“Did he say this?”
“No, I didn’t give him time and I couldn’t stand to hear the truth after…”
“Say it,” Margaret urged.
“After losing the baby.” Her stomach cramped and she fought to breathe.
Margaret gave her a moment. “Tell me about your husband.”
“Oh, Cadde…he’s thoughtful and kind, very serious, businesslike but once you reach his soft side he’s like a big cuddle bear. He took excellent care of me after the Doberman attack. He started coming home earlier and earlier. He bought a special baby ornament and we were planning on putting up a tree when Vernon Lynch decided to take his frustrations out on me.”
“This doesn’t sound like a man who doesn’t love you. He would be distant and spending more and more time away from you,
sì?
”
“I suppose.” Jessie recalled how Cadde had torn up
the baby agreement because he’d thought he’d hurt her. He’d told her he wasn’t good at expressing his feelings. Oh, no! In her grief, could she have forgotten his words and his concerns? His touch? His strong yet gentle embrace?
But then, he didn’t know what she’d done.
“I’m sure he hates me now that he knows the truth.” She looked down at the burns on her hands from the iron. “Do you think Mother Superior would mind if I stayed here for a while longer?”
“You do not belong here, Jessie.” Margaret patted her hands again. “It is time for you to go home and tell your husband how you feel. You’re strong enough to do that now.”
“Yes.” She was. She missed Myra, Rosa, Felix, Mirry…and Cadde. But she hesitated, unsure of what waited for her so many miles away.
“Why did you come here, child?”
“You’ve asked me that before and I couldn’t answer. I still can’t. I don’t have any other living relatives and in my agony, I guess I was coming to find comfort and strength from my aunts.”
“We enjoyed meeting you and we don’t have to wonder about you anymore. You’re a beautiful young woman with incredible strength and I know, unlike your father and mother, you will find the happiness you crave.”
She hugged Margaret, hoping what she said was true.
T
HE NEXT MORNING
J
ESSIE
was packed and ready to go. She said a sad goodbye to everyone, clinging to her
aunts a little longer than she should have. The white cab roared to a stop and Jessie climbed in.
The children shouted,
“Arrivederci.”
Jessie waved until she couldn’t see them anymore and she realized she’d left a part of her broken heart in a place that seemed untouched by time.
Her flight arrived late in New York. The closer she got to home, the more she worried. While she waited she wondered if she and Cadde were still married. Had he signed the papers?
It was 5:00 a.m. when she arrived in Houston. She wanted to go home, but for her own peace of mind she had to do something else.
She had to face Nina.
B
Y EIGHT THAT MORNING
Jessie was in Amarillo. She’d slept on the flights so she wasn’t tired. As she rode in the cab she had no idea what she was going to say to Nina, but she had to face her to deal with what had happened for her own sanity.
She’d charged her phone at the orphanage and saw she had lots of calls from Cadde, Myra and Rosa. She didn’t listen to any of the messages—not yet.
Using her phone she tracked down Nina’s aunt. She knew the name and the street and it was no problem to find the number. Information was easily available and Jessie realized how dangerous that was for demented people. There was no privacy anymore as she acknowledged to her detriment. All the security in the world didn’t work if a person was determined to get in. Ironically, she’d opened the door for Vernon.
She should be afraid, but she wasn’t. The fear that always had been there had been obliterated by grief. She was stronger now than she’d ever been and no one was going to take advantage of her good nature again.
The cab stopped at an older clapboard house with black shutters. The long front porch was enclosed with railing. Nina sat in a chair, smoking a cigarette. Jessie asked the driver to wait and she made her way to the
steps. Climbing them, she thought of what she wanted to say, but nothing came to mind.
Nina was immediately on her feet. “I’m sorry, Jessie.”
Suddenly, everything clicked. She wanted to hit the woman, scratch her eyes out, but she did neither. She wasn’t a violent person. “Every time I tried to help you, you always said I didn’t know what your life was like.” She stepped closer. “Thanks to you, Nina, I know exactly what your life is like, blow by blow.”
“I didn’t know Vern was going to do that.”
“You broke the honor code of Rachel’s House and you put everyone’s safety in jeopardy, mainly mine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry. Get off your ass and do something about your life. Stop depending on everyone else.”
The door opened and a middle-aged woman with short brown hair stood there. “Watch TV,” she said to the kids behind her, and stepped out onto the porch.
“Hi, I’m Lois Winslow,” she introduced herself.
“I’m Jessie Hardin.”
“Oh, Mrs. Hardin, I’m so sorry.”
“Yes. That seems to be the phrase of choice.” She looked at Nina, but spoke to Lois. “Don’t let her take advantage of you. She’s good at working people, the system.”
“I told her she has to find a job or get out. With Vernon dead, she has no reason to go back to Houston.”
“Dead?” She was confused for a moment.
“He was arrested and he hung himself in his cell,” Lois told her.
“Oh.” Jessie was taken aback for a moment. “I didn’t know, but it doesn’t bring my baby back.” Once again she glanced at Nina. “You took everything from me—my child, my husband, my life.”
