she smiles devilishly.
 
She looks at me and for the first time I see
the girl I knew again.

She’s beautiful.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she draws out with a big smile
on her face, “I was thinking something like base jumping or skydiving.
 
I’ve always wanted to try.
 
What do you say?” She drops one of the worst
puppy dog eyes look every attempted.
 
I
mean, it’s so bad I laugh outright at her face.
 
She starts laughing with me, but soon stops when her head starts hurting
her again.
 
The pain quickly puts a stop
to the fun we’re having.

“Okay, that’s it; I’m going to get you a
nurse.
 
If nothing else, you can get some
more pain meds or something,” I announce as I start searching for the red nurse
call button.
 
I can’t find it at first,
but eventually find it behind her pillow.

“Oh, relax, pansy, it’s not as
ba
—”
Suddenly, her eyes roll into the back of her head as it shoots backward into
the pillow.
 
Her entire body starts
shaking and convulsing against the bed.
 
It starts out slowly at first, but it rapidly turns more and more
violent and I drop the call button on the floor as I try to do something for
her.

I grab her shoulders in order to try to hold her
in place, but that does nothing to stop her violent bouncing and shaking.
 
I can’t stop the panic from rising as I get
thrown from the bed by Sam’s seizure.
 
Fear creeps in when I remember that seizures can be really bad — biting
tongues and the like.
 
I see the call
button on the floor next to me and I quickly go to push the button.
 
My hands are shaking so much that I drop the
call button.
 
Alarms and squeals from the
equipment start invading my thoughts as I try to comprehend the out of control
scene in front of me.

Seconds later, a male nurse pushes me out of way,
forcing me backward into the wall.
 
I
watch silently as Sam jumps and convulses, fighting against the physical
restraints that the nurses and doctors are applying to her.
 
The doctor starts shouting out orders and
nurses jump to follow them.

Nate, Mary, Ethan, and Kate come running into the
room, but I barely notice them as I stay focused on Sam’s ordeal.
 
I run my hand through my hair as I try to
hold back the fearful sobs.
 
Scared tears
fall from my eye and I slide down the wall watching all the action
happening.
 
Mary is hiding in Nate’s
chest, but I know she’s crying like I am by the way her body shakes in regular
intervals.

A nurse pushes past the other nurses and quickly
grabs the IV tube.
 
Sticking the needle
of the syringe into the drip chamber and thumbs the thumb wheel to allow more
fluid to go through it.
 
Soon, the
medicine starts to take effect and Sam’s body starts to calm down.
 
I let out a relieved breath and try to pull
from the ground.

As soon as Sam’s body lies still in her bed, I
take a step to join my friends.

Then the loudest and most god-awful sound fills
the room.

Sam’s heart monitor screams at us in warning and
suddenly everything in the room fades away as I look at her in her bed.
 
Her chest isn’t moving.
 
A nurse ushers everybody out as another one
runs in with a defibrillator.
 
The
monitor’s sound forces its way into my subconscious and everything goes black
around me.

My last thought, before I black out, is “no world
is worth living in without her.”

3 Years Ago (Age 17):
 
December

“What are we doing here Alan?” Sam asks.

I decided I wanted to do this kind of on the
fly, but the more I think about it the more I like it.
 
It’s going to take a long time to complete my
plan, but, if it works, it’s going to be worth every minute.

As
phase
one of my
plan, I have brought Sam to the old park where she comforted me after my
brother died.
 
It has
a
certain
sentimentality to it now — I see it in a whole new light.
 
I doubt there will be a repeat of that night
tonight though; the weather is pushing 30 degrees.

Why I thought doing this in the middle of
winter was a good idea is beyond me.

“I have something important I want to give to you,”
I answer her as I slowly remove the small jewelry box from my pocket.
 
Sam’s eyes go wide when they spy what I have
in my hand.

“Holy shit!
 
Are you proposing?” I just smile.
 
Sam starts hyperventilating as I hand the
gift to her.
  
I laugh a little at her
reaction.

“Sam, calm down, I want you to listen to me
before you pass out from lack of oxygen to the brain.”
 
I take her hands, making sure the box doesn’t
fall, and I look into her eyes.

“Samantha Cohn,” I begin my well-prepared
speech and her eyes go wider in response, “I love you.”

“Oh my god,” she starts repeating over and over
again, “we’re not even out of high school yet Al.”
 
This is not going to be as easy as I
thought.
 
I take a deep breath and continue
over her hysteric “oh my god” chant.

“I love you and I promise you that I will
always treasure you and your heart,” I slowly open the box, “forever.” Sam
looks at the contents and relief mixed with disappointment graces her features.

