The Tale of the Wolf (The Kenino Wolf Series) (20 page)

The phone was still ringing, it was persistent. I couldn't ignore it no more and flipped it out. It was Tommy.

‘
Tommy?’ I panicked.

‘
Finally, Wolfy! They’re moving.’

‘
What? You said three days. They should be moving tomorrow.’

‘
You said to tell you when they moved the piñatas. They’re moving them now. If you want, I can call back tomorrow.’

‘
Now’s great, Tommy.’

‘
I've got the manifest. You need a pen.’

‘
Tabatha, Curtis, you got a pen?’

Neither of them did, nor did the driver who was still hanging around confused by the old granny madness.

‘
Send it to my phone, Tommy.’

‘
As you wish. I’ll add it to your bill.’ Tommy really was a mean bugger.

‘
Cheers, Tommy.’

As I had been talking, Muzzi had bundled Marigold Milkie and that ratty cat back into my car again and was preparing to drive off.

‘
Oi!’ I said, ready to give chase.

‘
Later, Wolfy.’ Tabatha grabbed my arm and gave me a scary look. ‘Leave it till later. Right now we have to get to the donkeys.’

‘
Damn right!’ Curtis concurred.

‘
Fine ... fine,’ I said.

The phone beeped to signal Tommy's manifest list.

‘
Bollocks!’ I said once I’d read it. ‘They’re on three different vans.’

‘
We need to split up. Curtis, you take one, I’ll take one and you take one,’ Tabatha ordered.

‘
How? We’ve only got one car and the deliveries are all over the city.’

‘
Curtis takes his car, I’ll take the skip lorry, and you go with this guy.’ She pointed at the lorry driver.

‘
Eh?’ he said.

‘
I’ll explain in a minute,’ I said to him. ‘Curt, take Wembley. Tabs, take Stockwell, and I’ll do Poplar.’ I gave them the addresses. ‘Can you drive a skip lorry?’

‘
I can drive anything.’ She smiled.

‘We’re going to Poplar,’ I told the driver.

‘
But I’ve got a delivery in Bath.’

‘
You want the granny to come back?’

He shook his head. I was going to bribe him but when I realised how scared of Marigold Milkie he was, I thought it best just to threaten him.

We jumped in the cab and headed to Poplar. It was on … again!

The driver’s name was Marion and he was a genuinely nice bloke. I realised why Marigold Milkie had presumed he’d stolen her cat the second I got in the cab. On the dash staring straight at me was a large stuffed toy cat; Bagpuss, the cat from the TV show.

I explained about Mrs Milkie, refraining from the ‘bonkers’ talk as Marion said she reminded him of his mother. Considering how she tried to kill him with a carpet bag I let that one slide.

He bombed through London like his life depended on it, which was even more impressive when you consider he had no idea why he was going to Poplar.

We’d just reached Camberwell when the phone rang. It was Curtis. He’d recovered a piñata. He explained miserably the efforts he’d gone to, to retrieve it. The piñata had already been delivered by the time he reached and was hanging up in the restaurant above the diners’ heads preparing to be smashed.

He ran into the restaurant screaming like some mad man.

‘
You've stole my blurtclart donkey!’ The whole place panicked, so shocked by his crazy man act that, by the time they realised that he’d ripped the donkey from the ceiling and run off with it, he was already driving away.

‘
My one’s empty.’ He grumbled over the phone.

‘
Never mind. That means it’s either me or Tabs. Catch us up.’ I wasn't overly disappointed really. I wanted to find them. There's no honour among thieves, even lovers, and that many pretty rocks can change a person.

It was really on now. It was between me and Tabatha and I desperately wanted to win.

‘
Come on Marion, we need to really bomb it.’

‘
Fear not. We’ll get there.’

We were just exiting the Rotherhithe Tunnel when the phone went off again. I scrambled to answer it. Tabatha had also been unsuccessful.

She said she'd got the piñata off the truck while it was parked up and the driver was getting a coffee. She also said there was a fireman painted blue, dressed in his boxers, in the skip the skip lorry was carrying.

‘
Why?’ I asked.

‘
Because he wants to be there.’

‘
Oh. Okay!’

Whatever was going on with the blue guy in the skip would have to wait. All that mattered was that there was one piñata left and it was mine.

‘
Come on, Marion.’ I knew the other two were racing towards me. Everyone wanted to win. But Marion had gone beyond the call of duty. We were in Poplar. We were close. We headed straight for the restaurant, off Poplar High Street. We turned the corner and there was the van. The back doors were open and the delivery driver was starting to unload.

‘
Pull over!’

I could see the piñata in the back. The driver was just pulling it out. I realised at that second that I’d been so obsessed about being first that I didn’t have a plan to retrieve it. I couldn’t copy Tabatha; the guy was in the way. I was tempted to do Curtis’ crazy man style, but frankly he looks crazy, so for him it wasn’t much of a stretch. I alas would be less convincing. So I quickly decided to do what I’ve done throughout this tale; a method I recommend for any conflict resolution situations you may find yourself in.