“I didn’t. Vern did.” Nina readily placed the blame elsewhere.
“You did.” Jessie pointed a finger at her. “You talked about me, held me up as an example to your husband when you knew it was against the rules of Rachel’s House.”
“I…I wish…”
“Don’t wish. Do something about your life. If you screw up just once more I’ll make sure you never see your kids again.” Jessie took the steps quickly, completely spent.
Vernon Lynch was dead. It froze her for a moment in vivid gut-wrenching pain and she took a deep breath and let it go. There wasn’t anything else she could do about it. Her focus was now on Cadde…and home.
Her cell buzzed and she looked at the caller ID. It was Myra and she did something she hadn’t been able to do in weeks. She clicked on as she slid into the cab.
“Jessie, Jessie? Is that you?”
“Yes, Myra, it’s me.” She put her hand over the phone. “Rick Husband Airport,” she said to the driver.
“Oh, my God! Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“You have to come home. Things have gotten really bad.”
“What do you mean?”
“Cadde resigned as CEO of Shilah.”
“What?” Her heart missed a beat. “Why would he do that?”
“He hasn’t been the same since you left. He just sits in the living room staring at that damn dead tree.”
“What tree?”
“He put up a Christmas tree and has the baby ornament on it. Mama said he’s losing his mind and I believe she’s right.”
“Oh, no.” She closed her eyes for a moment. What had she done?
“Are you still in Italy?”
“I’m in Amarillo.” She watched the dry, flat landscape slip by.
“What are you doing there?”
“I had to see Nina.”
There was a long sigh on the other end. “Why do you make this so hard on yourself?”
“It’s something I had to do. My flight is at ten-thirty and I’ll be in Houston soon.”
“There’s a board meeting at one, and Chance and Kid are going to try and stop them from appointing anyone else. But you’re the only one who can stop this.”
“Are you a fan of Cadde’s now?”
“He’s a good guy. I just didn’t see that before because I was trying to protect you.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Kiddo, I believe you can.”
“May I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Did Cadde sign the divorce papers?” She bit her lip as she waited for the answer.
“Kiddo, you were married to the man for months, what do you think?”
“I…I…” She closed her eyes and saw Cadde’s face. “I think he tore them up.”
“Yes, and then he burned them.”
The ache in her heart eased. “Thank you. I’m at the airport. I’m on my way.”
Jessie counted off the minutes, but everything took so much time. Hooter was not appointing another CEO. The man had wanted control of the company ever since her father had died. He’d even approached her father on his deathbed about taking over. The answer had been a resounding no.
She tried Hooter’s cell. No answer. He was probably in a bar celebrating his victory over Cadde. She arrived in Houston at twelve and rushed to rent a car. She wanted to go home, but instead she had to deal with this insanity.
It was 1:05 p.m. when she took the elevator up to the boardroom. The door was slightly ajar and she listened to what was being said.
Kid was speaking. “I think we need to do as Cadde suggested. Chance and I will run Shilah until Cadde returns.”
“Read the letter, Kid,” Hooter said. “Cadde resigned. Kaput. He’s out of here.”
Jessie clenched her hands at her side.
“Hoot’s right,” Owen chimed in. “It’s a resignation letter. It doesn’t say anything about Cadde coming back.”
“But in it Cadde is asking the board to consider
Chance and me to run the company as we have been since the tragedy.”
“You boys have no business sense.”
Something hit the table. “Read the numbers, Hooter, and tell me we don’t have any business sense. The Louisiana well is going to put a lot of money in your pocket.”
“You boys are good oil well drillers but when it comes to crunching the numbers you have no experience.”
“Don’t make me jump across this table and stuff that cigar down your throat.”
“Calm down.” That was Owen again.
“Everyone calm down.” Chance joined the conversation. “Looks like you guys are holding all the aces here, but out of respect for Jessie and Cadde and everything they’ve been through I thought you’d be more understanding.”
“We’re not heartless.” George Pettibone put in his two cents. “We’re thinking about the company.”
“Cadde’s done a great job since Roscoe left us.” J. T. Hardeson spoke up for the first time.
“I’ve never had a problem with Cadde,” Hank Parker added.
“Me neither,” Hub Gillespie said.
“You’re losing the gist of the conversation. Cadde’s not here anymore.” Hooter was nudging Hub like he always did.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Hub veered in Hooter’s favor as Hooter knew he would.
“Okay. It comes down to a vote.” Chance continued in his easy, smooth-talking way.
“Wait a minute,” Kid interrupted. “You’re all fond of Jessie. Just remember you’re going to eventually have to look her in the eye and explain your vote.”
Someone coughed and a chair scraped the floor.
“I make a motion that we ignore the resignation letter and leave Shilah as is.” Chance brought everything to a head.
“I second that.” Kid followed suit.
Jessie had had enough. She walked in and “Jessie” echoed around the room as the men got to their feet.
“Jessie, honey, how are you?” Hooter asked.
“I’m fine. At least I was until I heard the conversation outside the boardroom door. You will not take control of my father’s company.”
