The Tale of Oat Cake Crag (6 page)

Bosworth was sleeping quite happily when he dreamed that there was some sort of emergency—a fire, perhaps. Yes, most certainly a fire, for someone was ringing the fire bell with great urgency,
clang-clang-clang
. The badger woke with a start, hoisted himself out of the chair, and made for the closet, where a bucket of water—painted red and clearly marked FIRE BUCKET—was always kept ready to be used in case of a fire emergency. He had the bucket in hand and was making his way down the hall when he realized that the bell he had heard (was still hearing, in fact) was not a fire bell at all.

It was the doorbell. Whoever was pulling the bell pull was doing so with a great deal of fervor.

Bosworth put down the bucket.
“Jetsam!”
he called.
“Get the door, will you?”
He paused, waiting. Then he called, louder,
“Flotsam! Where are you? Someone wants to come in!”

But then he remembered that both Flotsam and Jetsam—and Parsley and Primrose and Hyacinth, as well—had gone out for the afternoon, and he was alone. So it was up to him to answer the doorbell, which continued to peal furiously.

So he picked up the bucket, stumped crossly to the door, and opened it. He did so with caution, of course, remembering the Seventh Badger Rule of Thumb (Rules of Thumbs are maxims according to which badgers govern themselves):
Even if one hopes for friends at the door, one is well advised to anticipate enemies.
Badgers were vulnerable even in their underground homes, for badger-diggers and their fierce dogs regularly roamed the countryside. More than one unfortunate badger had been forcibly removed from his home in the Land Between the Lakes. It was well to be wary.

But the animal on the other side of the door was not an enemy. It was his old friend Galileo.

“Oh, hullo, Owl,”
said the badger cordially.
“So it’s you. Good to see you, old chap.”

To tell the truth, Bosworth was a little surprised to find the owl on his doorstep. The Professor regularly entertained his friends and colleagues in his beech-tree home, and had even installed a ladder for the convenience of those who were not by nature tree-climbers or fliers. But when it came to invitations from acquaintances who resided underground, the owl usually declined—politely, of course. He much preferred the open reaches of sky, where he could stretch his wings to the winds. He was known to feel that there was something a bit cramped and claustrophobic underground, where if he so much as lifted a wing, he was apt to knock a book off a table or a picture from a wall. Whatever the reason for his call, Bosworth knew, it must be urgent, or the owl would not be here.

“Yes, it’s me,”
the Professor said in an irritable tone.
“It’s been me fooor quite some time, ringing this bell. It’s rather chilly on this hillside, yooou know.”

“I’m afraid everyone is out. Everyone but me,”
Bosworth added apologetically, since he was very clearly not out.
“I was having a nap. But do come in, Owl. You’ll catch cold standing there.”

The owl came in.
“If everyone’s out,”
he said,
“what are yooou doooing about tea?”
He looked down at the bucket.
“And why are yooou carrying that fire bucket?”

“Because I thought there was a fire,”
said the badger.
“I dreamt that somebody was ringing the fire bell.”

“There is definitely nooo fire,”
the Professor pronounced professorially.
“But it would certainly be goood if someone would kindly offer some tea. And a sandwich or twooo,”
he added, in a more thoughtful tone.
“Ham, if you happen to have it. Or cheese. And a scooone, perhaps.”

The badger put the bucket down.
“Well, come on then, Owl. I expect we can find a little bit of something or other.”

And with that, he led the way down the dusky hall and through the cavernous dining room, which contained a very long wooden table and enough chairs to accommodate the two dozen or more animals who frequently appeared for dinner. The Fifth Badger Rule of Thumb makes it clear that, since badgers often inherit dwellings that are much too large for them, they are expected to practice hospitality and to welcome any lodger, boarder, or dinner guest who comes their way. (This is related to the Third Rule of Thumb, generally thought of as the Aiding and Abetting Rule:
One must be as helpful as one can, for one never knows when one will require help oneself
.) Every chair at the dining table was often taken, especially during the dark days of winter when many might otherwise go hungry, and Parsley and Primrose were sometimes put to the test as cooks. It had always done Bosworth’s heart good to look down the expanse of table and see so many animals eating with as much eagerness as politeness would allow.

