The Tied Man (13 page)

It felt odd, divulging this miniscule corner of the unsaid to the woman I had just so nearly killed. 

Odd, not bad.  But dangerous. 

The adage that knowledge was power was never truer than with Blaine Albermarle.  Every aspect of a person’s life had a fixed value, became a thing to be traded and used at her whim.  Experience had taught me that you kept such details close, yet in a fortnight Lilith had figured out more about me than anyone had ever cared to know, and I could only hope that she would hold it gently. 

The sudden roar of a car engine at full throttle made us both start.  I looked over my shoulder and swung my leg back over the saddle, gathering my reins as I did so.

‘The fuckin’ idiot – Lilith, rein Ruby in and sit -’ I began, just as a red convertible screamed past us at what must have been at least seventy and Ruby simultaneously reared and leapt sideways into the hedge. 

Lilith went tumbling backwards and landed flat on her back in a patch of nettles and scrubby brambles.  She rolled into a protective ball and all I could do was shut my eyes as Ruby’s flashing hooves missed her unprotected skull by inches. As the horse’s front feet touched the ground I managed to lean out and grab her reins before she disappeared over the horizon or trampled her rider to death.

With hindsight, I would have been better off grabbing Lilith.

As I tethered the horses to a low branch the car came to a halt about a hundred yards down the lane.

‘
Wanker!
’ Lilith screamed and leapt to her feet with a fist-sized lump of dried mud in her hand.  The car began to reverse towards us and she launched her missile with impressive accuracy.  Earth and grit exploded across the paintwork and left a visible dent in the bumper.

The driver flung his door open and ran towards us.  His face was contorted with rage.  ‘You
stupid
bitch!  Have you any idea how much this car cost?’ he yelled.

‘Too bloody much for that cock-substitute Jap-crap,’ Lilith hollered back and took a step towards her opponent.

Johnny Buckle came to mind once more and I knew I couldn’t let that happen here.  Not with this man.  Without the time to explain why, the only thing I could think of was to step directly in front of Lilith and place a finger over her lips. ‘Hush.’

Her right hand snapped around my wrist like a tiny vice and I could feel the strength that had allowed her to topple a man three times her size.  I thought I was next in line to get lamped, but to my amazement she edged back and let her hands drop.

I turned back to the driver of said cock-substitute. ‘She’s a guest at Albermarle Hall, Mr Dalziell,’ I explained then although it nearly choked me I added ‘Sir,’ for good measure.  ‘Lilith Bresson.  The artist?’

I had never seen such a rapid transformation on a man’s face.

‘Oh my
God
,’ he grinned, ‘so it is!  Lilith bloody Bresson, here in Albermarle!  It’s an absolute pleasure.’  He offered his hand as though he had just been introduced at a cocktail party.

I decided things couldn’t get much more surreal and cracked on with the introductions.  ‘Lilith, this is Alasdair Dalziell – his family owns the neighbouring farm to
Blaine
’s estate,’ I explained.  Lilith didn’t move, but at least it no longer looked like she was going to land him one.

‘Lady Albermarle to you isn’t it, you Paddy piece of shit?’ Dalziell’s eyes were still locked on Lilith. ‘As I said, rather unfortunate circumstances, but it is always a pleasure to meet such an attractive young lady.’

‘You drive like a total cunt,’ Lilith said.  Fortunately now that her status was established this amused Dalziell beyond measure. 

‘It’s been said before,’ he laughed, and surreptitiously took his unshaken hand away.  ‘Just not quite so directly.  I’d heard you had spirit.’

‘Yeah, and I almost had a fractured skull as well,’ Lilith replied.

‘Look, she’s had quite a fall,’ I explained, trying to sound reasonable. ‘I think it might be best if you get on your way for now and we’ll head into the village so the doctor can check her over.’

I could have kissed his young Lordship’s fat white English arse for a month and it wouldn’t have done me a damn bit of difference.  He rounded on me, his ruddy county-farmer’s face flushed purple.  ‘Are you telling me what to do, Paddy?’

