The Thousand Smiles of Nicholas Goring (19 page)

Dave nodded curtly to indicate his understanding. He knew that Nicholas's chances would have been far better if he'd remained conscious.

"We have one of the best neurosurgeons available – and I mean one of the best in the country, not just in Brisbane. She and I have consulted at length, and with other specialists, and we've decided that early surgery is called for under the circumstances. If he were conscious, we'd wait for twenty-four hours to allow for the swelling to subside. But, in fact, Nicholas is being prepared for surgery now."

Dave nodded again, unable to trust his voice. Though he wanted to know –

"We've decided on clipping," Dr Williams continued, as if he knew exactly what Dave was thinking.

That meant a craniotomy. Brain surgery. Dave swayed a little, but Vittorio was there at his elbow.

"As you know, it's a more invasive method than coiling, but there are also lower rates of recurrence and re-bleeding."

Dave managed to say, "I know." What the doctor was tactfully not spelling out was that there were higher risks from the operation itself with clipping, though the long-term effects were better than with coiling. If Nicholas came through this, then he'd be best placed for a good recovery and less danger of any future ruptures. "I understand," Dave offered.

"Of course Nicholas talked through the options with me at some length, so he knew what he'd be facing. I feel confident he'd understand our decision."

"No, that's fine," Dave said, though his throat felt like it was jammed up badly. "Shouldn't you be with him?"

"Yes, I'll be there throughout. But do you have any questions?"

"How long?"

"The operation might take up to six hours, David. If there's anything to report I'll let you know, but I'm afraid you'll have rather a wait."

"That's all right," he said roughly. "I have to be here."

"Nicholas will be glad of it," Dr Williams reassured him. And then, with a kind nod and a half-smile for them all, he turned and left.

Dave sat down.

The others sat down, too, and were silent – though Dave suspected that was because they knew a hell of a lot less than Dave did about exactly what was happening and what the ramifications were. Even if Nicholas survived the operation and the next couple of days, there was a good chance he'd suffer some loss of function, whether physical or mental. There was a good chance he'd change in some ways. Though of course he'd still be Dave's husband, and Dave his, so the fundamental things would remain regardless.

And Nicholas hadn't been scared in those last moments. He'd known what was happening, and Dave had hated the way Nicholas had gone kind of blank, but he wasn't scared. He'd peered up at Dave quite calmly, all things considered.

"He wasn't scared," Dave said, conscious for once of thinking out loud.

"Of course not," said Denise. "And you know what? It'll be all right."

"Will it?" he asked, wondering how she could possibly know that.

"Whatever happens, it'll be all right, Davey. You've both been so wise. No unfinished business, that's the secret. Nicholas was always about seizing the day – and what with you being you, Dave, you both lived your lives to the full."

"Me being me?" he queried.

"You being such an obliging bloke," she said with a cheerful wink. "No unfinished business. Either way, that works for you."

"Either way," he echoed, unwanted images flickering through his head of what might well be his bittersweet future. Bitter with loss, sweet with memories. "Well," Dave said, conscious not only of himself but of Robin sitting beside him. "Let's not go there just yet. There's every reason to think Nicholas will be fine. Cautiously optimistic, remember?"

"Oh, absolutely," Denise and Vittorio agreed. "Cautiously optimistic, it is!"

Dave called Simon back – and then spoke to Richard about the surgery. They both agreed it was a good decision, and reassured each other it would all work out well. Then Simon came back on the line with details of when Richard's flight would arrive, early the following evening, Australian time.

Afterwards, Dave called Charlie and broke the news. Charlie was silent for long moments, and Dave kept him company throughout. And then Charlie announced, "I'll be there tomorrow, mate."

"Of course," Dave replied. "I'm guessing I'll be here at the hospital, but if you go to the house first, you've still got the keys, right?"

"Right." Charlie seemed preoccupied with something, which was hardly surprising, so after Charlie asked Dave to call back with any significant news and Dave agreed, they ended the call.

And then all Dave had to do was sit back down and wait. Doing nothing could be the hardest thing of all.

Robin soon distracted himself with his phone, putting his earbuds in to listen to his music while browsing the net and tweeting to his friends. He seemed to have friends globally, because no matter what time it was he always had someone to exchange messages with.

