The Sweetness of Salt (10 page)

chapter

21

Sophie convinced me to lie down for a while, and I did not object. I was still exhausted from my all-night trip, and the emotional toll from my decision had given my limbs a Gumby sort of quality. Still, I unpacked my clothes from my suitcase, refolding them neatly and sliding them into the dresser drawers. The room I was staying in looked and felt a little like an empty barn. The least I could do was keep it neat. The sound of scraping drifted up from outside as Sophie got back to work, but I rolled over to one side and stared at the almond-colored walls until my eyes grew heavy and finally closed.

A thrumming noise from the corner of the room woke me. It was coming from the top of Sophie’s dresser. I stood up unsteadily. My phone, which was next to a small ceramic dish filled with dried lavender and a picture of Goober as a baby, was vibrating violently.

My heart lurched as I peeked at the front of it.

“Hello?”

“Jules?” I closed my eyes at the sound of Milo’s voice. No one said my name like he did. No one in the world.

“Yeah?” I paused, and then said, “How’d you get my number?”

“I asked Zoe for it.” I could hear the sound of a Certs clicking against his teeth. “You don’t mind, do you?”

He asked Zoe for my number? “No, it’s fine. It’s just…you’ve never called me before.”

“I know. Actually, I’ve been trying to call you for the last three days. Do you usually not answer your phone?”

Three days? He’d been trying to call me for three whole days? Was he serious? “Oh, I turned it off. I’ve been sort of busy.”

I stretched out on the bed again and pressed my fingers against my rib cage. Beneath it, my heart was bouncing around like a tennis ball.

“Oh.” He coughed. “So listen, I hope this doesn’t sound too weird or anything, but I was wondering if maybe you would meet me somewhere. Like at Mo’s downtown? We could get some coffee and…I mean, there are some things I want to tell you. Things I should’ve said the other night at Melissa’s party.”

I almost laughed then, realizing that he had no idea where I was, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. “No, actually I can’t.”

“Yeah,” he said, a little too quickly. “You’re still mad then, huh?”

“No, I’m not mad. I’m in Vermont.”

“Vermont?”

“Yeah, you know that little New England state that makes really good maple syrup and has all the different-colored leaves?”

“Did you go visit your sister?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Oh,” Milo said. “Well, that’s cool. When’re you coming back?”

I paused. “Well, I was going to stay just for the weekend. But then I changed my mind. Just this morning, actually.”

“Oh.” There was a trace of anxiety in Milo’s voice. “So how long will you be up there then? Zoe said you had an internship. You’ll be back for that, right?”

At the mention of my internship, my throat got tight. I got up from the bed and walked over to the window. There was a tiny Laundromat across the street, right next to the House of Pizza. Rows of washers and dryers lined the opposite walls. I wondered if Sophie did her laundry there.

“I don’t really know how long I’m going to be here yet,” I replied. “Sophie and I…we’re kinda going through some stuff, that’s all. And we need time to figure it all out. The internship…well, I can’t worry about that right now.”

“Wow.” Milo’s voice was soft. Maybe even a little impressed. “Okay. Well, have you told your parents?”

“Not yet.”

“What do you think they’ll say?”

“I can’t even imagine.” I tried to laugh, but it didn’t come out.

“You think they’ll be okay with it?”

“No.”

“Yeah,” Milo said softly. “I don’t either.” He paused. “You’re okay, though. Right?”

“Yeah. I think I am.”

“Well, that’s what counts then.”

I could hear him grunting softly as if he was shifting his pillows behind him. “Are you sitting in that little window seat upstairs?” I asked suddenly.

“Yeah.” He sounded surprised. “How’d you know that?”

“Just a guess,” I said.

Neither of us said anything for a moment. If he were here in front of me right now, I thought, I would take him over to Perry’s and watch him eat breakfast. Maybe he would order the special, those horrible-sounding creamed chipped grits or whatever they were. Or maybe he wouldn’t order anything. Maybe we would just sit at the table by the front window and look at each other over the steam of our coffee cups.

