The Surgeon's Favorite Nurse (9 page)

He shook his head. “We never heard from him again. I have no clue if he’s alive or dead. And I don’t much care,” he added bitterly.

If anyone knew how a shock like that felt, Hope did. Would the pain be worse if an important person in your life was out there somewhere and you had no idea whether or not they were alive, or that they just didn’t want to be with you anymore?

“What happened?” she asked. “To you and your mom, I mean.”

“She didn’t make enough money from her housecleaning business to pay the mortgage. We lost the house.”

“Oh, Jake—I’m so sorry.” She winced at the pain in his eyes. “Going from a house to an apartment is a big change—”

“That would have been better than what happened.”

“I don’t understand.”

“To get an apartment you need first and last month’s rent and a security deposit. If we’d had a chunk of money like that, making a house payment would have been easy. We had nowhere to go. We ended up homeless.”

“On the street homeless?” she asked, unable to grasp what he was saying. “No family or friends to take you in?”

“Negative.”

Images went through her mind. She’d seen homeless people pushing their belongings along the street in a supermarket cart. The nightly news did stories of tent cities in downtown Las Vegas and law enforcement moving them because of nearby businesses that reported theft and vandalism. Looking at the expensively dressed man lounging on her desk, it was impossible to picture him that way.

“What did you do? Obviously you got an education, unless you’re like that character pretending to be a doctor,” she said.

One corner of his mouth curved up, but humor never made it to his eyes. If anything he looked more grim, a window into the pain and hopelessness he’d experienced. “It’s a particularly challenging scenario to attend school when you don’t have a permanent address.”

“How did you?”

“My mother is a very determined woman. She made it happen. Starting at the local high school, she eventually ended up talking to the district superintendent.”

“Gutsy.” That’s where he got it, she thought.

“She was pretty mortified, actually,” he said, his voice hard, grating. “But it paid off. There were programs and help. We got an apartment, such as it was.”

“That’s good.”

There was irony in his expression. “I had an address, but going to high school was its own particular hell.”

“Kids can be selfish and cruel,” she said, remembering what he’d said to the little girl at the clinic.

“The staff did their best to keep everyone equal and protect privacy, but kids know who has money and who doesn’t.” His eyes went hard as a faraway look hinted at the flash of unpleasant memories playing through his mind.
But all he said was, “The have-nots are targets for humiliation.”

“So that’s why you wanted five minutes alone with the dorks, dweebs and jerks taunting little Taylor?”

This time when his mouth curved up, amusement cut through the painful thoughts. “I didn’t think it showed.”

“You hid it well.” She smiled. “Not. It was clear what she said really pushed your buttons.”

“Yeah.”

“So you managed to go to college,” she nudged, wanting to hear the rest.

“When you work to help keep a roof over your head, that tends to cut down on making friends. That meant more time to study.” He shrugged. “My grades were good. I got a scholarship.”

“Medical school?”

The flash of pain and anger on his face was unexpected. “Student loans.”

“That would explain why you give back to others who need it.”

He folded his arms over that impressive chest. “At the risk of having a
Gone with the Wind
moment, I vowed to never be poor again.”

“And you’re not,” she agreed. “But you’re also doing a good thing, helping sick people.”

“It’s selfish, actually. Being there reminds me how far I’ve come.”

“So, you’re not altruistic at all. And giving of your time has nothing to do with helping out. It’s all about you,” she teased.

He grinned. “I’m glad you finally know the truth.”

If only. He was being modest, self-effacing and darn it all—noble. She wished like crazy that he was the shallow man she’d so hastily judged him to be. That would give
her a shield, something to protect herself from the feelings that threatened.

The last time she’d felt like this, she was falling in love.

And she’d let herself go for it because she didn’t know how easily and unexpectedly her whole life could collapse. But now the raw edges of that agonizing wound were coming together. The hurt that had kept her from caring again was disappearing.

And she couldn’t let that happen. The prospect of losing control over her personal happiness was terrifying.

He stood and settled his hands on lean hips. “So, now that you know I’m a free man, would you have dinner with me tonight?”

“No.”

“No?” He stared at her as if he had no idea what the single-syllable word meant.

“It’s not a good idea, Jake.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. It’s actually an excellent idea. Just give me a chance to show you I’m right.”

She already knew that they had a good time together. What was not to like? He was handsome, witty, smart and the sex had been good, too.

And that’s what she was afraid of. It would be so easy to fall for him and she couldn’t go there. It wasn’t fair to Jake.

