The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible (31 page)

Then came… The Letter. 

It popped up in my Facebook account: “Are you the same Ali from my second grade class?”  Holy cow.  I rubbed my eyes.  The sender’s name was Leila Clark, and she had an uncanny resemblance to the Leila from second grade – cute little birthmark and all.  She was married, a doctor, living in New York, and apparently very pleased to have found me. 

So of course, I had to ask her: did she turn me down cold for my eighth birthday party because she didn’t like me, or did she actually like me and said no for a different reason?  What she wrote back almost broke my heart: “I always liked you, Ali.  I just didn’t know what to do – I was just a shy little 8-yr old myself!  And you were so intimidating!”  Intimidating!  At eight!  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

It’s true – nobody had taught us what to do then.  And the tragedy is that most people go through their entire lives never learning what to do when it comes to one of the most important skills in life: connecting meaningfully with another human being.  Heaven knows how much deprivation and unrequited love has happened as a result.

A gentle reminder

I’ve written this book in part to remind you of the power that you already have as a woman.  With a single word, you can crown a man the king of the world or crush his dreams.  Recognize that you have that power, and use it with compassion towards him and yourself.  From Chapter 67 of the
Tao Te Ching
:

I have three treasures to keep and hold:
Compassion, economy and humility.

From compassion comes courage.

From economy comes generosity.

From humility comes leadership and true power.

              – Lao Tzu,
Tao Te Ching
, Ch. 67

              To re-cognize is to see again something that's always been there.  And by now, you may have realized that this book is about something more than just dating.  It's about recognizing and revealing your inner light to the world.  It's about acknowledging yourself as the one-of-a-kind miracle that you are and recognizing that you are a blessing to the planet.  It's about recognizing that you are here to experience bliss every glorious day you spend on Earth and to share that with others.

              Once you are glowing with bliss, shining your inner light and just plain feeling amazing, the rest has no choice but to fall into place.  This is the essence of
wu-wei
, not-doing.  There will be no more struggle.  There will be no more overthinking.  There will just be you, as in Chapter 3 of the
Tao Te Ching
:

Practice not-doing,

and everything will fall into place.

              This book is about reminding you of who you really are.  You are beauty.  You are kindness.  You are joy.  You are the embodiment of the divine goddess.  It’s also about reminding you that full effort is full victory.  And if you’ve read this book and found your way to your own inner kindness, joy, and divinity, then you have found fulfillment.  As we said in Chapter 2,
the work is the wealth
.  Sure, a decent guy would be icing on the cake.  But you already possess the cake, and it is you.  And if you want someone with whom to share the love, remember this from Williamson:

And when a woman remembers her glory, a man of goodwill can barely contain his joy.  His real self arises in the presence of her own.  I'm telling you, it works, this thing, this looking within to attract what is without.  Make room for love, and it always comes.  Make a nest for love, and it always settles.  Make a home for the beloved, and he will find his way there.

–
A Woman’s Worth
, p. 75

One day, you will realize that I haven’t talked about anything that you didn’t already know.  And maybe then you will think of these lines from the concluding stanza of T.S. Eliot’s
Four Quartets
:

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

              I wish you success on your journey of self-discovery.

Ali Binazir

Santa Monica, March 2010

Want more Tao love?  Sure, why not.  For a bunch of useful articles, audios, videos and interviews, visit
The Tao of Dating
blog:

TaoOfDating.com

The Tao of Dating™  and the Heart-shaped Yin-Yang Symbol are registered trademarks of Elite Communications LLC. 

ISBN 0-978-0-9779845-7-2

T
HE
T
AO OF
D
ATING:
T
HE
S
MART
W
OMAN’S
G
UIDE TO
B
EING
A
BSOLUTELY
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RRESISTIBLE.
  Copyright © 2010 Elite Communications LLC.  All rights reserved.  Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.  It is illegal to copy, distribute or create derivative works of this book in part or in whole, or to contribute to the distribution, copying or creation of derivative works of this book.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information regarding the subject matter covered.  It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services.  If legal, accounting, medical, psychological, or any other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.  The author and publisher specifically disclaim any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use or application of any information contained in this publication. 

-- From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers

Quotes from A WOMAN’S WORTH by Marianne Williamson, copyright © 1993 by Marianne Williamson.  Used by Permission of Random House, Inc.

Acknowledgments

Writing a book for women when you’re a guy is tougher than I thought.  Which is why I’m deeply indebted to my illustrious panel of readers who provided invaluable feedback.  Aliis, Aiko, Cristina, Naada, and Sharon – you are all stars.  Alison and Megan – thank you for your particularly thorough look at the manuscript and your dozens of great suggestions.  Special thanks to Christine Mason McCaull for suggesting the addition of several sections which made the book stronger and for allowing me to include her ‘Love Your Body Now’ piece. 

I also want to thank my loyal readers who encouraged me through their emails to keep on writing.  This project could not have been completed without you.

Profuse thanks to my talented and highly responsive graphic designer Thomas Breher for his work on the cover.  You can find him at eCoverDesign.com.  Tell him I sent you.

The words of Marianne Williamson constitute the female brain behind this work and form an integral part of it.  Without them, I could not have finished this book.  Michael Bernard Beckwith of Agape and the staff of Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine have also contributed much-needed inspiration over the years.  Thanks for being there.

And finally, I’d like to thank Mom & Dad for their unfailing support.  This book is for you.

About the author

Ali Binazir is Chief Evangelist and Happiness Engineer at Elite Communications and dislikes writing about himself in the third person, so I’m going to stop doing that immediately.  I have an A.B. from Harvard College, an M.D. from the University of California San Diego School of Medicine, and an M.Phil. from Cambridge University.  Formerly a consultant at McKinsey & Company, I now contribute regularly to
HuffingtonPost.com
and am a certified clinical hypnotherapist practicing in Los Angeles.  A lifelong member of a secret society known as ‘Guys’, I know a thing or two about how they think.  I’m committed to helping you become the happiest, most fulfilled and joyous version of yourself, and to make sure you've having fun while you're at it.

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