I stepped out of the lorry, reached into my pocket, pulled out the tranquiliser pistol and shot him in the arse.

A couple of seconds later he toppled over and I picked up the donkey and was back in the lorry driving away. I know you were expecting this climatic event, expecting this moment of high drama tied off with some explosive moment, but life isn't always like that. You don't have to blow up the world to achieve your aims. You just have to keep it simple.

Curtis and Tabatha caught up just as we were pulling away, they really must have been flying.

The phone rang. ‘Hello, lover,’ I said, seeing it was Tabatha.

‘
Do you have them?’ She hurriedly exclaimed.

‘
Of course.’ I said ripping open the piñata and pulling the black woolly hat full of stones out.

‘
God I love you, baby,’ she said with diamond-inspired feeling.

The phone was beeping. Curtis was on the call-waiting. I switched them other.

‘
Yes I have them. Follow me.’

Marion still had no idea what was going on, but didn’t seem too bothered. He was just enjoying the company.

I waved him off and jumped in with Tabatha. The blue guy was still in the skip.

‘
Don’t you think we should untie him?’ I asked getting in.

‘
He hasn’t complained yet. Anyway, forget
him
, show me
them.’
She was almost foaming at the mouth.

‘
Nice to see you too, Tabs.’

‘
Stop fucking about and let me see.’ I pulled out the hat and waved it at her. ‘We’ve done it, babes. We’re rich.’

‘
Yes, now drive to Muzzi’s. We need to return this skip wagon and get Betsy back.’ I was still fuming about my beloved car. The donkey dash had distracted me but now we had them, I wanted my car back.

We parked outside his big townhouse. My initial plan on the way had been to shoot Muzzi with the tranq gun, and hopefully put him in a sack and fling him in the river with the cat.

But when I saw Betsy parked outside his house gleaming, my ire calmed considerably. She looked better than I'd ever seen her.

Muzzi had cleaned her. She was sparklingly bright. ‘A full valet service!’ I said, inspecting her. ‘Damn! Even the engine got a scrub down,’ I said, popping the hood.

Muzzi appeared tentatively out of the front door, a wry grin on his face.

‘
You’re lucky,’ I tapped the tranq gun.

I think the tranq gun was getting me carried away, I was turning into Dirty Harry.

We dumped Bruny, the blue fireman, at Muzzi’s. Then Curtis, Tabatha and I jumped in Betsy.

‘
Where we going?’ Curtis said.

‘
To put these somewhere safe.’

‘
What?’ Tabatha exclaimed. ‘What do you mean put them somewhere safe? We need to split them up and put our piece somewhere safe.’

‘
You just want to spend it. You’re ready to fuck this up because you can't be patient. We don't know whether these are real.’

‘
Oh they’re real alright,’ Curtis butted in.

‘
And whose are they?’ I said looking straight at him.

‘
It doesn't matter.’

‘
Of course it matters. This little diamond drama was a set-up from the start. And that Colin frigger, is somewhere pissed off we didn't get nicked. So before we start cutting up the loot, I want to look into it, know who is what. Do any of you mind or are you in a rush to get nicked? Well? Come on, are you telling me you can’t wait a couple of months to get rich?’

‘
No,’ they both mumbled through gritted teeth.

‘
Okay then,’ I said ignoring their grievance. ‘So let’s go put them somewhere safe and pretend like they don't exist for a bit.’

‘
But they do.’

‘
I know they do, Tabs. Let a little time pass. You’ll still want them in a couple of months. But for now we need to forget.’

‘
I can't and I don't want to. A big bag of rocks is not something I want to be able to forget.’

‘
Well try.’

Tabatha drove the three of us to my lock-up and I hid them inside, much to their annoyance.

We drove back to Muzzi's where I finally got to find out about Bruny the blue fireman, who was less blue than he’d originally been. He’d been on his stag night and the lads from the station had painted him blue and tied him to a fridge in the skip lorry, which first Marigold Milkie and then Tabatha stole.

‘
Don’t you have a wedding to go to?’ Muzzi asked when he’d finished explaining his blueness.

‘
Oh no. My fiancée ran off a week ago.’

‘
So why did you have a stag night?’ Curtis asked.

‘
The lads had gone to so much trouble, I didn’t want to let them down.’

I introduced Bruny to Anna — they had a lot in common — and then ran off with Tabatha.

Saturday 8:40 a.m.

It was the day of Longy’s funeral; the last chance for the mysterious Michael to make an appearance before I had to go digging. I got up early leaving Tabatha still sleeping. I headed down to the lock-up. I wanted to move the stones. Tabatha had done nothing but moan all night … and not in a good way. She barely talked to me, and I doubted Curtis was being patient either. But I had no time for their greed to bugger everything up. I needed to move the rocks, and I had the perfect hiding place for them.