The Teacher's Secret (38 page)

‘Is that the song you sang for Poppy?' Nina's voice is sharp. ‘That he smells like a monkey? Do you think that's a nice thing to sing for your poppy?'

Emily looks confused. ‘It was a funny song,' she says. ‘It was just Paige's funny song.'

That's all it takes for Nina to snap. ‘Well, I don't think it's a funny song, Emily. I think it's a very rude song and I think Paige was very rude to sing it at Poppy's party. Very rude.'

Emily's lip starts to tremble. ‘Well, Daddy thought it was funny,' she says defiantly. ‘Daddy said it was funny and Sue said it was funny. And Poppy was laughing and Auntie Jen was laughing too.'

Nina can't stand to listen to it. But she must. Trying her best, she manages to squeeze out a smile. ‘Well, I like the real birthday song,' she says brightly. ‘Was it a yummy birthday cake?'

Emily nods. ‘Sue and Paige and me, we made it together. It was a vanilla cake with chocolate icing and I did the sprinkles. You should have seen it, Mummy. You should have seen how good it was.' Her face is hopeful, now: so hopeful, so confused and so desperate to please that Nina suddenly feels ashamed of herself.

‘It sounds beautiful,' she says softly. ‘It sounds really, really beautiful.'

She's just got Emily to bed when the phone rings. On the other end of the line, Marina is breathless.

‘You won't believe what happened today. You will not believe it.'

Nina waits for it. God knows what Marina's been up to this time.

‘
Steve
was there at pick-up time today,' she says. ‘Your Steve.'

Nina doesn't want her to continue, but Marina doesn't stop. ‘I almost fell over when I saw him,' she says, ‘and you know why he was there?'

‘No,' Nina whispers weakly, but she thinks she does know.

‘To pick up Paige,' she reveals, her voice loud and indignant. ‘Can you believe it?'

Nina can believe it. More than that, she has to believe it. And she has to get used to it. To all of it, to everything about their happy family life together. But she wishes Marina hadn't told her.

Now that she has, she starts to imagine them all together: her husband, their daughter, that woman and Paige. Pushing herself even further—just to see how much she can take—she pictures the two of them alone, Steve and Sue: his hand on her leg, her hand on his face, his lips on her neck.

In the background, Marina is still talking, but Nina is praying for the call to end.

At last, Marina rings off; things have been crazy at school, she explains, and she'll be preparing lessons all night if she doesn't get on with it.

Nina needs to prepare, too, and once the call is over, she turns on the computer to get started. There are six new emails in her inbox. One is from Steve. As usual, her heart drops at the sight of his name. The subject heading is
Next weekend
.

We'll need to swap weekends
, he writes.
Meg and Paul have invited us down the coast this weekend. We'll take Emily with us, so can you have her next weekend instead?

She stares at the computer screen in disbelief, anger rising in her. She can actually feel it rising. It starts low, right down in her groin, expands into her stomach and travels up to her chest, making her arms rigid and bringing a dull pressure to the back of her eyes. ‘No!' she shouts at the screen. ‘No!'

There will be no swap this weekend and Emily will not be going down the coast with you.

This is what she'll tell him.

Her fingers banging hard on the keyboard, she types quickly.

No, Steve, I will not be swapping weekends with you. Too bad if this mucks up your plans. Because you know what? My plans have been mucked up, too: they've been mucked up by you and that woman. And if you think you can simply push me out of your life and insert her into it, then you might like to think again. I'm not sure what Paul thinks about Sue Rankin, but I can tell you what Meg thinks: Meg thinks she's disgusting. So good luck with Meg and Sue getting on like a house on fire.

Once she has finished, she leans back to reread it. She is satisfied with what she has written. Satisfied with every word of it. Sated, somehow, by the very act of writing it.

Later, when she returns to it, she is still pleased with it, still satisfied by it. Only reluctantly does she delete it and start again.

Dear Steve
, she writes instead.

I'm happy to have Emily next weekend so she can go away with you this weekend.

N

The effort of it has her so wired, she can't go to sleep. Instead, she stays up to finish off name tags for the class. She even laminates them.

The next morning, Elsie is first into the room. Her mouth drops as she takes it all in: the desks back in a horseshoe shape, the red rug back at the front of the room.

Behind her, the rest of the class starts to pile in. ‘Hey,' Kurt yells out, ‘it's back! Mr P's rug is back. And we've got name tags. With plastic and everything.'