Whether deliberately or not, Vittorio also took the opportunity to slip down more comfortably on the low couch and doze off with his head back, peacefully snoring. Denise and Dave shared a wry look.

"What should we do with them?" Dave quietly asked. "I mean, if it's gonna be six hours. If I'm remembering right, it'll be at least four. Should we send Vittorio and Robin off to Maria's as well? No point in everyone hanging around if they don't need to."

"Let's play that by ear. See how they go. I'm sure they'd rather be here if they can, and we can always get them to run errands if they look like going stir-crazy."

"Errands?" Dave asked, feeling absolutely blank.

Denise huffed a laugh. "Fetching phone chargers for you and Robin, for a start!"

"Good thinking."

"And we will have to eat at some point. I know you'll tell me you don't feel like it," she added, overriding his protest, "but you have to keep your strength up for later, for when Nicholas needs you."

Dave shifted forward on his seat so as to talk to her more confidentially, and Denise shifted likewise. "Look, I have to tell you how great Vittorio was. I know you know that already, but …"

She gave him a soft grin. "Always good to hear it again."

"And it turns out I was useless," Dave continued even as he rolled his eyes in impatience at his own self-pity. "If it wasn't for Vittorio phoning for the ambulance –"

"You'd have done it if you had to, of course you would. But you didn't have to. You took care of Nicholas instead."

Even so. Dave had expected more of himself. Richard and Simon and the rest of Nicholas's family had expected more from him, too.

"You've done your bit," Denise added in bolstering tones, "and chances are good you'll have more of that to do."

"What's my bit, then?"

"Making him happy. Nicholas has been living the dream these past seven years, that's been perfectly obvious. That's what counts. Not who was first to dial triple zero."

Dave sighed, and dropped his head, and thought for a long moment. But then, he'd never hidden anything from his oldest friend. "Denny. Chances are I'll lose him. You know that, right? I'm hoping for the best. But I faced this a long time ago. Chances are he won't come back from this."

Denise leant forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tucked her head in close to his. "I know, Davey. I know, my darling. I've done my homework, too. But whatever happens, we'll deal with it, all right? You won't be alone, no matter what."

"I know," he whispered, scarily close to tears.

"And you'll always know you did everything you possibly could. You loved him as thoroughly as he ever wished for. No one in the world can ask more from you than that."

"Denny …"

She heard or maybe felt the tremor, and withdrew a little to look at him directly. "But we need to be brave for now, all right, Davey love? For Robin's sake, if nothing else. We need to go with ‘cautiously optimistic'."

"I know." He nodded, and let a shudder run through him, and then he was fine again. Or fine enough. Like Denise said, he'd deal with it. He'd been preparing to do that for seven years now.

After an eternity – Vittorio told Dave later that it had been just under five hours – Dr Williams finally appeared and walked towards them with a pleasantly neutral expression. Dave stood, cold with dread, hot with hope. The others stood beside him, Robin clinging to one arm and Denise holding his other hand, with Vittorio bracing them both up. Dave nodded wordlessly at the doctor in a greeting, a query, an affirmation.
It's okay, I'm ready. Whatever it is, I'm ready.

Dr Williams looked at them all with a friendly glance, and then at last said, "Nicholas has come through the operation very well."

They all sighed and sagged in relief.

"
But
," Dr Williams added, "we're not out of the woods yet."

Dave nodded again, indicating that he should continue.

"The clipping was successful, and we were able to remove all the excess fluid. There was no sign of any other irregularity. Nicholas is breathing well on his own; in fact, all his vitals are quite acceptable. He's stronger than he looks," Williams added with a slight smile.

"Yes," Dave managed to say. He remembered his own satisfaction with that discovery, so many years ago.

"The next twenty-four hours will be crucial. To be honest, the next three or four weeks will bring plenty of challenges. But for now, let's concentrate on this one day at a time."

"Yes."

"We're going to maintain an induced coma overnight, to enable him to rest, to assist in reducing the swelling. In the morning, if Nicholas seems in as good a state as he is now – and certainly if there's been any improvement – then we'll slowly bring him around."

They all looked at each other, on a sudden surge of hope.