But it was too early for supper and the table was empty, except for one hedgehog who had not left after luncheon and was asleep under a chair. The badger and the owl went through the chilly dining hall and into the kitchen. It was cheerfully warmed by a fire in the range, where a kettle was steaming. After a few moments, the two friends were seated at the kitchen worktable, with cups of tea and plates of ham-and-cheese sandwiches.

The owl found that hot tea and cold ham and cheese and Parsley’s fresh-baked bread did a great deal to soothe his spirit. But it did not relieve his perplexed concern, so he came right to the point.

“I wonder what you can tell me about the creature that’s flying over the lake,”
he said.
“I shall describe it fooor yooou. It has fooour wings that dooo not flap, and practically nooo tail (except for a piece or twooo sticking up), and it makes a horrid noise. It is enormous and must have an exceptionally large appetite.”
He took a bite of his sandwich, and then another.
“I am not afraid for myself, of course,”
he added, with a careless flick of his wing.
“But I dooo fear fooor the smaller birds. The creature might devour them all!”

“I hardly think so,”
the badger said in a consoling tone as he smeared some of Parsley’s homemade mustard on his sandwich.
“That is, I hardly think it eats birds. It’s a flying boat, you see.”

“A flying boat?”
the Professor asked incredulously, opening both eyes very wide.
“A boat that flies?”

“Aeroplanes?”
The Professor, who prided himself on being well informed about everything that happened in the Land Between the Lakes, now felt distinctly ignorant and uninformed.
“Water Bird?”

“An aeroplane is a machine with motor-car engines and wings,”
the badger explained gently, knowing that the Professor does not like to be told something he feels he should already know.
“I confess that I am not sure just how it works, but the wings do seem to keep the thing up in the air, regardless of how heavy it is, and the motor drives it forward. There is a propeller at the rear, although it goes around so fast that you may not have been able to see it.”

The owl was scowling fiercely as he tried to make sense of what Bosworth was telling him
. “A machine? With a motor-car engine?”

“Yes. The latest rage, it seems, although I daresay it’s only a fad.”
The badger chuckled wryly.
“You know how Big People are. They’ll get over hydroplanes before long and be on to something else.”
He paused, then added regretfully,
“Although they seem to have rather an enduring fondness for those wretched motor cars
.”

Bosworth had no liking for automobiles. Men drove them very fast (it appeared that women were not allowed to drive them at all), and were utterly unmindful of any hapless dog, cat, chicken, badger, or pig who might have been crossing the road. He himself had recently seen the tragic consequences of such criminal disregard. A young cousin had been flattened a fortnight ago in the vicinity of Hawkshead, by a motor car recklessly careening down the lane after dark. The badger had left a grieving widow and four little ones. Times would be hard for them now.

“Ah, a machine!”
exclaimed the owl, suddenly getting the picture.
“Of course!”
He cleared his throat.
“Hydroooplane,”
he intoned, rolling the word around his tongue.
“Hydrooo, as in water, from the Greek, ὐδρ. Tooo wit: hydrooography, hydrooopathy, hydrooometer. An hydrooometer,”
he added professorially,
“is an instrument designed tooo find the specific gravity of a fluid. And then of course there is hydrooophobia, a symptom of canine madness. When transmitted tooo man or beast, it consists in an aversion tooo water or other liquids, and a difficulty in swallowing them. And hydrooosphere, which is tooo say—”

“Yes, rather,”
said the badger hurriedly, for his friend showed every inclination of embarking upon one of the interminable lectures for which he was famous, and which would no doubt go on past bedtime.
“It is an aeroplane designed to fly up from the water. And land on it again, when it’s time to come down. It’s powered by petrol.”

