The Tangled Web (28 page)

‘Vic!  Help me!’ she squawked. 

For a moment, Vicky let her guard down and almost giggled
as she reached out for Flic’s hand.  Vicky had clearly been here before and
knew the dangers of Magnus’s furniture, as she had chosen to perch on the edge
of the cushion rather than recline.

‘Jesus Christ!  This couch is friendly!  It’s like some kind
of venus fly trap to lure his victims in,’ Flic tutted.  She felt more at ease
mocking Magnus now that he and Vicky were no longer a potential couple.

Vicky smirked.  ‘Watch this,’ she muttered.  She leaned
forward onto the coffee table and lifted the remote control.  She showed Flic a
small button on the remote which had a love heart instead of a letter or
number.  She then pressed the button.  Instantly, the blinds closed, a
distasteful red glow appeared from a lamp in the corner of the room, the flat
screen TV on the wall started showing a hot pink psychedelic pattern and a soft
tune which Flic was sure she had heard in a condom advert started playing.

‘You.  Are.  Joking!  It’s like something from Austin
Powers!’ Flic whooped.  ‘Tell me you didn’t fall for this.’

‘I didn’t.  We never did anything here.  It was always at
my own house,’ Vicky blushed.

‘Shhh!  She’s coming back,’ Flic warned.

Lumi appeared from the kitchen carrying a tray.  She had
brought a colourful tea set and cake stand through.  It made Flic randomly
think of the Mad Hatter’s tea party in Alice in Wonderland.  She wondered which
one of them here today was the Mad Hatter.

‘Please try a cake,’ Lumi offered.  ‘I’ve given you
flavours you haven’t tried before,’ she smiled at Flic.

Vicky snapped her head around to scowl at Flic.  She could
imagine what Vicky was thinking right now.  She was probably imagining her and
Lumi having cosy little tea parties together and trying out different flavoured
cupcakes.

‘I can’t even remember which ones I bought from you that
day we talked,’ Flic squirmed.  She caught the disappointment flicker in Lumi’s
eyes and covered, ‘But they were absolutely delicious!  Loved them all!’

Lumi began to pour tea into the three cups she had
brought.  ‘Magnus told me that the two girls involved in his private
investigation business quit last week.  I’m not sure why you’re here if that’s
true.’

‘Oh, it’s HIS business now?’ Vicky snapped. 

Flic instinctively patted Vicky’s arm to calm her, knowing
it would do no good and was an empty gesture.  ‘We did quit HunE-trap
Investigations, but we’re doing a freelance job.  One last job.  Then we’re
back to our day jobs.’

‘Which are?’ Lumi raised her eyebrows.

‘Vicky’s an undertaker.  I’m a plumber.’ 

‘Fine.  Don’t tell me the truth then.  What’s this proposal
you have for me?’ Lumi flustered. 

Flic decided not to argue the point that she had indeed
been telling the truth about their jobs.  Instead she took her time composing
her thoughts before she started explaining the proposal.  It’s nice to see
Vicky arguing her case, Flic thought sarcastically.  What happened to all the
confidence and insistence that the trip to Cyprus was a good idea?  Couldn’t
she just fake it while they were here?

‘What else has Magnus told you?’ Vicky wheedled. 

‘Nothing.  He never discusses individual cases.  He says
it’s against data protection rules.’

Flic picked up a cupcake from the cake-stand and peeled off
the paper cup.  It was iced yellow with flakes of coconut sprinkled on top. 

‘That’s my piña colada cake.  I hope you like it.  It’s
coconut flavoured sponge with pineapple and coconut icing.’  Lumi put forward
her sales pitch, but Flic was already sold as she inhaled the tropical scents.

‘This is fabulous!’ she enthused through a mouthful of sponge. 
‘No alcohol though?’

‘No, obviously not.  I started making a selection of
cocktail inspired cakes for my summer menu.’

‘Isn’t that a bit risky?  Y’know, with you being an
alcoholic?’ Vicky disapproved.

‘There’s no alcohol in any of them.  It’s artificial.  And
anyway, I don’t eat them because I want to keep my figure,’ Lumi insisted.

‘What’s this one?’ Flic pointed to a bright pink iced cake.

‘Sex on the beach.  Peach and orange sponge and a cranberry
frosting.  You might like my tribute to Scotland, Vicky.  This one’s a “Wee
Beastie”.’  She pointed to another lighter orange cake.

‘Whisky and Irn Bru?’ Vicky checked.

‘Yes.  Without the whisky.  It’s delicious,’ Lumi advised.

‘I’ll be the judge of that!’  Vicky rammed in a mouthful of
the cake, but didn’t say anything.  Flic surmised that if she wasn’t
criticising, then it probably was good.

‘We’re here to offer you a once in a lifetime opportunity,
Lumi.  Or do you prefer Diana?’ Flic checked.

‘Lumi is fine.  What is it?’

‘Have you ever been to Cyprus?’ Flic asked.

‘No, I haven’t,’ Lumi shook her head.

‘We’ve been given the opportunity to travel to Cyprus,
along with a honey trapper – that’s you – to carry out one last job.’  Flic
flashed a grin at Lumi, hoping she would be excited. 

‘I won’t be blackmailed into travelling to a foreign
country with you, so forget any ideas about that,’ Lumi scolded.

‘Blackmail?  We’re not blackmailing you about anything,’
Flic pouted.

‘What’s in it for me?’ Lumi barked.

‘A free holiday to Cyprus.  Isn’t that enough?’ Vicky spat.

‘I can pay for my own holidays!  And choose them myself!  I
don’t have to rely on you two for anything,’ Lumi sneered.