“At the risk of crushing your ego,” she said, “I just don’t want to go out with you.”

“Your eyes are telling me something else.”

“Oh, please. Like I’ve never heard that line in a romantic comedy before.”

Something that looked a lot like a challenge shifted into his expression when he pointed at her. “This discussion is not over, Hope.”

Yes, it was.
They
were over before ever really starting and that was almost fine with her. Right now she had a choice. Right now she could choose to go out with him. See if the chemistry arcing between them could grow into something deeper. She was choosing not to do that. Her life—the one she’d embraced before—had been torn apart by events beyond her control. How many times could a heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? Hers had been damaged once and she’d survived. Her heart was still pumping away even though there’d been a time she’d wished it wouldn’t. She was at a crossroads and recognized it as the point of no return.

She was choosing control and safety.

The little twist in her chest when Jake walked out the door was
nothing
compared to what might happen if she threw caution to the wind and agreed to go out with him.

T
here was more than one way to get what he wanted.

Jake hadn’t figured it would be necessary to throw a party for the emergency department four days after Hope had rejected his dinner offer, but it was the best idea he could come up with.

He’d posted an invitation and spread the word at Mercy Medical West that he was having an employee appreciation party to thank everyone for their hard work in getting the third campus ready to open. How could Hope turn
that
down?

It was now Friday and he stood in his kitchen to observe the employees who’d already arrived. If his luck hadn’t sucked, right this minute he’d be at a fancy restaurant with Hope. He still couldn’t believe she’d turned him down flat.

It wasn’t ego talking either.

Well, maybe a little, if he was being honest.

But Hope was attracted to him. He knew that as surely as he knew there was no life without a beating heart. If she didn’t show up tonight, it would make her look bad in the staff’s eyes, and he was betting she wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t let him take her out, so he’d backed her into a virtual corner and when she arrived, he planned to back her into a corner for real.

Jake grabbed a longneck bottle of beer from the fridge as conversation buzzed in the media room. Twenty or so people were milling around, an exceptional turnout for such short notice. Employees from Respiratory Therapy, nursing staff and clerical. Housekeeping personnel, too. He knew how it felt to clean up after people who chewed you out for missing a dust bunny behind the bedroom door. No one had been excluded. This big house was full but not one of the people filling it was the person he most wanted to see.

He looked down at his watch, then frowned at how late it was getting. When he glanced up, a familiar blonde was headed in his direction. Mitch Tenney’s wife was a striking woman. His partner was a lucky guy.

Jake grinned when Samantha Ryan Tenney stopped in front of him. “Hi, Sam.”

She grinned right back. “You’re looking good, Jake. Was that sweater a Christmas present? It matches your eyes.”

He glanced down at his jeans and the gray cashmere she was asking about. “A gift from my mother as a matter of fact.”

“It looks very preppy over the white shirt. Your mom has great taste.”

“I think so, too.” And now his mom had the money to indulge it, he thought, dark memories of their long-ago financial struggle creeping in.

Sam glanced over her shoulder and across the granite-
topped island to the crowd in the adjacent room. “Great party.”

“It is.” Although, so far, the event had failed to reach its target objective. “Are you having a good time?”

“Yes. But I miss Lucas.” A wistful look softened her pretty blue eyes at the reference to her baby. “I know what you’re thinking.”

He folded his arms over his chest. “In addition to being a conflict resolution counselor, you’re also a mind reader?”

“That’s what makes me so good at what I do.”

He couldn’t argue with results. “You straightened Mitch out so you’ll get no argument from me about your gift. So what am I thinking?” Besides wondering whether or not Hope would show up tonight.

“You’re trying to figure out how I can lust after an evening out with my husband, leave a clingy baby with my father to get what I want, then miss that clingy, crying child so much.” She looked completely forlorn.

“Definitely a mind reader. That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Jake slid her a wry look. “What can I say? You’re good.”

She skimmed her gaze over the crowd in the media room again and spotted her tall husband by the table spread with hot food. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s a great party. Too bad Cal had to work. But Emily is having morning sickness all the time, so they probably wouldn’t have come anyway.”

“He mentioned they were expecting.”

Sam nodded. “Mitch said you decided just a few days ago to do this.”

“Yeah. Gatherings outside of the hospital help coworkers to bond.” Although an appearance in person was required to complete the bonding process. And so far Hope hadn’t
put in an appearance. But when the doorbell rang, his pulse kicked up.