This temporarily silenced the owl.
“Petroool?”
he repeated, in a tentative tone.
“From the Greek πέτρσ, meaning ‘rock’? As in petroooglyphs and petrooographics, or—”

“Exactly,”
the badger put in hastily, before the Professor could get started again.
“This fuel is something they get out of rocks in the ground. Petroleum is what they call it. It’s the same stuff they pour into their motor cars.”

“Ah,”
said the owl, greatly relieved.
“Well, then. This hydroooplane eats rocks, not birds or other small creatures.”
He could stop being concerned for the health of his research subjects.

“Yes,”
said the badger, fully understanding. He added,
“But no matter what the thing eats, it’s still a dangerous threat. On the day before yesterday, it flew very low over the ferry, on which Mr. Paulson was conveying several Herdwick sheep. An old ewe took fright at the noise and leapt into the water. Mr. Paulson jumped in to save her. If Henry Stubbs hadn’t thrown a rope, Mr. Paulson and the ewe might both have drowned. What’s more, the Coniston coach was also on the ferry. The coach horses were contained, with difficulty. If they had bolted, the ferry might well have capsized.”

“Ah,”
said the owl wisely.
“A threat to life and limb.”

“Exactly.”
The badger looked very serious.
“All the animals are up in arms about it, of course. They say that something has to be done. The villagers are concerned as well, although they seem to be complaining chiefly about the noise.”

The Professor helped himself to a scone from the plate the badger had put on the table.
“It is certainly a noisy machine. And there is the danger of its falling out of the sky and landing on someone’s head.”
He looked around.
“I don’t suppose yooou have any honey.”

“I’m sure I can find some,”
the badger replied, getting up. But he was still rummaging in the cupboard a few minutes later, when Parsley came into the kitchen and showed him where it was. Parsley had worked and lived at The Brockery for quite a few years, and her ample pantry was one reason that all the seats at the dinner table were usually taken.

“The Professor and I were just discussing the flying boat,”
Bosworth explained when Parsley had fetched the honey pot and a spoon.
“He got a close look at it when he was up on Oat Cake Crag this afternoon.”

“Oat Cake Crag,”
Parsley said in a musing tone. She poured herself a cup of tea and sat down.
“That’s a lovely place. I suppose you know how it got its name?”

“I do, indeed,”
replied Bosworth.
“I’ve read it in the
History,
where it is noted in several passages. It seems that a small band of Scottish soldiers, on their way to London with Bonnie Prince Charles in November of 1745, were sent to the highest point on the western side of Windermere to set up a lookout. They climbed the crag, and whilst they were there, built a fire and cooked a meal of oat cakes.”
He paused.
“Unfortunately, one of them fell from the crag and died of his injuries.”

“I’ve heard that,”
Parsley replied with interest.
“I’ve also heard that the soldier’s ghost has been seen from time to time—a large, dark shadow falling from the crag.”

“Oooh,”
said the owl thoughtfully.
“I wooonder ...”
But whatever he wondered, he did not go on with it.

“As a matter of fact,”
Parsley went on,
“you can still see the blackened stones where the soldiers baked their cakes. When my children were small, we used those same stones. We picnicked there, and the little ones always demanded oat cakes, just like the ones the soldiers made.”
Her smile was reminiscent
. “It’s a grand view of the lake—you can see for such a distance. And so very quiet. You can hear every lovely bird song.”

“Not sooo quiet toooday,”
muttered the owl darkly.
“Entirely spoilt by that extremely noisy hydroooplane.”

“Oh, dear me, yes,”
Parsley said.
“It is certainly much too loud.”
To Bosworth, she added,
“The Big Folks are having a meeting tomorrow night to try and find a way to keep it from flying. Major Kittredge is especially opposed, of course, since Raven Hall is so near the lake. The Kittredge children can’t take their naps, and poor Mrs. Kittredge gets a headache every time the thing flies.”
(Mrs. Kittredge, as you may recall from earlier books, is the former Dimity Woodcock, Captain Woodcock’s sister.)

Bosworth shook his head.
“It’s a mystery to me why Mr. Baum decided to invest his money in that scheme,”
he said thoughtfully.
“It’s not like him.”