Flic cursed inwardly and tried to calm any arguments which
might start.  ‘Ladies, please!  Let’s think about this.  Lumi, all you would
have to do is travel to Cyprus with us.  The job will take two full days and
three nights.  We plan to get it done as quickly as possible.  Then, you’re
free to do as you wish.’

‘Who’s paying for this?’ Lumi interrupted.

‘The same woman who paid for us to trap George Goodbody. 
We told him our honey was going to Cyprus to live and now he’s decided he wants
to go on holiday there.  His wife assumes it’s to see the honey,’ Flic
explained.

‘That’s me?’ Lumi checked.

‘The character I played with your picture, yes.’  Flic
realised she must sound nuts.  She brushed aside her worries.  It was too late
to care now.

‘She wants me to trap him in real life now?  I thought this
was all online.  I thought none of this was supposed to affect real life,’ Lumi
stropped.

‘We thought the same,’ Vicky frowned.

Lumi sipped on her tea and considered the information she
had just been given.  Flic picked up another cake and nibbled.  Her hunger was
waning now.  She couldn’t figure out what this cake was and decided to ask later.

‘So, let me get this straight.  Two days, three nights, I’m
away from home and from my business.  All I get is a free trip.  I need some
more incentive.  And why isn’t she using a Cypriot spy?’

‘Well, even paying our fees and travelling expenses is cheaper
than paying a local private investigator.  How about we give you a third of the
fee?’ Flic offered.

Lumi nodded.  ‘That’s better.  What about this George?  How
do I know I’ll be safe if I flirt with him?  What type of evidence is she
looking for?’

‘You’re safe with him.  Trust me.  And we’ll be in the
background, watching.  If anything goes wrong, we’ll step in,’ Flic assured
her.

‘You don’t need to sleep with him or anything, just get him
to kiss you or make it look like you’re intimately involved,’ Vicky advised.

‘When?  When will all this happen?’ Lumi asked.

‘We would fly out on the fifteenth of this month.  We’ve
got a couple of weeks to prepare, don’t worry,’ Flic assured her.

Lumi scowled.  ‘I don’t need to prepare anything.  All I
will do is be there.  The only thing I have to think about is what to tell
Magnus.  He won’t like it if I tell him I’m going to Cyprus to do a job with
you.’

‘That’s the other thing.  We need to keep this between the
three of us,’ Flic halted her.  She hadn’t even stopped to consider that Lumi
might be honest with Magnus about her whereabouts – that it was even a
possibility.  She really had to start thinking about the worst case scenario
more often, because it seemed to be happening to them all the time.

‘Why?’ Lumi probed.  She had become wary and suspicious
again.  Her brows knitted together, giving her the appearance of someone who
had just aged ten years.

‘Well, he turned down the offer of this assignment for
HunE-trap Investigations.  He wouldn’t be happy if he realised that we were
doing it ourselves after leaving the company.  It would look like we’re
stealing his client base,’ Vicky asserted.

‘And obviously your boyfriend won’t be happy that you’re
honey trapping another man.  Seriously.  Why on earth would you tell him the
truth?’ Flic reasoned.

Flic began to wonder what she could propose to make this an
offer Lumi couldn’t possibly refuse.  She racked her brain.  Magnus’s opinion
was important to Lumi.  What would happen if he found out Lumi had lied to him
about her identity, Flic thought. 

Bingo!

‘As well as the free trip and the share of the fee we
receive, how about we throw in written confirmation that we will keep your
identity a secret from Magnus?’

‘That won’t be necessary,’ Lumi countered.

‘Oh.  Right.’  Flic was confused.

‘I’ll go.  Just tell me which airport we’re going to and
when, and I’ll be there.’

25

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Cyprus Baby!

Date: 4
^th
July

Hiya! :)

I’m not blogging this because it’s too risky at the
moment.  I’ll blog it when I come back.  You’ll never guess what happened over
the last week.  Amy (Flic’s ex BFF) emailed HunE-trap Investigations asking if
our team could go out and trap Flic’s ex-husband, George in Cyprus! 

Well, obviously the boys didn’t want to do it.  And they
were a bit pissed off that we had taken the original assignment on.  But Flic
and I quit HunE-trap Investigations.  Then we phoned Amy saying we’d do it
independently and visited Lumi (Big Issue girl) who it turns out is the one
who’s shacked up with Magnus and asked her to come with us!  The three of us
are going to Cyprus!

Vicky

xx

*****

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Cyprus Baby!

Date: 4
^th
July

Hi agapi mou :)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!  What?  Slow down Blondie.  Lumi’s
shacked up with Magnus?  When did this happen?  When are you in Cyprus?  At the
same time as me?  We could meet.  If you want to, that is.

Flic’s last name used to be Goodbody???  I’d have kept that
after the divorce.  But that’s just me.

Glad you’ve finally given up that HunE-trap nonsense.  No
good will ever come of it!

This is random, but have you heard from Colin recently?  Do
you think you and he would get back together if he came back to Scotland?

Christos

xx

*****

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Cyprus Baby!

Date: 4
^th
July

Lumi and Magnus have been together for months apparently. 
Who knew?!?  Well, Flic did.

As for Colin, no, I haven’t heard from him.  I have no idea
where he is now.  It would probably depend on his feelings.  I never actually
wanted to break up.  It was a stupid fight and I acted on impulse when I ended
it.

Yes, I’ll be in Cyprus at the same time as you!  We should
definitely meet up over there!  I’m leaving a week on Sunday. 

Vicky

xx

*****

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Cyprus Baby!

Date: 4
^th
July

I’m really glad that we will be in Cyprus at the same
time.  We can spend some time together properly.  And I’ll be able to hug you
without worrying someone we know will see us and interpret it wrongly.  We
should meet somewhere special, that we’ll always remember.  We can talk about
it once you’re over there.