“Are you going to get that?” Sam asked.

“Ashley’s doing hostess detail.”

“Did your office manager do double duty as party planner, too?” She smiled. “You’re a good surgeon, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t cook the food and assemble drinks. Not on this scale.”

“Busted. Ashley handled everything. And no one cooked. Except maybe the caterer.”

He looked over her head to see who had arrived and smiled when Hope joined a group of nurses. With an effort, he pulled his attention back to the conversation. “Before you go into conflict-counselor overdrive, you should know that Ashley received a very generous holiday bonus for all her extra duties.”

“She’d do it without a bonus,” Sam answered. “You do know your office manager has a crush on you, right?”

“Wrong.” He shook his head, but Sam didn’t smile. “You’re kidding.”

“I couldn’t be more serious.”

“No way.” Why was it that when your life was firing on all cylinders someone threw sugar in the gas tank? He needed this like he needed a sucking chest wound. “I’ve never encouraged her. She’s great at her job and I make sure she knows I appreciate all she does. I don’t know what we’d do without her.”

“I’m not saying you did anything inappropriate. Sometimes the feelings just
are.
”

“What am I supposed to do with that information?”

“Let her know that you’re interested in someone else,” Sam suggested.

“Even if I’m not?”

“Oh, please.” Her gaze narrowed. “Didn’t we just establish that I’m a mind reader?”

“I was humoring you.”

She didn’t look humored. “Then tell me you’re not oozing testosterone for that beautiful honey-blonde honey who just walked into your family room.”

“Media room.”

“Whatever,” she said dismissively. “You
like
her, Jake.”

“What is this? Junior high?”

Sam ignored his attempts to deflect her. She glanced over her shoulder and said, “She’s popular with the staff. Seems down-to-earth. And that mouth…” She arched an eyebrow as she asked, “Collagen injections?”

“How should I know?”

“You seriously expect me to believe you haven’t kissed her?”

He’d done more than that, none of which was anything he cared to share. But darned if he could maintain an innocent expression under Sam’s relentless cross-examination. Mind reading wasn’t for real, but this woman had skills that were all about not missing details.

“That’s Hope Carmichael, the nurse coordinator for Mercy Medical West.”

As he talked, Jake watched the lady in question move from group to group in the other room. She said hello, listened, chatted and laughed, then moved on. She hadn’t grabbed a drink or food and only once looked in his direction. It didn’t take a mind reader to figure out why she was here. This appearance was nothing more than being politically correct.

When he saw Hope move to a group clustered closer to the entryway and escape, he looked at Sam and said, “I have to—”

“Go talk to Hope before she gets away,” Sam guessed.

He didn’t bother to deny her speculation. Grinning, he said, “You’re good.”

“I know.”

Jake wished he could get a glimpse into Hope’s mind. He met Sam’s amused gaze, then grabbed her hand. “You and Hope should meet.”

The two of them caught up with her just as she said goodbye to a group of nurses and RT staff before heading to the front door.

“Hope?”

She turned and didn’t look happy, then noticed Sam. “Hi, Jake.”

“I’m glad you could make it. This is Sam. Samantha Tenney meet Hope Carmichael.”

“Dr. Tenney’s wife?” she guessed.

“Yes,” Sam confirmed. “But don’t believe any bad hospital gossip you may have heard about me.”

Hope smiled with genuine warmth. “I’ve only heard good things. But since it all came from your husband—”

“Really?” With gooey, goo-goo eyes she glanced over her shoulder and met Mitch’s gaze, then wiggled her fingers. Her husband’s responding grin said he was ready to get her home.

“He credits you for bringing out his sensitive side,” Hope said.

“Sam’s pretty special,” Jake agreed. “She can read minds, too. Tell me what Hope is thinking.”

He looked from one woman to the other. Both were beautiful and brainy. Sam was a golden blonde and Hope had the soft shades of honey running through her hair. What combination of qualities made it impossible for him to stop thinking about her?

Thoughtfully Sam tapped her lip as she studied the other
woman. “Hope is thinking that she works too hard and getting Mercy Medical West open is sucking the life out of her.”

Jake had been hoping for something along the lines of she’d been thinking about him and changing her mind about dinner.

Hope smiled. “You are a mind reader.”

“Also,” Sam added, “you did your duty here and would like to go home and put your feet up.”

Again not what Jake was looking for. “Hope doesn’t have a home. She’s got a room at the Residence Inn.”