"I must warn you, though," Williams continued in heavy tones, "not to expect too much. We won't be able to assess for a while if there's been any long-term damage and, even if there hasn't, Nicholas will probably seem quite dazed and slow to respond. He will probably be confused at where he finds himself, even though he's anticipated this for years. Don't be too disheartened. And I know I can rely on you all to respond kindly and calmly."

Dave's heart thudded urgently. "Does that mean we can see him?"

"David, I want you to come through to the ICU and sit with him overnight. Will you do that?"

He frowned, wondering why there was even a question. "Yes, of course."

"I'm afraid I can only have one of you through there, but I think it's important. I can't cite any empirical evidence, but to have you sitting with him, holding his hand, talking to him – in my view, it can only aid his recovery."

Dave blanched. "
Talk
to him?"

Denise tightened her grip on his hand. "You'll know what to say, mate."

"No, I, uh … Words were never my strong suit, you know?"

"You're underestimating yourself," Denise advised.

"Even your presence will be beneficial, David," Dr Williams said, "but your voice as well would be even more so."

Robin pushed close to murmur, "You can tell him something from me, Uncle David. You can tell him how much I love him, and you can tell him I'm sorry for arguing with him all the time."

Dave looked at Robin directly. "Yeah, I'll tell him that. And you know he'd want me to tell you it's okay, and he loves you, and he's sorry, too, right?"

"Yeah, I know …"

"Good," the doctor replied, rather more briskly. "Have you eaten at all, David?"

"Not really."

"Well, let your family take you up to the cafeteria for a sandwich and a juice to see you through, and then come to the ICU. I'll meet you there."

Denise insisted that she'd stay in the waiting area overnight, just in case Dave needed her for anything – "Anything at all." After some verbal rambling among them all, it was agreed that Vittorio would take Robin and go to his mother's to join her and the girls. Robin veered wildly between relief at escaping the hospital for a while and guilt at leaving Nicholas, but the others pointed out to him at length that he wouldn't be able to see Nicholas until later the next morning even in the best case scenario, and he finally allowed himself to be persuaded.

Eventually Vittorio and Robin left, after hugging Dave warmly, and then Denise accompanied him up to the ICU. Dave introduced himself to the nurse at the station, with Denise hanging onto his hand as if unwilling to let him go.

The nurse welcomed Dave with a smile. "I can take you to Mr Goring Taylor now. Dr Williams is already with him." Though she cast a doubting glance at Denise.

"I promise I won't cross the threshold if you'll let me take a peek," Denise said. "I just want to see for myself he's still with us, yeah?"

Dave backed this up with a hopeful expression, suddenly realising that he would actually appreciate having Denise there. God only knew whether Denise had this in mind as well, but it occurred to Dave that he might find the initial sight of a post-op Nicholas rather shocking. Denise could shore him up through that, and from then on he reckoned he'd be fine. He thought he could cope with anything, just so long as he could get his bearings first.

The nurse only took a moment to agree, and then beckoned them down the ward. It seemed that each patient was in their own separate room, though the walls along the main corridor were all glass, presumably so the nursing staff could easily keep an eye on everyone. Part of Dave relaxed at the thought that whatever kind of one-sided conversation he had with Nicholas that night wouldn't be overheard – and it was probably only fair on the other patients that they didn't need to suffer through his illiterate ramblings on top of everything else.

And then they were there. The nurse indicated a particular doorway, and Denise came to a halt just outside – and Dave did, too, clinging as hard to her hand as ever she'd clung to him.

Nicholas lay in a wide hospital bed, on his back and neatly arranged – far more neatly than he slept normally – with the bed propping his head and torso up at an angle. An oxygen mask covered much of his face, and tubes ran into or out of his left hand. A drip was, presumably, providing nutrition, which was surely a good sign. Dave braced himself to look further – and saw a pristine bandage wrapped around Nicholas's head, with a tumble of dark hair poking out the top. The area around Nicholas's eyes seemed a little puffy, a little bruised. But that was it. All right, Dave probably didn't need to fear witnessing anything truly horrific, and anyway he would bear even that if he had to. It wasn't that Dave didn't know something about anatomy and biology.