The Texan's Dream (7 page)

Her fingers gripped the knob. The door didn’t budge. For a moment, she panicked, jerking the knob as her gaze raised along the door looking for a lock.

She saw only his hand holding the door closed. He hadn’t made a sound when he’d followed her, and now he blocked her exit. She could feel his breath brushing against the side of her face and the warmth of him only an inch away from her back.

Kara closed her eyes and faced him. Let him yell at her. Let him get it over with. Fire her if he wanted. She wasn’t going to try and explain what she was doing, and she wasn’t going to say she was sorry.

He didn’t say a word.

She waited, tensing. Surely he wouldn’t strike her?

Kara opened her eyes. If he hit her, she’d fly into him like a wild …

All thought vanished as she watched him close the distance between them. His body leaned into her completely, unlike anyone had ever done while dancing or even with a hug.

Before she could speak, his mouth covered hers totally, kissing her in a way she’d never known a kiss could happen. A flood of sensations exploded inside her, vanquishing any thought of objection.

He tasted of whiskey and need. When she breathed, he moved with her, making it seem as if they communicated with their entire bodies. His mouth was warm and demanding and giving, all at the same time. He gathered her in his embrace, holding her as if her life depended on his steady grip.

When she didn’t protest, he moved his hands into her hair, holding her head in a caress as he explored her mouth. Her awareness of him made her dizzy. The warmth of his body penetrated her clothes and made her skin feel like she stood an inch too close to the stove. She didn’t move. Afraid he wouldn’t stop. Afraid he would.

His kiss fed her very soul. He was taking what he needed and giving back a pleasure she hadn’t known she longed for.

Then, as suddenly as he’d started, he pulled away.

A moment later, she was in the hallway, running for her room. She didn’t even breathe until she’d locked the door behind her. For a long while Kara stood, her back to the door, trying to slow her pulse.

She’d tasted the wildness in him and knew that the door and the tiny lock wouldn’t stop him if he chose to follow. She’d also felt tenderness in his kiss, a holding back, as though he were protecting her even from himself.

Her mind filled with a hundred thoughts, a hundred feelings, but one kept pounding strong as the beat of her heart. Jonathan Catlin kissed her. The coldest man in the world kissed her with a fire that would surely have consumed her if she’d stayed any longer in his arms.

NINE

KARA DIDN’T BOTHER TO CLOSE HER EYES. THERE was no need. Sleep would elude her as surely as smoke slips from a grasp. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to sleep again. The memory of Jonathan’s kiss made all her senses come alive. Thinking about it, she relived each detail slowly and somehow the warmth of his nearness heated her all over again.

She thought of Devin and the times he kissed her. A few pecks on the cheek. Once lightly on the lips. They hadn’t touched anywhere except their lips, and then only for the briefest of moments. “I’ll marry you one day,” he’d say. But he never truly asked her. When he came to call, it had always been to talk with her father. Visiting with her always seemed an afterthought.

Kara slipped from the bed and curled up on the floor by a small fireplace. Watching the flames always helped her think.

How strange that the coldest man in the world kissed her with more passion than Devin probably ever would. Jonathan had changed her life, even if they never spoke of it again. For after his kiss, Kara knew she’d always hunger for more. It had been like magic, like an explosion of the senses.

As the warmth of the fire reminded her of how she’d felt in his arms, Kara closed her eyes and let herself dream of kissing like that once more. No matter how hard she tried to force the direction of her daydream, the arms around her were Jonathan’s, not Devin’s.

As dawn lightened her room, she dressed in her new navy skirt and slightly wrinkled white blouse. Through a dirty window, she watched Wolf guide a buggy to the front of the hotel. Fighting back the tears, Kara saw Jonathan carefully pack a tiny coffin into the back of the buggy. As though for warmth, he packed blankets around the box.

As light softened the sky, the day reflected her mood in varying shades of gray. How could she face Jonathan Catlin with the memory of the way he tasted still thick in her mind? What happened last night had all been her fault. If she hadn’t been touching him like a bold harlot, he wouldn’t have kissed her.

In all her life she’d never done something so bold. She’d thought of doing daring things, but until last night her thoughts had stayed in her imagination, coming out only in daydreams. Last night thought had crossed over into action.

Well, she couldn’t put off seeing him any longer. If he were angry, he might as well fire her and be done with her. She could take the train back as easily as she took it here. Surely he wouldn’t be so mad that he’d refuse to give her return passage. Though, she wouldn’t blame him. What kind of bookkeeper touches her employer like she did? Even now, she could still feel the warmth of his flesh on her fingertips.