Ethan almost trips over in his haste to find his. Nina smiles when he does: she's put him next to Kurt, opposite Sebastian. Jade she's pushed up to the end with Cody, and Bridie she's kept at the front of the room.

Kurt sticks his hand up and grunts until she picks him. ‘Miss,' he says, ‘this is heaps better. Not like Mr P, but heaps better than before.'

Nina gives him a wry smile. ‘Thanks,' she says. ‘Thanks for letting me know.'

The rug and the horseshoe make for a better week—her best yet. For the first time, the week flies by and suddenly it is Friday afternoon and the bell has gone, the classroom has emptied and the place is quiet. Nina is busy sorting through her desk when she hears a noise and looks up. Tania is there, standing in the doorway.

She gives Nina a smile. ‘Sorry,' she says, ‘didn't mean to scare you. Belinda and I were about to head off for a drink. I thought you might want to come.'

It's the first time she's been asked and a sparkle of shy excitement surges through her, making her tongue-tied.

‘Don't worry if you can't,' Tania tells her. ‘It's just that Sarah's with Dean, so I've got the night off.'

‘No, I'm not busy,' Nina stammers. ‘Not at all.' Which is true: now that Emily is with Steve all weekend, she's completely free.

Take advantage of it, for God's sake.
This is what Marina keeps telling her.
Go out dancing, go to the pub, have a one-night stand, just do something.

Okay, she thinks, okay.

‘
Thanks,' she tells Tania. ‘I'd love to come.'

So they pick Belinda up from her classroom and together they walk down to the car park. On the way, they pass Laurie. ‘Enjoy your weekend,' she says, her voice strangely high, almost strained.

Tania gives her a bland smile. ‘You too,' she calls back. ‘As if, you workaholic,' she adds under her breath.

Belinda turns away so she won't be caught laughing.

Uncomfortable now, Nina gives Laurie an awkward wave. ‘See you,' she calls out, a little too softly. When Laurie meets Nina's eye, she seems wistful, upset even.

They should ask her to join them, Nina thinks. It would be easy enough to say,
Laurie, we're having a drink, do you want to join us?
But it's not up to her. She's lucky to have been asked herself. So she doesn't say anything. Instead, she just keeps walking.

Tania waits until Laurie is out of earshot. ‘You reckon she's got a camp bed set up?'

Belinda titters and Nina allows herself a smile. ‘Why do you think she works so hard?'

Tania shrugs. ‘Because she hasn't got a life. Because she's a nasty bitch who probably hasn't got any friends.'

Belinda steps back in mock horror. ‘Language, Ms Rossi, language.'

But Tania doesn't look like she's about to apologise. ‘Well, it's true, isn't it? She's a nasty bitch who probably hasn't got any friends.
I mean, look at what she did to Terry. Would you risk getting close? Me, I'll be keeping my distance.'

Belinda nods. ‘At least it's only until the end of the year.'

‘Don't be too confident—look what she's managed to do so far. I reckon she could get rid of the lot of us if she tried hard enough.'

‘What do you mean?'

Tania gives Nina the once-over. ‘Not you—she seems to like you; it's troublemakers like me she doesn't want.'

‘You seriously think she'd try to get rid of you?'

Tania laughs. ‘No idea—but if she can do it to Terry, she can do it to anyone.'

They go to Tania's favourite pub, in Raleigh. Once they've ordered their drinks, they grab a table in the bar area. The bar stools are high and because Belinda is so short, it takes her a couple of tries to get up.

Tania grins at her. ‘Remember when Terry tried to give you a leg up?'

For a small woman, Belinda has a throaty laugh. ‘I think he forgot I wasn't one of the kids. Tell you what, though, it got me practising. The next time, I almost sprinted over so I could hoick myself up before he tried to step in again.'

Tania tilts her head towards Nina. ‘I've been meaning to ask you,' she says, ‘how are you going with the show?'

Nina's stomach drops. She'd forgotten about the show; completely forgotten about it. ‘Not very well,' she says.

Tania looks a bit startled. ‘You'll need to get a move on if you're going to have it ready on time.'

‘Maybe we could just skip it this year?' she ventures.

Tania and Belinda both look stunned. ‘What, cancel the whole thing?' Belinda asks her.

‘Well, it wouldn't be cancelled if it didn't even get started, would it?' She says it as a joke but neither of them laughs.

Tania doesn't even smile. ‘The kids would be gutted, completely gutted,' she says. ‘The Year 6 show, it's like their—what would you call it?—their rite of passage, I suppose. Their farewell to the school. You can't just not do it.'

‘But I don't even know where to begin.' She's starting to panic now.