“Listen, will you tell Zoe that I’m here?” I asked. “I haven’t called her yet and I don’t want her to…you know, worry.”

“Sure,” Milo said.

I could hear the sound of charged air in the phone between us. More than anything at that moment, I wished I could reach through it and touch his face. Even if he pulled away again.

There was a long silence.

“Listen, about the other night,” Milo said finally. “When I told you I…”

“Can you not?” I interrupted. “Not now, I mean.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t mean to be rude. It’s just that with all the stuff going on here I really can’t take one more thing on my plate right now.”

“Okay,” Milo said. “But…is anything wrong?”

My eyes filled with tears. “No.”

“All right. Well, will you at least let me know when you’re back in town and everything? I’d really like to…get together. Just for coffee or whatever. No big deal.”

“I’ll call you,” I promised.

chapter

22

I waited until Sunday to call home. After everything that had transpired the day before, the thought of any more excitement gave me a headache. I slept restlessly for most of the night, but when the first slivers of light peeked over the edge of the bedroom window, I slipped out of bed and headed outside. Poultney was still as a postcard. Not a car or a person in sight. Even the air was motionless, as if holding its breath until the sun finally made its decision to appear. I snapped open my phone, and held my breath as it rang.

“Hey.” Zoe’s voice was thick with sleep.

“Hi,” I said. “I just wanted to call and tell you myself that I’m going to stay in Vermont for…a little while. Maybe even a few weeks—I’m not sure yet. My sister and I are going through some stuff, and…”

“Thanks for the update,” Zoe said. The hurt in her voice was palpable. “Milo filled me in yesterday.”

“Zoe…” I bit my lip. “About what I said in the park the other day…”

“Yeah, no, it’s cool. Actually, you know what? It’s fine.”

I closed my eyes.

“You have fun,” Zoe said. “Eat a lot of maple syrup. And you know, call me when you get back. If you feel like it.”

I opened my eyes again as the dial tone sounded.

Her words felt like a slap in the face.

But maybe I deserved it.

I walked a long time before calling home. And when I finally did, I sat down, as if the weight of what was coming might be too heavy to withstand. An empty field loomed before me, wide and green as an ocean, edged on one side by a small tangle of wild rose bushes. Behind them, the sun continued its slow ascent, washing the sky in gold.

Mom answered, as I knew she would. Her voice was bright and crisp, devoid of sleep. She’d been up for hours. “Hi, Mom.”

“Hello, sweetheart. I was hoping that was you. Are you on the road yet?”

“Not yet. Listen, can you ask Dad to get on the other line? I need to talk to both of you.”

There was a pause. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I tried to make my voice sound casual. “Everything’s fine.”

“All right. Hold on.” There was the bustle of movement, Mom’s hushed, firm voice waking Dad, and then the jangling of the phone as Dad lifted it to his ear. “Okay, honey,” Mom said. She sounded slightly more far away. “We’re both on.”

“Morning, Julia,” Dad said. “Everything okay? You need something?”

I cleared my throat. “No. I mean, yeah, everything’s okay. But I need to tell you something. Both of you.”

“All right.” Dad’s voice was louder now, with forced expectancy.

“Well.” I cleared my throat again. “I, I’m going to stay here. In Vermont. For a little while longer.”

“Oh.” Mom’s monosyllabic answer was barely a whimper, which I might have missed if I hadn’t been listening for it.

“Okay,” Dad paused.

“Sophie and I…we need to work some things out. Between us. And it might take some time.”

The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening. I fixed my gaze on several dandelion seeds as they danced along in the wind, scattering like a handful of rice. “Hello?” I said into the phone. “Are you there?”

“Are you sure, Julia? Is this something you really want to do? Right now, I mean?” Mom was pleading. Before I could answer, Dad jumped in.

“Your mom’s right. You and Sophie should definitely get together and discuss whatever things are bothering you, but now is not the time. I worked very hard to secure that internship for you at the courthouse, and there is no guarantee—none at all—that I will be able to get the same thing for you next summer.”

