The Tchaikovsky Affair (9 page)

As the two women walked in silence to the elevator, tears were streaming down
Shannon’s cheeks. Wiping them away hotly, she braved a glance at Jackie. Through her own hazy vision, she could see Jackie’s eyes glistening with unshed tears. Both desperately wanted to break the silence, but neither could figure out what to say. After pushing the down button, Shannon no longer felt she had the strength to remain upright and she let her body slide down against the portion of wall under the elevator console. Jackie followed suit, and for several long moments, the two stared at the abstract artwork on the opposite wall, trying in vain to process the last half hour. How had their morning started so well and ended up such a catastrophic mess?

“We could…we could keep it a secret,”
Shannon offered, already knowing what Jackie’s response would be.

“We can’t.”

“I know.”

The elevator doors opened and closed behind them, but neither noticed or had the energy to move from their spots on the floor.

“I can’t be the one that comes between you and your career, Shannon,” Jackie said after several beats.

“Don’t you dare pin this all on me! It’s your career at stake, too!”
Shannon replied, her voice rising.

“But I don’t care. I would just as gladly play my cello in the damn street.”

“So, what? I’m just supposed to give all of this up to be with you because you are privileged enough not to need this job?”

Jackie
winced. “You know that’s not what I meant. It’s just that…this is your dream, Shannon, not mine. You are concertmaster of the New York fucking Philharmonic. You can’t walk away from it because of this,” Jackie gestured between the two of them. Shannon’s heart constricted at the thought of Jackie belittling their relationship. Maybe it didn’t mean as much to the brunette as she’d thought.

“You’re right,”
Shannon sighed, resigned. “So I guess this is it.”
Please, just ask me to stay with you, and I will
, Shannon thought. Her eyes searched Jackie’s, looking for any indication of hesitation on Jackie’s part. For once, the soulful brown eyes didn’t betray her true emotions and remained unfeeling.

“This is it.”
Please choose me over your career
, Jackie thought to herself. She kept her breathing in check and her tears at bay, knowing that she had to make this sacrifice for Shannon.

The elevator once again opened up behind them and a janitor stepped out.
Jackie stood on shaky legs and started for the elevator, enduring one backwards glance.

“So, I’ll come by sometime to get my things,”
Jackie stated resolutely.

Shannon nodded in agreement. 
“We’ll see each other at rehearsal,” Shannon responded, her voice catching at the end, as if she was trying to convince herself that this wasn’t the end.

Shannon
leaned her head back against the cold wall when she heard the doors shut behind her. She sighed deeply as tears began to make their way down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe them away, knowing there was an endless supply. She racked her brain, futilely trying to understand why Jackie had let her go without so much as a disagreement, let alone a full-on fight.

As soon as the doors shut,
Jackie sank to the floor of the elevator, the tears she had so bravely held back now falling freely. She couldn’t believe Shannon was picking her career over this relationship. Once again, she had fallen harder and faster than the other person, only this time it was not her own passion and ambition getting in the way.

Both women’s thoughts turned to the tragic story
Michael had told them on that fateful day that had started their relationship. Just as this piece had brought together and destroyed Tchaikovsky and Kotek, it would mark the beginning and the end of their relationship.

If there ever were an example of life imitating art, this was it.

Nine

The two weeks before opening night were usually a chaotic mix of excitement and abject terror. The entire company was moved from their rehearsal space into their performance space at the Lincoln Center. Rehearsals started earlier and always ran late. Temper tantrums were always just slightly beneath the surface, and it constantly seemed that they weren’t prepared for the upcoming performances. These two weeks were less than affectionately deemed the “hell weeks” by the ensemble and crew. For
Jackie and Shannon, that nickname didn’t even begin to cover it.

The day after
Carlton had given them their ultimatum, they had scheduled another interview with Linda Walters over at Time Warner 17. It was awkward, to say the least. They didn’t speak one word to each other when the cameras weren’t rolling. When the cameras were rolling, they half-heartedly repealed their previous confession, making up some inconceivable story about how they had done it on a dare, because you know those musicians are such jokesters…or something. They didn’t exactly try to be convincing, and they seriously doubted that anyone had been convinced. But what did it matter? It was clear from their demeanor that they were no longer together, so it should appease the apparent homophobes who regularly donated to the Philharmonic.

Of course, their duet notably suffered. The two both heard the murmuring throughout the rest of the ensemble about how there was no spark like there had been just a week before. Gallo had heard the story, and though he sympathized, he was none too pleased that the featured piece was “being flushed down the toilet” as he so eloquently put it.

Ever the dramatist, Gallo had erupted at them on Wednesday, which marked three days after they’d broken up and a particularly bad rehearsal day for the two of them.

“This is absolutely unacceptable! Do you think we have months to work on this? No! We have nine days to get this right, and the fucking union makes me give you guys one of those days off. So please, kindly take your heads out of your
asses and give me something to work with!”

Outbursts like this one were not uncommon at this point in the process, and certainly not uncommon from Gallo.
Shannon had learned not to take them personally, but from Jackie’s slumped posture and the downtrodden look on her face, the brunette was having a much harder time dealing with it. It didn’t help that this particular tirade had taken place in front of the entire ensemble.

By Friday, Gallo had become resigned to the fact that unless the two women were able to reconcile, he would have to make do with the current state of the duet. To be clear, it wasn’t bad by most people’s standards; the two were professional and worked together well, seamlessly transitioning from section to section, but there was no magic. Gallo had once said that you could tangibly feel the passion oozing out of their instruments and bodies. That aspect of the duet was gone.