It contains a necklace with a single
heart-shaped pendant attached.
 
The chain
and pendant are silver with the heart outlined by gold.
 
I know she likes it, but I can also tell she
was expecting something else.

“Turn around, let me put it on you.”
 
Sam turns around and lifts her hair for me.

“This necklace is a physical representation of
the promise I just made,” I inform her as I close the clasp, “a constant
reminder about how I feel for you.”

“Alan, it’s beautiful,” she says as she
tenderly touches it and I place a few soft kisses on her exposed neck.
 
I wrap my arms around her.

“But it’s not what you were expecting?” I ask.

 
She nods
her head, probably not sure what to say.
 
I squeeze her closer to me so my chest is tight against her back and I
plant a big kiss on her cheek.
 
She leans
her head back and rests it on my shoulder as I speak softly in her ear.

“I’m going to ask you to marry me one day,
Sam.
 
I can promise you that.
 
Today is not that day, but it will come.
 
Trust me.”
 
Sam sighs and relaxes further into my embrace as she nods her agreement.

Phase
one successful.

Present Day

The damnable sound is still ringing on the other
side of the door as nurses and doctors run back and forth working on Sam.
 
I tenderly sit up and Kate rushes to help me.

“What’s happening?” I ask no one in particular.

“It’s only been a minute or two and nothing’s
changed,” Kate answers.
 
Looking around,
I notice that everyone looks ragged.
 
For
only being a minute, the whole world looks drained of life.
 
Mary is a ragdoll in Nate’s arms and Ethan is
trying to be brave by standing in the corner where he thinks no one can see him
crying.
 
Quentin cradles Arianna in his
lap as he whispers reassurances into her ear.
 
Kate is calmly rubbing my back, but worry etches her face, plain as day.

The high-pitched wail from the Sam’s room abruptly
cuts off and for a few seconds we’re left with silence.

2 Years Ago (Age 18):
 
December

Starting phase two has been a lot more of a
challenge.
 
College has not been the best
bedfellow to me in the last few months.
 
Sam has fit into place almost immediately as if she’s lived there her
entire life, but I have yet to gain the approval of her new friends — not that
I think I need it.

Regardless, I have managed to get the both of
us together for one night at this park again and I intend to use it wisely.

I’m still wondering why I chose the near
freezing month of December to do this.

“Al? What are you planning?” Sam inquires
suspiciously.
 
I sport a crooked grin and
reach into my pocket for the little ring box.
 
Pulling it out, Sam’s eyes grow big at the sight.

“Last year I promised to treasure you and your
heart,” I tell her as she covers her mouth in a vain attempt to cover her
smile, “and that I would be proposing to you one day.
 
Do you remember?” Sam nods her head rapidly.

“Well this is not that day,” I inform her as I
open the box to reveal a set of earrings.
 
Sam laughs and slaps my chest, calling me a tease.
 
I laugh with her.

“But I do promise to always listen to you.
 
I promise to always cherish your input and
opinion,” I promise handing over the box and earrings to her.

“These earrings represent my promise to
you.
 
They will forever remind you of how
much I cherish you and your voice.”

Sam is crying and slightly nodding as she comes
into my arms for a comforting hug.
 
I let
her cry in chest for few minutes until she feels better.

“That was really mean,” she criticizes with an
added slap for effect.

“I promised you one day and I have every
intention of keeping that promise,” I laugh, “as well as all the other promises
I‘ve made to you.” I can feel her smile through my jacket as she buries herself
further in my arms.

Phase
two successful.

Present Day

The silence in the other room is deafening.
 
I stop breathing as the tension in the air
grows thick.
 
Everyone stops what they’re
doing and stares at the door hoping to hear good news when it opens.
 
No sound greets them as the door opens
slowly. The look on the nurse’s faces as they exit the room is enough to break
my heart.

They look haggard and defeated.

We continue to wait as the staff slowly clear
their way out of the room.
 
Kate grips my
arm and I try to comfort her with a quick pat on the hand and a small
smile.
 
I’m fairly certain I failed.
 
With each nurse that leaves the room, my hope
of a happy ending disappears piece by piece.
 
Mary and Nate make their way closer to the door, but refrain from going
inside.
 
I know how they feel, I’m not
entirely sure I want to go in there at the moment either.

Ethan walks over to Kate and me, plops himself
down on the hallway bench with us and wraps both us up in a hug, squeezing
tightly.
 
I can just barely make out the
making of tears in his eyes as he buries his face into Kate’s hair.

The last nurse exits and Sam’s doctor follows
right behind.

His face is grim and apologetic
.