“That sounded disapproving.” Sam’s gaze narrowed on him. “All of a sudden I feel used. Like an interpreter. A go-between. Jake, my advice is to just tell her you like her. Be honest. Direct. Girls like that from a guy. It’s refreshing.” Impulsively, she hugged Hope. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

Sam stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, then moved away and joined her husband by the food table. After slipping her arm through his, she stood on tiptoe again and whispered something in his ear. When Mitch looked down at her, there was a gleam along with the love in his eyes.

Jake envied them. When he looked back, Hope was walking away. He caught up to her just as she reached the double door entry. “Leaving so soon?”

Her shoulders stiffened before she turned. “Like Sam said, I’m tired and I want to go put my feet up.”

“You could do that here.” He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I’d be happy to rub them for you.”

“Thanks. But I have to go.”

“If I hadn’t brought Sam over to meet you, you’d have been gone before even saying hello to me. Why is that?”

“I didn’t want to disturb you while you were talking to her.”

Was she jealous? He wanted to believe she might be, but that was a long shot. More likely she was avoiding him.

“Hope, I understand that you’ve been putting in a lot of hours at the hospital. That’s what this party is all about. A chance to relax, let your hair down.”

He remembered the last time she’d been here and he’d run his fingers through the silken honey strands. Sex was a whole different level of relaxation, one he’d like to repeat with her.

“I really can’t stay.”

“Because of your busy social life?” The words slipped out before he could stop them.

“No, because tomorrow is the public open house for the new hospital and I’ll be there giving tours of the emergency department. Sam is right. I
am
tired and want to put my feet up.”

“Okay.” Jake pulled her into a quiet corner of the living room. “But Sam is right about something else, too. I do like you, Hope. I’d really like to spend time with you. Outside of the hospital.”

A skeptical expression darkened her hazel eyes. “So you’re actually taking her advice?”

“I’m told it’s refreshing. Although, I’m basically an honest guy.”

“Really?” She slid the strap of her purse more securely on her shoulder. “Or are you one of those guys who wants what he can’t have? The kind who loses interest as soon as he gets what he’s after.”

Jake blew out a long, steadying breath when anger spurted through him. “What is it exactly that you have against me?”

“Other than Blair Havens?”

“That situation has been resolved and you know it.”

“Even so,” she conceded, “it’s just not—”

“No negatives. Go out with me, Hope. Let me screw up before you judge me. Earn the right to say I told you so.” He met her gaze. “Or not.”

She shook her head. “Not a good idea.”

“Why?” Frustration edged into his voice. “Tell me you don’t like me and I’ll walk away. No harm, no foul. But only if that’s how you feel. Guys think honesty is refreshing, too.”

“I don’t dislike you,” she hedged. “But it would be
dishonest
to start something I have no intention of finishing.”

“Define finish.” He folded his arms over his chest.

“You know.” Fear and pain flitted through her eyes. “Marriage.”

“I just want to spend some time with you. Get to know you. Who said anything about getting married?” he demanded.

“No one,” she admitted. “But there’s no point in beginning anything that might go there. Hanging out with you is a waste of time.”

“It’s my time,” he countered. “But for the sake of argument, why is it a waste?”

“Because I’ve been married and have no intention of ever doing it again. You’re a bright guy, Jake. The smart thing would be to walk away from me. Running would be even better.”

She brushed past him and let herself out the front door. One of them was running, Jake thought, but it wasn’t him. He never had to work this hard for a date and wasn’t sure why he was doing it now. Maybe she was right about him wanting what he couldn’t have. It wouldn’t be the first time.

He’d never forget being dirt poor and not good enough for a rich girl’s snooty family, so he made himself good
enough. Now he could hold his own in any socioeconomic group.

Hope was right about one thing. A sharp guy
would
give up on her, but maybe he was more stubborn than smart. He wasn’t walking away without knowing why she was commitment-phobic.

And nothing kicked up his obstinate streak like rejection.

Jake liked her. Last night he’d told her so and the words had warmed a trail straight to Hope’s heart.

It was the best of news.

And the worst.

Mostly it was distracting, Hope thought. She couldn’t afford to be distracted while Mercy Medical West was having an open house. The public was invited to tour the soon-to-open facility and she was guiding a group around the emergency department. She’d shown them the MRI room and where heart catheterizations were done. Probably pointing out the surgery table, how it could be lowered and raised to accommodate a taller surgeon had turned her thoughts to Jake.