I knew the drill from here; found a suitable spot on the ground to stare at and said, ‘I’m sorry, no, not at all.  It was merely a suggestion.’

‘Didn’t think it was your job to ‘suggest’ anything,’ Dalziell smirked.  He’d made enough visits to
Blaine
to know at least part of my set-up.  It was going to take a bloody miracle for me not to get belted by him now.

‘To tell you the truth I am feeling a little faint.’ Lilith laid a hand on my arm.  Dalziell’s focus snapped back to her.

‘I’m so sorry – here I am arguing with Paddy here and ignoring my damsel in distress.  Would you like me to run you into the village?’

‘His name’s Finn.  And no, thank you.  I’ve had sufficient exposure to your driving to last a lifetime.’

‘Well if you’re quite sure.’

‘I’m very sure.  I just need to sit here and get my breath back.’

Dalziell gave her a courteous nod.  ‘In that case, I hope I get to see you around when you’re feeling a little better. Perhaps we can meet for drinks?’  He strolled back to his car, and as he reached the door he turned to look at me.  ‘And I’ll be seeing you. 
Finn
.’  He did that ridiculous gesture of touching his index finger at his eye, then at me.  Like I needed a visual aid.

We watched him drive off, spinning his wheels and sending up a hail of road-grit as he went.

Lilith sat down and took a blue inhaler from her pocket.  She squirted it twice into her mouth.  ‘Wanker.’

‘Can’t argue there.’  I sat down next to her.  ‘D’you really want to see the doctor?’ I asked.  ‘Because I’m telling you now, she’s shit.  Took five fucking goes to find a vein this morning.’

Lilith shook her head.  ‘No, I’ll be okay.  I’ll just dose up on codeine when I get back.’

I gave a rueful smile.  ‘Bet all this has done your shoulder the world of good, huh?’

‘Not to mention the million and one nettle stings from my crash landing.’  A rash of pin-pricks covered Lilith’s bare arms. 

‘Dock leaves.’ I pulled a handful of the dark, glossy leaves from the verge.  I rolled them in my hands to crack the stems and handed them to Lilith.  I didn’t have the courage to suggest that I apply them myself.

She held them against her skin and winced. ‘Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Bloody idiot of a man.’

‘Him, or me?’

‘Him.’  She suddenly became serious.  ‘That little scene cost you, didn’t it?’

I shrugged.  ‘Probably.  But at the end of the day, everything I do costs me.  The only question is how much.’

Lilith stood and remounted.  ‘I should have held back.  I didn’t mean to cause you any more grief.’

‘You’re kidding, aren’t you?’ I laughed.  ‘I was fucked the second I opened my mouth to the man.  I’ll get it good style at some point when I least expect it.  Nah, it was you I was trying to cover.  He’s not a nice man at all.’

‘What, you’re telling me that you’ll get hurt for that little scene?’

I nearly told her to fuck right off but then I saw the genuine surprise on her face.  ‘He’s a friend of Blaine’s, Lilith.  More than that, on occasion, but that’s nothing too unusual – she’d sooner shag Coyle than pay him a wage.’  I swung back into Bruno’s saddle and rode next to her.  The last thing I wanted to do was to sound like I was patronising the woman, but there was stuff I needed to know she understood.

It was easy to forget that other people lived in a world where rules and laws and common sense could keep you safe.  A world where, if you did the right thing you were allowed to get on with your life in whichever way you chose.  I suppose I had assumed that Lilith’s insight, that sharpness that led her to the heart of so much, would in some way let her understand everything.  

I pulled at what was left of my thumbnail until I drew blood.  ‘If he knows
Blaine
, he can get you hurt and no-one will ever know.  It’s that simple. And I know it mightn’t seem like it from this morning’s display, but I would love to see you arrive back in civilisation in one piece.’

We rode the rest of the way to the stables in silence.  I wasn’t sure which of us had learned more in the last two hours.

‘Don’t leave me, Clarissa!  They’re coming, I can feel it!  Stay with me, please…’

My mother’s contorted face leered inches away from me and I could smell the acid, pear-drop reek of her starving breath.  Emaciated hands clawed at the collar of my school blouse as I backed down the musty, barricaded passage of our council flat.