It was now Saturday and nearing the three hour mark of their morning rehearsal. Shannon couldn’t remember ever feeling this exhausted. All she wanted to do was take a long, scalding bath, curl up in her warm bed and attempt to forget this week. Glancing across the podium at Jackie, she could tell that the brunette felt the exact same way. When Jackie met her gaze, she offered a small smile, determined to be professional and civil. Jackie immediately looked away, pretending to become involved with the music once again.

As Gallo worked with the percussion section,
Shannon watched Jackie and Stacey intently. The two seemed to be bickering about something, Stacey gesticulating wildly and repeatedly flipping a page back and forth. Under normal circumstances Shannon would have laughed, but seeing the broken cellist just made her heart clench.

An hour later, Gallo finally gave them a half an hour for lunch, and
Shannon raced out of the building, Hayley hot on her heels.

“So, are we going to talk about this?”
Hayley asked when she’d finally caught up to the petite blonde.

“There is nothing to talk about.
Jackie and I were dating, and now we’re not. Isn’t that how it works?” Shannon’s words were firm, but Hayley could sense the lingering sadness underneath.

“But that’s not quite what happened. Look, if you ask me, I think you’re both being idiots.”

Shannon snapped her head around to shoot Hayley a fiery glare. “Which is why I didn’t ask you.”

Hayley
sighed out of frustration. “Shannon, I know it’s hard, but you two really seemed to have something good going.”

“It’s more complicated than that,”
Shannon replied, dejected. The two grabbed some food as they made their way to one of the many green rooms backstage.

“Why?
Because you’re scared to lose your job? The New York Philharmonic isn’t everything. Go work for the Boston Pops, or I’m sure the San Francisco Symphony would be eager to have you.”

“She didn’t even try to stop me,”
Shannon said, seemingly in her own world. “She just let me walk away.”

Before
Hayley had the chance to respond, Jackie’s stand partner came bursting through the door and strode up to their table with purpose.

“You need to fix this,”
Stacey said, before sitting down completely uninvited at their table.

“Stacey
, if you’re here to talk about Jackie, then you’re wasting your time.” Shannon was beating herself up enough internally that she really didn’t need to be berated by Jackie’s stand partner.

“Do you remember what you said on the first day of the season?”

Shannon cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, waiting for Stacey to elucidate her question.

“I was only half listening because you were so cheerful and peppy that it actually hurt me a bit to listen, but I definitely remember you saying that if this all got too stressful, your door was always open. So, you pretty much have to listen to me,”
Stacey said with a smirk, looking over to Hayley for validation. Hayley nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, but that has nothing to do with my relationship with…”

“It has everything to do with it! You see, Jackie is all mopey and depressed now and it’s affecting her abilities which has an affect on me…as her stand partner.”

Shannon
narrowed her eyes. “As her stand partner?”

“Yes, she has one page turn to do, while the inside cellos are playing. ONE. And she keeps screwing it up, which just makes me look stupid. ONE PAGE TURN.”

Shannon tilted her head slightly to the right, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Okay, I can see why you’d be concerned…as her stand partner, but you have to realize that
Jackie is a grown woman and a professional, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Of course, maybe I could help if I knew you were concerned for her personally,” Shannon goaded, unable to resist the usually insensitive Stacey.

“Personally? I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jackie is my stand partner and when she’s upset, I suffer.” Stacey managed a small smile to show Shannon that she was taking it a bit personally. In the three years that they had been in the Philharmonic together, Shannon had never known Stacey to care about anyone else. She wasn’t surprised that Jackie had been the one to break her of this trait.

“
Mmhmm. Well, thank you for letting me know,” Shannon smiled at Stacey, before remembering the cause of this problem. “I’m not sure there’s anything I can do, though,” she added, her smile fading.

“Well, I think you should try,”
Stacey replied, before standing and leaving the room.

Shannon
sighed and looked at Hayley for encouragement. Hayley simply shook her head in silent support of Stacey.

*              *              *

Jackie let out a long sigh as she flopped back on her bed. She was so grateful that she finally had the day off. She planned on doing nothing more than moping around and sleeping. She toyed with the idea of watching a romantic comedy and eating copious bags of popcorn, but eventually decided she wasn’t that much of a masochist. She ran her index finger under her eyes to get rid of the slight wetness and sat back up. Looking around her barely used apartment, she sighed and could feel the heavy drops pooling at the bottom of her eyes once again. She dug into her purse and pulled out her phone, quickly pressing the 2 to call the second person on her speed dial list.

“Daddy…” she whimpered slightly at the sound of her father’s soothing greeting.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Daddy,” she said again, her voice still plaintive. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What’s wrong? You can tell me, Jacinta,” he urged again. Though her father had not been pleased in the least when he had found out his daughter’s sexuality, he had eventually come around. Luis Ortiz was a proud and pious man, but more than that he was a loyal man, and Jacinta was still his little girl.  Hearing his usually vivacious daughter sounding so dismal and despondent tugged at his heart and threatened to break it.  In that moment, Luis couldn’t remember why they had ever fought about Jackie’s sexuality; all he wanted was for her to be happy. 

Jackie
told him the cliff’s notes version of the story, leaving out certain parts that weren’t exactly father-approved and ending with the painful events of the past week.