The Symbolon (22 page)

She sat on her balcony, still in the hotel robe, brushing her hair and staring out over the turquoise blue waters, her head pounding. Accusations repeatedly ran through her mind
. What was she thinking going away with him when she was so lonely? How could she have let this happen? She shouldn’t have danced with him and certainly shouldn’t have done any shots!

There was a
knock at her door. She had hung the ‘do not disturb’ sign and assumed that in a suite of this expense, they would leave her alone. The knocking stopped, but then in front of the deck she heard Paolo calling her from down in the grass below. He looked as though he hadn’t slept and his voice was full of the regret that she felt.

“Please
allow me to come up and apologize. Please, Valeria,” he pleaded.

She ignored him for a few minutes and then quietly she said
, with no emotion, “I’ll meet you in the dining room in an hour.” She continued to sip her coffee and then casually went in and packed her bags and walked up the hill.

When she arrived
, Paolo was sitting at the same table with the spectacular view where they had eaten dinner the night before. It was the best view overlooking the Caribbean. He still looked awful.

“Valeria, please believe me that was not my plan last night. I…I saw the way you looked at me and…I believed that
you wanted me…and then I felt you kissing me back and I…I know it was too soon. Please, forgive me.” Paolo looked down and shook his head, mournfully.

She knew what he was doing; he was reminding her that it was not all his fault. She didn’t need
to be reminded! She knew. The guilt engulfed her and she fought to push it back. But to admit to Paolo that he was only partially to blame—which she was certain he was waiting for—was dangerous. If she did, he would know that she was vulnerable.

“I’ve been thinking about some things. How we all ended up…here.”
She narrowed her eyes. “And I have a question for you.”

“Anything, bella.
Ask me anything.”

“I’m wondering how it is that while Alex receives visions of
me, you somehow found me first and married me?” She needed to understand how Paolo had ever worked his way into her life, all those lifetimes ago. If he hadn’t, she would be married to Alex now.

Paolo drew a deep breath, grateful that she was speaking to him. “Bella, I did not find you first. Alex did.”

Valeria drew her brows together. How could that be true? Alex was there first? “Why is it that I wasn’t married to Alex then?”

“That you must ask Alex
, although I have often wondered. Perhaps you can discuss that when you see him!” Valeria’s mind was slow today so she needed to concentrate. “I want to make things right with you,” he said nervously. Valeria continued to stare out into the Caribbean. “Alex has agreed to meet with you.”

Her heart
felt as if it stopped. Alex! “In New York?” She felt tears of hope rimming her eyes.

“No
, Alex is here today!”

She felt her heart jump into her throat. She was going to
see Alex! Her heart filled with joy—the day she had dreamed of for what seemed like an eternity! Then, suddenly, she realized…
today, of all days!
She dropped her face into her hands. This wasn’t the way she wanted to see Alex—hung over, away with another man at a romantic Caribbean resort,
having just kissed that man
. This was not the way she had pictured it at all!

“Did I make another mistake?” he said, as if hurt by her response.

“What time will Alex be here?” she said flatly.

“His car is on its way. He will be here very soon.”

Valeria swallowed and then stood to walk away.

“Bella, where are you going?’

She sighed. “I’m going to shower and change again.”

In her room, she wrapped
herself in a towel as she dried her hair and then drank a shot of rum to try to kill her lingering hangover—the first time that she had used what her father had called, “a hair of the dog.” She put on her best dress and makeup. At least her slight sunburn hid the green of her hangover! Then she walked back up the hill.

Entering the lobby
, she twisted her hands, wondering when he would actually arrive, feeling that desperate need filling her heart again. Suddenly, her heart stopped for an instant; he was there in the lobby! Her heart began pounding so hard that she thought it might leap out of her chest! She saw his expression, a mix of so many emotions—pain, desire, anguish, and relief—as if the anchor that had concealed those emotions had just been released. He had lost weight. But it was her Alex!

Running to him, she began to throw her arms around his neck, but softly he took her wrists and held them, keeping her from the embrace they both desperately needed, as tears filled their eyes.

She was certain that his grasp on her arms was as much to keep him from holding her, as it was for her benefit. And she remembered,
there were rules
…and people died if she didn’t follow them. His grasp on her arms tightened in longing as he closed his eyes and his jaw tensed, while he breathed deeply, keeping his grasp on her arms, trying to get control of himself.

Despite being ageless, Alex looked older.
He looked tired and sad, and nervous. He took her hand and it was paradise. For a moment, he smiled, wistfully, as her thumb traced the symbol on his hand. She looked into his beautiful face and saw the pain and the emotion that he fought to hold at bay as she swallowed back the tears so that she wouldn’t waste their time crying. They went, without asking the hostess, to a seat by an open air arch.

“How are you, beautiful?” he asked, in a voice that was foreign to her.

“Without you,” she choked softly. She forced herself to breathe—in-out-in-out. “How are you?” she asked with concern. He didn’t look like he was doing well.

He shrugged and bit his lip as he closed his eyes.

“And everyone else? Camille? Ava?”

He answered like he hadn’t slept since the last time she had seen him all those months before. “They
miss you.”

“I miss them
, too,” her voice cracked. “I miss you.” And a sob lurched from her throat, and then she got control again. She took another deep breath. Now was a time to soak in every moment together and she would not waste one instant of it sobbing. “The search…has there been any luck?”

He looked away
. “Kristiana went into hiding.”

