The Taste of Penny (19 page)

Yes, it's what happened. Time I'm very clear on. The mistakes add up quick.

 

I know in my heart that there's something out there, Wheeler, something governing the universe. But I don't believe in God. I didn't fall for that part of it. I only
fell for the part that could help me. It's not selfishness though. I know in my heart by helping me it helps the rest of the world too. I was corrosive before. Now I am galvanic.

 

I don't get any of what you said about keys.

 

Seriously, send me your address. I'm waiting. Atonement, at last…

 

Kim

 

ps: Here's a shot they took for my instructor profile. It's the Sasangasana, the rabbit pose. I can do that shit all day long.

Wow. You look totally collapsed in on yourself there. I mean, it's a good look for you. I think I can safely say you are the hottest woman I ever went out with. You were probably my best chance at natural selection. Of course back then you were so fucked up it probably would have been the village idiot. But present wife included, you are definitely the hottest. That's no dis to Lisa. Lisa is amazing. She's totally ironic, and she just deflects things. And she'll try anything but in moderation. I think she
knew all along that it was me, that I was the problem. And she let me blather on about my abortions and how it had to be her. I'm still fucked over all of this. Did you ever have dreams about the kid, Kim? I have dreams about the kid all the time, and not only that one. I dream about the other one I supposedly (don't get me started) aborted with that neurotic bitch. I've had such vivid dreams I woke up in the morning and thought I heard the both of them, two boys, chattering away downstairs in front of the TV. They'd be five and eight now if they ever really existed. It never bothered me. Never. Not until now. I carried them with me and that was enough, and now I find out I was carrying nothing all along. It's like the opposite of that Jesus-and-footprints-in-the-sand story. You don't think something like that will affect you, but it does. It affects you.

 

Solid Gold,

 

Dealer

What does a guy have to do to get an invite to the Bay Area and a complimentary body tourniquet?

Well, babe, I've been searching for answers. Things are confirmed: I was a dope, duped. My boys never swam, Lisa. I hereby drop my claims on the good people at Fertilocertainty. I hereby restore their good name. My abortions were fictions all these years. Those cunts. I could understand one, but two? Where do you find girls like that? It's been a grand deception. I just thought of something funny, babe: False sense of sterility. But that's not quite it, is it?

 

Solid Gold,

 

Your Deal

Dealer,

 

I'll see you tonight. We'll make it. There are drugs to teach your boys to swim or technologies to do the swimming for them. And in the end, it's just another project of mine. If it doesn't work out, I'll find another project. This is how
well I understand me. The ROOMBA robotic vacuum is already tempting. It's like a puppy except instead of shitting and pissing all over the place, it cleans. It's cute, adorable even, a little toaster-sized cross between Knight Rider and R2-D2. Don't worry about your ex-cunts. I'm more than you could ever ask for.

 

xo,

 

Lisa