Kara lifted her bag and walked down to join the men. Wolf greeted her. Jonathan didn’t act like he even noticed her.

“I rented a buggy for the two of you.” Wolf took her bag and strapped it to the back. “I figured it would be more comfortable for you and, with Jonathan’s ribs, he’ll ride easier.” Wolf glanced at Jonathan. “Not that he’ll comment one way or the other. He probably wouldn’t have two words to say if I roped him and dragged him for the next hundred miles. The man’s been a mute this morning.”

Wolf helped Kara into the buggy. “Hotel man said someone was asking about us last night. Might not be a bad idea to hightail it out of town before folks wake up.”

Kara didn’t comment. She didn’t want to think about the possibility of someone following her this far. Surely, not even the McWimberlys, who’d been known to carry grudges all the way across the ocean, would track her down this far. After all, she was only the daughter of O’Riley, not someone of any importance to them.

Stepping up onto a huge roan, Wolf mumbled, “Mute-ness seems to be an epidemic this morning.”

Jonathan climbed in beside Kara without looking in her direction. As usual, he was angry and this time she could guess what about. Dark hair uncombed and shadows beneath his eyes made her wonder if pain in his ribs had kept him awake or whether it could have been the kiss? Yet, when she glanced at the hard set of his mouth, she found it impossible to imagine his lips could soften enough to kiss a woman.

Kara felt like she suddenly became more invisible, as if that were a possibility. She sat back and watched the barren countryside pass by her. They traveled on a road used by supply wagons. In most places, the ground was hard and packed. But now and then, for no reason, the dirt turned sandy and treacherous.

Jonathan drove the buggy with great skill. One gloved hand held the reins while he used the other to brace himself against the side of the buggy. He seemed to be doing what she was, trying to ride on a bench built for two without touching. Even when his jacket brushed the side of her skirt, he pulled it away.

The effort not to touch grew tiring. Every time the buggy rocked, Kara grabbed the side so that she didn’t accidentally lean in his direction. She couldn’t relax a single muscle for fear that she might unintentionally touch him. The longer they didn’t touch, the more critical the game became.

Wolf was the only one who made any effort to talk as he rode beside the buggy. By midmorning, he had to be aware of the tension between Jonathan and Kara. He kept switching sides, keeping first one, then the other company. Kara guessed that, on a good day, Wolf was no great conversationalist and today was definitely not a good day.

“Something wrong?” Wolf finally asked, reining his horse beside the buggy.

“No,” she lied.

“What about you, Kid? Everything all right?”

“Fine.” Jonathan almost spit the word.

Wolf shook his head. “Well, since everything is just fine between you two, I think I’ll ride on up ahead and tell Morgan we’re stopping for lunch at his place. The old stagecoach station manager claims he’s out of food if you arrive after noon. Which is a lie, of course. Anyone who’s had his stew knows it always tastes like it’s been warming for a week on the stove.”

Wolf didn’t wait for an answer from the pair. He kicked his horse into action and was out of sight before Kara could think of some way to ask him to stay.

She tried to move a little farther from Jonathan and still be comfortable.

He snapped the reins to coax the horses into a faster pace. She could feel anger simmering within him and guessed it was somehow directed at her. She thought of reminding him that she hadn’t acted alone last night. He’d been there also.

The buggy rocked. Kara caught the side and held on tightly. Jonathan swore under his breath. Without warning, he jerked the reins. Suddenly, Kara found herself fighting to keep from falling forward.

Jonathan reached to steady her but stopped short of touching her. He wrapped the reins around the break lever to hold the team and faced her.

“Enough!” He said the word as if it were a swear word.

Kara could think of nothing to answer in reply. She watched him, wondering what he would do next. In her whole life she never felt the need to arm herself against a man, or even be afraid of one. It occurred to her now that any sensible woman would probably be afraid of Jonathan Catlin. The eyes she once thought of as smoky and full of mystery seemed now made of winter ice. And there was no way the hard line of his mouth could have ever softened into a kiss.

He pulled off his gloves and ran his fingers through his unruly hair. “There are things that need saying.”

Kara agreed but didn’t know where to start. Should she apologize for touching him? If she did, she’d have to admit to doing such a thing. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t put her actions into words. After all, a woman engaged to be married doesn’t go around caressing strangers.

Jonathan seemed to be having a great deal of trouble starting the conversation. For someone who demanded they talk, he didn’t appear to have anything to say.