A frantic hammering came from next door.  ‘Make that mad frog bitch shut the fuck up, or I’ll come round there and do it for you!’

I opened my mouth to reply, but no matter how hard I tried, no sound came out.  My mother threw herself to the floor and grabbed at my legs as our neighbour began to dismantle the dividing wall brick by brick.

‘Clarissa, what do you think you’re doing?’  The headmistress from my boarding school, wearing the same outfit that
Blaine
had worn on the night she had horsewhipped Finn, sat at our filthy kitchen table and drank tea from a chipped mug that heaved with maggots.  ‘You do realise that your Latin exam’s just about to start?’

With no voice, I couldn’t explain that my mother’s latest episode was making things a little difficult, and when I glanced down she had transformed into a shrunken corpse whose skeletal fingers remained locked around my ankles.

I awoke struggling for air in the pure silence of the night.

*****

I expected the kitchen to be deserted.  Six weeks into my stay I had grown used to the routine of Albermarle Hall and I knew that even Henry wouldn’t be at work at three in the morning.  Already jittery from a combination of nightmare and salbutamol, I gave a soft cry of shock as a shadowed figure moved silently across the pools of moonlight and challenged my firm non-belief in ghosts.

‘Hi.’

‘Fucking
hell
, Finn, you nearly gave me a heart attack.’  I slumped into the nearest seat, shaking more than ever. 

‘Sorry,’ Finn shrugged.  ‘Wasn’t expecting company.’  He kneeled down to open the refrigerator door and his delicate, angelic face was suddenly bathed in the novelty of electric light.  Even at this ridiculous hour, and clad in a faded blue t-shirt and ancient pyjama pants, he looked like something Michelangelo might reject for being too beautiful. 

‘I didn’t think you ate.’

‘I don’t.’ Finn started rifling through the freezer compartment.  ‘I’m after ice cubes.’  He found what he was looking for, sat down at the table without meeting my gaze and pressed a cube to the back of his hand. He gave a soft exhalation of breath that sounded strangely like relief.

Without waiting for the question he explained, ‘Coping strategy.  Apparently if you hold ice to the parts of your arm where you’d normally stub out your fag, it sends a similar message to your brain without making you smell like a barbecue.’  As I watched the silvered droplets fall and soak into the table top I finally understood the long-faded scars and pitted skin that covered his hands.

‘Does it work?’

‘Nah.  Not really.  I just don’t want to waste a smoke.’ He finally looked up, now that I had passed this latest test by not running a mile.  ‘So, now you know how I spend my nights off, what are you doing here?’

‘Nightmares.’

‘What, like real, normal people get?’ Finn asked, amused.  ‘Jesus, you’ll be telling me you fart next.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.  And even if I did, they’d smell of roses.’ I rubbed at eyes that felt as though they were full of grit.  ‘Look, I know it sounds pathetic but I don’t
do
nightmares, Finn.  I’ve spent years sorting out my demons during the day specifically so I don’t have to deal with this kind of shit at night.’

‘Ah, but Albermarle Hall has that effect on its staff.’  Finn lit a cigarette and blew pale smoke into the gloom.  ‘Relaxes its guests and fucks its workers.’

I was perversely proud at being counted as part of the latter group.  ‘So it would seem.  Anyway, how come you’re awake? I thought you self-medicated yourself comatose.’

Finn gave a thin smile.  ‘Lilith, I take eight temazzies a night just to stop me crawling the walls, and half-a-dozen most mornings.  It’s what keeps me the nearest approximation to normal I’m ever going to get, and I need to get my hands on at least fifteen in one throw if I really need to mong out and sleep through.  If I’m not working, like tonight, there’s not a cat in hell’s chance of that.’ 

‘Shit.’ The only response I could manage.

‘Shit indeed.’  The kettle began its shrill whistle, and he stood.  ‘Tea?’ 

I watched as he poured a quarter of a pint of milk into his own drink and added six sugars.  ‘What the
hell
is that?’