“Now, Jessie, you know you mean the world to me.”
“Yes, that’s why I called you when I was so depressed.”
“I was happy to help.”
“I should have listened to you, but I was out of my mind with grief.”
“Don’t worry about it, honey.”
“I’m not.” She reached across the table, picked up the letter and tore it in half. Throwing the pieces in front of Hooter, she said, “Cadde Hardin remains as CEO of Shilah and he will come back as soon as he chooses. In the meantime, Chance and Kid will run the company. Is that understood?”
She looked straight at the man. She’d manipulated Hooter, just as her father had manipulated people. So she didn’t blame Hooter for her actions. But if he
thought she owed him any favors, he was sadly mistaken.
“Yes. I understand,” Hooter replied, working the cigar in his mouth.
“Any objection?” She looked around the table and everyone shook their heads. “Do not call Cadde,” Jessie whispered to Chance. She and Cadde had to talk without interference.
Walking out, she heard Kid say, “I think that’s what you call a slam dunk, boys. Kaput. It’s over.”
Jessie took the stairwell, not wanting to speak to Chance or Kid or anyone on the board. Cadde was the only person she wanted to talk to.
She headed out of Houston toward home. She had no idea where her suitcase was. It was probably somewhere between New York and Houston. She’d check on it later. Her focus was now on Cadde and his welfare. She wasn’t quite sure why she’d asked Chance not to call Cadde but they had to meet again with unguarded hearts and deal with all the pain inside without any warning, without time to think. Their emotions had to come from within.
Driving the small Chevy into the garage, she noticed her Suburban. How did it get here? She remembered leaving in it. Her fever had been so high she didn’t remember much after that. Evidently, Cadde had been looking for her. How she wished he’d found her, but, like Margaret and Teresa, she had to find her own peace and forgiveness first.
When she walked into the kitchen, Rosa dropped a plate and it shattered on the tile floor. “Miss Jessie.
Oh.” Rosa stepped on the broken pieces and grabbed her in a bearlike hug. “My
niña,
” she cooed.
Jessie hugged her back. “I’m fine, Rosa.”
Rosa leaned away and searched Jessie’s face. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” She kissed Rosa’s cheek. “Where’s Cadde?”
“In the living room.” Rosa clicked her tongue. “So sad. So sad.”
Jessie avoided the broken pieces and made her way through the dining area to the living room. She paused in the doorway. Cadde sat on the sofa, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped tightly between them. A dead Christmas tree stood in the window where they’d planned to put it and the baby ornament hung high on the top. Her throat closed up and she struggled for breath.
Her eyes centered on Cadde. He looked tired and haggard. What had she done to him? What had they done to each other?
“Cadde,” she murmured, stepping farther into the room.
He jumped from the sofa, his eyes wide. “Jessie.”
The moment he said her name, tears rolled from her eyes and sobs racked her body. He gathered her into his arms, stroking her hair. “Shh, shh.”
“I lost our baby,” she sobbed into his chest.
“Jessie, don’t, please.” His voice wavered.
“I lost our baby,” she wailed, unable to stop the flow of tears. This is what she needed—to share her grief
with Cadde. That’s why she hadn’t been able to cry before. And now the floodgates were wide-open.
Her knees gave way and they sank to the floor, both crying, both holding on for dear life. “I’m sorry,” she blubbered.
He cradled her in his arms, bracing his back against a chair. Rosa came into the room and Cadde waved her away. She looked up and wiped the tears from his face. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He kissed her lips gently, softly. He tasted of salt. He tasted of love.
“I manipulated you.”
“You didn’t force anything on me that I wasn’t willing to do.” He flung a tear away. “I know I’ve never said it, but I felt it from the moment I made love to you, probably way before that.” Both his hands cupped her face. “I love you. I can’t live without you.”
She rested her face in the warmth of his neck, feeling his love deep in her heart. “I’ve loved you forever and when we lost the baby, I blamed myself. The pain was too strong. I couldn’t even cry…until today.” She kissed his neck. “You’re the only person I can share that grief with.”
“Because we love each other and we share the pain.”
“Mmm.”
Mirry sneaked into her lap. She stroked the little dog. “Oh, Mirry. Mirry.”
“She’s missed you,” he said, stroking Mirry, too.
“I’ve missed her.” She picked up the dog. “What have you been feeding her? She’s fat.”
“Anything she wants.”
“Cadde.”
“Wait until you see Winky.”
“Oh, Cadde, you can never fill that donkey up.”
“Yes. I found that out.”
They laughed for the first time in weeks and Jessie settled into his arms. They talked well into the evening. He told her about his father. She told him about the fever, her trip to Rome, her aunts, Nina and the board meeting.
His hands ran over her body. “Are you okay?”
She moved against him. “I am now.”
“I cringe when I think of you seeing Nina alone.”
“I had to.”
He rubbed her arm. “I was so worried.”
“The fever had my mind messed up and all I wanted to do was get away from everything here and to find some sort of peace and forgiveness.”