She reached over and touched his arm and he grabbed her hand and she could feel the intensity of emotion in that touch. “Alex, don’t give up hope.”

His face said it all; there was no hope. He attempted a smile and a nod, but there was no joy in his eyes. He looked around. “Do you want to…can we go for a walk?”

She stood up and they wandered down the long
, winding road toward the beach.

He looked down at the ground as they passed bright pink bougainvillea covered walls. Then he glanced toward her briefly. “You look beautiful. You’ve been doing something right.”

Unable to stop herself, she turned to him and her hand moved to touch his face. His eyes closed again, as if storing her touch as a memory. “Alex…I will never stop loving you. And I will never stop hoping.” He removed her hand from his face; they had already crossed the line.

Glancing at his arm, she saw that he wasn’t wearing her watch. But the white line around his wrist indicated that he had been wearing it recently.

“Never is a long time for an immortal.” He looked away and swallowed as his jaw clenched again. “You know, I don’t have very much time here.”

“No!” she cried, feeling a lurch in her gut. “I thought we would have
a full day together. He promised me that!”

“Val, I have to leave in just a little while.”

“That wasn’t the agreement!” She felt the tears beginning to overwhelm her, but she fought even harder. Alex closed his eyes hard, fighting the quivering in him. Then he pulled both of her hands into his and up to his heart. With her throat tight with tears, she asked, “Leaving early, is that your choice?”

“It’s the only way it can be,” he said flatly. Then he drew a deep breath. “But we have
some things that we need to discuss before I go.”

She didn’t like the way that sounded. He led her to a table on the beach and glanced around to ensure that they had privacy. She wasn’t ready for this kind of conversation, especially when they had so little time together. But she didn’t
ever want anything between them.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Whatever happened…” Then he glanced down for half a second, shedding the hurt, before his brilliant blue eyes looked directly into hers. “I understand.”
Paolo had told him!

“Alex…” Her heart pounded even louder
. “I was thinking of you, and I,” she gulped, nervously, “I kissed him.” She breathed out. “There was too much rum and I am just so…so angry at myself for allowing myself to be in that position. It will
never
happen again. Not ever!” There she had said it.

She saw the momentary flinch, as if she had hit him, but then he recovered. “It’s
okay. I understand. I…” He looked away, and then into her eyes, hurt, but trying to hide it. “Beautiful, you share something with him that you and I never have.”

“
What are you talking about? You and I share something that I will never have with anyone but you! I don’t share anything with Paolo!”

He looked out to the sea again and
then swallowed before saying, “Intimacy. You—”

“Is that what he told you?” she said, ashamed. “
No!
We…it was just…”

Alex stopped her by placing his finger on her mouth, and his eyes softened, attempting to ease her guilt
. “Beautiful, I meant in the past.” He swallowed again. “You have a memory of love and intimacy. Especially with recent events, you need to feel,” his jaw clenched again, “loved. Val, I don’t want you to feel guilty. ” Tears rimmed his eyes. “He does love you.”

She couldn’t hear this, especially now. Then, with a hint of hesitation, he turned to her, the pain on his face overwhelming her.

“Before I go, I need to show you something.” He swallowed and took her hands in his.

The transference began and she felt the flow of energy and the pictures. She saw her beloved cottage. It looked a bit different. Then there was a view of a bedroll and boots from another time and Alex’s hand with his
mark—the triquetra. From behind him, there was a sound and he turned, it was giggling laughter that Valeria recognized as her own.

Through the thick greenery of summer, Valeria saw a very young version of herself, half dressed in corsets and silk. Paolo was seducing the
fifteen-year-old version of herself, in a location where Alex would be certain to see it all.

Hearing the girl laughing and sighing with Paolo’s mouth covering her and touching her, Valeria was horrified to be watching it…horrified that Alex had seen it!

“Oh, Paolo! Sei tutto per me!” The girl whispered the passionate oath. Paolo’s face looked sweet and full of love. Valeria knew that phrase, Alex had used it; it meant, “You are my everything.” Valeria shuddered at the vision…and at the idea that Alex would share it with her.

Whatever Alex’s reason for showing this to her, she had seen enough! She tried to pull her hand away from his to end the transference. But his grasp tightened.

“Signore Alex?” the young girl asked Paolo, looking toward the cottage.

Paolo waved his arm, obviously reassuring her that they were alone. Then Valeria saw what Alex wanted her to see
—Paolo’s face turned directly toward Alex and, with a petulant glare, he ran his hands over the girl in ownership.

The vision ended. Valeria sat not knowing what to say. She felt dead. “Why did you show that to me?”

“I thought you should see what I see,” he swallowed and looked down for an instant, and Valeria sensed Alex’s embarrassment.

“Are you giving up on me, because I was once a foolish
girl?” Alex looked at her with so much love, it overwhelmed her again.

“No, Val. No! You were a girl in love. I want you to know that you can be happy again.”

The anger and hurt rose in her until finally she cried, “You think this is okay? You think that after everything that we had that I can just forget and be okay again? Well it's not okay and I will never be happy without you! Not
ever!
”

Valeria tried to go into his arms and he took her hands and squeezed them, halting their embrace. A cry escaped her mouth, but she stopped the sobs again. Then he looked behind him and removed his hands, leaving them where he could stop her, should the need arise. Paolo must be watching.

“I need you to remember that there are others whom you can talk to. Remember?”

“Who?” she asked, and then her face filled with repulsion. “
Paolo?”
she asked in disgust.

“I have to go.” She heard the ache in his voice.