“Is it fired I am?” She’d take the consequences. There was no need for discussion. The man would torture her with his silence no longer.

Jonathan looked surprised. “It’s fired you’re not,” he snapped.

Kara took a breath. So he wasn’t going to fire her, and if he planned to ravish her here on the road before lunch, he was sure taking his time. She suddenly felt better than she had all morning, even though their talk hadn’t been much of one. She wasn’t fired. She had a job and a place to stay. She’d be safe for a year.

“I didn’t mean for last night to happen,” he said more to the back of the horse than her.

She wondered which part he hadn’t meant to happen, but didn’t think it would be polite to ask. She was pretty sure he hadn’t planned the fight, or getting hurt or the kiss. To her way of thinking, he meant all of the happenings and she had a part in only one. She thought of agreeing, but saw little point.

He didn’t look at her as he continued, “I don’t want you to be afraid of me or think I’m some kind of madman who goes around doing that kind of thing.”

Kara looked at him more closely, realizing she was far more curious than she’d ever be afraid. Embarrassed, shy, but never afraid. “I’m not,” she answered. “And I don’t know you well enough to judge your sanity.”

“Good.” He appeared relieved. She couldn’t be sure since he still stared at the horse’s rump while adding, “Because I want you to know that what happened last night won’t happen again.”

He was apologizing, she realized, though if he didn’t look at her soon, she’d start wondering to whom.

“From now on, you have nothing to worry about. In fact when we get to the ranch, you’ll be seeing very little of me. From this point on, I’m sure we can maintain a strictly business relationship.”

Kara figured she would never get another chance to ask. “Do you always kiss like that?”

Jonathan finally looked at her. “Like what?”

“So completely. Like the world is ending, and you have to taste life one last time before it’s gone.”

Jonathan studied her. She couldn’t read any emotion in his stare. “I don’t think we should talk about this,” he said slowly.

“You brought it up.” She refused to back down. “I was just wondering. I’ve never been kissed like that before.”

A smile touched the comer of his lip. “Doesn’t your husband-to-be kiss you like that?”

“No. Should he? Was that a married kind of kiss?”

“Not necessarily.” Jonathan looked frustrated. “We shouldn’t be talking about this.”

“Oh.” Kara smiled, thoroughly enjoying his discomfort. “So it’s all right to do; however, we must not speak of it. Do people go around kissing like that and then never mention it? Do they just forget it happened?”

“Yes … no … I don’t know.” Jonathan pulled on his gloves. “I should have never started this conversation. I just wanted you to know you’d be safe. I swear I’ll never touch you again.”

“That will help me sleep better. But why did you kiss me in the first place last night?”

“I don’t know.”

“If you don’t know, how do you know you won’t do it again?” She relaxed into the worn leather folds of the seat, for the first time taking her half of the bench. “Maybe you are mad and the insanity will strike you again someday. Out of nowhere I’ll be kissed again. For all I know, every woman at your ranch has suffered the same fate.” Her imagination took hold. “They travel the hallways and paths in twos for protection. Be they young or old, you’ll appear suddenly from nowhere, crush them against you and kiss them. Maybe you jump up from the dinner table and chase the cook around. You can’t help yourself. It’s an illness for which there’s no cure. Maybe …”

“Enough! Kissing you wasn’t like a twitch. I said it won’t happen again.” He caught her stare with eyes that had turned smoky blue-gray once more. “And you didn’t look like you were suffering.”

“How will I know for sure? I didn’t know such a kiss existed until last night.”

Jonathan frowned. “What are you, some kind of new torture sent to drive me loco?”

She opened her mouth to argue, but he held up his hand. “Wait. I give you my word, I’ll never kiss you again, unless, of course, you beg me. I’m not a man normally given to such foolishness. Believe me, I only want a bookkeeper in my life. Not a woman. So stop asking questions about anything else.”

“Fair enough.” She finally got a word in. “I understand. I want no man in my life. All I want to do is serve out my year and return home.”

“To Devin,” he added.

“To Devin,” she echoed in just as dull a tone.

He picked up the reins and encouraged the horses into action.

Kara waited a moment then added, “There’s no need for you to apologize, Mr. Catlin. If the blame is to be sliced, I have to give myself a piece.”

Jonathan glanced at her and raised an eyebrow but didn’t say a word. By the time they reached the stagecoach station, a silent truce had formed between them. Though nothing was said, he offered his hand to help her from the buggy and she accepted.