“But…”

“Actual courthouse experience is invaluable, Julia. Especially for a prelaw major. You will be able to include it on your resume. Before college. If you stay in Vermont, honey, that opportunity will be gone.”

“Yeah, I know.” I could feel myself starting to deflate, the surety I had felt just moments before floating off into the wind along with the dandelion seeds.

“You’ve worked so hard to get to this point, Julia.” Mom’s voice was unsteady. “You don’t want to mess things up now.”

“How would it be messing things up?” I asked. “It’s not like I’m telling you I’m not going to go to college. It’s just an internship I’d be backing out of.”

“It is not just an internship,” Dad said firmly. “It’s the establishment of real, viable contacts in a court of law. Where, if you work hard enough, you will be practicing your own cases someday.”

“God, Dad. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what, honey?”

I don’t know anything right now. Not like I thought I did. “I’m just trying to figure a lot of things out,” I said instead.

“What things?” Dad asked. “About Sophie? Maggie?”

“Yes.” I bit my lip, realizing something for the first time. “And me too, Dad. Stuff about me.”

“What are you trying to figure out about yourself, Julia? College? Are you worried about going away?”

“No,” I said. “Going away isn’t the problem.”

“Then what is?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what’s best for me.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Mom said. “Just come home. We just don’t want to see you throw away any opportunities that might open future doors. You have to trust us on this one.”

My phone beeped.

“Can you hold on one second?” I asked. “Someone’s on the other line.” Before they had a chance to answer, I switched over.

“Dude, it’s me,” Zoe said.

“Hey.”

“Have you talked to your parents yet?”

“I’m talking to them right now. They’re on the other line.”

Zoe made a snorting sound. “How’s it going?”

“How do you think it’s going? I gotta go. They’re waiting.”

“Wait! Wait!”

“What?”

“So listen, I was still kind of pissed before, when you called,” Zoe said. “About the argument we had and everything. I’ve been lying here, though, thinking about all of it.” I held my breath. “You know I love you more than anything, Jules, but I don’t want to see your face anywhere near Silver Springs for the rest of the summer.”

I exhaled. “Gee, thanks.”

“You need to stay there, Julia. You really do.”

“Why?” I lowered my voice to a whisper, as if Mom and Dad might somehow be able to hear me through the other line. “Why do you think that?”

“It’s just a feeling I have.” Zoe paused. “A gut feeling that tells me you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Zoe said. “I don’t know what the details are, or what’s going on between you guys, but I’m pretty sure your sister needs you right now, Jules.
You
. Not your parents. Not a therapist. Just you.” She took a deep breath. “After everything you told me about her and the whole deal with Milford…that’s just how I feel. Plus, it’s not gonna hurt anyone if you get a little time to yourself to figure some stuff out. You deserve it. Anyway, that’s my speech. That’s what I should’ve said the first time you called. You do what you want, obviously. I gotta go get a Dr Pepper. I’m dying of thirst.”

“It’s seven in the morning, Zoe.”

“Exactly. I’m usually on my second one by now.”

“Thanks, Zoe,” I said.

I held my breath as I clicked back over to Mom and Dad. “Hey,” I said. “You guys still there?”

“We’re here,” Dad said.

“So…I’m gonna stay.” I said the words carefully. “I’ve decided that’s what I want to do right now. I don’t know how long it’s going to take, but I’ll keep in touch.”

Dad cleared his throat roughly. “Have you heard anything we just talked about, Julia?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I heard you. I heard every word. I love you guys. I’ll talk to you later.” I let my hand drop slowly to my side, still holding the phone, but I did not hang up.

“Julia?” Mom’s voice, tinny sounding and far away, came through the receiver. “Julia? Are you still there? Honey?”

More dandelion seeds scuttled in front of me, their feathery shapes silhouetted against the morning light.

“Julia!” Dad demanded. “Julia Anderson!”

I reached down with my thumb and closed the phone.